A Slight Misunderstanding
by Earless Toothless Vagabond
Summary: Lena didn't realize she had grown up and lived so close to the legend. Until now.
1. Chapter 1 : It All Begins Now

A Slight Misunderstanding

CHAPTER ONE: It All Happens Now

THERE was no way she was going to the gym today. It was raining, she was ragging, and her bed was so….warm, and comfy. Her alarm had already been going off, and she hit snooze for the third time when her phone started going off. _Dammit,_ she knew without even looking, _it's Cal._

"Hello," she mumbled, starting to pull the covers off.

"Uh, yeah, you were supposed to be here like 15 minutes ago!" he barked,"what the hell, get out of bed Lena!"

"Ok ok, I am. Damn I'm such a pushover! I had already decided to stay in bed today Cal." She stood up and almost stepped on her shoes. She had been so exhausted from work last night that she stripped down the minute she closed her front door, and headed straight for bed. Somehow the shoes were the last thing to go.

"Get your ass in the bathroom and brush your teeth, and splash some water on your face. I am going to whip you hard today for trying to pull some shit!" Cal was bossy and mean, but with a smile on his face. He was going for his personal trainer certification and he was getting harder to keep up with. Meanwhile, Lena was studying business management, and working double-shifts at her uncle's restaurant-it was a classy place, so she had to dress like she was running a high-end attorney's office,and she never knew if she was going to work the bar, seat tables, carry out food, or chop onions. But she always ended up with Vince in the office, helping her Unc balance the books and run inventory. He was really helping her, because through him she was getting some serious first-hand experience on how to run a successful business. Vince loved having her around since he never went to college and he relied heavily on her academic insight. He just tried to play it off like he wasn't impressed.

Lena stared at herself in the mirror. She did not look 23, she looked 33, bags under her eyes, last night's makeup smeared around her face.

"Jesus Christ Cal I look like a corpse!"

"I-don't-give-a-shit-Lena I am headed your way. Be ready or I am taking you as-is." *click*

His clipped tone meant he was already out the door._Shiiiiit!_ She wiped her face with a makeup towel while trying to drag a brush through her long chestnut hair,, ran a little eyeliner around her brownies while she was brushing her teeth, and finished up in the bathroom in record time. She dug around her room, sure that there were some clean workout rags somewhere. Black tank over a sports bra, not much to work with, but ok. And shorts? Eh the grey yoga pants will have to heard the doorknob rattle as she tightened the laces on her Asics. She swung the door open and there was Cal, 6"2, 195 lbs of pure tanned blonde muscle. Light blue Under Armor today, blinding white Nike Trainers. She shook her head at him. He shook his too.

"Christ Lena you are a mess. Can't you ever coordinate?" He pushed past her and came inside, handing her an Absolute Zero Monster. Cal was very exacting, very beautiful, and very gay. Lena sighed.

"Um Cal, I don't know why you do this to me everytime, you know damn well I don't really care. It's _the gym_, not Prom at Prada U."

He turned on his heel."Oh really? And why do you wear eyeliner, shit I can see last night's makeup and it looks pretty good from here. Just in case you see that ginger boy again?" Cal's voice was deep and manly, she never heard him get bitchy. Just was in the words he said she knew he was getting rolled her eyes at him.

"So what, so what?" She grabbed her hoodie and snapped open her Monster."Can we just go now?"

Cal smiled his dazzling whites at her."Of course, I thought you'd never say it." As he walked out she could see the definition in his shoulders, his back, and his ass through the form fitting near-spandex outfit. He was going to end up killing her, she knew. She could not keep up with a man as built as he. _Guess I'll die trying cuz I'm not giving up _now, she thought. Together they dashed out the front stoop of her apartment complex into the cold drizzle that was early spring in Pittsburgh.

"Do you have to work tonight Leelee?" he asked as they ducked into his silver Toyota Ridgeline.

"Of course Cal, and you know this is probably going to freeze over tonight." She sighed and downed the rest of her B-vitamin tonic. "I should be studying, guess I am going to have to cram it all before Tuesday."

Cal sighed and looked at her sympathetically."Hey, tell Vinnie you need the night off. Lena I can see how exhausted you are."He patted her knee."But don't worry. After I stomp your ass today we can go sit in the sauna at the new gym."

Lena was surprised and puzzled. "New gym? But I paid for the year at Colt's- Cal I hope you didn't switch up, cuz I'm not."

"Uh hellooo Lee where have you been, Colt opened up a brand new joint and closed that old rinky-dink shithole down last month!"

Lena frowned at him."That place was not a shithole, he made it real nice, poured some cash in it. I liked it."

"You like ginger boy, Lena, and I don't care what you say I could still hear all the shit going on downstairs all the time, at least now he has it totally sectioned off. Can't wait for you to see it!"

"C'mon Cal don't bullshit me, you know you loved to hear the sound of wet sweaty men beating each other up."

"No, actually, that threw me off my A game so many times, Lena really? You were getting pissed cuz I wore my earbuds all the time. Now you know why." He pulled up in the parking lot. She could see the new neon sign, COLT'S, with bright red lit up boxing gloves swinging from it. The building was enormous, the front windows were double sided mirrors, there was even a sign listing *SHAKE BAR*. Whaaaaat?

"Wasn't this a grocery store, Publix or something?"

"Yeah, wait til you see the place, he really went all out."

Cal pushed the door open and right at the front desk was Ginger Boy talking to what looked like a plumber. When he saw Lena he grinned like the Cheshire cat. Lena looked up at Cal and gave him the 'I am going to KILL YOU' look-Cal just flashed his big pearly whites.

"Hey haven't seen you in a while,"said Ginger Boy,"you here to sign back up?"

"Sign back up, what-"Lena was irritated, but Cal cut her off.

"Yeah she needs to update her info," Cal said, and turned looking down at her, "they have to re-enter you in the system, Colt has everyone's membership info but needs address and phone number updated." And he grinned at her, complete with a conspiratorial wink.

'Cal, you're dead,"she whispered. "Ok, let's do this, won't take long right?"

"Naw just need your ID and make sure you're in the system right."Ginger Boy smiled again and leaned his arm over the counter,"I'm Henry." Lena looked at the meaty hand in front of her and took it to shake."I was here so much Colt offered me a job running the counter."

"Cool," said Lena, and handed him her ID. He stared at it for a little too long, then handed it back to her.

"I was born in '90 too," he said,and she swore he was staring at her. She was fumbling with her bag, looking away."OK Lena, think you're ready to go. Phone number still 555-1720?" Lena nodded, offering a weak smile. Cal stepped on her foot lightly but enough to let her know she was being too shy. "Alright then guys, you want a tour?"

"No that's OK Henry, I know my way around," said Cal, and Lena was inwardly cheering with excitement,"we'll see you on the way out." Cal was escorting Lena away, when Henry called after them,"Hey guys, there's a problem with the sauna, hope it's up and running by the time you guys are done."

Cal shrugged at her, pulled a face and looked exasperated."That was awful. Lena what is your problem? He practically threw it at you and you didn't even try to catch! I know you have the hots for him, Christ who wouldn't?"

Lena turned beet red."Shut up Cal, I didn't want to see him looking the way I do, ESPECIALLY up close and you knew he would be behind the counter, you ass!"She smacked his arm hard. "You set me up!"

Cal grinned at her as they coasted into the expansive weight/cardio room. Music was blaring, LMFAO mashed up with a Chili Peppers song? Lena looked up into the bright lighting and saw- a DJ booth? She blinked and saw it was an extended balcony with a staircase that ran the length of the enormous room, but there was a guy up there and it looked like he was spinning.

"Cal what the hell?"She gestured to the DJ, who waved at her and switched the track, sounded like Snoop Dogg.

Cal was bobbing his head to the beat."Um yeah Colt's nephew Ras thinks he's a DJ, he's not bad! So Colt lets him and a few of his friends spin for free. Not bad right? And they take requests!"

Lena looked around. Lots of machines, at least 20 treadmills, wow was Cal right. Some of the machines she didn't recognize but were getting used. Big burly dudes were towards the back where she could see the Smith machines and row after row of dumbbells, kettlebells, all running the length of the back wall. All the walls were , shiny, reflective. Not like Colt's old place at all.

"I-I don't know, Cal, I don't think I like this." She felt so small and exposed. "I liked the old dark stinky cardio room."

"Just shut up, gimme your bag chick, I'm stuffing it in a locker." Cal took off to a wide hallway that split in two, one side for men, one side for women. Lena stood there and peered up at the DJ, and she couldn't help but smile. He was nodding his head and was totally into what he was playing, which was another mash-up of House of Pain and AC/DC. Requests, huh? She was going to use that privelidge.

Cal dragged her over to the treadmills for a warm-up. She was slow going at first, while he ran and made her feel like a fool. But then the endorphins kicked in and she didn't care anymore. Of course he started huffing out orders to her and she had to push harder, getting up to a brisk jog and then barking at him when he ordered her to run."No!" she gasped, her girl cramps were knocking her senseless. Cal shook his head and waited, he had hit his zone and was ready for weights. She slowed then stopped, glaring at him."I hit my target too, Cal, you're not ragging I am."

She headed over to the flye machine, today would have to be arms and shoulders, she couldn't do legs, not today. Cal was nowhere to be seen so she just settled in for her usual routine, when "Bleeding Love" set to a uptempo beat started playing. Instantly she knew Cal was jacking with her, and she laughed in spite of herself. Cal came swaggering into sight, a smile split his lovely chiseled face.

"You are such a shit."

"Yes-I-am. Stop." And he moved behind the machine. She knew he was adjusting the weight.

"C'mon Cal, please take it easy."

"No. More weight, less reps. Move your ass."

"Fffffffuuuuuuhhhhhck." He had to have added 20 lbs.

The entire workout was like that, and then it was time for another round of cardio. Twenty minutes again, max heart rate again. She got on the treadmill and began. She was dripping sweat and panting, meanwhile Cal was clipping along, bopping to the music and smiling like he was on a float at the Rose Parade. "For Whom The Bell Tolls" by Metallica was on, and it was perfect. The bell was tolling for her to get home and shower. She still had 27 minutes to go, when she looked up and saw someone she had only heard and read about getting on a treadmill in front and to the right of hers. Not as tall as she expected, looking kind of scrawny compared to the pics and footage she had seen. Tommy Conlon? No way.

She looked over at Cal and he was agape, for the first time he looked like he was actually working out instead of barely breaking a sweat. The man ahead of her pulled on a black hoodie and started off on a full-book run, like he was being chased by the cops. No warm up for him. He was sweaty to begin with, must've been at the weights already maybe, and his grey sweatpants were baggy but looked wet in spots as he continued tearing it up, long striding legs pinwheeling. Her time was nearly up when he finally slowed down and then just quit, gasping for breath yet controlled somehow. He wiped at his face and stalked off to the men's hallway.

Cal and Lena looked at each other, and Cal got off his treadmill and started making his way quickly to the men's room. "My bag!" Lena called after him, wiping her face with a towel. It was 12:15, she was starving, and she had to be at work at 4. She remembered she had some business of her own to attend to and started heading towards the hallway, patting her face down, when the treadmill man knocked right into her. She looked up right into the most piercing grey-blue eyes she had ever seen. He stunk to high heaven and was soaked with sweat."S'cuse me," he breathed and deftly sidestepped and moved past her, walking as fast as he could to the door. She watched from afar as Ginger Henry said something to him and the man just put his hand out-she wasn't sure if it was a wave or what, but Ginger Henry immediately cut his talking short and just watched him leave too. Henry turned around and caught Lena staring out at the door, looking puzzled. Henry shrugged at her and waved, turning back around to fiddle with the computer at his desk.

Cal walked up on her quickly."C'mon let's go,"he said,"the sauna is down until who knows when, sorry girl."

"No time anyway," Lena said pulling her bag over her shoulder,"I'm fuckin' starvin'."

As they headed out, Cal was talking a mile a minute and wouldn't shut up."He is sooo intense Lena I went into the locker room and he was acting like his house was on fire!"

"I don't get it, is it really him?" She buckled her seatbelt and Cal took off. She knew he was headed to the Pita Pit, hummus and chicken with alfalfa, tomato, and cucumber, yum.

"Yeah, definetly, I know there were a few times I would go up to Colt's with my mom, you know the first place he had? Colt introduced me to him once, it was seven years ago I think? He said my mom made the best lasagna. He was really nice then. Now he looks like a crackhead, acts like one too."

"Well didn't he get into some shit after that big fight? Your mom still talks to Paddy right?'

"Yeah not so much anymore though, he got real fucked up again and my mom wasn't gonna deal with that, so…" Cal pulled up to the Pita Pit drive through. Thankfully the drizzle had quit, but now the wind was blowing like hell and Cal was freezing with his sweat-soaked head out the window.

"Can I get two Super Chicken pitas please? No cheese. And one of 'em extra meat-"

Lena elbowed him."Both of em Cal!"

"Scratch that BOTH of 'em extra meat! Two diet cokes-no,no fries thanks." Cal sat back and pulled around, grabbing his debit card. He saw Lena going for her wallet and he stayed her hand."I got this babe."

Lena threw four bucks on his dash."I love you Cal but sometimes you act like my boyfriend. Please take it. Thanks for getting me up, I actually feel better."

"Told you so beeeeiiitch," he laughed and grabbed the food through the window,"And anyway I am your boyfriend, remember? You are never gonna get a man, I am the best thing you got. Quit fuckin' hiding anyway, you're gorgeous already without that warpaint you put on your face for work. Next time you see Ginger Boy, just try, TRY to be friendly? OK? It's a sure thing."

Lena smiled shyly."You think so?"

"I know so. Damn you know I got that radar. And he's so obvious!"

They sat in the truck and ate, slurping their Diet Cokes when they should have had water and protein drinks. But fuck it, she was on the run now for sure. 1:30 pm. Damn. She couldn't stop thinking about Crackhead Tommy though. His eyes were haunting her. She had seen pictures of him years ago, and he didn't look the same. "Didn't Tommy Conlon go to jail for going AWOL?" she asked, trying to pull an alfalfa sprout from in between her front teeth.

"Jesus, look at you, cavewoman. His last name is Riordan, you know that. Yes he went to jail. I dunno, I'm gonna ask my mom if she's talked to Colt lately." Cal's dad had been a fighter, and he had gotten knocked around so much one terrible night that he had a fatal brain hemorrhage. He had trained with Colt for years, they had gone to high school together. Cal was only 14 when it happened, and Colt did everything he could to help Cal's mom with bills and whatever she needed. He was helping put Cal through school. Cal had wanted to fight, but his mom, Rita, would never allow it. She would bring him with her all the time, whenever she needed to talk to Colt or when she wanted to bring up some food for the guys. Cal guessed she was trying to keep his dad's memory alive, letting Cal hang out with the fighters and spar when he thought she wasn't looking. A boy needs his father, that's what Rita would always yell at his dad when they would argue over another fight she didn't agree to. Cal shook his head and backed up the Ridgeline. "Tommy probably did his time and now he wants to get back in. But I'll tell ya he's got a long way to go."

Lena nodded her head. "How old would you put him at, Cal?"

Cal shot her a look."Well, he wasn't older than 27 or 28, I think, for the very first Sparta, so…..you do the math Major."

"33 or so I guess?" She shrugged. Jail is hard on a person, she saw what it did to her dad. He did 9 years for assault with a deadly weapon and attempted murder…..another story she didn't like to reminisce over. She shuddered.

"I know what you're thinking,"said Cal knowingly.

"Oh yeah? What am I thinking Karnak?"

"If it bothers you we don't have to go back to Colt's-"  
"No way, why would it bother me? Cal, really?"

"I know you too well Lena, and if he ever weirds you out just be honest and tell me, OK?"

"OK,"she smiled,"I don't think he will. No worries."

Cal pulled up to her apartment façade,"You want me to walk you in?"

"No I gotta get going, Cal, I'm going to be late at this rate!" She kissed his cheek and hopped out the truck, keys in hand to open the locked entry way.

"Have a good night girl!" Cal slipped his sunglasses on against the rays that were starting to peek out through the clouds. He slipped into traffic and was gone, and Lena was already in her apartment running the shower. She could see the Legendary Tommy, crackhead Tommy now?- charging ahead on the treadmill everytime she closed her eyes and she wondered why he was on her mind, and wondered how to get him out.


	2. Chapter 2:Lena and Cal

WORK was crazy busy, she had a round server's tray full of cocktails balanced on her left palm and three more glasses balanced on her right. Vinnie had booked a business event and had neglected to staff the cocktail waitresses adequately. Naturally Lena slipped right in and got the heavily-drinking business-dress-clad group of 45 all the drinks they could handle. Her feet were throbbing and her delts were sore, but she kept right on smiling as the men stuffed tips in her mini server's apron that wrapped nicely around her mid-length pencil skirt. Some of the women were not so nice, she looked like a younger leaner version of them and the more they drank the bitchier they got. Lena, unflappable as always, killed them with kindness and cussed in the kitchen to the cooks about them. Finally, after midnight, the kitchen was clean, the front swept, mopped, vacuumed, and polished, and Vince and Lena sat down at the bar, all alone , drinking Drambuie on the rocks while Lena glanced over the produce order for tomorrow and Vince counted the cash down.

"You know kid, you're alright," Vince smiled at her, and flipped her $500. Lena held it in her hand but didn't take it right away. Her expression was priceless with shock, and Vince couldn't help but laugh out loud. She still looked like the little snot-nosed brat niece 20 years his junior, all wide-eyed and jaw dropped."Did you think I forgot it's your birthday Lee?"

"Not for another week! Uncle Vinnie, I don't want to take this, c'mon you got kids-"  
"And my kids are fine, Lena we're going on vacation in a month and I need you to run this joint with Louis"-his partner-"and you know for Louis to get his ass in here, oh it's gonna be such a pain in the ass for you, I feel really bad Lena. Take the damn money, I'm gonna give you more later too."

"What-?!"

"Babe you're gonna need it. I know you got a test you should be studying for-yeah I talked to your mom, so what? You got books and tuition dontcha? Plus you never know when you're gonna need it so g'head!"

"Uncle Vinnie-"  
"Shuddup I don' wanna hear one more word. Ya heah?"

Vinnie's dad and her dad were brothers from Brooklyn, New York, that and a little Pittsburgh thrown in- his accent was ridiculous. And she loved it, she loved hearing it, sounded just like her dad was there. Lena smiled at him, gratefully pocketing the cash, and gave him a great big hug."Thank you so much Uncle."

"Yeah yeah awrite, now go home please,"he said standing up off the barstool," get outta my hair I need to close up now anyway, I'll finish the orders tomorrow morning."

Lena watched her uncle stuff the money in his metal braced suitcase.

"You know you get overwhelmed in the morning. And when the hell are you just gonna get the bank to list you on their armored car route? Carrying that cash is deadly in this neighborhood!"

"Christ you sound like my mother! I know, I know, but it's what's in my _other_ hand that's deadly Lena."

"I know Unc, you got your piece."  
"Yeah that's right, they try to grab me it'll be the last thing they do."

"Alright well, you wild man, let's get out of here huh?"

Uncle Vinnie had his trenchcoat on, salt and pepper hair slicked back, metal suitcase in one hand and the other hand concealed in the coat pocket. Looked just like an extra for The Untouchables. Lena shook her head, smiling at him, and they walked out. She set the alarm and shut the doors, locking them tight, and Vinnie saw her to her car. "Goodnight doll," he said gruffly and shut the door of her tiny Honda hatchback. He climbed into his black Lincoln and they left the parking lot in different directions. At a stoplight she saw two guys standing under the streetlight talking. One had a black hoodie on, and she could just make out the facial profile. Crackhead Tommy? She shook her head, wondering what the hell was wrong with her. But when her light turned green and she passed them slowly, Black Hoodie turned to furtively look at her car. It was him. "Shit!" she whispered loudly and looked away. Twice in one day? And in the most unlikeliest of places. Must have been scoring, she thought, and hit the accelerator. "Gotta get home…"she sighed and before she knew it she was pulling up to the gate of her apartment parking lot. She couldn't remember driving home and it was because she was thinking about Tommy. She felt saddened because she had always heard about him through her brother, who was obsessed with MMA growing up, he idolized Tommy during that brief moment of local fame the Sparta match made for the town, and she really couldn't have cared less then but she remembered the poster, the newspaper cutouts, it was Tommy mania for her brother David. Now she saw this same man, battered and lean and probably buying drugs on a street corner. Damn if her brother could see it now, but he was on his third tour in Afghanistan and she and her mom hadn't spoken to him in over a month.

Lena slept broken sleep that night, she heard David's voice in her dark dream and there were sounds of explosions. She woke up in a panic, and tried to go back to sleep. Her bed felt hot, the stupid heater didn't shut off by itself again….she got up to get a glass of water and shut the heat off, and she checked her phone to see what time it was-5:15am, damn! She saw a text message from Cal-"Hey chick, can't sleep! Mom talked to Colt-it's Tommy and he's fresh out of military jail. Colt says he's in bad shape. Call me in the morning so we can go for a before-class run! LY"

Lena shook her head,"No Cal, jog, not run." She drank the water down and flopped back into bed.

THE next morning the sun was streaming in her windows, right in her face. Her phone was singing "Whoomp! There It Is!" at top volume-Cal again no doubt. She thrashed her way out of the sheets and blanket and grabbed her phone just to make it stop. Oh God, 9:15, she had to hurry the hell up and get down to her 10:30 class! She had to drive across town to PCC and that was a nightmare in and of itself, so she pulled her jeans on, fixed herself up and grabbed her bookbag, hurtling out the door. Cal was leaned up against her Honda, dressed all in black, ruefully shaking his head.

"Tsk tsk tsk."  
"Shut up, Cal, dammit get in!"

Cal had to be at his class at 10:30 too. Lena always worried unnecessarily in his eyes, she was never late and that was because she drove like the Devil himself was chasing her, so he worried more about surviving that than being late.

"Should just WAKE UP and then you can LEAVE ON TIME Lena,"he sighed tightening his seatbelt.

"I said shut up didn't I?" she careened into traffic and Cal braced himself to the dash. "Tell me you have coffee of some sort."

"No, and we don't have time to stop." He watched Lena sigh longingly for caffeine."Bu-u-ut I did bring you a bottle of some crappy coffee beverage-'

Before he could hand it to her she had it open and was draining the caramel colored liquid from a glass bottle."Mmm what is this?"

"Starbucks Vanilla Caramel Frappy-liquid thigh, all the damn sugar, ugh! But damn, it is good."

"I don't care what's in it it tastes a little like coffee," she finally acknowledged him, making eye contact, "Thank you Cal my darling!"

"She speaks….politely!" Cal giggled. "You're down a little we're going to die."

"No we're making good time!"  
"Yes exactly why it's OK to slow the hell down!"He sighed audibly, and Lena let up on the accelerator. "Thank you."

"So-"they both began, and Lena waved at him, "You first, Cal."

"Yes thanks. My mom talked to Colt last week and forgot to tell me about Crackhead Tommy." He saw her wince. "Hmm. Anyway, he was hurt pretty bad at that Sparta fight, remember he lost-"

"Yeah I remember, Cal." Lena didn't mean to sound so clipped.

"What's your deal?"

"I'm sorry…just that, I saw him last night-"

"What?!"

"Yeah he was standing on the corner of 16th and Highland-"

"Well that seals the deal."

"It just really bummed me out. I had a dream about David and-" her eyes were watering up, where did this come from? Cal saw her choke up and began rubbing her leg.

"Hey. Hey. Lena, it's going to be ok. David is going to be ok. You have to believe that."

"I know Cal, I try not to deal, just stay strong for mom, she's already been through so much-"

"So have you, are one of the strongest people I know. But sometimes it's OK to cry. I just don't want you losing hope."

"Seeing Tommy all fucked up just makes me sad, in a way I'm glad that David's not around to see it, because he would march right up to him even now and ask for an autograph, but damn I really wish he were home." Lena sniffed hard, trying to get ahold of herself. She was driving and not realizing what she was doing again, auto-pilot to the rescue, because PCC loomed high and wide before them in the parking lot.

"I know, that's why I warned you about going back to Colt's. I know how much David worshipped Tommy, it's why he became a Marine, really. It's gonna be hard if you keep bumping into him, it's going to make you miss David all the more." Lena nodded and looked at Cal."I am here for you Lee. Why don't we go see your mom tonight after night class and have dinner with her. Cool?"

"Cool. Thanks Cal." She hugged him and caught sight of the dash clock.10:12."Whew! We made it!"

Cal laughed as he opened his door. "Yeah the worst part of it all is the more upset you got the better you drove."

"Not the first time I've heard that!" She laughed too and they scurried inside. It was going to be a long day.

THAT night Lena and Cal bought a calzone from her mom's favorite pizza shop, and Cal had to get some flowers too. They climbed the stoop to the front door of the little townhome that Lena grew up in, and Momma Senna Rossi was already opening the door.

"Hey you two, get in here!"  
"Mom,"Lena hugged and kissed her spry little mother,"How did you know we were here?"  
"Well Cal told me you were coming!"

Lena smiled and punched Cal in the arm,"It was supposed to be a surprise!"

"Oh well, you know how Cal is, he actually called me last night."

"Oh he did?" Lena looked at Cal viciously. "Well I 'm glad I'm in the loop now!"

"Oh relax Lee, I was just calling to check on her!' Cal hugged Lena to his side."We didn't talk about you. Much"

"Mmmhmm, yeah and what did Cal have to say Mom?" They all sat down at the kitchen table, Lena had set a six-pack of Diet Coke on the table. Senna laughed.

"What no beer? I'm kidding, I'm kidding. He just told me about the redhead at the gym-"

"Dammit Cal!"

"Don't be mad at him, he just thinks you should break out of your shell,and I agree!"

"Mom. Cal. Can we please eat in peace? It's enough." Lena was smiling but she actually was a little irritated. She thought by now she would be used to Cal and her mom discussing her business, but it always made her mad. Cal was supposed to be _her friend and confidant,_ sometimes the last thing she needed was her mom getting involved.

"Ok, no biggie. So how's school?"

"Great you know, big test coming up-"

"You'll do great I'm try to get some rest, and tell Vincent to give you a break! How are you supposed to study?"

Lena rolled her eyes and laughed, Cal looked on sheepishly. Lena had no choice but to shake it off.

The rest of the meal was pleasant, they laughed and Senna put the big daisies that Cal had picked out in water, and she seemed so happy and at ease. Lena did not want to ruin it by asking about her dad. But she wanted to know how he was, and she knew she would end up asking anyway…

So later, after coffee, Lena tried to be nonchalant."Soo…Mom have you heard from Dad at all?"

The room went silent. Lena's mom looked hard at her. "No. I have not."

"Would you tell me the truth Mom?"

"I am telling you the truth. It will be four years next week_"

"Yes, on my birthday-"

"And I don't think we will hear from him anytime soon."

"Why do you say that Mom?'

"Because you'd think by now…"

"I know. I am sorry to ask Mom but…..I just have to know if he's ok."

"I am sure he is, wherever he is. He can't contact us you know that."

"Yes. I know."

Cal immediately changed the subject with a story about his latest crush that was ignoring him-it was really hard to find any gays in his class, they were all raging gym rats with hot girlfriends. Lena thought of her dad and was lost in reverie…

It was her 14 th birthday party. Everyone was invited, the whole family, the whole neighborhood, and half her school. One big street cook-out, bring your own meat.. Of course Lena knew it was more for the adults to get together and have a few drinks, but Cal was there, and her older brother David, and her best friend January from school. They were in the street, tossing a ball, playing something between hockey and soccer, when January's dad called for Lena and January to come help him with some bags from the grocery store."Help me bring these in!"

The girls hauled the bags into January's house. It was empty and quiet, and January's dad, Becker, came stumbling in behind them, shutting the door. Lena had never felt comfortable around Becker, he wasn't like the other kids' dads, he always stared at her in a weird way that made her want to run. She went out of her way to avoid him at all costs. He and January lived six doors down, just the two of them, the mother had run off for some reason. Becker, a big man, played football in college and stood towering over Lena."Jan,"he called, "go downstairs and get that bag of charcoal." January looked alarmed but the look on her dad's face was bleary and mean. He broke out into a leering smile and looked at Lena."So you're 14 today huh? Isn't that great. Jan's birthday is coming up too. Say how come you two never had a sleepover over here? I let her sleepover your house…"he broke off and staggered a bit. Lena could just see the door behind his bulk that wavered in front of her. All her senses were screaming for her to get out! "Well little girl, I thought maybe you may need a little talk today, you know about the birds and the bees? Your parents probably told you a little bit but, I think you could use a different perspective." Suddenly this man she thought was staggering drunk had her by the arms and was carefully pressing himself against her, she started to cry and fight, but he shook her real hard."LISTEN. If you make any more noise I swear to God I will make you pay. And if you tell ANYONE what's happened today I will kill your mother, and then your father. And you will be the loneliest little girl in the Burgh. You understand?"

Lena nodded her head, big wet tears rolling down her face. How did this happen, so fast, and where was January? She never heard the door to the basement open. His greasy fingers were fumbling with her tank top. She started to whine in her throat, and he shook her harder this time. "I'm just takin a peek, alright?" She heard a noise right outside the kitchen window,and he turned fast to see where it came from, and Lena kneed him in the balls and he let go of her to grab his junk, cursing her. She burst out the front door, screaming. Cal was coming towards her with a bunch of grown-ups in tow, and her dad came running up the street with a crowbar. He looked wild-eyed and she could smell booze on him too."Lena are you alright? Tell me you're ok!" People always told her she looked just like her daddy, only prettier. That day was the last day she got to see him, because he pushed past the crowd that was gathering outside Becker's stoop and screamed Becker's name. Becker opened the door just as casual as could be, observed the crowd gathered at his door.

"Well what is going on?" he laughed."The barbecue is ok, came back to get some more charcoal."

"Becker you motherfucker! Cal saw you grabbing my daughter! You have one chance to explain which is more than you deserve. "

"We already know about you Beck, you're the reason three different families have moved away,"piped up Cal's dad Ted, his MMA build popping muscles and veins everywhere.

Beck stood back and laughed, shaking his head. Some people from the crowd started to back away. They knew when Lena's dad, Mike, got as calm as he did he was more than dangerous. He was deadly.

"So tell me, Beck. Why did you have Lena pinned to the sink?"

"Are you tellin me you're gonna believe Cal the Nance?"

Cal's dad, Ted, took two steps with one bound. "That's my son you're talkin about you bastard."

"Ohh like you don't know your son is a fag-he came on to me one day—"

Ted raised his balled fists to deliver some lightning strikes to Becker's sneering face, but Mike stopped him. "No Ted, you're a registered lethal weapon, you'll go to jail for attempted murder. But I won't." And with that Mike landed the crowbar on Becker's nose and mouth, blood instantly sprayed everywhere. The crown dispersed, someone calling 911, someone getting the kids off the scene and away from the beatdown. But Lena could still see it, watch her dad drop the crowbar and beat Becker with his bare hands instead. She found out later that Cal and David had already said some things about Becker inviting them in and then trying something, thankfully they both got away. The parents thought the kids were making it up. What a mistake they made. In that moment the entire block came out and watched Becker get his ass kicked, everyone on that street knew what a piece of shit he was. Just before the cops came, little January came out the front door with a cinderblock from the basement wall in her hands. Ted was already pulling Mike off him, saying,"C'mon man you don't want to kill him, you'll go to jail." January lifted the cinderblock high above her dad's head. "no, nonononoo!" called Mike and Ted, but it was too late. January dropped the big cinderblock down on her drunk and beaten father's head, and the corner of it bashed in his temple. Mike and Ted looked at the little 13 year old girl. She was full of rage, tears streaming down her face. "I don't care if I go to jail. I hope he's dead." She spat on his ruined head and stood stock still as the cops showed up. Mike and Ted were totally blown away. Lena, Cal and David had climbed the roof of Lena's townhouse across the street and had seen the entire thing. No one could believe it, everyone was in total shock. Mike took the blame for Becker, he told the cops the truth except about the end, he couldn't stand to see January go through something worse than what she already had. Lena and David cried and wished he had told the truth, because January went to hell anyway, foster home to foster home, no one ever heard from her again. They lost their dad. Ted tried to help out, but it wasn't long before Cal was missing a dad too. Lena and David were not allowed to see their dad, it drove them crazy. Senna got to see him every now and then, but there was a big trial and witnesses, such a mess. After he was sentenced, he did a year in the pen and then was moved to a minimum security prison. He had three years left, when he was out on a highway somewhere cleaning up debris and decided to make a break for it. He hadn't seen his kids in years, his letters and phone calls were becoming more and more desperate. Senna thought he just finally snapped. Of course now he couldn't contact anyone at all. No one had heard a word in four years. The only thing that surfaced was a story and some photos from Colt. He travelled down to Mexico to scope out an up and coming fighter. He knew some Spanish and had brought his friend Juan with him, and they happened at a bar somewhere in Guanajuato. Colt couldn't drink like Juan and ended up staggering back to the roach motel they were staying at, but the next day after Juan woke up all he was doing was bragging about how he drank some wanna- be Mexican with a New York accent under the table last night. Juan showed him pictures he had taken with his camera phone, and Colt immediately began scouring the neighborhood for Mike. The pictures showed a scrawny man, tanned, but Colt knew who he was looking at, the eyes never lie. Colt ended up abandoning his search, he couldn't get the locals to talk either-maybe they were hiding him, or maybe he was just passing through. Colt waited til he had Rita and Senna alone at different times to privately discuss it and show them the pictures. Senna burst into tears, at least her husband was alive, for that knowledge she was overjoyed. Somehow later David found the pictures on his mother's phone, and he made sure to show Lena and Cal before he deleted them. His mother was furious, but he told her, "You could be made an accessory Mom. I did it to protect you." With all the drama and stress going on David felt bad about abandoning his sister, but he went off and joined the Marines. It was something he wanted, needed to do. He made Cal promise to always always take care of Lena, and off he went. Lena still was recovering from the loss of her father, then David too? She clung to Cal more than ever. The neighborhood wasn't the same anymore. She needed to get out of the townhouse she shared with her mom, there was so much space and emptiness for her she was smothered by it. Her Uncle Vinnie was in town opening a classy 'gangster bar and grill' as he called it, and needed her help. So already enrolled in school, she went to work, and got her own place. Her mom didn't seem to notice that much, she and Rita spent a lot of time together anyway, it wasn't like she was abandoning her mom.

Lena shook her head. Cal and Senna were staring at her.

"You know what guys, I really am tired. I need to go home, that test is tomorrow and my economics teacher is-"

"A total bitch," said Cal with finality. Senna smacked his shoulder playfully, "Sorry Miss R but he is, I hear about it from other people too."

"Yeah trust me, it's not an easy class. But I am learning something, just hope it's absorbing because tomorrow is going to make or break me."Lena looked exhausted and Cal knew it wasn't the test wearing her down.

"You kids get out of here", said Senna with a smile. "I really appreciate you coming by, haven't had anything this good in a while. The daisies are beautiful thank you."

"That's Cal, the suck-up!" Lena laughed and embraced her mom. She felt smaller somehow tonight, maybe she needed to check up on her more often. When she pulled back, Senna's eyes were shining with tears unshed. "Mom…"

"Lee, you know if I heard anything I would tell you. It's bad enough David can't talk to us wherever he is, I would never deny you information on your daddy." She turned and hugged Cal tightly. "At least we have this hunk here to watch over us!"

Lena was sad and feeling guilty as they left Senna standing on the stoop waving goodbye. Cal was quiet and fidgeting in his seat, he was unnerved too. They had all been through so much.

"Lee, what time you have to be at class?"

"Not till 2, why?"

"I need to get a workout in, join me tomorrow morning?"

Lena smiled at him, she loved it when he was begging her with his big blue eyes like he was now. No way she could say no.


	3. Chapter 3:Paths Cross

**NOW** she was sorry she had agreed. It was 8AM, and he was banging her door down, the meek and mild Cal was gone. Drill sergeant Cal was back. "Lena open the door!"

She had overslept again, and she forgot to charge her phone. _Dammit Cal! _ She whipped the door open and of course, he was dressed to impress in deep purple today. She had on boy shorts and a tank.

"Get some fuckin clothes on we don't have all day," he harrumphed and pushed past her.

"You know how rude you are? It's so annoying," she grumbled and slammed the door hustled around to get ready while Cal played her some new music he downloaded on his phone. She found some black spandex with pink running stripes, tank and shorts that went down almost to her knees, and it matched. "There, how's that ?"

"It's fine, are you ready?" He was trying to sound pissy but his grin was a giveaway. "C'mon maybe Ginger is working the desk again today."

"SHUT UP." Lena almost yelled, but she cracked up instead.

At the gym Ginger a.k.a. Henry wasn't around, but Colt was. Lena and Cal were overjoyed to see him. Colt was all smiles but his eyes looked tired, like he hadn't seen more than a few hours of sleep the whole week.

"Uncle Colt this place is awesome, kudos on the new place!" Cal did the half-hug half-handshake thing, Lena went in for the real deal.

"Yeah this place is huge, I can't get over it!" Lena kissed his cheek too.

"Glad you guys are enjoying it, if it weren't for Henry and the other guys I wouldn't be able to pull it off, been so damn busy lately getting ready for Sparta 7. Never thought it would go that far, but I wouldn't have been able to open this if it hadn't been for the tourney." He offered a tired smile."Cal you gonna spar today or what? I won't tell your mom."

Cal laughed. "Man I know she has spies, I swear the last time she knew. You sure you never said nothin'?"

"No way! Kid if I could have I would have trained you. But…"

"Yeah I know Unc, shit is rough. It's alright, maybe sometime I could sneak in there…."

"Yeah you should. Your dad had you pegged at 6 when you strapped on his gloves and kicked the shit out of that bully up your block, remember that?"

They all laughed, and then things got real quiet when the front door swung open and in walked Tommy Conlon, his pale, drawn face obscured by his trademark black hoodie.

Colt's mouth became a tight line. "Hey, you're late, you s'post to be here at 6."

"Yeah yeah." He pushed the hood off and his dark hair was wet and pasted to his skull. Lena shook her head slightly and he fixed his eyes on her. She froze, her eyes locked with his. "I know you. You two lived around the way from me."

"Uhh.." Cal was at a loss for words. Surprise surprise. Suddenly Lena grew some balls, because she walked right up to him and said, "Yeah I don't remember that, but I remember your poster on my brother's wall. Newspaper cut-outs. He worshipped you. Wanted to be you."

Tommy eyes shifted down and away. She noticed he never stopped moving, he shifted on his legs, his hand wrapped around the gym bag he was holding. She got the feeling he was sorry he spoke. "And he joined the Marines because of you too."

His eyes shifted up to hers again and they narrowed."I'm sure he's regretting that now." His voice was like gravel under her tires, his accent was home to her but his tone was cold.

Lena was incensed, and she knew it was just about to all boil over."If he saw you now he would be." Tommy nodded, his lips curling up to a sneer.

"Yeah?"

Cal grabbed her shoulder, saying, "OK Unc, we gotta get in and get started, thanks for the invite-" he pulled her away but she never stopped staring into those empty blue-gray eyes.

"What the fuck?!" Once inside, Cal snatched her bag away from her. His voice was hushed, if they weren't in a busy gym he would have yelled. "I can't get you to bed Ginger but you go at that crackhead pitbull-style?"

"Hell with you Cal, he needs someone to kick his ass,"she rasped and headed to the treadmills.

"Yeah maybe, but not you," he said loudly after her.

Lena's heart was pounding, her mind was a red light flashing emotions through her. She couldn't understand how she could show such open hostility to a person she didn't know but it was too late. It was all she could do to calm down , but what did it matter now anyway, she was almost running on the treadmill and even Cal stopped and clocked her before he got on.

"Damn bitch maybe you should get pissed more often!"

"ShutthefuckupCal," she breathed. Some horrible acid jazz was playing today, she had to tune it out or go insane. She saw her brother David the day he left for boot camp, handsome, rugged, dark Italian/Romanian ladykiller David, barely 20 and "going to put a boot up someone's ass" according to him. She saw her father building her go-kart she got for her 10th birthday, lean and young, drinking his PBR and smoking his Camels, telling her she would smoke all the boys in the neighborhood, he would make sure of it. All gone, all gone now. She was so angry that tears streamed down her face as she ran, no one could tell as it mixed with the sweat, no one was watching her. Except Cal. And he knew what was happening. He let her go, work through it, sweat it out. He was going to punish her legs, back and butt today, and she was going to hate him for it.

Later they would laugh about it, but the initial shock was astounding. Lena was on some back machine, "The Torture Device", as she put it, and Crackhead Tommy came past them as Cal counted and bossed her to "rep it out". He glanced back at her, condescending and uncaring at the same time. Cal watched Lena turn pink, and she glared at him behind his back. She knew he could see her face in the mirrors so she looked at Cal and said, "Switch." Cal nodded and pulled her off to another torture device. Lena looked back to see Tommy lifting freeweights, the plates stacked big. Despite his lean frame the muscles were still there, and she watched him from the corner of her eye. Suddenly Colt walked in and everyone took notice. But he didn't waste time heading over to Tommy, where they spoke in low tones. Cal dragged her to the shoulder station and it was much closer to the two men, close enough that through the music she could hear Colt saying, " you want me to help you you gotta show up on time-" Tommy countered,"I don't need your help I need your gym, if I needed help I got friends." Colt shook his head. "Tommy you ain't got no friends. Just me. And I can get you a fight but you got a long way to go. You know what you need to do, quit fuckin around." Cal had stopped counting out loud, he was listening in too. "Yeah I know what to do,"Tommy huffed, lifting an ungodly amount of weight,"the fuck you think I'm doin'." Colt's face screwed up."You're gonna blow that shoulder if you don't watch it." Tommy rolled his eyes. He looked better with the ruddiness in his face, younger even. "Yeah mom thanks. I know what I'm doin', you think I took up knitting in the brig? And I got some of that shit from your guy-" Colt interrupted him, his voice raising."Tommy you don't need that shit, and that's not my guy anyway. You get on that HGH you need a doc to watch it. Plus that guy on Highland, who knows where the fuck he gets half his shit. You got your own needles at least?" _ Oh, so that explains it,_ Lena thought. Tommy dropped his weights. "OK I'm done. You save your questions, I don't need 'em. I'm out."

Tommy stormed past them and headed for the hall. Colt watched him go and noticed Lena and Cal staring at him.

"What? You guys can't mind your business?" He stalked off too, towards the front. Cal looked humiliated, but Lena just shrugged.

"Fuck it." She stood up and stretched her arms. "That sauna better be fixed, I need it today. What's next ?"

Cal smiled at her. "You know it's great when you're like this. "

Later in the hall, Cal checked her progress on the new app he got on his phone."You know Lena, I could get you to compete next year if you let me."

Lena looked incredulous."Compete? Are you crazy? For what?"

"IFBB!"

She laughed hysterically."I am not, repeat NOT going to go along with that. Why the hell would you want me to look like those chicks, I could grow a dick with all the muscles I put on-"

"Stop it. No you wouldn't, you have the build for the bikini competition."

"UGH stuff it Cal, I'm going to get in that damn sauna." She started heading towards the door to the ladies lockers and showers."Meet you there."

Cal sighed."Yeah OK you're welcome, anytime."

She had stripped down and rinsed off in the shower, Cal told her to use warm water to speed up perspiration. She wrapped herself in towels so there was barely anything showing and headed in. Colt had split the sauna up, left side for men, right side for women, and the large midsection was unisex. Lena opened the middle door and was blasted by heat and wet steam. "Cal?" she called, but there was no answer. She could barely see the wooden benches but she found a spot to sit and let her eyes adjust. Her contact lenses felt like they were curling up. She looked around and could see a few figures in the darkened room with her but no Cal. She leaned against the warm wooden wall, it looked like a log cabin inside-sweat lodge, she thought. She pulled the towel off her head and rubbed her face with it, when she became aware of a person next to her, closer than she realized, clear his throat and shift around. She looked out the corner of her left eye and lo and behold it was her buddy Tommy, wrapped in a towel that looked too small even for him. She could see his tats glinting with sweat in the dim light, his messy dark hair pushed back off his forehead. His eyes were boring holes into her. She turned her head and looked back at him. The corner of his mouth turned up. She noticed how full his lips were, his nose way too straight for a fighter.

"Oh. Thought you left." She sounded snarky. Oops.

"You see everything huh?"he half-smiled."Don't tell me you weren't eavesdropping either. I saw you too." _He _ didn't sound very snarky. Hmm.

"I tried not to,"she admitted,"what was I going to do, leave? You're in a public place."

"Yeah, exactly. I don't need my business gettin' spread around so I'd appreciate it if you forgot everything you mighta heard."

"Oh, you don't have to worry about me,"she said sarcastically," I don't even know what you're talking about." She started to get up when the door opened again, and through the bright light she could see it was Cal. He plopped down beside her in his towel, the golden hairs all over his beach body glinting like sugar sparkles.

"Hey were you leaving?" Cal yanked her back down to her seat and one of her towels fell away, exposing her shoulders."Oh hey, sorry. Leave it off, it's supposed to go over your head anyway." Lena noticed Tommy sat back against the wall so he became obscured by steam and the dim light. "I got a call from PCC, they may have found me a placement!"

"What, already? Cal you're not going to be finished until December!"

"Duh, I know Leelee, it's at that gym downtown, you know-"

"The Hellfire Gym?"Lena asked playfully.

"Oh shut up, yeah they have my kind of clientele, I think it's fucking great! I can work and maybe find a friend, you know-"

For the first time Lena saw Cal blush. "Oh my God, you're really going to do it? Then what, you're going to drag me off there to work out-"

"Well, Leelee you can't break out of your shell to find a man, maybe you need Jan!"

"Whaaaat?" Lena was forgetting Tommy was there, listening, watching. Later she could not believe she did. "I told you Cal, I don't need a man. And I don't need a woman either. Thanks for the offer but you just switched me up here I don't need another one."

"Switch bitch,"and Cal laughed. He was acting like he drank a glass of wine. "I think you're gonna need to get out of here anyway, you're trying to make enemies with that crackhead Tom-" Lena elbowed him in the ribs but it was too late. The man hiding in the shadows near her stood up suddenly and she held her breath as he paused, then the door to the sauna swung open with a loud BANG! And Tommy stalked out.

"Ohhhh shit." Cal looked at her. "I thought he left!"

"I did too, he surprised me when I came in looking for you." Lena shook her head."Looks like you may have made an enemy now too." She smiled at him but Cal didn't look like he felt up to joking around.

"He may not have suspected I was talking about him." He sounded like he was trying to reassure himself.

"You're not scared are you?" Lena couldn't believe it. Cal knew how to box, how to wrestle, his dad spared him no lesson untaught-Brazilian jiu-jitsu, Muay Thai, a little of everything.

"No. A little. Oh well if he knocked me out it would be over quick, you've seen him fight."

"Nah, Cal, I have faith in you. Your daddy taught you well." She patted his arm. More like a wet smack."Let's get out of here, I need to eat before the damn test."

All through class, all through her test, damn Tommy would walk through her mind. She cursed him. 'Not going to fuck everything up,' she thought.'A+ today.'

At work. It was 9:30, Vince was entertaining some people from Italy at the bar. Lena was pouring the grappa, she had thrown away two empty bottles already. Vince was red-faced, laughing as he said something vaguely obscene in Italian-she knew a little to know he was being obnoxious and so were his guests, two young handsome men and one thin, beautiful older lady. They were having a great time, but Lena was green from the expensive European cigarettes they all kept smoking. She had to have a toast with them, and she felt woozy on her heels. Her workout and light lunch didn't help. She leaned back against the bar and Vince looked alarmed-she was trying to stand up straight but she felt sick. He could see her turning green. He excused himself and went around the bar to usher her to the back kitchen.

"Kid, you alright?"

"Eh, Uncle V I don't know, that grappa kicked like jet fuel…" He held her hair as she emptied her guts in the back bathroom. "Oh God I'm sorry.."

"No it's alright Lena. Butch!" he called out to the kitchen.

"Yeah boss?" a large round man appeared."Oh shit she awright?"

"No Butch get me a cold rag and a seltzer."

"I'll be ok, honest," she said and leaned against the wall. Vince let her go. She looked awful. "I'm okay now Uncle V."

"Damn Lena, what happened? Was it the booze?"

"I don't know, I guess. Sorry," she smiled sheepishly." Go back to your guests, you gotta have Karina man the bar until I feel better."

"Naw kid, you're done. Why don't you get out of here, I mean when you feel ok. Can you drive? Butch can take you home-"

"No," she interrupted him, "I can drive. But I really can stay, I can start closing the lobby down Uncle."Butch handed Vince the rag and glass of club soda.

"Here kid, " said Vince, passing it all to her."No you g'head. Karina and Sammy can close the bar and the lobby. You come in in the morning and help me with the deposit? I'm probably going to be too, y'know, to count down and stuff."

Lena raised her eybrows."You gonna be able to drive Uncle V?" She thought of the way the Italian lady was looking at him all night.

He winked at her. "Ohh this is my old flame Lee. We gotta lose her sons, we got lots of catchin up to do." He smiled and stood up."Aright kid, see ya in the morning. Feel better."

Vine was gone, and Butch checked in on her. "Hey get the fuck outta my battroom Lena, I don't like puke on my seat." He laughed and Lena threw the wet rag at his head.

"Shaddap Butch, you jerk!" She smoothed out her skirt, rinsed her mouth and cleared out of the kitchen to the office; grabbing her purse and coat she was out the door. She still felt queasy, so she went to the nearest gas station to get some 7up and crackers. 16th and Park was a crappy place to be at ten o'clock at night but her options were pretty limited. Her heels clicked sharply on the dull yellow linoleum of the local Stop N' Rob, she was out of place and in a hurry. She opened the cooler with all the pretty green bottles of 7up, and when it closed she saw a figure behind her, waiting, looking. She turned into Tommy's view. She sighed. Black hoodie, toothpick, black jeans, big tan workboots. He smiled crookedly at her.

"Are you kidding me?"she said, too tired to be pissed.

"I can't get away from you." He shrugged."You following me?"

"Wha- you wish, man." She pushed past him-he was solid, and smelled…like some expensive cologne she recognized. She shook her head as she neared the register. Tommy walked up with a 22oz of Mickeys behind her. As she paid he slammed it on the counter almost too hard. "You're mean huh? Bad chick."

She spun on her heel and glared at him. "What do you want? Huh?"

He put his hands up in a defensive display. "To pay for my beer. Really." But his cocky smile said something else.

She grabbed her stuff and hustled out, all long hair and high heels. She could hear the clerk saying something like,"Damn Tommy you know her?" and Tommy's response was, "Nope. Just some chick who goes to Colt's. Don't know her."

She was expecting something worse, something with the word 'bitch'. She didn't really care, she just wanted to get home. As she was opening her car door, she heard Tommy's gravelly voice calling,"Hey, hey!" Oh shit, now what? She turned around with her car door open and one leg already in. "I'm sorry, c'mon we got off on the wrong foot." He was smiling under the hoodie, black knit hat on too. How did she miss that the first look?

Big sigh. She was feeling woozy again. "What is it?"

"Hey can you give me a ride home?"

She looked incredulous."Are you serious, I don't know you, don't know where you live-"

"Not far from here." He opened his beer and took a long pull."It's ok, I don't blame you." He started off, and Lena thought of David, thought of the story she had to tell him when he finally did call. _I gave Tommy Conlon a ride home. _God he would freak.

"Tommy," she said, and he stopped short."C'mon, get in." He gave her a crooked-toothed smile.

"Yeah?"

"Let's go, I don't feel good." She slid the rest of the way in her car and unlocked the door. He got in and slammed the door. She sat and looked at him, stared really, until he looked at her.

"What?" he looked kind of steely-eyed again, like he wasn't sure what she was going to say.

"I'm only doin' this for my brother David." Tommy nodded but didn't look at her."And I'm only doin' it if you give me your autograph." Tommy looked at her like she slapped him.

"Huh? What, for your brother?"

"Yeah, not for me!" Her stomach didn't feel good and it mustve showed. He looked wide-eyed at her.

"Maybe I should just walk,"he said, turning and going for the door.  
"No, you're not going anywhere,"she said and handed him her receipt. "Sign this and I'll take you home." Tommy took the receipt from her, and she handed him a pen.

"You said he's a jarhead right?"He started scribbling.

"Huh?"

"A Marine."He looked at her and cocked his head a little.

"Yeah, yes." She leaned her head against the steering wheel. He scribbled some more on the receipt, then folded it up and handed it back to her. She stuffed it in her pocket and started the car. "Thank you."

"Sure." He looked at her from the corner of his eyes as she backed out. "Take a right out the lot."

She did, and looked him over. "Seatbelt? And please don't drink in my car."

He capped his beer and sighed, pulling the seatbelt over. "Two lights and turn left."

The toothpick was back in his mouth, and he was fidgeting, looking out the window and his left leg was shaking, like a nervous habit. What was his deal? She could smell him in the car now and it was a great improvement from the first time she encountered him at the gym. She took a deep breath and sighed. He looked over at her.

"You alright?"

She came to a stoplight, and she turned her head to look at him."No, not really. But I'll survive. Are _you _alright?"

He stared at her."Yeah, I know you heard Colt. I don't do no drugs. Your little friend is wrong about me. I heard him in the sauna today." He fiddled with the toothpick and looked out the window. He was still the man whose poster graced her brother's door, in just handwraps and black shorts she had to look at Tommy Conlon every day for a few years, til David went away. He was studly then. Still good-looking now, but his eyes were either steel doors or empty rooms. And his behavior, like he was uncomfortable in his own skin. Almost jumpy. Made her jumpy.

"I'm sorry-"  
He cut her off, in a low menacing tone."What, sorry he said it, or sorry I heard it?"

She blanched. His personality was borderline bi-polar. "Both I guess,"she said softly. "Look Tommy, I don't know what happened or what's going on now, it's not my business. Just-thanks for the autograph, my brother is going to go nuts."

Tommy just sat there, nodding his head and looking out the window. He was quiet and it was clear he had shut down. It was quiet in the car and she was trying not to feel uncomfortable.

"Turn right at the next light," was all he said.

When she did she realized they were headed the back way into her old neighborhood, where her mom still lived, where Cal's mom lived. Tommy wasn't kidding when he said they lived around the way from each other.

"OK turn right here on Orchard-"

"I know where we are now. Orchard?"

Tommy stared at her."Yeah. I told you I knew you."

Lena shook her head."OK that's what you say, Tommy, but the only place I remember you is from my brother and his MMA obsession."

"Well, you had a lot goin' on your block all the time." He looked at her, toothpick cocked in a quirked-up corner of his mouth."Yeah I read the papers…heard stories. Hell, Pop remembers it all. Somehow." He scoffed, then leaned in towards her."You know if I had been around, none of that shit would have been goin' on."

Lena raised her brow. "Oh yeah? Big bad Tommy Riordan gonna get all the baddies? Well….you're a little late. Please don't flatter yourself thinking you would have made that big a difference. Things go on in people's houses and most times, nobody knows about it til it's too late and all the damage has already been done. You heard about stuff, good for you. You didn't have to live it."

Tommy had backed up in his seat to look at her in almost mock-surprise. "Who do you think you're talkin to, some kid who doesn't know what the fuck is goin' on? Little girl you don't know the half of what I been through, don't lecture me about shit you don't know nothin about." His voice never went above am icy cold raspy growl. Menacing. "Stop the car. Maybe sometime when you're done kickin the shit out of me you can pick up a fuckin hobby." He got out of the car and started walking. Tears sprang to Lena's eyes. She started rolling slowly behind him while he guzzled his beer. She rolled the passenger side window down. _Why the hell are you bothering? _she asked herself. Normally she'd have just driven away.

"Tommy," she called, but her voice cracked."Tommy!" she tried again and it was louder than she wanted. He never stopped walking and waved his hand out to her dismissively. Now she knew that was his polite way of giving the finger. She kept rolling and calling his name, when he pointed to the street and said, "Truck.". She looked up and there was a black Hummer looming in front of her. Her brakes screeched and her tires squealed. She had a scream in her throat. She held on to the wheel, trying to catch her breath, when Tommy appeared at her window, making her stifle a scream again. He made the 'roll your window down' gesture, so she put the car in park and obliged him.

"Hey. It's late. You can't do this shit to me, we ain't 16 here. I don't need this kind of attention." He still looked pissed, but just a trace of a smile? Or he was going to growl and bare his teeth.

"So beat it. Right? Is what you're telling me?" Now she smiled. "Hey c'mon. I'm a bitch, I'm sorry. Get back in the car I'll buy you a real drink."

He smiled his toothy smile at her and she almost giggled. He was cute. Next thing you know he was back in the car. She had to back up a little so she wouldn't smash the Hummer in front of her, and she sped off. He gripped the dash, stealing a look at her under his hood.

" I didn't really think you would get back in the car," she said matter-of-factly.

"What can I say, you had me at drink." He held on to the door as she whipped onto a busy avenue." Didn't you say you didn't feel good?"

"Naw, I'm actually feelin' a little better now…"

"Maybe it was your drivin made you sick you weren't doing this earlier!" He was smiling but his eyes looked alarmed.

"Shit!" she said, and made a hard left. They were somehow parallel parked next to a brick building that had a big neon green four clover in front, but no name.

"Oh no." He pulled a face, and sighed.

"What's the matter Tommy?" she started to smile. "You know this joint?"

He scoffed."I'm from around here, remember?" He was crouching low in his seat, being weird and avoidant, almost like he wasn't going to get out of the just stared at him. He looked at her from the corner of his eye."What, can't we go somewhere else?"

"Why, what's wrong with Killian's?" She really wanted to know what made him so wiggy.

"Got an ex-girlfriend here, that's what's wrong."

"Ohhh…" Tommy looked at her and she was grinning at him.

"Look I can fuckin walk my way home." He fixed her with his steely gaze. "Quit looking at me like that. Your choice, it's no skin off my teeth to walk."

"Do you always have to threaten to leave to get your way?"she asked playfully, but was 100% serious. She had already started the car and was pulling away. He hissed something under his breath, and shook his head.

"Turn left over here….here, I said here. Just go straight til you hit that parking lot over there." She noticed they were now coasting down a dimly lit alleyway.

"Seriously?" She looked over at him. He looked at her half-cocked and grinned wolfishly. "This is where I die for all my shitty comments I made to you?"

"Wow you have a really terrible opinion of me, huh?" He shook his head. "I really wish you knew me better, Lena."

She froze. It dawned on her he never said her name before.

"Hey pull in here," he said, and she looked at the wide parking lot they pulled into.

"Where are we?"

"Shit we're at the backlot of the VFW." He smiled at her. He looked like a little boy when he did that."We can get in through the back door. I know a guy."

She shook her head slowly at him, looking perplexed. "The VFW…?"

"Yeah, that cool with you?" He stared at her almost too hard.

"Yeah, sure." She shut the car off and they got out of the car. As they walked together she glanced at him furtively. He kept his head down so she couldn't see him doing the same thing. The VFW was a totally unmarked building in back with just a beat up metal door."Couldn't we have gone in the front door?"

Nah,"he said, banging on the metal door,"it's no fun that way." He grinned at her. The door swung outwards and she had to step back suddenly, losing her footing. Tommy grabbed her by the arm and swung her towards him, and she half-landed against his chest. She looked up into his eyes and saw them change, soften just a little for the first time. Every time he smiled it never touched his eyes, the wall was always up. She saw something move there, in his shifty eyes that locked on hers now. "Careful now," he breathed, and he pulled her up. She looked at his lips, and his eyes. "We wouldn't want you to get hurt."

She stood up straight and her breasts grazed his chest."We?"

"Get your asses in here I'm freezin'!" A big burly guy stood in the doorway."Tommy what's up man."

"Hey J, how are ya?"Tommy gave the guy a handshake, and the walked in a dim smoky room, not too many people in the booths, but the bar was packed.

"Who's your girl, she got a name?"

"Lena Rossi," she put her hand out to shake, and J shook it."Nice to meet you."

He raised his eyebrows at Tommy."Well right on, go in and grab a drink, it's half price wells tonight."

Tommy took off his hoodie, and she watched his shirt ride up over his ribs. He caught her looking. "Not for long."

She cocked her head back."Huh?" She pulled her jacket off and _he _ was watching _her _ now. He pulled his hat off, adjusted his jeans. White tee, tattoos showing out both sleeves. Toothpick was back.

"Uh I mean I won't be skinny like this for long. Booth OK?"

She sat down in the booth, crossing her legs over the side of the seat. Her feet were killing her, her tummy still wasn't right. But she watched him mess with his hair and rub his stomach to smooth his shirt down as he checked out the bar, and she realized she didn't want to be anywhere else. Sexy? Yes. Nervous, like a little boy? Yes. Oh my God Cal was going to flip out!

"So uh, what you drinkin'?"

"7up." She grinned at him. He looked at her without blinking. She felt the weight of his gaze. Every time.

"Try again."

"Rum and coke." His nod was almost imperceptible as he turned toward the bar. She watched him walk, like he was bowl-legged? Or he was hood. Whatever. He came back with a glass for her and a draw of some beer for himself. He sighed when he sat down, sliding her glass towards her.

"Here ya go."  
"Thanks." She took a sip, oh was it strong. "Mmhmm! " He smirked at her knowingly."Yeah, so, why this place?"

"I dunno…guess it's quiet. Not usually busy. There's an unspoken code. And I'm lucky to be accepted here…."he looked down into his beer and took a big swallow.

"Why?" She played with the stir stick in her drink, trying to catch his eyes. He looked at her briefly, looked away. She looked at his jawline, his lips, the shape of his face. Something flickered across, a dark shadow.

"Hmm. Well, it's a…long story, and I don't know if I'm ready to share with you." He looked up at her, narrowed his eyes at her. Crazy how his eyes looked so dark at times. "I don't know how you don't know."

"I think I do. Just…trying to get you to talk."  
"I don't feel like talking about that." He poked his head up, checking out the bar.

"Are you expecting to see someone?" She was kinda getting annoyed.

"Yeah,"he said, turning to look her dead in the eye."My pop."

She recoiled from his glare. "Oh."

He nodded. "Hmph."

His beer was gone. She wasn't even halfway through her glass."Let me get you another…"she stood up and wavered on her heels for just a moment.

"Ahh no, you sit, I'll get it." He gently put his hand on her shoulder. When he came back up to the table he had another drink for her.

"Ugh Tommy, I don't know if I can.."

"Ah ya fuckin slowpoke." He sat next to her this time, which surprised her. She scooted over and looked at him full in the face. He didn't look that much older than her…"You alright Lena?" Genuine concern in his eyes.

"Yeah, hey listen Tommy, I 'm really sorry. I made a lot of judgments that were wrong….I-"

He put his hand up,"Don't. Just, save it. I don't care what you think, or your friend thinks…or anyone for that matter." He shrugged and shook his head.

She didn't know how to take that. "You don't?"

He was still shaking his head when he locked eyes with her again. "No. I know the truth that I live with. I know who I am, what I do. Not for anyone else to know about me." She opened her mouth to say something, but he stopped her again. "I'm using HGH to build up fast. I saw you that night when I was on the corner talking to my friend. I know what you and your friend were sayin' later. It doesn't matter cuz I would never touch any of that other shit even if I had a gun to my head." She looked back at him, in his eyes that swam suddenly."And I had to do some time, had to pay my dues. But I ain't backin down, I ain't stopping….I will be fighting again, can't do anything else." He slammed the rest of his beer. "Why am I tellin' you anything anyway." He shook his head, looking disgusted, got up and headed to the bar.

Suddenly she felt like she should leave. She realized he had managed to make her nervous and she had slammed her drinks. _Fffffuccckk,_ she thought, and put her head in her hands. He wasn't coming back, she wondered if he was going to. His jacket, hat and hoodie were still in the booth across from her. She waited a while, when she heard a loud voice, raspy and unintelligible through the Lynyrd Skynyrd on the jukebox. She saw a commotion and there was Tommy dragging someone towards the booth.

"Lena, we gotta go, can you help me get my Pop home?"

It was Paddy, she recognized him. He was the man Rita, Cal's mom, was talking to after Ted died, the guy at the gym who helped put money together with Colt for Rita and Cal. How the hell had she never made a connection before, maybe because she didn't go up there a lot back then, not like David did.

"The bill-"

"Never mind that, I got it." Tommy continued to drag Paddy out, towards the back door. J was already there waiting with the door propped open."Thanks for comin in, see you later Tommy."

"Yeah…" Tommy was dragging the man in a stupor to her little red hatchback. How the hell was she going to pull this off? She got the door open for Tommy on his side and he poured his father in the backseat. She handed him his hoodie and jacket. He didn't make eye contact with her. "Thanks. "

"Sure,"she said, and started to walk around to the other side of the car. He suddenly grabbed her arm, not hard but strong enough to pull her to him. The next thing she knew he had his lips pressed to hers. Her eyes popped open in shock. His were half open and fixed on hers. But she didn't let go, or push lips were soft on hers. Strange time for a romantic moment, she thought, but the rum was burning in her veins and his chest was pressing against hers a little more and a little more at a time. His mouth never opened up, just warm moist lips against hers, and she realized he was holding her in one arm, close to him like a hug. Intimate and sweet. Who was this guy?

Lena pulled back and looked at him. He never lost eye contact with her, and she couldn't read what was going on there. Empty rooms with cold gray walls looked back at her. He sucked at his lips for a moment, and she imagined they must taste a little like rum now.

"Yeeaah I'm not too good at this sorta thing," he rasped at her. She reached for his hand, the one that had hugged her to him, and he pulled back."I'm sorry."

"Tommy, I-" and she heard a horrible moaning sound coming from the hatchback.

"This is real bad Lena, I gotta get him home." He hadn't moved, just was frozen and staring at her. She shrugged and turned around to head for the driver's side of the car and wavered, having to clutch the side of Tommy's door for support. "Gimme the keys, I'm driving." He held his hand out to her, _my hand, _she thought. She shook her head, and turned her keys over.

"_Tommy…Tommmy wheredafuckamIgoddammit!"_

Paddy was so wasted, it made her sad. Her eyes burned. God she was one big raw nerve lately. She looked out the window as Tommy drove, he drove a hell of a lot better than her, that was sure.

"We're almost home Pop, hang in there." Tommy sounded a lot more patient than she was ever expecting. Tommy pulled up to a small brownstone townhouse, much like the one a few blocks over that she grew up in. He shut the car off and looked at her."OK can you help me, just hold the door open?"

She nodded. "Yeah of course."

They got out, and instead of Lena tripping on her heels she took them off and chucked them on the floorboard. Tommy looked at her quizzically, but was too busy hauling Paddy out of her backseat. The man was ruined. How sad. The tears burned again in her eyes. Tommy noticed though she didn't think he had, and he handed her the keys wordlessly. She tiptoed up the cold cement steps to the front screen, held that open with her foot and found the right key for the doorbolt, finally. Tommy held onto Paddy as he thrashed a little against Tommy's chest.

"Lemme go you think I don't know I'm at my own goddamn house….I saidleggo!"  
"Alright Pop alright, calm down."Tommy's voice was soft and kind. It hurt her somewhere to hear it. "Cmon let's get you in bed." Tommy struggled to get him through the threshold and Lena fumbled for a light switch on the wall. A lamp came on in a tiny living room, modest and cozy, lots and lots of pictures and newspaper cutouts hung on the pale tan walls. Tommy half-carried, half-dragged the alternately snoring and cussing man through a darkened doorway past a staircase, where she heard racket, sounded like he tripped. Lena rushed over and flipped on a light. Paddy moaned and covered his eyes in protest. A tiny bedroom, made bed, sparse furniture. Tommy was almost pinned underneath Paddy, and his desperate storm-grey eyes blinked at her.

"Little help here please?"

Lena tried to lift the drunken man and barely got him up enough to free Tommy, who promptly took over and pitched his father into bed, quickly setting about removing his shoes and pulling a blanket over him.."Shut off the light,"he whispered, and Lena did as he said. She was temporarily blinded, but Tommy grabbed her hand and led her out to the living room. He looked at her in the living room lamplight and smiled bitterly. "I am sorry Lena. It turned into a rough night-"

"No it didn't," she whispered and with both hands on his arms to brace herself she pressed her lips to his. He reached up and cupped her face in his hands, and she peered at him through her eyelashes, looking at his expression as he gingerly slid his tongue against her parted lips. He looked…relieved? Her heart surged, her legs wobbled. His body was rock hard against hers, his touch was soft. Not what she was expecting. She ran her hands up his arms, slowly up his broad shoulders, his neck, still thick even though he was so lean. She traced his stubbled jawline to his cheeks, and she stroked upwards til her fingers found his thick hair that she buried them was stock still, feeling like he was trembling under her gentle touch. So he wrapped her in his arms and crushed her gently to his body, his hands winding down her back and stopping just short of grabbing her ass. He pushed her mouth open with his, he tasted of cinnamon toothpicks and light beer, and she slipped her tongue in his mouth for more. He sighed against her and she rubbed upwards against him, wanting more. He broke from their kiss.

"Lena…you should go home.."his voice was thick with need, his throat tight. She touched his face, traced his eyebrows. He closed his eyes and his long eyelashes fluttered against her palms, he opened his mouth and gnawed on her hand. His hands were running up under her shirt, thick fingers sliding against her warm skin, and she shivered against him. He smiled then, his eyes crinkling at her. By God, she thought, that is real. "Go home, I 'm just gonna fuck things up, fuck up your life."

He rubbed his forehead against hers. "You're a nice girl. You don't need me and….this,"he gestured behind him. She saw then his hand had a scar, and the pinky stayed bent though the other fingers moved. She grabbed his hand and stretched out his fingers, thick hand, wide palm, rough against hers. His pinky was crooked and a small scar ran nearby it. She took it to her hand and kissed the scar, rubbing her lips against the damaged digit. "Yeah I fucked up my hand real bad in a fight,"his voice was a raspy whisper, "probly needed surgery, but…" His full wet lips opened in a soundless gasp as she pushed on it with her tongue, swirled her tongue around it and sucked the whole thing into her mouth, her dark intense eyes locked with his seastorm hooded gaze. He pressed his hips against her, and she could feel his need shoving against her belly. Her panties felt so wet, and she was throbbing in the hot center of her body, it felt like burning melted slow-moving lava was turning over and over in her pelvis. He took his hand away and replaced it with his tongue, he didn't hold back as he pressed his mouth to hers and searched deep inside, making a growling noise deep in his throat; he was cradling the back of her head and standing over her now, rubbing against her with everything he could use. She felt overwhelmed suddenly, she had asked for it and here it was now, he was inflamed and passionate where before he was careful and gentle. _"Lena I want you…will you stay with me tonight.."_ His eyes searched hers, it was more a demand than a question. Lena reached back behind her and locked the front door. Tommy needed no further instruction and scooped her up in his arms, kissing her neck, her cheek, his mouth hot and hungry on her skin and his lips leaving behind a trail of fire wherever they touched. She could not wait to open herself to him, she couldn't wait to feel his skin against hers. He had carried her up a narrow staircase to an attic bedroom. He had since replaced the two twin beds that had been there since his childhood. Now a large bed took up most of the little room, and he set her down on it, a dim lamp the only illumination. She stared as he pulled his shirt off, and the tank underneath went as well. She bit her bottom lip, sliding out of her skirt, gazing at his tats, his chest, still wide and defined, his hard stomach, sparse hair meeting at his belly button and travelling down to his bulging zipper. He unbuttoned his jeans and undid the zipper, and then reached down to start working on her button-down shirt . Her feet pushed at his jeans and her toes grasped them and worked them down as she stared into his eyes, his fingers popping the buttons free on her shirt. His boxer briefs stretched tight over his cock, her attempts to free it were stymied. He pulled her shirt off and she unsnapped her bra, her breasts were free and he looked at them, wetting his lips. "_Tommy come here to me,"_ she breathed and he did not hesitate. He came down on his knees and she opened her legs to catch him, he fell in between and she savored the moment of his warm broad chest flattening her breasts, his hard cock grinding against her groin. He could feel how wet she was through the fabric and he groaned low in his throat, feasting on her jaw and neck while she tore her panties off and helped him finally get free of any clothing.

"Tommy,Tommy," she moaned, and at last his bare hips rocked against hers, the hard knob of his cock was pushing and searching for the place it wanted to go as he crushed her beneath him, his weight bearing down on her , his perspiring skin rubbing against hers. The coarse hair of his body tantalized her skin, his hot scent of sweat and racing blood and cologne filled her nose as he chewed her collarbone, his hands molding her breasts gently then cupping them roughly so he could pop her nipple in his mouth, one by one, his lips enveloping and sucking what she felt like was her entire body as it vibrated against him. Her knees drew up against his sides, and he was going to explode if he didn't get inside her. "Ahhh..Tommy!"she cried out softly and ran her nails up his back almost too hard. He growled at her, his eyes dark fire- "Now, Lena," and she gasped as he drove into her, his eyes burning into hers, his mouth open against hers to catch her cry, her eyes squeezing shut as he pushed harder against her and deeper in, not pulling out but trying to fit all the way in. She was slick and hot around him, tight like a fist, he was going to come all too soon if he didn't get a grip. He lowered his head,exhaling slowly, pressing his forehead to her jaw as he stilled, as deep inside her as he could go. He was so big inside her, it was a wild full feeling, she wanted to almost fight against him for some of herself back, she wanted to scream with the intensity of it. He opened his mouth wide and took most of her throat in it as he curved his back to begin a rhythm inside her that took her breath away. She stiffened beneath him,it was already happening, he was so thick it almost hurt. She was hot and cold and hot and cold and when she opened her eyes Tommy was fucking her, she looked at his eyes his lips his neck his muscles flexing and sweat running down from his messy dark hair onto her, his tats writhing as his body fluidly worked hers into the mattress and she exploded, her belly tight and then bursting with hot waves of pleasure. Her back arched and he had to hold on, and her body was a waterfall, he felt it against his thighs, his belly. She grabbed a pillow and screamed and cried into it as she totally lost control. He couldn't believe how wet she was. She cried his name into the pillow, and he accelerated, his hips pounding hers with a wet smacking sound. He gasped as he felt it like a freight train heading for him, he had her almost curled in a ball beneath him as he savagely pumped her body. She had let go of the pillow and was reaching out for his face, his beautiful face wet and ruddy like it was in the gym, but his eyes conveyed something different now, pure carnal pleasure. He kissed her hands, sucked and bit at her fingers. He was grunting and making these sexy noises she couldn't explain to Cal later that made her feel the banding pressure under her ribs, in her belly; he was drilling her and moving around in circles at the same time as he cried softly in a hushed raspy whisper. She exploded again, her fingertips and nipples and clit felt electrocuted as it shocked through her again and again in wild waves that left her bucking against him. "I-can't hold it Lena ahh I can't !" he almost yelled and pulled out of her quickly, she watched him pump seed all over her belly, his face a blind mask of ecstasy. His head fell back and he fought to catch his breath. Her pussy felt raw and hot, wet and sore. She smiled, reaching for the first thing she could to clean up-his tank. Oh well, sorry Tommy, she thought and rubbed at the wet mess he left everywhere. When she looked up he was looking down at her, a strange expression on his face. So she held her arms out to him and he lowered down to slowly meld into her, wet and hot himself. He tugged at the blankets and freed them somewhat, and wrapped them up in them, kissing her face, ending up on her lips to kiss and kiss her mouth. So tender. So not like the guy she thought he was. Tommy was nuzzling her neck, and whispered in her ear,"_I want to give you more." _ She shivered under him and felt his smile break out against her neck as he nuzzled some more. _"I am going to give you more,"_ she countered, and at that they knew where they stood, for now at least. Tommy rose up on his elbows to look at her. She was somewhere between cute and beautiful, small rounded nose, high cheekbones, full lips, fine features. She would tell him later it was another European influence in her DNA somewhere. He didn't care, he just looked at her, noticing everything, wanting to burn this moment into his memory. He hadn't felt anything in so long. She had some mysterious magic that turned a key in him somewhere, made him think, made him feel. He felt confused by it, but now in this moment she was what he wanted to focus on, not himself. He was used to burying everything anyway, he didn't want to think about the what-ifs and the should or shouldn'ts. He wanted to kiss her and feel her against him, it was exquisite.

Lena looked up at him, into his eyes. Her hands were on his face again, her fingertips tracing the scar above his left eye. "Fight," he whispered,"that's where I got it." She smiled a little.

"Don't get hit in the face anymore please. Like ruining a Michaelangelo."

Tommy rolled his eyes."Pleeeease." He dropped his face down and she pulled him to her to kiss him. Her legs were trapped in the blanket, she wanted to wrap them around him. He felt her fighting and rolled around until they were both almost freed. The air in the attic room was chilly, he felt her hard nipples slide against his still-moist skin, and his cock jumped against her, threatening to rise. She moaned in her throat appreciatively.

She wanted to be in control this time. She attempted to push him and roll over on him, but he was heavy, sturdy. He chuckled against her kiss.

"What ya tryin to do little girl," he breathed in his deep rough voice, smiling. His eyes danced, she saw light in them. Playtime? She shoved hard against him, smiling back.

"It's my turn Tommy."  
"Hmmm, says who?" He licked her throat and bit and kissed it, starting to grind his body into her, dominating her with his strength. She growled in arousal and exasperation as she forced herself upwards, willing him off and to the side. He layed on his back, almost giggling."Oh you think you're strong. Do you even know who you're messin with?" He gripped her arms and locked his leg around hers, trapping her movement. She struggled to break free."The more you struggle, the worse it gets for you."

"Yeah we'll see, "she huffed, and twisted her hip so he lost his leghold on her. She deftly broke his grip on her arms and grabbed his wrists in a counterhold. His expression was priceless, but she knew there was no way she would stand a chance for real here. "You forget, my brother was watching you and tried shit out on me. My best friend's dad was a cage fighter. Don't underestimate me Tommy Riordan."

He belly laughed and it was so infectious she joined in. "I knew Callum's dad, and I know you think you can handle yourself, but-" She was stunned by how fast he was on top of her and holding her in a high mount submission hold with her arms pinned under his knees. He wasn't applying all his strength and weight into it, she was only getting a taste of it. She was screwed. However this position gave her a full view of his half-erect cock, it was wagging in her face. She broke out in a lascivious grin.

"I was going to say this wasn't fair, but suddenly I don't feel so sure about that."Tommy looked down at himself and placed his hands on the bed and popped off her, sidling in next to her."Aww…"she said, but made her move on him to fasten him to the bed; she wrapped her arms around his hips and nuzzled her face against his firm belly, and his half-erection instantly grew against her slowly disengaged to run her hands up his chest and then drag her nails gently down, down til she got to his hips again. He took in a deep shaky breath as she nuzzled the tangle of dark hair that surrounded his stiff cock , she was opening her mouth and letting out a slow hot breath that made him wriggle. Her hands found his thighs and she slipped them upwards slowly, and she nuzzled her face against the underside of his shaft. "Lena.."he moaned softly, and his hands were in her hair, twisting in as she ran her tongue upwards in long strokes on him, and wrapped him in her fist to go to work on him, licking and sucking on the round head while her hand stroked him up and down, slowly, she wanted him to suffer a little, and enjoy it. He tasted salty and hot, burning her tongue a little._"Mmmmm,"_ she hummed in her throat and it carried through around him, she looked up at him and saw his head back and rolling, saw another scar on his chin, and then he looked down at her, face flushed and eyes hazed over. His lips looked swollen from their kisses, and she wondered how he was going to use them on her when he finally lost patience with this. Her left palm cupped his balls and bound them to the base of his cock, her right hand kept as a relentless rhythm as she sucked him in to her mouth deeper, harder,longer strokes. She could see the tattoo 'til I die sw' on his left side up close now, wondering what that meant. He twisted under her and his abs clenched to pivot more of his cock into her mouth. Slippery saltiness was all over her mouth and she knew it was coming from him, she didn't want him to get too close that he couldn't stop. His voice was rasping her name and he gave out high-pitched sighs, she loved hearing it. She was crouching over him and working him into a fever. He let out a low rumbling groan and tried to sit up, pulling at her. He flipped her on her back and before she could even wipe her mouth he was kissing her, his hands running all over her, he wanted her so badly now but he had other plans. _"My turn,"_ he whispered menacingly. His mouth devoured her neck, his hands cupping and kneading her breasts. He wanted to slow down but he was over the edge with wanting, he was going to eat her alive. He ran his open sucking mouth down her ribs, her belly, to her pelvis. He blew cool air on the outside of her pussy, she sighed and gasped as his tongue went to work licking and sucking the outside til he pushed her thighs out wide and opened his mouth against her, rolling his tongue around and around her clit. She had never experienced this before, he was inhaling her, his fingers entered her and worked in and out, she was seeing stars. His lips were hot and sucking on her, and she cried his name out, digging her nails into the sheets, pressing back into the bed. It was too intense, she felt the cold burn rising up her spine. She looked down at his head between her legs, she could see him pressing his hips into the bed,grinding his own cock as he tongue fucked her. She wanted him to stop, she didn't want him to stop, she thrashed on the bed whimpering, every pass over her clit and every stroke of his fingers and tongue coming faster and faster. _"Come Lena, come", _she heard him say, and she wanted him to be inside her when he did.

"Tommy come here comeherenoww," she cried. He shook his head a vigorous 'no' on purpose, never taking his mouth off her. She felt another finger pushing inside, three now? "Oh GOD-"the room went still as she imploded, her face frozen in agony and ecstasy, her body tight as a drum and pulsating. His fingers drove the rhythm of the incredible shocks of cold fire rolling over her, into her, through her, hard and deep and fast. As soon as he felt her body releasing from the knot it was in he rose up and he plunged into her, hard and quick. He moaned loudly, she was screaming into the pillow again, her body bracing against him as he pummelled her. He rose up just enough to lift her hips up in his hands so he could hold her fast to him. His face was red when she finally looked at him, his hair slick with sweat. Tommy was going to destroy her body tonight and she willingly sacrificed it for the pleasure he gave her.

Suddenly he was up on his knees and dragged her hips with his. She was stretched out in front of him and he had her legs pinned wide open with his hands so she was totally exposed and helpless as he continued his relentless rhythm. Her back curled, her pelvis arced towards the ceiling, she felt his hot palms on either side of her sex as he leaned into it, using her to lift himself and have more tilting room. Sweat dripped off him onto her, the veins bulged in his arms, he watched his cock burying into her to the hilt over and over, making her cry and whimper his name. He was rubbing around inside her, places she never knew could spark such intense thrumming ecstasy. His eyes were locked on her now, he had that look that she saw when she watched him fighting in videos, fierce, animalistic, raw. Almost scary. She reached out for him, breathlessly calling his name. He shook his head no slowly, clasping her hands and holding them for just a moment before he held them down on the bed. He kept digging deep into her, glaring at her with dark blue fire, and before she realized what was happening she was coming again, thrashing against him-she could not bear it, she begged him to stop but he would not, it was too much, too much. She felt wet, so wet, and she opened her eyes to see Tommy pulling out to make her wet too, a loud deep grunting cry escaping his lips, and she grabbed the shaft and felt it throb and pulse with each spasm of his orgasm, she stroked it and he hissed as the last of it spilled in between her fingers.

He collapsed on his back beside her, panting loudly. She could not move, everything was dead weight. She panted too, thunderstruck and shaken by their shared experience. After a while she could raise her head just enough to look around. The bed was a wet mess of sheets and their bodies. She needed a towel. She needed water more, and in the worst way. The rum was washed out of her system, but she felt so dizzy from the beating Tommy just gave her. She listened to him take a deep breath, trying to get it back. _Did this really happen?_ she asked herself. She stared blankly at the crappy drywall ceiling, the plain dim room devoid of any pictures or personal touches. Except for one…she squinted her eyes in the half-light to make out a picture by his bed. She would have to get a better look when she got up, but it looked like two guys in military fatigues.

Lena had noticed Tommy had propped up on his elbows and was watching her. He wanted to tell her to leave, not because he didn't want her to stay, but because he felt it would be safer if she did. When she finally snapped out of her daze, she looked over at him in surprise, and it was as if she saw his concern. To her it looked like another empty blank stare that made her uncomfortable.

"Tommy…." She looked at him quizzically. Was he in there? He just looked away, reaching for his already wet tank that hung half off the bed, and instead of tossing it at her he mopped her up. She felt very cold and exposed suddenly, and confused. She grabbed his wrist before he could throw the tank to the floor and shook it the best she could. "Hey, " she said softly. His eyes scanned her face.

"You should go," he croaked. His demeanor couldn't possibly have changed faster in the short time they spent together as it had now. Her face went blank and he saw the hard wall going up, the one others must see when they look at him. She instantly let him go and was off the bed in seconds, grabbing her clothes and pulling them on, scanning for her shoes all the while and then remembering she left them in her car.

Lena opened the door and turned to look at him. Tommy looked like he was going to get up, wrapped in the sheet and swinging his legs off the side of the bed. She held her hands up.

"Stop. Don't bother. I can find my own way out. See you around." And down the stairs she went, quiet as the grave. She stole through the hall and was almost out the front door, when she heard a horrible choking sound come from Paddy's room._ Ffffuuuck,_ she thought. What if… Of course she had to go check, she couldn't help it, didn't matter that it wasn't her concern really. She found a light switch in the hall just before Paddy's room and flipped it on, opening his door a crack to see inside. He was out cold, no vomit or anything. Looked OK. She flipped the light switch off and closed the door as quietly as she could, turned around and ran straight into Tommy's bare chest. She backpedaled quickly but he caught her and pinned her to the wall to close to Paddy's door. She struggled, knowing it was pointless, but doing it anyway. Tommy held her fast until she stopped fighting.

"Listen," he whispered. "LISTEN to me please Lena I don't want to say it again."  
"Get off me Tommy, I can talk without you restraining me!" She whispered too loudly, and he shushed her by kissing her, softly but enough to stop her from talking. She couldn't help but give in. _The fuck is wrong with me,with him,_ she thought, but his lips were over hers, around hers, his body was flattening her to the wall and he was naked. She could smell her own perfume on him, smell his sweat and whatever cologne he used….irresistible.

When he felt she was calm, he pulled away from her mouth to kiss her neck, her throat. She held his head in her hands, her fingers in his soft unruly hair as she was still pinioned to the wall, and her legs slid against his as he sighed against her skin. "_Tommy I don't know what the hell happened tonight or what's going to happen tomorrow…" _ Tommy stopped what he was doing to look at her face. This time she could see him in the pale light of the living room lamp, see his sad questioning eyes.

"_Lena.."_he began, and looked down."I can't do this with you."

"What, sex? Or what, Tommy? What is _ this_?"

He burned her with a look."Any of it. Look I'm busy, got doctors I gotta see and training and…all this bullshit here too. I-I don't have time and uh…I think you're better off without me."

He wanted to tell her he couldn't sleep, and when he did he would wake up screaming or wanting to kill someone. He wanted to tell her he was supposed to be on five different medications but wasn't very good at remembering to take them, accidentally on purpose. He wanted to tell her how every day in jail was a year, and he came out even more fucked up than before. He wanted to tell her about his therapy sessions that usually ended with him breaking shit, how he was broke and having trouble finding a job since going AWOL doesn't have a good ring to it. He wanted to tell her…

"Yeah…"she whispered back, narrowing her eyes. "you know you may think this is the first time for me. It's not. Done this before. Can you get off me please? I have to work in the morning, I go to college, and I still find time to see my friend, go to the gym, you know, LIFE," she hissed. She only got away from him because he let her go. "Just spare me, this doesn't have to be so hard. See ya Tommy." The front door almost slammed.

Lena jumped in her car, shaking her head, angrily twisting the keys in the ignition. Fuckin' stalled! Great. Thankfully she got it to start right away, and threw the townhome one last look before taking off. She could see a figure in the attic window. Tommy was watching her leave.

"What the fuck,"she said out loud, and hit the accelerator. It was 11:45 at night, there wasn't another car out on the street. She turned right down one dark avenue, then left down another. Soon she was on her old block, Cal's house to her left, her mom's to the right a few doors down. Tears burned in her eyes. The Conlon house had been so close all this time. She started heading back to her cozy little shook her head, bitter and irritated."Why did I have to run into him tonight,"she muttered out loud to herself."Why am I so upset?! " She looked at herself in the rearview mirror and wiped her tears away. "Fuck it," she huffed. Almost home…..


	4. Chapter 4 : Last Chances

THE NEXT DAY Lena was opening the door to Vince's at 6AM. No matter how terrible she felt from lack of sleep she was going to be there like she told her uncle she would. Vince, however, was late, and he crawled through the door a little after 7. Lena already had the deposit done, and the alcohol order. She was readying her clipboard for the produce order when Vince staggered through the office door, wearing last night's clothes and sunglasses.

"_Heyy kid.." _he rasped, offering a slight smile. Lena giggled in spite of herself.

"Heya there, Unc! How ya doing?" She poured him a cup of coffee from the pot brewing on the desk. Vince took a big drink and sighed loudly.

"Ahhhh thank you Lee," he plopped down on the wrong side of the desk. Sunglasses still on. Lena grinned at him.

"Uh, how was your night?" she asked playfully. Vince shook his head.

"I ain't no young man no more, Lee, I'll tell ya that." He grumbled something unintelligible and slammed the rest of his coffee. Lena grimaced, pouring him another cup. She dug around in the desk and passed him a bottle of aspirin."Those sons of hers can really drink!"

"Watch out, you'll burn your tongue!" She passed him his java, and he started sucking that down too, popping aspirin for breakfast.

"I don't really care if I do, I'm sure I deserve it somehow." Vince rested his head back on the leather seat. Man, he's really in bad shape, she thought.

"Well, boss, I have a couple things you need to see…" she got up from the desk and handed him some papers, and Vince looked at them through his dark glasses. "Uncle V you may want to take your shades off so you can see!"

Vince laughed."Guess the world's just a better place with them on right now. You know I trust you to order and everything, why do you want me to check it? You are the only one I trust, Lee."

Lena smiled at him. "I know Uncle V. I love you too." She rubbed his shoulder briefly and went to sit back down at the desk. Vince took off his sunglasses and winced; he leaned over the desk and peered at her with bleary eyes.

"Yeeaah kid, you don't look so good either. You still sick?"

She shook her head."No Uncle V, just tired."She tried to perk up and look smiley."Are you going to sign those invoices or what?"

"Yeah alright kid. Whatever you say. I gave you the night off tonight right?"

"You did, sir,"she sighed,"you want more coffee?"

Vince smiled at her. Maybe the coffee was helping, he was getting some color tussled with the thought of asking him if he knew anything about the Conlons. He may not have lived here at the time, but he and her father were so tight, brothers-in-arms. Maybe….

"Alright, Lena, why don't you run the deposit for me."

Lena's eyebrows went up. He may have trusted her with everything but he had never asked her to do that before. Always told her he worried about 'a pretty little thing like you carrying all that cash'.

"Yeah don't look at me like that, it's only two thou, you'll be alright. Go now, please, and stop at that bagel shop on 7th st. I'm dyin' here, I need some bread to soak this shit up."

She grabbed the deposit bag, laughing."Don't you know you're supposed to eat _before _you drink?"

"Just go will ya?" Vince was smiling too. She was so lucky to have him around. She kissed his head and headed for the back door where her car was parked outside.

As she drove along, listening to some terrible morning radio show, she saw something briefly roll along the passenger floorboard, then disappear again under the seat. _Great, what if it's Tommy's,_she thought. But she knew if it was anything important she would see him at the gym. She mentally prepared herself for that encounter, she didn't know if she was just going to act cool, or punch him, or what. She sort of decided she would just ignore him, would be the safest route, since she figured he would ignore her anyway.

At Lucy's 7th street Bagels n' More she was treated to the glorious sight of Cal, dressed in canary yellow spandex paying at the counter. He grimaced at her.

"You bitch," he said loudly in his deep baritone."I have been trying to call you all morning. What the hell is going on, thought we were hittin' it today?"

"Hi Cal, nice to see you too."She knew she had to be seven shades of red, the little place was full of older people, working people, all seated or waiting to be helped. Cal did not seem to care, as usual, and marched right up to her. She immediately put her hands up as a show of either grapple or peace, whichever he was ready for.

"Your phone broken? I mean what-"

"What are _you _doing here, oh King of Calories, Prince of Pecs?"

"Don't you fuckin' cut me off, I'm here for my mom." Lena motioned to the people staring at them."I don't give a damn!"he said loudly."I go to your apartment, you're not there, you're not answering your phone-"

"I accidentally left it at home, Cal," she sighed, and that was the truth. " I was in a hurry this morning-"

"Oh yeah, to go where? I _know_ you don't have a class til 3, don't try-"

"Hey!" Cal was interrupted by a very husky man behind the counter. He was staring at Lena."You gonna order or what?"

"Uh, yeah, I'm sorry, I need two plain and two sides of garden cream cheese, thanks." When she turned back Cal was smirking. He was so infuriating."Happy now? You've officially embarrassed me and I probably will never come back here again."

He pulled his black Ray-Bans down his nose so she could get a good look at his baby blues. What a waste, she thought, half my girlfriends at school want to jump him.

"Already told you. This is my I-give-a-fuck face." Of course his expression did not change. He trailed behind her, tapping his foot and sighing while she waited to pay."You got two bagels, you goin' to see your mom too?"

"No,"she hissed,"I'm at work with Vince, balancing books, you know, work? Speaking of work, how did the Hellfire Club interview go?"

Cal did not smile. His face went blank and he shrugged."Not going to talk about that right now. Next time will you message me please? My next stop was going to be Vince's to see if you were there and OH MY GOD what is on your NECK."

She had her bagel bag and purse in her hands and almost dropped them to clap a hand to her neck, feeling around while Cal's jaw hung open."What, what?!"

Cal hustled Lena out of the shop and spun her around to show her reflection in the mirrored window of Lucy's Bagels n' More. There she could see a bruise, small but definetly a bruise on the side of her neck. Then Cal bustled her around to pull her ponytail away from the other side of her neck and there was another bruise, lower and almost to the back-it looked like teethmarks. _Uggghhhh shiiit,how did he do that? I didn't feel that.._

Lena looked at Cal. He was ready to throw a total bitchfit right there in the street, she had to get him out of there."Cal, I-"

"NO. No. Save it. I don't want to hear any stupid fucked up stories right now, my mom is not feeling well, she's really sick, so if you can find time in your busy schedule come by. I'll be there." And he stormed off, obviously he had decided to walk instead of drive.

"Cal you want me to drive you-" but Cal had already rounded the corner and was gone. Lena sighed to herself. People were coming out of the bagel shop and were staring at her as she got into her car. She mentally flipped them off and eased into traffic to get back to Vince, who was probably worried. She had almost completely forgotten about whatever it was that was rolling around her car when she saw it again out of the corner of her eye. As soon as she stopped she would check it out.

On the way back she swore she saw Tommy at the bus stop at 12th and Arlington. She tried not to break her neck to get a good look, and looked away sharply when the hooded figure in faded jeans look towards her car. When she checked her rearview she could barely see anyway, traffic was thick this time of the morning.

Coming to a stop at the restaurant back lot, she saw a small black bottle roll from under the passenger seat. Wrapped around it tightly with a rubber band was neatly folded $100 bill. _What-the-fuck?_ She almost didn't want to pick it up. She was surprised to find it was heavy, made of thick glass. Did she dare open it? Hmm….

She knew one thing for sure, she wanted it far away from her, it looked shady as hell. And just because she was so curious, she unscrewed the black cap and looked in-some kind of thick liquid, heavier than oil. Smelled like….salt? She wasn't sure. What ever it was she stuffed it in her glove compartment and headed inside, it would have to wait.

AN HOUR LATER she was headed to Cal's house. She thought about driving by and chucking the bottle on Tommy's lawn, maybe through the window, but decided against it. When she arrived, Cal was sitting on the porch, looking like he got locked out.

"Hey what's up?" she asked, getting out of the car. Cal looked distraught, but said nothing. He waited til she was sitting down next to him.

"Mom went to the doc the other day."

"And?"

Cal sighed, still not really making eye contact with her."And they think she's real sick Lena…they're gonna make her go through a bunch of tests before they call it, but…they think she has ovarian cancer."

Lena grabbed Cal in her arms and hugged him tight. He buried his face in her coat and she felt him hitching with soundless sobs.

"Cal…."she felt like she couldn't breathe. It would be like her mom getting sick, this was only marginally different as they were so close-knit, Cal's family and hers."When is she going back to the doc?"

Cal pulled back and tried to take a breath. "Senna took her…some crap about ladies parts…like I care, they're my mom's parts!" and he burst into tears again. Lena took his face in her hands and pulled his head towards her.

"Listen to me Cal."His eyes popped open and looked into her dark brown eyes-he wished she could really hypnotize him right now, because all he wanted was to give up. "You gotta get it together. You must. Your mom needs you to be strong. Hopefully it is a cyst or something fixable, your mom is strong and healthy. I am right here Cal and I want you to cry to me, but don't let Rita see you. She has to find strength in you so she can find it in herself."

For a while Cal looked at her, his eyes rimmed red and his nose running. Suddenly he burst out laughing.

"Oh shit Lena. You just had a Dr. Phil moment."

Lena threw her head back in exasperation."Agghh Cal! I'm not joking around." Suddenly Cal's face was serious again.

"I know you weren't…I'm sorry Lee. Just….I don't know what I'd do without her. You know? She's my everything, really….and you and your mom…I just…"

"Well…."Lena held his hand and squeezed it tight. "One step at a time, Cal. You haven't lost her, she's still here. And I'm here too. I love you."

"I love you too, Lena," he said smiling softly, and kissed her cheek. "But you're still in trouble. You going to tell me where you got those trashy marks?" He gasped,"Was it Ginger?"

Lena rolled her eyes and shook her head. Even though the morning chill was lifting and it was starting to feel a little warmer, she knew she had to get him inside for this one.

"Can we please go inside Cal? I would love a cup of coffee."

In they went, and she sat down while Cal got them some hot coffee. She loved his little townhome, his mom Rita was an amateur painter and the different styles she had tried over the years graced the walls in between photos of the family and neighborhood. She felt at home.

The hood was really where she wanted to be, where she and Cal and David didn't know what it was to worry, kickball all day and ice cream trucks, chalk and water guns. The only thing they had to worry about was the streetlights coming on, signaling their time was up.

Lena watched Cal as he sat down across from her at the table. _She_ wanted to burst into tears now, but she had to keep it together.

"OK, cough it up. Now." He said and fixed her with his best stare. She almost giggled.

"So…."she began, and started telling him about how she got sick, how she stopped at the shitty gas station, and who she bumped into. Cal interrupted rudely. As usual.

"Um, I don't think I like this story already."

"Well you asked, didn't you? So he asked me for a ride, and I-"

"Tell me you told him to find his own way back down to the corner."

"Wow, you are so harsh. No I, ahem I mean we went to get a drink-"

"We?! Lena let me just say that he has serious PTSD, and if you don't know what that is you should look it up. He just got out of the pen, he can't get a job cuz he went AWOL, he's desperate and he's not the guy I remember."

Lena looked at him quizzically."How do you know all this? Colt and Rita?"

"I was at the gym while you were at work last night, Lee, and he was there. He talked to me a little bit, you know, kinda. Out of nowhere, caught me off guard. Really weird. Wanted to ask me about my dad, told me he remembered him and always respected him. It's funny, he just started telling me this shit about going to a counselor and all these meds he' s supposed to be on, but has no insurance, can't afford it. He hasn't slept in days he said. I offered him some cash but he wouldn't take it. He's really messed up, it's sad."

"You talked to him?!"

"Yeah." Cal's face fell."Oh no. It was him wasn't it. Please tell me it wasn't."

Lena choked back a sob and forced it down. "Um yeah…."

Cal's face was shocked, then sad. But he still managed to yell. "Girl are you crazy?! You don't _know _him!"

"Cal, it's not like he hurt me or tried to kill me. We ended up at the VFW and had to haul Paddy out-"

"Paddy C?!"

"Christ would you let me finish?!"

Finally she did, and Cal sat there, tapping his foot and shaking his head.

"Don't tell anyone please Cal! Not your mom, OR mine. Please!"

"I just…I don't know what to say, other than you better get tested, he just got out of jail-"

"Cal!"

"Just sayin'….a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do." Cal looked at her like,'don't blame me!' He stood up to get more coffee."You never know what happened in there."

"You know, I think I'm done for now, Cal, that was over-the-top don't you think?"

"No. I don't. I think YOU are over-the-top for fucking that totally messed up dude that you don't even know!" And then he was back in his seat, staring at her with a wicked grin."Speaking of which are you going to give me any details? How was it?"

Lena turned beet red. "Ugh Cal!"

"You're going to tell me, you understand? You bitch. Was he big, small, what? I mean-"

"He was big, not real long, just-"

"Thick, wide?" Cal was grinning from ear to ear, enjoying making her feel uncomfortable. His smile disappeared suddenly."He didn't hurt you did he?"

"No, well, not like on purpose. He was…."Lena sighed and looked off out the window."The best I've probably ever had. Not like I have a big basis for comparison.."

"Yeah what, like three dudes, that dork in high school with the stupid haircut-"

"Yes yes, I remember. There's only been three, I know Cal, I just…wow it was amazing. I, you know, like three times and that has never happened. Just exploded. He has such a sexy voice, he purrs I swear, like growls and it sounds high and low at the same time. He was…so intense and he was sweet and tried to stop it, but I kinda pushed it…"

"You?!"

"Yeah, I dunno, he makes me feel….different. Strange almost, never known anyone like him before."

"Yeah well, different is not always better. Lena please watch it-"

'He threw me out, Cal, didn't you hear that part? After everything he just…wanted me gone."

"See I told you. He's doing you a favor, Lena, thank your lucky stars you got a free pass."He grabbed her hand."He's selling steroids and growth hormones. Don't know where he's getting it but he needs cash and he's got a few guys at the gym to buy. I didn't want to buy but I offered him money anyway. Think I pissed him off. Please just stay away, if he gets caught, if Colt finds out, he's out. Don't associate yourself with him, don't get caught up in it."

Lena stood up."Hold on Cal-"and she grabbed her purse. She produced the black bottle and handed it to him. "What do you think?"

"Where the hell did you get this?"

"It fell out of his pocket I guess. Was on the floorboard."

Cal inspected it, sniffed it, touched it. "Honey this is HGH, not illegal when prescribed. Really you need to get it off your hands."He looked at her."Who knows where the fuck he got it. You have to unload this. Don't you have a number or something for him?"She smiled sarcastically. "OK I take that as a no. So…what now?"

"What now is, I have to get home. I would like to actually read up a little before class. And when class is out, we need to hit the gym. I need-"

"To be PUNISHED!" he hollered at her, smiling and laughing."Oh well you know I'm jealous anyway, haven't seen another dick besides mine in forever. Bor-r-r-ring!"

Lena laughed and boxed his arms and shoulders playfully."I'm just glad you saw the marks and not our moms.."

"Holy shit Senna would have been all over you!"He handed her the bottle back."You sure you don't want me to get this back to him? I could put it in his mailbox or something."

"No, I can handle it. I might throw it at him, but.."  
"Lee, trust me on this, he did you a favor."

_Favor my ass, _she thought, shifting uncomfortably in her seat as she drove home. She was so sore, her legs, her hips, and she was pretty sure her pussy was gone and replaced with a scorch mark. She started thinking about it, about him, his beautiful eyes that could convey so much, and then give away nothing at all. A guy as rough-edged as he was shouldn't have bee-stung lips and fine features. And his voice….she told Cal about it but it just didn't do him justice. Like a grate on an iron old stove and butterfly wings.

She shivered. Thinking about him pawing her, kissing her, the red flush on his cheeks and neck and chest as he came all over her….she couldn't breathe. She had passed her own apartment. Damn.

LATER…at the gym. Lena still had that damn bottle and she was getting more and more uncomfortable carrying it around. She and Cal had discussed her handing it over to Colt just to get the whole thing over with…but there was no way Lena could do that to Tommy, not after everything she had heard and seen for herself. She didn't want to hurt him, even though he made her feel so shitty. Lena was trying so hard not to look around as she and Cal made their circuit of cardio, legs, and abs. It wasn't until Lena thought she was going to die and Cal was dragging her off to the elliptical machines that she saw the hooded figure of Tommy Conlon pace into the cardio room. It was pretty busy that evening, lots of people coming and going. Lena was glad for it, because she was dimly hoping he would not notice her. Cal was turning up the heat on her dash, pressing buttons to increase the resistance and speed.

"Goddammit Cal, I am not a man,"she panted, trying to scrape his fingers off her display. "Stop it stop it I'm sweatin like a whore in church as it is-"

"Hey." Gravelly voice, whispered growl. Lena got the chills. She turned her head and there was Tommy looking up at her. He had a huge black eye and a fresh bleeding cut on his cheek. Lena blinked sweat out of her eyes.

"Yeah?" asked Cal, though it was not much of a question. Cal's voice had the timbre of a deep hollow cave. He should have been a cop, Lena thought.

Tommy shot Cal a look from under his hood, then looked back at Lena. "I need to talk to you. You gonna be much longer?"

"Umm…"she panted, "I-think-I'm-about-over-this…"

Tommy nodded. "I'll wait. By the back rooms." And he strode off.

"Uh-uh," Cal breathed,"you're not going alone Lena."

Lena shrugged at him, sweat dripping off her nose. "What?! Cal it's right there, the fuckin hallway…"

Cal just looked at her, shaking his head 'no no no'. Blue eyes burning into her.

"Uggghhhh!" She breathed out in a loud growl. She slowed her pace to cool down. "Fuck this Cal….my legs are hot rubber."

Cal waggled his eyebrows at her. "Hmm….sounds sexaaaayy…."

"Fuck-you-Cal." And with that Lena stopped the elliptical. Her thighs burned, her lungs hurt, her hips sore….didn't help that Tommy had busted her up pretty good already.

Cal quit too. Even he was pouring sweat and panting. " May have overdone it a little…"

Lena shot him a look as they toweled off and headed to the hallway in the back of the gym. They were both wobbling, guzzling their water. Lena could already make out Tommy leaned sideways against the wall by the hallway to the locker/shower/changing rooms.

"I don't like him," Cal growled, out of breath. "I would not trust you and your heart to him, Lena, whatever happens just make sure you get rid of that fuckin' bottle. Don't take any shit from him."

Lena slowed her pace. He had turned ever so slightly and was looking at her, watching her come in to his full view. What she didn't know was he was as nerve-racked as she, as tense and out of breath as she. She twisted her towel in to a knot as the distance between them closed._ Play it cool, play it cooool,_ she thought to herself, trying to breathe and get her composure back. She had just been whipped in the gym, she was not ready for this too.

She slowed down about five feet from Tommy. She could see a raised welt on his right cheek, black left eye, cut left cheek-only his right eye looked somewhat normal. Cal stood right next to her, while Tommy's eyes drank her in-she couldn't tell if it was anger or lust or…Cal nudged her in the ribs.

"You OK?"

She stared up into his hooded eyes. Cal didn't look like he was going anywhere.

"Yeah, yeah-"

"You sure?" he asked, and glared at Tommy, who slid his eyes over to Cal now, and Lena saw the change there, knew now it was anger there this time for sure.

"Yeah, Cal, I'll be right behind you in the sauna."

"Hmm. OK. You got five minutes." And Cal prowled past Tommy, almost bumping into him, on purpose no doubt.

"Is he your fuckin' dad Lena?" Tommy growled, taking two slow steps towards her.

"Hmm, no Tommy. He's not." She took in a shaky breath and wiped her face off again. Tommy had closed the distance between them.

"I'm not gonna waste your time Lena. I think you know why we need to talk. You have something of mine, and I need it back. Tonight." He handed her a scrap of paper. "This is my cell number. When you get free call me. We need to meet."

She took he paper and looked at the scrawled numbers. She looked up at him, her brow knitted.

"Yeah OK Tommy. Sure." She winked at him, no smile though. "It's your show, boss."

He hissed out a sigh, shaking his head. "I'm sorry Lena." And with that he pushed past her and walked briskly towards the front of the gym. Lena sighed deeply, watched him go.

Cal was waiting in the hallway, just out of her line of vision.

"Oh hi there," she said sardonically. She stopped in front of him and stared up at him.

"Hey. Lena. Lookin' out for you. OK?" Cal rubbed her upper arms. "Don't trust him. You want me to go with you tonight?"

"You heard that?!"

"Fuuuuuck yes I did sweetheart. I have sharp ears, when it comes to you anyway. So I can follow you in my car-"

"No. No, Cal, you have to let me do this. I know you're watching out for me. I appreciate you more than you know. But you have to relax. Please."

Cal waved his hands at her in exasperation. "Fine. You think you're such a big girl you just go ahead. I'm getting in the sauna. But I'm telling you know, you better be home and ready for class tomorrow, if you aren't…I know where to find him. Just sayin'."

Lena rolled her eyes. Inside she was jumping like she was on a rollercoaster, knowing she was going to be see Tommy again…it was clutching at her heart. And she hated it, hated him for having that effect on her…it was maddening.

LATER- it was around 11PM. Lena had been home, showered and dressed in her best-fitting jeans and a snug shirt with Colt's old gym logo and address on it. She had put on light makeup and body spray, she didn't want him to know she had cleaned up for him. She was in the car and had it running, the air had cooled to 55 degrees and she was shivering with her still-damp hair, and the anticipation tingled her skin. She dug out her cell and dialed Tommy's number. It rang and rang, went to voicemail. She waited a minute or two, called him again. No answer, voicemail again. _Fuck this,_ she thought, and just when she had her fingers on the keys to shut off the car, her phone started ringing. Sure enough, it was Tommy.

"Hello," she said, and her voice was way too breathy.

"Hey…"it was Tommy, but there was a lot of racket in the background, laughing and music. "Lena? Lena!"

"Yeah, Tommy, I'm here. Where are you?"

More racket. Annoying female voice._ "Who you talkin' to Tommy?"_ Ugh! Who was this bitch? she thought. She shook her head.

"Tommy I swear to God I'm hanging up," she almost shouted.

"No no! Lena, hold on-" and she heard rustling, "hey shut the fuck up!" and then he was back. "Lena, I'm sorry-" he laughed,"I'm at Killian's." It was really quiet now, he must have gone outside or locked himself in the bathroom.

Lena sighed, pissed. "What do you want to do here, Tommy? Cuz I got class in the morning, I don't have time for this shit."

"Hey, hey Lena….calm down."His voice was like a soothing balm in her ear. Damn him. "Come on down here. Come on. I'll buy you a drink. Whatever you want."

"Hey, hey Tommy. You got that ex-girlfriend there-"

"Don't worry 'bout her. She ain't important. You and me got business. Real business." He must have been drunk as a skunk because he was chuckling now.

"Oh yeah? What kind of business, Tommy?" Lena stifled a smile.

"You got something I want. Something I need. I need it. Now." His voice was sexy in her ear, it ran like feathers up her spine and melted her down inside.

"Yeah I got that. OK?" She tried to sound irritated. Tommy was quiet, but she could hear him sigh. "I'm on my way."

"OK. Good." He hung up. Lena stared at her phone. Just a couple minutes and it felt like an eternity. She sped off in the direction of Killian's, eager to see him, see what the ex looked like, if she was there anyway.

Killian's was packed, it was Wednesday and she knew it was ladies night, she and Cal had been a few times. She finally found a spot to park, and went inside, showing her ID to the doorman who just smiled and waved her in. They were blaring "What's Left Of The Flag" by Flogging Molly and it was loud with all the drunks caterwauling along. Lena looked around the throng of people and felt someone suddenly grab her shoulder. She spun around and it was a guy from her economics class, a good looking dirty blond boy….Jack was it?

"LENA! Hey you're in my-"

"Economics class," she finished, having to yell over the racket.

"Yeah yeah! Wow didn't know you were a Killian's type girl! Can I get you a drink?"

Lena considered it for a minute. Maybe a drink would calm her a little. She smiled at her handsome classmate and opened her mouth to answer, when she saw Tommy come to his side and say something in his ear that made poor Jack blanch.

"See you in class Lena!" he smiled weakly and turned in his barstool away from her. Tommy stood there in a black tank and well-worn but tight-fitting jeans, grinning at her. His injuries looked worse, however his body looked a little more cut, tats dark on his ruddy skin, a silver dogtag swinging around his neck. His hair was tossed a little, she wondered if he ever actually tried to do anything with it, it was thick and dark. She remembered her fingers in it, pulling on it…she must have turned beet red, she could feel the heat rising and Tommy laughed.

"Ahh Lena…nice to see you." He put his arm around her shoulder. This guy was so bi-polar. "What would you like?" He had to talk into her ear. He was leading her towards a booth that had just cleared off.

Lena leaned against his firm chest to put her lips against his ear. "I want to get this over with, that's what I want." She felt him shiver against her, from her breath in his ear. He tightened his grip on her.

"Lena…" he pulled her down to the seat of the booth, on his lap. "Born With A Broken Heart" started blaring. Lena uncomfortably shifted in his lap. "Don't be like that…"

"Be like what, Tommy?" Their faces were inches apart. He smelled like citrus musk,whisky and cigarettes. Stubble darkened his jaw and chin, his wounds were so fresh she could almost see them pulsing. His lips were swollen and red. "What the fuck happened to you anyway? You're all banged up." Her palm slid in caress around his shoulder that she had been leaning on for support, comfortingly. Tommy took in a deep breath and smiled, but his eyes, somehow more blue tonight,looked at her warily.

"Yeah, that's why I needed to see you tonight. I uh, owe some people some cash." Lena immediately started digging in her purse, but Tommy grabbed her arm to stop her. She looked at him questioningly. "No, not here. I'll let you know when." Then he smiled at her again. "Lemme buy you a drink. Maybe I can convince you I'm not a complete asshole."

It was Lena's turn to smile. "Fat chance Tommy. Maybe you can convince me there's really a Santa too."

Tommy looked hurt. And not just physically. His forehead wrinkled up, his lips pursed. "I'll fuckin' fix you, you'll see." He picked her up still in a seated position and deposited her on the bench seat of the booth, just as you please. She watched him wade through the crowd towards the bar. She noticed how he moved like a big cat, prowling through. Her sex was throbbing from sitting on his lap, from being so close and pressed up against him, her nose was full of his scent. She felt her heartbeat in her face.

He returned with two large black and tans, two little shotglasses with something brown in it. Not her favorite, but she was at an Irish bar after all. He slammed hers down on the table, and a little of the precious beer slopped out of the glass. She made a face at him and wiped it up.

"Yeah?" she asked. "OK, I got this."

Then Tommy sat down the shot glasses. "That too."

"Fuck you Tommy, I'm not drinkin all that!" She was rudely interrupted as Tommy pushed her over to sit next to her.

"Shot first, beer after,"he shouted. He lifted the shotglass, raised his eyebrows. "Ready?"

Lena shook her head, lifting her shotglass. "What is this?"

Tommy grinned, his real naughty little boy grin she had seen once before. "Whisky. Let's GO already!"

Lena slammed her shot, and wincing, went for her beer as Tommy knocked his shot back like a pro, wiped his mouth with his palm and watched her drinking the stout beer down like it was really that good.

"YEAH!" he barked, and Lena jumped. " Tole ya I'm gonna fix you girl. Why can't you be nicer to me?"

"Huh? Me? The fuck?" Lena looked like she was going to attack him, and Tommy sat back, putting his hands up in a surrender gesture. "Tommy," Lena leaned into his chest to get in his ear again. This time she felt him breath in sharply. "What are we doing?"

Tommy shook his head and pushed on her a little, not to move her but it seemed it was just because he could.

"You gotta quit questioning everything all the time, damn-"

But he was cut off when some blonde chick with hardly anything on and looking a little too old to dress as such interrupted them, yelling with a really thick accent, "Tommy! What about my shot huh?"

Tommy cocked his head at her and looked like she just slapped him. "Get the fuck outta here Danny, I told you we're done."

"Yeah mothafucka, you still owe me two-hundred bucks. What, you gonna ask this little tramp for cash too?"

Lena turned an ugly shade and started to stand up. Tommy didn't even look, he just gave her a stiff arm to hold her down and re-seat her. Instead he stood up and even though this Danny chick was a little taller than him he managed to make her cringe, and he said something to her that Lena couldn't hear, but she saw Danny's whole expression change. She stepped back and looked like she was going to slap him, instead she put both her middle fingers in his face, almost in his eyes, and hustled off in her high heels and short shorts.

Tommy turned around, and the fire was back in his eyes. Lena was getting better at reading him, not much, but a little. He was bristling, thoroughly pissed off.

"Are you almost done?"he barked, like she was taking too long.

Lena cocked her head back and screwed up her face. "Shit Tommy, sit down."

He shook his head, slammed his beer. All gone, just like that. He started to pace and look around, she wasn't sure if he was looking for someone or he was just crawling out of his skin and ready to leave.

Lena looked at her beer, only half-gone. Hmm….she drank slowly. She caught his eyes as she took a long slow sip. Tommy gritted his teeth and sighed, stood almost in front of their table now, like he was guarding her. She took her time drinking her beer. The whisky was making its rounds through her body, dulling her brain a little, warming her blood, her muscles relaxing. Suddenly the music cut out and Lena froze as she heard Danny's voice boom out of the speakers.

"This is for that deadbeat mothafucka Tommy Riordan that's back there with some stupid bitch that's probably gonna get ripped off too! Fuck you Tommy!"

And Offspring's "Get A Job" started blaring a top volume. Lena was shocked and half-drunk as Tommy hauled her up and dragged her through the crowd to the door. A few people jeered as he pushed through, a few girls snickered in Lena's face as she went by.

Tommy finally let her go outside the front door of the bar. Her arm was sore from his yanking, and she rubbed it, glaring at him as he paced and alternately looked for her car.

"Where did you park Lena?" he grumbled, his voice tight. He wouldn't look at her. It was both annoying and alarming.

"I'm a little down the street here…" she started off, and Tommy grabbed her hand, walking with her quickly but still avoiding her eyes.

"I see you,"he breathed. They hustled to her car, she hit the remote and the doors unlocked, and they both jumped in. "Can you take me to my house please, Lena."

But Lena didn't start the car, even though her teeth started to chatter a little-the drastic temperature change from the bar to the outside made her cold. She just sat there and looked at him as he nervously rubbed his palms on his thighs, looked out the window, anything but her. Finally, he looked sideways at her.

"I'll tell you about that sometime, I just want to get the fuck out of here, OK?"

Lena huffed. "Yeah Tommy, I really don't think I want to know. I thought you didn't go to Killian's."

"I normally don't. I shouldn't have. Can we fuckin' go? Please." He crossed his arms and stared out the window. She shook her head and started up, headed for Tommy's, or Paddy's anyway. The whole was there was silent, all except for the weak radio background noise. She pulled up at Paddy's/Tommy's. The townhome was dark and quiet. She sat there with the car running, and Tommy gently placed his hand over hers on the shifter, slid it into park. Then he placed his hand on hers to turn the ignition. His knuckles were busted up too. She looked at him, and finally he looked back. His eyes were raw emotion, hard to tell what was happening there…she just felt bad suddenly, maybe it was the booze. She didn't know him that well, why was she always feeling for him? Lena raised her hand underneath his to reach up and touch his face, the places he wasn't hurt, his chin, his lower cheek. He closed his eyes and sighed. Tommy was like a wounded animal, she was relieved he reacted as he had. She had not been sure what he would do if she touched him.

Tommy turned his face into her touch, she felt his wounds and then his warm soft lips against her skin. A hot and cold shock raced though her. He rubbed his hurt face against her palm, then her wrist as she ran her fingers into his hair to massage his scalp. He winced and drew back; she had found a gash there too. He opened his eyes and looked into hers.

"Come inside. I won't try anything."

"Yeah, but I might." Lena smiled a little, but she was serious.

Tommy shook his head slowly at her. "After tonight we're done, Lena. I'm not gonna bother you anymore."

Lena's temper instantly flared. "I know you think you're in charge here. How do you think we're going to act like nothing ever happened when we're bumping into each other all the time, and we sure the hell aren't friends."

Tommy just looked at her. "I already told you what you needed to know…you're safer and better off without me." He sighed heavily and looked out his window. "Can we just go inside for a minute please."

Lena knew he wanted the bottle and the money strapped around it. She knew that once he had it, this whole exchange would be over. She got out of the car and resigned herself to what he had said, what Cal had said.

"Let's get it over with," she sighed and hiked up his townhouse steps behind him. They entered the living room, and Tommy gave one last look outside before shutting the door and switching on a light. He locked the door and turned towards her. She looked so pretty in her jeans and tee, last time it had been high heels and fancy clothes that he got to strip off her…he shook his head and looked down. His heart was pounding. Not fair that she had that effect on him, no one shakes up Tommy Riordan.

Lena took that as her cue to give him what he wanted, so she dug in her purse and found the bottle in a little Ziploc bag, the $100 bill still wrapped around it. Tommy almost snatched it from her, tore it open, opened the bottle and looked inside, then at her. She was looking at him like he was a piece of shit. His heart stabbed pain through his chest, his breath hitched.

"Thank you. I'm sorry…that it dropped in your car…"

Lena nodded slowly, her expression softening. "I know. It's OK. It's not like it's black tar heroin or somethin'."

Tommy smirked a little. "Yeah.."

Lena paused a beat, then started towards him, towards the door. "Alright, well, nice knowin' you…" She had her hand on the doorknob by Tommy's side but he wasn't moving. He stood stock still and stared at her. "Excuse me?" she said quizzically, but Tommy still would not budge. She sighed.

"Don't leave yet." He grinned suddenly. "I have some beer. Have one with me?"

Lena rolled her eyes. "I told you I have class in the morning-"

"Just one. Last one, ever."

"Yeah, sure. OK Tommy." And she followed him to the kitchen, where he turned on the light and started digging in the fridge. "You know I really wish you would make up your mind."

Tommy turned half to the side to look at her. "I have. You just can't go yet."

Lena sighed. "Gosh golly, where would I be without you men trying to make my decisions for me?"

Tommy closed the fridge and turned with a cocky smile. He handed her a 22 oz Mickey's, his trademark. "Well, you know what they say…if you don't have a plan of your own you become a part of someone else's…."

"Oh yeah? What have you got planned Tommy Riordan?" She opened her beer. "And you certainly don't expect me to drink this whole thing, do you?"

He grinned that sly fox/hungry wolf grin at her. "I'm just lookin' out for you…" he ran his hand over her face, his fingers getting trapped in her hair, "little Lena."

She cocked her eyebrows at him and pursed her lips. "Yeah. Thanks Tommy." She took a long pull off her beer and closed her eyes. Oh yeah, she definitely was moving past buzzed a little too quickly.

"You OK?" Tommy asked. She realized he was closer to her than she thought, he must have closed the distance between them. His voice was feather light but still so gritty and deep. She looked into his blue eyes, they were so warm tonight…she touched the purple bruise under his eye, the cuts on his face. "I have to deliver this tonight…will you wait here for me…til I get back?" And now his arms were around her, his hands on the small of her back, pulling her closer to him.

"Tommy,"she croaked, "quit with the push me pull me bit…"

His eyes searched her face, his lips were parted and getting closer. She felt so dizzy and just wanted to fall into them. His belly was against hers, his hips pressed tight against hers. She rubbed her breasts against his chest, back and forth, slowly, feeling him swelling hard against her thigh. His breath was hot on her face.

"Our last night together…yeah Lena, wait for me please. Please." He slid halfway down her body, then rubbed upwards hard, holding her fast in his strong arms, so she could feel how badly he wanted her. Lena gasped and wrapped one leg around him, he took it as a cue and hooked it with his arm, pressed her up against the kitchen counter and laid his hurt swollen mouth on hers, his tongue pushing into her mouth as he thrust his hips against her, rocking her against the counter. His swollen zipper rubbed hard against her groin and she cried out softly, wanting him to touch her where it ached for him, was so wet for him already. Tommy made some sound back to her, a cry or a moan or both, and her hands found his zipper as he mauled her neck with hot biting kisses, overwhelming her, overpowering her. She practically tore open his jeans to free his cock, and he pushed it against her hands, the head wet and slick with his excitement. Lena stroked him tight in her fist and he shuddered against her, pulling away from her neck as he legs trembled.

"I want you," he growled, his eyes blazing stormy blue. He was working her jeans off in a tearing motion now and she tried to help him but he was so desperate to get them off, and in a flash he was on his knees in front of her, kissing her other mouth with his, licking and feasting on her wet pussy like a starving man. Lena was chattering and crying with the intensity, she was trying to hold herself up on the counter, and Tommy steadied her with one hand, pulling her hips forward to get more of her in his mouth, taking her whole sex in his mouth and sucking, ending with her clit in between his tightened lips every stroke. She saw flashes of lightning as he entered her with his fingers, thick and three at once. That was it, Lena felt the explosion like an atom bomb imploding down her spine to her belly and pelvis.

"Ah Tommy TOMMY!" She lost it, alternately pressing down on his face even more and spasming backwards against the counter. Tommy stayed down on his knees, riding it with her, the juice running across his cheek and all over his fingers as he quickly pumped her with them. When she sagged back he immediately stood up, his jeans falling around his ankles, and he thrust deep in to her, making her cry out with pain and pleasure, and he lifted her in his arms and propped her up against the counter, working fast and thrusting hard and deep inside her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, tasting herself on him and kissing him more. He was groaning low in his throat, pumping her body, the counter was digging into her back but she didn't care at all. Lena was going to come again, she could feel the heat in her backbone as he hit that spot she didn't know she had.

Tommy carried her to the kitchen table and lowered her down on it, never taking his cock out of her, he had her impaled and didn't want to let go. He pinned her hips down and slammed into her, grunting and groaning, sweat pouring down his face. She looked at him, reached for his hands on her hips and clutched them, because here it came and it was a huge glorious tidal wave of ecstasy, a riptide of euphoria, hot and cold, and she saw a hundred million stars that exploded in her mind, and it was her body racking against him that sent him over the edge too.

"Lenalena ohhh.." She opened her eyes to see Tommy shaking all over and flushed beet red.

"Tommy..in my mouth, come in my mouth…"

His eyes flew open at her words and his jaw dropped. Lena quickly pulled back on the table away from him and slid to her knees, taking his oh so hard ruddy cock in her mouth, she could taste both of them there, and his hands rested on her head to thrust inwards, his voice gasping and choking that he was almost there, almost there…She gripped him tight in her fist and he let loose a guttural cry, grabbing the table tight, his legs buckling as he came hard in her mouth, hot and salty on her tongue. Lena never stopped the fast, tight rhythm on him and he was breathless.

"I can't, I can't", he gasped and held her head to his hips as he sunk down to the floor, the last of the orgasm spasming through him. "Ummmmm…"

Tommy pulled her head back gently and looked down at her with a ghost of a smile. "Damn girl, you did me in."

"Yes Tommy…"she sighed. "You are amazing…"

Lena rubbed her forehead against his belly, meeting with his moist tank top, and they both remained there for a moment, trying to catch their breath.

"I have to go.." he said finally. Lena struggled to get up, and Tommy helped her to her feet. They recovered her pants, he pulled his up. Then he scooped her up in his arms and took her upstairs, kissing her gently. "But you cannot leave, not yet." He smiled at her, his crooked little boy grin. "If that's OK."

Lena smiled back. She was so scared of how he made her feel, that she wasn't going to have this anymore. She knew she was falling for him, and she was doomed to it if she didn't let it all be done tonight. She caressed his banged-up face and kissed him deeply, and he was setting her down on the bed, not breaking the kiss but leaning in to it and hovering over her as he gently eased her backwards, so he could lay on top of her and run his hands up her shirt, caress her breasts through her bra, run his hands across her ribs, down her hips. She opened her legs up so he fit right in between them and she wrapped her arms around him, gently scratching his back through his damp tank. Tommy moaned and sighed, feeling his passion singing through his blood again, hot and sweet. He was going to come back and take her, again. And again.

"I have to go…"he breathed in between kisses, "I'll be back, I promise…"

Lena rubbed herself against him, against his firm muscular frame. His eyes were misty and hooded. "Hurry, Tommy. Please."


	5. Chapter 5:A Long Night

Tommy slid his body slowly down hers, his eyes on hers. "I will."

He left her there in his bed, panting a little and dizzy. She decided she needed the rest of her beer, so she made her way downstairs to the kitchen. Her beer was still there, and her purse and her keys. She felt bad checking, but wasn't entirely sure if he would borrow her car without asking or not. Just as she was about to head back upstairs, the living room door swung open and Paddy shuffled in, mumbling incoherently.  
"Goddammitfuckin took my parkin' spot-" he looked up and saw Lena standing there, and he looked very confused. "Who are you?" he half-yelled in surprise.  
Lena offered him a weak smile. "I'm a friend of Tommy's."  
"Oh." Paddy looked non-plussed as he flopped into his recliner.  
"My name's Lena Rossi..?" She walked over to him and extended her hand.  
"Wait, what?" Paddy took her hand and lamely held it. "Did you say Rossi? Any relation to Senna?" He peered at her in his drunken haze.  
"Yeah, she's my mom."Lena smiled again and took her hand back, meanwhile Paddy looked as confused as ever.  
"Well dammit, you sure look like her. Didn't notice before…" He was drifting off, clearly out of it. "I knew your mom…she and Rita always came by the gym…wanted to help you guys out too but Senna would always give the money to Rita…" Paddy was muttering now, it was so hard to make it out. Lena watched as he fell into a snoring stupor, and after a few more pulls on her beer she started pulling off his shoes and socks. She tried to prop up his recliner and he stirred a bit. She covered him with a blanket she had found folded on the couch, and decided to pour the rest of her beer down the sink. Suddenly it wasn't tasting very good. Lena was watching him sleep when Tommy came through the door, covered up in a hoodie, looking around furtively.  
"Hey…when did he get here," he whispered, moving towards the recliner to look at his father.  
"Just maybe ten minutes ago.."  
Tommy turned towards her, put his cold hands on her face, then hugged her to him.  
"Did he see you? Everything OK?"  
"Yeah he saw me, he's really out of it though.." She watched him pull off his hoodie, and noticed his knuckles were bloodied on the left hand. "Tommy!" she exclaimed, taking his hand to examine it. He yanked it back.  
"It's nothin', I'm fine." Tommy headed to the kitchen and opened the fridge to get another beer. Lena was starting to lose her patience with this crap, but she knew it wasn't supposed to be her concern after tonight. Still the worry and concern nagged her.  
"Tommy…are you in big trouble?"  
He let the fridge door swing closed but didn't turn around to face her. "Not anymore."  
She started to ask another question, but he turned to face her and he was not looking very happy about her concern. Lena shut down. They regarded each other for a moment, and Tommy finally cleared his throat and slowly started making his way towards her.  
"Thank you for taking care of Pop," he said gruffly, and he took her hand in his. She looked at his face, the slope of his nose, his jawline, lush full lips, and his eyes that swallowed her in the grey-green-blue stormcloud of his emotions.  
"Tommy.." she sighed, and stood on her tiptoes and leaned against him to place gentle kisses on his cheeks, his chin, then his mouth. He closed his eyes and pressed his lips to hers, and she knew what it felt like to be consumed when he opened his mouth against hers and sucked on her lips, her tongue, nuzzling his face against hers even though it hurt him.  
"I'm taking you back to bed, Lena," he growled in her ear. "The night ain't over yet."  
"Well, c'mon then," she whispered, pulling on his arm towards the stairs.  
Up they went to the attic, and when they reached the top of the stairs Tommy offered her his beer.  
"Oh no, I'm good," she said, and started taking her clothes off. "I just want you."  
She got on his bed, still working her jeans off, and Tommy devoured her with his eyes as he pulled on his beer for the last time. He shut the bedroom door behind him, stalked towards her, and pulled his tank off. Lena was up on her knees so she could rub his thick neck, broad shoulders and firm chest, everywhere tattoos she wanted explained and muscles that jumped and flexed under her palms.  
"Lena," he rasped, "you're so beautiful." He cupped her face in his strong wide hands, and she kissed his hands, his fingers, sucked on his thumb lasciviously, and his eyes darkened, burning with the heat of desire. His body flush was creeping back, the redness stretching from his cheeks, down his neck, across his chest. Tommy ran his hands down her neck to her breasts that he caressed softly while she played with his zipper, teased him, rubbing her face against it, forcing hot breaths through the fabric. He exhaled slowly, and when she looked up he had his head back and she could see he was smiling . She wondered how long he had gone without touch and feeling, it had to be a long time, because he certainly seemed to be finally relaxing, and reveling in it even. Well if this was their last night together, Lena decided she would make it memorable. She slowly unzipped his jeans, she could smell the citrus musk again mixed with sex and heat as she freed him, she couldn't wait to make him hers and exert some control over him the only way she could. She pushed his jeans off and took him in her mouth, slowly using her lips and tongue to create a haptic overload in Tommy's brain. He leaned forward, sighing and breathing out a moan. His legs were working the jeans off and down, his shoes flew off and landed with a thud on the hardwood floor of the attic. Meanwhile Lena was working him in her mouth as deeply as she could, he stretched and filled her and her jaw was aching but she didn't care.  
"MMM no more now Lena.."he wavered above her, pulling her back. He pushed her down on the bed, and unceremoniously raised her legs upwards, bent at the knees, bound her ankles with one hand to his chest and buried himself deep inside her to the hilt. Tommy groaned low in his throat and Lena gasped and shuddered, her sore little pussy tightened around him-it was almost too much.  
"Ahh you're so tight,"-his voice was a tight gravelly squeeze. It made her cry out all the more, trying to move but she was pinioned as he leaned forward, his dog tag sliding between her toes. Finally he started to move, and it felt so hot she almost lost the sensation as he whipsawed in and out of her, and she flexed against him, making him shake and moan in his sexy rasp. "Oh shit…."he growled.  
Lena watched him from below, watched his lean muscular body work against her, watched his expression change from cold fury to intense ecstasy, his full red mouth as he licked sweat off his lips. She reached blindly for him, she wanted him closer to her. "Tommy….Tommy.." she sighed, and he parted her legs to fall on his hands above her-the dog tag swung in her face, his sweat dripped down on her, in her eyes, he was a blur of muscles and tats as he punished her, going so slow, driving her up and down and around and around as he panted like a dying man. She reached down as far as she could to grab his round flexing ass as he ground into her, his hips were crushing against her, his pelvic bone rubbing her clit the whole time, and Lena knew she was close. She wanted to try to ride it with him this time. He pressed his mouth to hers, taking her lips and tongue in a suck, kissed her deeply, curled his fingers in her hair and held her head, making her moan and buck against him-so close now, the fire was spreading in her belly, her pelvis, her spine, goosebumps broke out all over her body, cold electricity sparked through her. She could see him watching her, waiting for it, he felt it too.  
"Come for me," he gasped, pressing his forehead to hers, she could see how black his eyes looked now as she stared up into them, his pupils so dilated. "Come now, now, now." His voice was commanding even when he whispered. His cock was hot and wide, welding them together, pressing deep inside her somewhere eternal and untouched, somewhere that only he had found. There was no way to stop it, she shivered so hard against him, against his mouth as he sucked the cries out of her, kissing her and riding her faster now, the bed was shaking and banging against the wall-she heard it dimly as the humming noise and feeling drowned everything out, and she was swept away to infinite blackness, the orgasm swallowed her whole and she cried in his mouth and thrashed against him, she barely felt his hands on her hips as he rode her high and hard.  
Tommy couldn't hold on as she spasmed around him even tighter, washed him wet and hot with fluid. "Leennaaa…" he growled, and managed to pull out just in time as he lost control, bucking against her, shuddering soundlessly until the end, and he yelped one last time trying to get a breath of air, thinking dimly through it that he knew what it felt like to come so close to death from pleasure. He sunk down on top of her, and she was washed ashore of their shared ecstasy, wrapping her arms around his wet steaming body. His breaths were high-pitched sighs, he was like a heavy slippery fish on top of her.  
"Tommy…oh my God Tommy…" she couldn't move. She could not recall a time like this ever that she had felt so satisfied and completely wrecked at the same time. She tried to move a little but he held her fast, pinning her artfully to the bed. Something he seemed good at, and she was so light anyway. He drew up a little to look at her, she was treated to a beatific crooked-toothed grin.  
"Oh no, I got you,"he rasped, "and you ain't goin' nowhere til I say."  
"How come you always get to be in charge Tommy?" she asked directly, but she was grinning too. He nipped and kissed her lips, her chin, her neck.  
"Me, you're the one who started this whole thing, I don't know what you're talkin' bout.."  
She smacked his ass hard and he chuckled. "You. Are. Impossible. You kissed me first you beast."  
Tommy looked down at her, his smile fading. His fingertips grazed her cheek, found a way into her damp hair. She could see the wall going up again, feel his sudden distance. He was just looking blankly at her now and she couldn't tell what he was thinking.  
"Tommy," she whispered, "don't do that…come back to me, please."  
"I'm here," he said quietly. "I just…Lena I have so much to say, I don't know how to say any of it."  
She found his hand that was stroking her hair and grasped it, pressed it against her face, kissed his palm. His expression softened a little.  
"I want to be there when you figure it out, Tommy." Lena's eyes stung and she wasn't sure if it was sweat or… " Please don't push me away."  
His expression suddenly changed to disgust. "You can't help me, Lena. You're just a kid. You know nothing about me. And you should give up trying. Right now." His voice was a menacing breath.  
Lena couldn't figure out if she was angry or sad. She stared up into the empty cold rooms of his eyes. "Why? What gives you any right to tell me what the fuck to do?" She was quiet but menacing too. "I won't fight you on this, but what is the point of anything you're trying to accomplish if you won't change your tactics every now and then?"  
He scoffed. "Tactics? I'm just trying to survive. Hmm? Trying to get by. Every morning I'm one step away from jumping in front of the bus instead of getting on it. Nothing means anything when you can't feel, or sleep, or think."  
Lena held Tommy's angry face in her hands. He pushed her hands down and away and climbed off her. She felt bruised, sweaty, cold and exposed. She expected him to leave, but instead he pulled the sheet over her, the blanket too.  
"I'm getting a drink, do you want anything?" he asked matter-of-factly.  
Lena shook her head, and he regarded her for a second before he went downstairs stark naked. She layed there and shook her head. What the fuck am I doing here? she asked herself.


	6. Chapter 6: One More Time

When Tommy came back he had an almost empty bottle of Irish whisky with him. His eyes were red and wet, she couldn't see very well as the room was so dim. He was drinking it straight out of the bottle. He caught her open stare and cast his eyes away from her, and sat down on the bed with his back turned to her.  
"I don't sleep so good," he mumbled. "You want a drink?" He held the bottle out to his side. Lena took it. She wanted to pour it out and pull him down to her, but she could see how quick his temper was already, she wasn't going to push it. So she took a swallow, sputtered and coughed, gave it back to him. He was chuckling under his breath. "You know...you got balls, Lena. That's what I really like about you." Tommy looked back at her and now she could see for sure he had tears in his eyes. Lena reached for him, her hands caressed his back, more scars there…worse still were the scars she couldn't see.  
Tommy polished off the bottle, set it down on the floor and switched off the lamp. Lena could not shake the initial hesitancy she first felt around him coming back, she wanted to break the uncomfortable air that clouded between them; it was there because of his shifty emotions. She wondered how he felt inside-if his displays were any indicator, he was a soul in torment.  
Tommy rounded himself into the bed, fought to share the blanket, and to her surprise wrapped her in his arms, tangled his legs with hers. Lena sighed, attempted to give up and give in for the night, forever. Her face found his in the darkness and she kissed him, his hot mouth stung hers with whisky bite. She shivered against him and he pulled the blanket around her tighter, locking her up against him.  
"What time do you have to get up?" he whispered. Lena was caressing his back, his shoulders, his neck, finally she found his face. Wet eyes, stubbly chin and jaw. He had etched his name all over her, inside her, and he was cutting on her heart too.  
"6."  
"Mmm…me too. You think you can drop me off at Colt's in the morning?"  
"Sure," she said softly, and kissed him again, still caressing his face. It made her think of wild animals, tigers and the like, that tolerated humans at times, let themselves be touched and petted when all they knew was a savage world. Tommy was a tiger, a fierce fighter, and he was letting her touch him, allowing her to be close to him. Seeming to enjoy it. But still wild, untamed. She just wanted to savor the moment she had with him, she wanted him to know she was there and real.  
"It's 3 in the morning, Lena," he sniffed, "try to sleep…don't you got school in the mornin'?"  
"Yeah Tommy, gym school work…all that.."  
He tenderly kissed her forehead, her eyelids. "Goodnight," he whispered, and drew her close to his chest. She nuzzled his chest, listened to his solid drumming heart, and drifted off in sheer exhaustion.  
THREE HOURS LATER Tommy's alarm was going off like a war bell. Tommy leaped out of bed, giving Lena her second heart attack in five minutes time. She was just rolling over and out of bed and she could hear water running in the house-Tommy was in the shower.  
"Aw fffffff…." Lena looked for her clothes, she felt so disoriented, she wasn't sure if she had class or gym. She was sticky and needed a shower too, so she pulled Tommy's shirt over her head and peered downstairs to see if maybe the coast was clear to join him. Everything seemed ok, so she tried to take the stairs as quietly as possible, but she couldn't help gasping from the pain in her groin-Tommy had worked her out in places Cal hadn't.  
She found the bathroom, door half-open, steam seeping out, and braved it, shut the door and yanked her shirt off, and pulled the flimsy grey vinyl shower curtain back. There was Tommy, water cascading over his beautiful frame, and he was scrubbing shampoo into his hair. He whipped around to look at her, startled, and got soap in his eyes.  
"Ow fuck!" he bellowed, trying to get it out while she climbed in next to him.  
"Oh Tommy, I'm so sorry-"she put her hands on his shoulders as her breasts grazed his back. He stiffened, then relaxed, working water through his eyes.  
"S'okay," he grumbled, and she reached around him to get the shampoo, her face brushing against his hip. The water felt so good, hot, just the way she needed it. "I shoulda asked you if you wanted to go first.." he turned to face her as she kneaded the soap through her hair. Her arms were raised and the soap ran down her breasts. Tommy smiled at her, gazing at her body. His bruises and cuts glowed bright red and purple in the heat. "Buuut maybe this was better."  
Lena grinned at him. He was adorable when he was happy. She welcomed him in her arms as he hugged her, caressed her back. He had the bar of soap in his hands and he was lathering her up, his hands moving down with the suds to her backside. She leaned her chin on his shoulder and breathed in the steam and scent of soap coming off his skin, and purred as his fingers rubbed in between her buttocks, lingering over the nethermouth there. He purred too, and bent down slowly, rubbing against her, looking in her eyes-his shone such a deep blue in the morning sun coming in through the little window in the bathroom. He rubbed her calves, her thighs, her sex-here he took his time, rubbing her back and forth with the palm of his hand. She moaned and her legs were buckling already, so worn out from the night before. Tommy gave her a crooked grin and started to rise up, soaping her as he went. Now he stood up straight and she could feel his hard cock flush against her belly.  
"What do you say, one more time for breakfast?" His dark hair was flat to his skull, his face all in a sloping beautiful smile, his lips that she could chew on for days…how could she say no?  
"Are you serious?" she said huskily, raising her leg. He spun her around so she could rinse her hair, and he positioned himself to push his way inside her. She cried out a little, it burned her, she was sore and still had to smile as he choked on his own air and huffed out a groan. He hungrily attacked her neck with his open mouth, working his body in and out of hers. She had nothing to brace herself to as he picked up speed to a fast hard rhythm, pressing her to the tile wall, hot water spraying in between their bodies.  
"Tommytommytommeeeeeee.." Lena squealed softly, scratching his arms, his chest, trying not to scream as the tiny flutter she felt in the beginning turned into a tsunami of hot wet ecstasy. Tommy set his jaw, pumping her almost angrily, she was being punished for something she thought, looking at him glaring at her with his expression of blind fury. His face was reddening, he coughed and sputtered and cried out, but his eyes never left hers. He pulled out of her and she watched his milky white jets shoot high onto her belly and hip and immediately wash away. Tommy was gasping, choking on it, staring at her through the spray of water. He dropped his head on her shoulder, struggling to breathe, and Lena was wrecked again, almost dazed completely out of reality. She held him in her arms and kissed whatever was available, shoulder, neck, ear, and they stayed like that for a moment or two, trembling and gasping.  
"We're gonna be late," he said finally, his voice a gravelly whisper in her ear. Lena knew he was right and shut off the water.  
"Back to the real world," she said out loud. Tommy stood stock still for a moment, and when Lena looked at him she could see his confusion, his inner turmoil. What did he want to say, what was he thinking?  
"Hmm." Was all he could muster, and he tore the curtain back to get the towel hanging on the wall rack. "What time are you all done tonight?"  
"I have a full day, gotta get to morning class, gym, then work. Maybe 11? Why?"  
Tommy shrugged, toweling off. "Just curious." So nonchalant. Hmph.  
Lena narrowed her eyes. "Yeah, what about you?"  
"Colt has an expo I'm supposed to go to, trying to get a fight. Gym all day, Muay Thai class, Jiu-Jitsu class….I don't need it but Colt thinks I got rusty or somethin'."  
Tommy handed her the towel, looking at her finally, cautiously. She wanted to ask him why he had been crying last night, if he wanted to see her again tonight. But she took the damp towel and got to work. She would wait for him to come to her, if he ever did. She wasn't going to chase him, just asking to get hurt. She knew how bad it hurt when rejection slapped her in the face, and she already had enough from Tommy.


	7. Chapter 7 : Another Surprise

Tommy darted out, and Lena toweled off by herself, quiet now, solemn. Can't let him see what she was thinking or feeling, she was going to play this better than him. She talked to herself like a stern friend, this happened when her heart felt weak like it did now-if her spirit had knees, they were shaking, ready to give way.  
She leaped up the stairs, two at a time, the towel wrapped around her. Tommy was in the room, dressed, pulling his shoes on, and he clandestinely watched her every move as she quickly found her clothes and dressed in front of him, pretending he wasn't there. In his dresser mirror she caught him staring, and he quickly looked away, rubbed his face, pulled on his black hoodie. Neither of them said anything. Lena tried her best to be casual but all she wanted was to love him more, tear down his false front and bury him with the surging emotions she was swallowing back.  
"Ready?" she asked him, looking back at him sitting on the bed. He gave her a stone face, but his eyes were pleading. He was going to be the death of her.  
Tommy coughed, stood up. "Yeah, yeah."  
Paddy was still snoring away in the recliner. Tommy took one last look at him before they walked out the door into the chilly morning together. In the car, Lena turned up the radio, slipped her sunglasses on, hummed along with the music, her long dark hair still dripping a little, making her shiver. Tommy, even though he was dressed for the weather, turned up the heat in the car and chewed his toothpick down until he broke it between his teeth, trying not to look at her.  
Lena pulled up at Colt's at 6:35, not bad through the crazy A.M. traffic, Lena being one of the crazies. Tommy was sweating under his clothes, his face was flushed when he finally looked at her. She stared at him behind her shades, thinking this was the last time they would be this close and trying so hard not to be bothered by it. Her heart was a knot in her throat. Tommy leaned in and pulled her shades down so he could see her eyes.  
"Lena…I know we'll see each other around…I don't want things to be…bad between us…"his voice was barely above a whisper.  
Lena smiled. "I know Tommy, I don't either. It's cool, I understand."  
Her eyes betrayed her, and so did Tommy's. But she heard Cal's voice in her head-he did you a favor….  
"Uh, well….see you around I guess." He had his hand on the door handle but still stared at her-was he waiting for a reaction, a sign, what? Lena was not going to give it to him.  
"Bye." Was all she said, and finally Tommy opened the door and got out, went into Colt's without looking back. Lena hit reverse and peeled out, kind of surprised that her little hatchback could burn rubber like that, and she felt ashamed of the spectacle she made, if only for her own sake as no one else was there to see or hear it. Except Tommy, who watched from the mirrored window, watched her drag race out of the parking lot.  
IN CLASS. Lena was having problems concentrating. Her class buddy Teresa watched her play with her paper, scribble when she should have been taking notes, click her pen over and over during a test. Finally Teresa chucked a pen cap at her. Lena looked up, as if woken up from a dream.  
"Girl what is your problem?" Teresa whispered. "Cut it out!"  
Lena smiled, her face turned beet red. "I'm sorry…"she whispered.  
Teresa looked at her sideways. "Yeah, you and me, lunch."  
Lena nodded, grinning sheepishly. The truth was she couldn't focus at all, and with spring break coming up she had to get her act together, or else. Crunch time. She had to hit the gym afterwards with Cal, and then she worked at Vinnie's. Then she had homework. She needed some caffeine thinking about it all, she could feel the headache coming on, and it wasn't just from the whisky-laden sex she had all night with Tommy, either. She realized in that moment how easily she could get side tracked, how she could get distracted from her long-term goals if she let herself get carried off in the wild waves of emotion that Tommy left her with. It was up to her to pick herself up and act like the last week had not occurred. She needed to see Cal, get a heavy dose of reality.  
IT WAS NOT LONG before she found herself back at the gym, where she had started her day. Cal was running late, much to her surprise, and she waited in the parking lot for his Ridgeline to pull up. She fought the squirming sensation she had, wanting to see if Tommy was inside, if he was with Colt, if she would see him at all.  
"Dammit," she said to herself. "Where are you Cal?!"  
At that moment Cal pulled in behind her and bounced out, wearing all black today. Every bit the tanned gorgeous Cal she needed to see. She got out, hauling her gym bag with her, and Cal grabbed her in his arms, smiling.  
"Goddamn, I needed to talk to you-how come you're ignoring me?"  
Lena looked stricken. She realized she had her phone on silent all this while, and she felt terrible and shocked at the same time. "Oh sweetie I'm sorry-"  
"Ugh Lee, forget it. I feel like I haven't seen you in years." Cal grabbed her bag for her as they walked towards the front door of Colt's. She looked askance, and he just waved her off. "I got that job at Kimo's gym!"  
Lena looked at him, puzzled. "OK, hold on, just the other day you said you didn't want to talk about it-"  
"Yeah, I know," he cut her off rudely, "it was the bitch receptionist there, she treated me like shit, but I met Kimo, the owner, today! Damn girl, he is FINE oh holy shit, like a Hawaiian god. He wants me to start next week!"  
Lena could not hide her disappointment. "But-Cal…what about us…"  
Cal all but pushed her towards the desk as they went inside. "Bitch please, I will still be working you like a pit bull puppy, trust and believe. You may just have to come check out Kimo's place-"  
There was Ginger Henry smiling at them behind the desk up front. Lena rolled her eyes in exasperation, there was no way she could hide it.  
"Cal. I told you. I am not driving down there. Period. I may come check it out, but this is closer for me, with school and work and everything."  
"What the fuck ever, Lena, I can make time!"  
"Yeah Cal, cuz that's your new job, you better make time!"  
They had drifted into the cardio room. It was moderately busy, and Lena couldn't help but check for Tommy. Cal still had her gym bag, and now he unceremoniously dumped it on her.  
"Look, whatever. I will still meet you here whenever I can. See you out here in 5 minutes. I'm going to crush you today. Love you!" Off he bounced down the hall to the men's side, leaving Lena feeling totally abandoned.  
She made her way to the locker rooms, stuffed her bag in and locked it up, and found her way back out to the cardio room. She was stunned at the feeling of being left behind twice in one day.  
Cal came up behind her and grabbed her by the shoulders, making her jump and cry out. "Wow, Lee, are you alright?"  
Lena turned around and looked up at him. He saw it all there in her eyes. He frowned.  
"Lena. What did I tell you?"  
Lena's bottom lip quivered, and she felt really pissed suddenly. "Fuck you very much Cal, I didn't need you dropping out the bottom on me today."  
'Lee. I told you to forget him, didn't I? Did you give him back his shit?"  
Lena nodded, but her eyes were full of wet fury. "Cal. I can't go downtown every other day, and work and school. What the fuck am I going to do?"  
Cal looked away and to the side. He chewed his lip. "Listen, I got an idea. Let me talk to Colt. He grants special permission to certain members to use the gym 24 hours-"  
"Yeah, his fighters!"  
"Nooo, he offered it to me when I came up here before he opened it officially…I'm pretty sure we can still do this, just maybe later at night."  
Lena didn't like this idea any better than she liked him getting a job in another gym. Over head the DJ was blaring A Perfect Circle – 'Desperate and ravenous, so weak and powerless, desperate and ravenous, so weak and powerless, over you…' All Lena could think about was working up a sweat. She didn't want to think anymore, she didn't want to feel. She wanted the punishment and reward only pushing her limits of physical exertion could give.  
CAL pushed and pushed her until she thought she was going to fall down, but he couldn't get her to crack. He knew she was disturbed inwardly, her normal confidence wavered, and she was so quiet. Then she staggered to the shower to get cleaned up so could get ready for work. No sign of Tommy, and she was OK with that. She realized she was going to have to go it alone, at least part of the way, and it scared her. She had always had Cal. Why was this bothering her so badly? Wasn't it just the gym?  
Lena walked out in her work clothes, suddenly a consummate professional. Cal was waiting for her in the hall, and he took a long look at his childhood friend and saw how much older she looked tonight, and still so beautiful.  
"Damn Lena," he said in his deep baritone, "you should be glad I'm gay, otherwise I'd ravish you right here." His voice carried in the hallway and people turned to stare.  
Lena knitted her brow and she was irritated with him. She was tired, so tired. Her normal self had been compromised a long time ago already that day.  
"You look like a doll, a porcelain doll."  
Lena cursed him under her breath, pinched his rock-hard ass hard as she could.  
"Cal, please. You're embarrassing me."  
Together they stepped out in the darkening evening. Lena was going to be late if she didn't hustle, but Cal caught her by the waist and leaned her up against the car.  
"Lena, listen to me. I love you very much. I am here for you when you decide to talk. I'm getting this job, but it doesn't mean the end of us. OK?" He rubbed her shoulders. "I promise to make time for you. The job doesn't start til after next week anyway, after I get Mom's test results. You still coming to the doc with us?"  
Lena fought back hot tears. "Of course Cal-"  
"OK good. Cuz I need you, Lee. Can't do this shit without you. So don't disappear from me either. Stay away from him. You know who."  
Lena hugged him. She loved him, needed him too. She still was checking her e-mail, skype, anything, waiting for something from David, and Cal had never changed, never not been there. Cal was like her brother, she had to confront the feelings of jealously and abandonment she had felt earlier, deal with it, own it. He was doing something to better himself, in the field he was studying. She had no real reason to feel upset by it except for her own personal selfish reasons.  
"I'm not going anywhere, I'll be there at the doc with you and Rita. I love you too Cal." She stood up on her tiptoes in her heels and kissed his cheek. "I gotta go babe."  
Cal kissed her forehead and let her go. "OK. Have a good night, don't work too hard, and if Vinnie wants to let you go early take his offer so you can get your homework done tonight!"  
Lena saluted him. "Siryessir!" She ducked into the hatchback and took off. She really needed that caffeine now.

IT WAS 9:45 at Vinnie's now. It had been a busy Thursday night, lots of regulars draining the bar and eating Vinnie's house special for the night- eggplant parmesan. Lena had gotten into a plate of it with Butch in the back, and it was like heaven in her mouth. She and Butch washed it back with a half-bottle of red wine and she was out on the floor again, taking care of guests, helping the bartender, bussing a table or two, running the cash in the front. The red wine hit her high on her chin as she strutted in her heels around the restaurant, feeling numb and slaphappy. She hung out with the new bartender, who was an adorable dark-haired boy named Louis. Everyone swore he had to be gay. Lena found out that night that he was devoted to his long-distance girlfriend in Bangor, Maine. He was cute and flirty with Lena, and she could tell the difference between real and play. However, the other girls working did not, and she got her fair share of catty glances.  
It was 10:15, and Lena was still a little high from the red wine she had drank with Butch in the back, and she was ready to put up the close sign when she saw Colt outside, approaching the front doors of the restaurant. She stopped for a moment, so he could see her, and she held up the closed sign with a smile through the glass. Colt laughed, put his arms up in the air.  
"C'mon Lena, not even for an old friend?"  
Lena opened the door for him, and he looked her up and down. "Damn girl, Body by Cal workin' for ya huh?"  
"Oh Jeeeesus!" she hugged him tight and he laughed out loud. "More like body by Colt! Your new gym is the place to be." She was getting ready to lock the door behind him-people could leave but not come in. Colt held his hand up.  
"No, I got someone with me…if he can get in here already." Colt looked out the door to the sidewalk, and of course, she could see Tommy heading their way. Lena hissed under her breath.  
"Would you like the bar or a table sir?" She plastered on her fake smile. Colt looked at her sideways.  
"Hmmm. Bar. I need to talk to your Uncle Vinnie. He in here tonight?"  
Lena winked at Colt as the door opened. With a rush of cool outside air Tommy was inside, wearing a button-up dark blue shirt, black slacks and a leather jacket. He had shaved, his bruises looked better. In total he staggered her with how well he cleaned up. She turned her head slightly to peek at him, met his stealthy eyes peering back at her, then away. His dark hair was combed, not the usual unruly look he had. He was gloriously tidy and his every feature was apparent to her, to the point that she couldn't catch her breath suddenly. And neither one had even said hello to each other.  
Lena tore every part of herself away from Tommy, and fixated her attention on Colt, who was watching her with a half-cocked brow.  
"Vinnie's here by the register, we're getting ready to shut it down."  
Lena and Colt walked side by side, Tommy trailing slowly behind, looking all around at the place, watching Lena's legs in the high heels she was wearing.  
"Yeah I know, I wanted to wait til this late, I gotta chat him up, without any interruptions."  
"OK, I gotcha Uncle Colt." She smiled and walked around and behind the bar. "Before I go in the back is there anything you gentlemen would like to drink?"  
Colt smiled at her. "I would like a Crown and coke, Tommy can't have booze but anything else is OK."  
Tommy sat at the bar, his eyes hooded storms. He stole a glance at her and grumbled, "I don't need nothin', thanks."  
Lena poured Colt a double and went to find her uncle in the back. She knew she was going to have to take over for him in the office, when she really wanted to snoop and find out what Colt needed to talk to Vinnie about. Why was Tommy there too? Maybe that expo was in his favor… oh well maybe Vinnie would tell her later….  
When she told Vinnie that Colt was waiting for him he wasted no time getting out to the bar. She tried to hurry, but the servers kept coming in with their cash and credit slips. By the time she figured out how much time had passed Vinnie was standing in the doorway, rubbing his temples, half-smiling at her.  
"Lee, lookatcha, you got it all done. Thanks kid."  
Lena couldn't stand it. "Unc, what was that all about? And OK I know I'm not supposed to ask but-"  
"No actually kid, I was gonna ask you what you thought if we sponsored a fighter, do you think it would help or harm our business?"  
Lena paused for a moment….our business? "Ummm I don't know Uncle V, what kind of fight? MMA?"  
Vinnie laughed. "Yeah kid, I would be all for boxing but all the greats are dead or retired! So what do you think?"  
"Wait, Unc, you kicking in money for this, really?"  
Vinnie looked at her, nodding slowly. "Yeah, you know Colt and I, we're friends. You know that. And he's trying to help out that Riordan kid-that family, oh boy." Vinnie shook his head ruefully. "I think he's got a good shot though. Like betting on a horse. I got a good feeling about it. What do you think Lee, will it help or hurt? I'm trying to run this place with some class."  
Lena just stared for a moment. "Yeah but Uncle V, how much we talking?"  
Vince sighed, rubbing his temples again. "There's an entry fees and training…I mean I'm not paying all of it, but Colt needs some help, he just opened that new place you go to with Callum. We get advertising, free tickets and then our money back if that Riordan kid wins the tournament in six months. Ten thou."  
Lena was slack-jawed. It all fit together in her mind but her heart was pumping like a racehorse's after the starting shot. She wanted to say yes, she had seen Tommy in action, maybe not recently in the ring, but…no mistaking his capabilities, and his resolve, he would succeed, she knew that. But this meant more contact when she was trying to keep her distance, more chances to see each other. What could she say?  
"I think it's a good investment. I think the advertising will help us and we will be able to expand the building out next year like you want." Lena's face was a blank slate. "Advertising is never a bad thing."  
"Ok, well you sound convinced but you sure don't look it kid. I'm gonna do it, I just wanted to know what you thought. Miss Business Major." Vinnie winked at her. "It's your birthday in a few days, I'm goin out of town. I gotta get all the papers signed by tomorrow night. You sure you can handle everything else kid? Butch is gonna be here to help you…"  
"Yeah of course. Sure Uncle V, don't you worry." Vinnie watched her face change, her eyes get soft and real and human again. She smiled at him. "Hey I got all this stuff done here, you're ready for tomorrow morning. Let's get out of here, I'm beat." She stood up and Vinnie hugged her.  
"You know I love ya kid."  
"I know. I love you too Unc."  
Lena and Butch walked out to the back parking lot together while Vince locked the doors up tight and set the alarm. Vince and Butch were chatting about the fights excitedly, Butch thrilled because he could take his 13-year-old son with him on nights when he wasn't working. Only Lena never really said much, she felt disturbed and exhausted, and still had three chapters for her Economics class waiting for her at her apartment.  
"Goodnight guys!" she called, unlocking her door and getting ready to slide in, when suddenly Butch was on her car, grabbing something off her front window.  
"Hey, whaddafuck Lena, you blind or what?" He had a long-stem red rose in his hand. "And lookie here, a love letter too. Do I get to read it out loud, huh?"  
"BUTCH!" she yelled and had to jump in the air to grab it from him. "Give it to me dammit!"  
Butch gave in, laughing. "Tell me about it tomorrow, Lee-nuts! See you tomorrow!" And he climbed in his little Ford Escort to zoom off into the night.  
Vinnie approached Lena, smiling. "Well kid, looks like you made an impression on someone. Love ya, thanks for your help and advice tonight." He kissed her head and headed to his car to leave. Once inside her car she found a piece of paper wrapped tight around the stem of the rose, and as much as she wanted to read it right away she knew Vinnie wasn't going to leave until she did.  
She had to wait and wait, the whole long 12 minute long ride home to her apartment. She tore into her parking spot, anxious to get inside to read. When she reached into her coat she found another piece of paper in her jacket pocket, something she had forgotten about til she looked at it now under the dull light in her parking lot….it was the autograph she had requested from Tommy, and some of the scrawl she made out was… 'if I am inclined to doubt, steady my faith- if I am tempted, make me strong to resist- if I should miss the mark, give me courage to try again.' She recognized it as the prayer she heard her brother saying at night months before he went to basic. She breathed a heavy sigh, bearing the weight of David's absence and Tommy's words, and made her way up the stairs to her apartment. Once inside she pulled her wine bottle out of the fridge and sat at the table with the letter she knew could only be Tommy's.


	8. Chapter 8: A Letter, A Missing Man

Dear Lena,  
Not sure how to say what I need to say, so I'll just start by saying I'm sorry. I want to tell you everything but I just can't deal with it all anyway. I can tell you really care about me and I wish I could make sense to you but you should be glad to be away from me, I'm not a real person anymore, I should have things in order, but I just can't find my way out of jail even though I've been out long enough now. You're so sweet and so young, I feel like I'm going to run you into the ground with everything that's going on in my life. You deserve better. That last night we were together was something I never wanted to end, but I know it's the right thing to do to let you go. You should know I think about you all the time, every day. I want to see you and call you, but it would mean your destruction. I feel like I owe you more of an explanation. Maybe someday I will, if you still care by then. I hope you can forgive me. I really want more of you, but I will ruin you. I hope you understand.  
Love,  
Tommy  
Lena sat at her kitchen table, thick wet tears sliding down her cheeks. Her wine was gone. She knew she had homework but she didn't really give a fuck at this point. She dug her phone out of her purse and scrolled through her address book until she found Tommy's number. Nothing more she wanted than to call him, hear his voice. Her throat squeezed out a sob, she was at war with herself at that moment, sitting frozen to her study table in the stillness of her dark empty apartment. How could he be so sure of something, when it existed only in his head? Real enough to him maybe, but meaningless to her in her overwhelming waves of sadness and empathy for him.  
Lena was done with the crying, she needed to see him. She hit 'CALL' on her phone display, listened to the ringing….and got Tommy's voicemail. She half-growled, half-yelled in frustration. What had she expected? He was done, for his own reasons, but he had made it clear. She stood up and chucked her wine bottle in the trash, grabbed her Applied Economics book out of her backpack, threw it on the table, and went to her room to change out of her suddenly very uncomfortable work clothes.  
It was around 12:30 that her phone started to ring again, and she thought maybe it was Cal with another biology question. He had already called twice, making her jump and have a heart attack hoping it was Tommy. But the display read UNKNOWN and Lena wasn't sure if she wanted to answer or not. Usually those were not good calls to get.  
"Hello?"  
"Lena, it's Tommy."  
"What?!" she was shocked. 'Wha-"  
"Listen…I'm sorry to bug you, but I got no one else. Pop is missing and I can't reach Colt-"  
"What's going on Tommy?"  
Heavy sigh. "I got into a fight at the VFW…I was lookin' for Pop….stupid fuckin' Army brat started running his mouth and….Lena can you come bail me out? Please..I got no one else to ask otherwise I wouldn't have called you…"  
Lena took in a deep breath. "Yeah, sure. Where are you?"  
"I'm in the Zone 4 building, on Northumberland street. It's gonna be like $150 bucks, I can get it back to you tomorrow-"  
"It's OK Tommy. I'm on my way."  
Lena was in boyshorts and a tank, no way could she leave wearing that. She yanked on her jeans, found her sandals and slipped on a zip-up hoodie as she headed out the door. She still had makeup and perfume on from her work shift, not that it really mattered, but she wasn't going to be looking like shit at the police station.  
At the police station she ran into an old friend there, someone she went to high school with and had now become a cop, and he was pretty damn cute, dark hair, dark eyes, black Irish…if she hadn't seen his name on his lapel she may never had remembered it. They were standing there in the lobby, chatting, and he passed her his number at one point. Lena had already signed the bond papers and was waiting with the bondsman for Tommy to be released. She was grateful she had run into Officer Mahoney, she may have fallen asleep otherwise.  
A buzzer sounded somewhere and a door opened, and Tommy hustled out, head down. Lena made her way towards him, excusing herself from her company. The bondsman immediately handed Tommy papers to sign, and then explained to Lena and Tommy the rules by which they were now bound. Officer Mahoney walked up to Tommy slowly, staring at him.  
"Hey, hey I know you…you're Tommy Riordan!"  
Tommy looked up at him, looked down, then looked at him again. "Yeah. That's me."  
Mahoney ripped a piece of paper off his pad of paper and offered it to Tommy. "Would you mind signing this? Autographing it I mean.."  
Tommy took it from him and looked at it. "Sure. It's not a ticket right?" He smiled a little. Wow, Lena thought, assault charges and all, he can still crack a joke.  
"No sir, no ticket." Mahoney looked nervous and exhilarated. "Wow I watched you in that tournament…you were incredible."  
Tommy handed Mahoney the paper. "I hope to start back up again soon."  
"Really? That's great man, thanks for the autograph!"  
Tommy nodded at him, then turned to Lena. "You ready?" Lena looked at his face. No new cuts or bruises. Just the same beautifully handsome rugged Tommy, his eyes cold and glazed over with apparent indifference.  
Mahoney looked at Lena, then Tommy. "Uh, um, well, have a good night then…" He suddenly hoped Lena didn't call him. Tommy eyed him warily as they passed.  
"I'll call you sometime, have a good night," Lena said as she passed, waving at the cop.  
Outside Tommy looked at her coldly. "Well you don't waste time do you?"  
Lena looked at him, feeling the slap of his comment but trying not to show her reaction. "We went to high school together. What's it to you anyway?" Her voice was way more hateful than she wanted it to sound.  
Tommy got in her car without another word. Lena started the car, thinking she was not going to say another word either. After a few blocks, Tommy finally cleared his throat.  
"Thank you Lena, sorry I had to bother you." He fidgeted in his seat. She could see his knuckles split open again, both hands. He was still dressed in the clothes she had seen him in earlier that night. He still looked hot, a little disheveled, but hot.  
Lena gave him a look that he avoided. "Tommy…I got your letter. I do understand. But I just want you to know I don't care what you say. You have your opinion and I have mine. However I will respect your wishes." Her voice gave away fidgeted some more, looked out the passenger window. Lena had never wanted to kiss him so badly. He rubbed his eyes and sniffed.  
"Lena can you drop me off at O'Dowd's please, I still don't know where Pop is…"  
"You sure he's not home now? We can pass the house-"  
"Yeah, you sure I'm not keeping you?" He looked over and she could see his eyes wet, shiny in the passing streetlights.  
"No, Tommy, it's OK. I'm skipping my microeconomics class tomorrow."  
He shook his head. "Lena don't miss your class, you should just go home…just drop me off right here, it's OK-"  
"Tommy," she whispered, grabbing his hand, oozing knuckles and all. "Please shut up."  
Tommy looked at her out the corner of his eye, and he let his head fall back on the headrest with a sigh. He didn't take his hand away, and he stopped fidgeting. Lena slowed down by his house, but no sign of Paddy's car. Tommy let out another heaving sigh.  
"One day he's not coming back…this whole thing is my fault." His voice was gruff and muted.  
"How is it your fault, Tommy, you aren't making him drink-"  
"Oh yes I am," he rasped. "I sent him over the edge during the tournament, and he hasn't been right since…I have to live with that too. Gotta take care of him. Gonna end up like him if I don't get some fights soon."  
Lena squeezed Tommy's hand, and this time he took it away. He would not look at her.  
"Can you get him to rehab or something-"  
Tommy dismissed it. "No, tried that…me and Brendan, my brother, we put him in two different places… well Brendan did it really. But then Pop flipped out on him, won't speak to him, no more rehab for Pop. Brendan barely calls me, I don't want his pity anyway. Some things never change. He has kids and shit, me, what do I got? Pop." He laughed bitterly, shook his head.  
Lena looked at him sadly. Tommy took her hand again without looking at her, twisting his fingers up with hers.  
"Thank you Lena, like I said you just drop me off at O'Dowd's, I'll figure the rest out."  
Lena shook her head slowly. "Can't do that Tommy. Gonna help you whether you like it or not."  
Tommy growled in his throat. "This ain't your problem, Lena. School is your problem, working is your problem. This is what I was trying to stop from happening."  
"Tommy, it's late, and I'm too tired to argue with you. You're in my car, it's my rules." He slid his eyes her way, eyebrow cocked. "For now at least."  
Tommy smirked a little. "Lena…you're a little crazy huh?"  
"Obviously," she deadpanned. "Aren't we all though…" She was coming up on O'Dowd's, another little Irish joint that was always full of old retired buzzards, vets, factory workers. They liked keeping the riff raff out, but they had plenty of their own scrappy gents that pissed each other off in there anyway. She pulled around back since she didn't see Paddy's car outside the front, but it wasn't out back either. She stopped in the back lot and looked at Tommy. He was rubbing his face, his eyes, sighing.  
"Tell me what happened tonight at the VFW Tommy?"  
He shook his head. "Simple. Idiot Army kid just got out of the service and was up there running his mouth to Joe, the bartender. Wanted free drinks. Joe wasn't havin' it. I got there just when this kid was pullin' Joe across the bar by his collar. I was just lookin' for my Pop and got an assault charge instead." He chuckled. "I popped that kid once and he was out cold… I didn't really want to though. Things kinda got out of control. Oh well don't fuck with my friends right?" He grinned his crooked grin at her.  
Lena closed her eyes and sighed. "Well Tommy, if you can avoid shit like that it would be great. My uncle is gonna be putting money out for you, make it worth his time please?"  
Tommy was so quiet suddenly. Lena didn't really want to sound like a bitch, but it was her uncle, his business. She knew if Vinnie found out about this he wouldn't be signing any papers tomorrow.  
"Yeah. Sure." His voice was flat and cold with a blank stare to match.  
"So where to now?" Lena pulled out of the back lot and out to the street. Tommy didn't say anything for minute as she drove the boulevard. "There's another tavern over on Bedford, wanna try there?"  
"Mmm."was all he could say. He still didn't let go of her hand.


	9. Chapter 9: Can't Stay Away

They combed Bedford, passed all the little pubs that they could think of that were close to Paddy's home. Then Lena drove through the neighborhood, past Paddy's dark townhome. No Paddy to be seen. Tommy was ready to crawl out of his skin. The clock on the dash read 2:15 AM, and Lena was stifling yawn after yawn.  
"Listen, Tommy, why don't we head over to my apartment, we can call the hospitals…"she yawned again, "Jesus I'm sorry…someone kept me up late last night."  
Tommy looked at her pointedly, saw the grin spreading out on her face. He had to smile too. "Maybe I should just go home, you know, wait for him to come home…"  
Lena nodded. "OK, just sayin', if you don't want to be alone…you can crash on my couch and I can take you home in the morning." She pointed her finger at him. "No hanky panky."  
"OK, OK!" Tommy's hands went up, but he was smiling. "No hanky panky, what's that mean? Why you pointin' at me like I'm the bad guy?" He snickered, but then looked very serious. "I already told you, Lena-"  
Lena cut him off. "Yeah yeah Tommy, you did. A lot. I gotta get home I'm ready to nod off behind the wheel here-"  
"You want me to drive?" He asked a little too eagerly. Lena knew she made him even more nervous with her rally driving.  
"No, we got four blocks, I think we can both handle that, yeah?"  
"Sure," he said, sounding not so sure. "You just drive like shit Lena." He gave her a sideways grin and Lena burst out laughing.  
"You know Tommy you're a really funny guy, you just have to relax. How can that happen?"  
"Uhhmmm…I don't know, I don't think I know how." He looked down in his lap, playing with her hand that he was holding again, tracing her fingertips and running his skin against her nails. "I don't feel like myself, I guess. Unless I'm with you."  
Lena held her breath. She had turned into her apartment parking lot, and she suddenly didn't think this was a good idea. She knew she couldn't keep her hands off him, even if it was on pain of death she would still kiss him, hug him to her, all she could think about was how much pain he was in and how badly she wanted to relieve it… the truth was, he washed her own anxiety and pain away, just his presence eased her own suffering, he excited her, and he also warded her away with the cold steel shell he escaped into to protect himself.  
Tommy was still on edge. Lena led him upstairs to her apartment, where she was sure there was whisky and coffee, and room on the couch for him amidst her backpack and gym bag and God-knows-what-else. He was quiet as he surveyed her living room/kitchen, went to her bookcase and searched it, did the same with her CD/DVD rack. Lena slipped off her sandals and pulled all her stuff off the couch, and looked up to see Tommy standing in her living room, staring at her. She stopped and looked back, not sure what he was going to do or say.  
"Thank you again…for tonight." He laughed. "I keep sayin' I'm gonna leave you alone, but…" he stepped back a little as Lena approached him, "I can't seem to do that."  
"Tommy…" she smoothed his wrinkled shirt flat against his chest, almost petting him, caressing his arms and looking into his eyes that shone aquamarine in her lamplight. "I wish you would try to relax-"  
"I told you Lena, don't know how. I've been fighting since I was a kid. Don't know how to do much else." Tommy grabbed her hands and held them still against his chest. He was shifting from foot to foot ever so slightly, he looked cornered. Lena decided she wasn't going to push him.  
"I understand…do you want the phone book, call a few hospitals?"  
Tommy shrugged. "Guess so, there's only a few around he could be at, I don't know…"  
Lena smiled weakly. "Maybe he's somewhere in his car, pulled over to sleep it off." She turned around and headed for her kitchen, she had a phone book in a drawer somewhere.  
"Lena.." he half-heartedly followed her. "Maybe you should go to bed, I can handle this y'know."  
Lena waved her hand at him. "I know you can Tommy…you want a drink, water, coffee…whisky?" She pointed upwards to the top of the fridge, where a bottle half-full bottle of Jameson stood. Tommy loped into the kitchen as she started looking through the phonebook for hospitals nearby. He soundlessly mixed the whisky with water as she called UPMC Mercy, then West Penn -no Patrick Conlon in the E.R. or admitted. She called a few more, but she knew she was stretching too far out of the neighborhood and further from any answers  
Tommy was behind her in the dimly lit kitchen as she stood, slouched over the counter with her phone book. He was drinking all her whisky, and she was pretending not to notice; she closed the phone book and turned to see him filling his empty glass with water now and slamming it like a shot.  
He eyed her with uncertainty. "I'm not supposed to be drinking, and I don't fucking care," he said with finality.  
Lena nodded and headed to the living room. "It's been a long night, Tommy. I think we've struck out, so let's get some rest…we can try calling again tomorrow-"  
"No. You don't have to do anything else, Lena," he said quietly."You've done more than enough." His look of almost-disgust was back. She wasn't sure she could handle this mood swing at the moment, and she threw a blanket on the couch and stretched and yawned. Tommy watched her, eyes a blank slate.  
"I'm just trying to help Tommy." She walked towards him and he stared her down, looking distraught again. "You can have the couch, or you can join me. It's up to you."  
Tommy was wringing his hands, unsure of anything. "Don't know if I can sleep, Lena," and his voice was slid her arms up his shoulders to wrap around his neck. At first he wouldn't move, just stood frozen there against her-she wasn't going to back down. Finally, finally, he curved inwards against her and slipped his arms around her in a tight hug. He took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly-the whisky hit his bloodstream and his knees felt like jello suddenly, buckled a little and he wavered. Lena steadied him, pulled back and looked up into his face and saw it was drawn with pain.  
"Are you OK?"  
He tried to smile."Yeah, maybe Colt was right...I had four hours of non-stop training today, my legs are sore, my shoulder hurts..."  
Lena caressed his left shoulder, and he winced. "I think you're a little more tired than what you think you are. Come with me." She led him to her bedroom and left the door open just enough so some of the light from the other room filtered through. Tommy just stood there in the dark while she stripped back down to her boy shorts, and started unbuttoning his shirt, pulled it off him, tugged at his tank to try to get it over his head.  
"Lena..."he whispered.  
"Shh," she touched his lips, they felt like hot soft pillows under her fingertips,"Please trust me. You can leave your undies on,"she softly giggled, and sat on the bed facing him as he hiked his slacks off, and she could see his bodily reaction to her in all its glory, full in his boxer briefs, stretching them tight. She stood, brushing against him oh so lightly, and pushed him towards the bed. "Lay down. Please. Face down."  
Tommy made some sound low in his throat, and got in her bed, adjusting himself so he could be somewhat comfortable. Lena reached into her dresser drawer and found the eucalyptus/menthol massage oil for sore stiff muscles that she used on herself sometimes-it helped, and it heated up with friction. She slowly straddled him, and relaxed til she sat lightly on his butt, her sex pressed against him. He took in a breath, and she rubbed some oil on her hands to start to work on him, rubbing slowly up and down along all the exposed skin of his entire back to spread it around, then began at his shoulders, gently with the left, and worked along his traps, his neck, between his shoulderblades, lower, lower, taking her time with him, kneading deep and slow, making him moan and sigh. She wriggled down his legs and started rubbing those too.  
"Oh my God,"he said out loud in his deep rough voice, making her laugh. "Oh that feels so good."  
Lena worked down from his thighs, hamstrings, calves, shins,all the way to his ankles and feet. Tommy shivered, his voice a long vibration through her bed as he moaned happily into her pillow. She worked back up, kneaded on his butt with her knuckles and the heels of her hands, then rubbed back up til she was at the beginning again. His skin was dry by now, the oil had absorbed and was hot on his skin, soaking into his muscle tissue.  
"Flip over Tommy." Lena's voice was authoritative, and Tommy did as he was told, flopped over in her bed, making it creak and rock as he was totally relaxed at this point and heavy with alcohol. She straddled his hips, careful not to exert any weight on him, and rubbed his left shoulder with both hands, down the length of his entire arm even to his hand, kneaded inside the armpit and rubbed the ribs there. Tommy sighed loudly, she didn't want to hurt him and was hoping he would clue her in if she had-but he seemed far gone and out in ecstasy. She couldn't make out his face though, he kept burying it into a pillow. So she worked on his right side the same way, and then rubbed his chest, his pecs, his ribcage. He was hardening again, she could feel him growing and swelling up against her.  
"Lena,"he growled, and grabbed her hands. "Thank you so much, so much...you're incredible, but come lay down, please...you have to be so tired."  
She rubbed his chest in a loving caress, leaned over on him til her hair was tickling his face. "Tommy...I don't know how I'm going to pretend that I don't want to touch you all the time, kiss you...be with you. I can't..."  
Tommy pulled her down to him. "You have to trust me...I can't do anything but bring you down." His voice was tight, and she swore he was choking back a sob. "I don't know how to love you."  
Lena pressed her lips to his, his lovely full mouth already opened and gasping, and she sucked the air right out of him. His hands ran down her sides to her ass, and he dug his fingers in, pushing her against his hips to grind on him. His moan was a half-cry, half-sob against her lips and tongue, and she cupped his face with her hot palms, dry now but getting wet with the tears that streamed out of the corners of his eyes.  
Tommy broke the kiss, pulling her back."Lena, I don't deserve you." His voice was almost a yell. Lena was rotating her hips on him, up and down the length of him, and her moisture was making him wet. "And this isn't fair..."  
Lena pulled her tank off and took his hands to her breasts. "Touch me, Tommy...I need you..."  
His callused palms squeezed and caressed her, and she threw her head back, sighing, her nipples like hard beads in his hands and fingers. She was hurting inside she wanted him so badly. She started pulling at her undies, yanked them off, broke away from him to yank his off too. Tommy was starting to sit up but Lena pushed him, one hand flat on his chest, and sat astride him again, quickly negotiating his entrance to her body, the wet hungry mouth between her legs that swallowed his cock deep inside. They both moaned loudly, and Tommy, still sitting up halfway, nuzzled his face in between her breasts, his wet mouth kissing and suckling and nibbling her everywhere. Lena ran her nails into and through his hair, kissing the top of his head, locking her legs around him and pushing off the bed with her toes to ride up and down the wide pole that he was inside of her. Slowly, almost agonizingly, she ground him to the bed, their gasps and cries rising together in the near-darkness. Her body was fluid with the energy pulsating and coursing between them. Tommy leaned back on his hands, and Lena drew up in a crouch against him, falling on him and kissing his face, his neck and chest, his dog tag tangled in her lips as she rode him harder and faster, tight like a vise around him. She felt the heat, the freezing heat spreading through her face, neck, shoulders and back, and she held her breath as it took her in a wild explosion of color and light behind her eyes; she whispered a scream as it ripped through her belly, burst inside her pelvis and raced down her legs so her toes curled against his legs. She was lost and adrift, and Tommy, with one hand on her back, flipped her, was still inside her, and was on top now- he lifted up on his elbows and rammed her down beneath him, his hips like machine gun fire. His breath blew fast on her breath and she arced her body until she was braced against him, crying"yesTommyyesyeesss!" His onslaught rocked the bed, her brass headboard racked loudly against the wall as she was filled hard over and over with his cock- she couldn't breathe, just one cry after the other. How she could want him so badly still while having him there already was a sensation she wondered about later. Her orgasm surged again, high and hard waves of mind-numbing ecstasy, and she writhed against him, clawed at his back unwittingly-she was a wet hot mess beneath him, crying his name in his ear. He cried out unintelligibly back to her, and the wave hit him now too, he could barely stop to pull out and lose his mind in the drowning spasms that shot hot and high all over her. She reached for him, wrapped her hand around his orgasming cock to stroke him, making him gasp, got her hand all wet and held him there until it eased to almost nothing. Tommy was up on his hands, his wet head hung down, he was wet with sweat and panting, shaking all over. Lena skittered out from under him, tried to stand up and almost fell over. She used the wall to help her struggle to the bathroom for a towel, and she dried herself on the stagger back to the bedroom, where Tommy layed on his back in her bed, the moonlight from the window lighting the room just enough for her to take in the sight of his lean muscular frame there, wet and gasping like a fish out of water.


	10. Chapter 10 : In Between Crises

Lena rubbed him down with the towel, kissing him as she went, his neck, chest, stomach, hips-Tommy sighed, stoned off his ass. She threw the towel on the floor and fell in beside him, and he pulled her up to him close, so he could kiss her again, play with her hair. He rolled on his side, pushing her onto hers, and she drew closer to him, and began to simmer from the intense body heat he was still throwing off. "Mmm…" she hummed in her throat, her face found his neck, and his chest hair tickled her skin as she nuzzled up against him. But she couldn't for much longer, her eyes were weighted with bricks, and closed against her will. Sleep had come at last.  
WHEN SHE WOKE, the sun was streaming through her bedroom window, there was a phone or alarm or something going off-it was 8AM, and she was alone in her totaled bed. No Tommy.  
Lena dragged her ass out of bed to find her phone, which was going off like crazy in her purse. Tommy had cleared out on her. She swiped her screen without looking to see who it was.  
"Hello."  
"Fuck Lena, why aren't you here?" It was Cal, and he was outraged.  
"Good morning. Yeah I'm not feeling so hot." And that was the truth, self-inflicted or not.  
"Uh-huh. What a bunch of shit, I was going to go by your apartment this morning but I was running late...are you OK?"  
'Oh yeah, just...not feeling very well, maybe have a fever." She wrapped herself in the blanket from the couch and fell on it. "Cal, can you stop by my class and get some notes from Teresa, please? I don't want to fail the stupid class-"  
"Sure, consider it done. I'll stop by on my way back, gotta go Peaches!" He hung up on her and she immediately started drifting back out again, until it rang again.  
"Yes,"she mumbled.  
"Lena." Tommy's voice sounded panicked. Lena sat up like a shot.  
"Tommy, where are you?"  
"Police station. Pop wrecked last night, didn't hurt anyone, car's impounded. They're not letting him go, this is his last D.U.I. They're taking his license for sure." His breath escaped in a huff.  
"Oh shit. Tommy. Oh shit. So he's not getting out?"  
"Not until his arraignment. Couple days. You go to school?"  
"No, and when the hell did you leave? I didn't hear you at all."  
Tommy laughed quietly. "I think it was 5 or 6 when I got the call. You were out, I wasn't gonna wake you. I left something for you on the kitchen table, you get it?"  
Lena sat up and gingerly made her way to her study table. There was a bagel on the table wth a rose stuck through it, and now she could smell fresh coffee that he had brewed in the kitchen too.  
"Wow." Lena was stunned, even though he was totally stressed out he still took the time to do this for her. She stared at the rose for a moment and wondered what this meant exactly, but didn't ask. Maybe it was the back rub. "Tommy...thank you, so much. Coffee too, oh my God..."  
She could hear his smile. "I knew you were gonna need it. I gotta go, I was supposed to be at Colt's a while ago."  
"Shit Tommy, how are you getting there? Which station you at, I'll come get you."  
"I'm at Zone 4, believe it or not...you sure? I would run but I'm in dress shoes-"  
Lena burst out laughing. He was still in the dress-up clothes. Very un-Tommy Riordan. "Just stay put will ya?" She hung up on him and began looking for clothes. She needed a shower, her hair was one big fuck knot, but there was no time. She was out the door on another rescue mission.  
Tommy was waiting outside, looking just as bedraggled as she, but he had a big smile for her when she pulled up.  
"I'm sorry, Lena,"he said as he got in, barely getting his seatbelt on as she sped off. "I get that fight I'll have some money to get a car."  
"No problem Tommy." She smiled back, and the big sunglasses on her little face made him crack up.  
"You look like one of those movie stars," he said. "Get some bigger glasses will ya?"  
"Shut up Tommy!" She slugged his shoulder, giggling. She was enjoying the little moments they had, she didn't know when and if it was going to abruptly change. She blanched when she noticed a claw mark on the back of his neck as he turned to look out the window. "Oh...did I do that?"  
Tommy rubbed his neck, grinning like a schoolboy. "Yep. There's more."  
Lena cursed out loud. "I'm sorry-"  
"Don't be." He turned to face her, dropping the smile. "Proof of battle."  
Lena smiled at him anyway. He looked hungry, tired, desperate, worried, and wanting. "Tommy...you have to go to your house first yeah?"  
He just nodded, still looking at her. He was staring at her lips. She felt the predator/prey sensation he could exude so well, she knew how his opponents in the octagon must have felt, except he wanted something a lot different from her.  
"Yeah," he said softly, finally. "Need shower, clothes. You need a shower too."  
Lena laughed. "How could you tell I just rolled out of bed?"  
Tommy laughed softly, searched for her hand and found it, rubbed it, laced his fingers with hers. He couldn't stop touching her either, he needed her more than he had realized. She had peeled back the outer layers of his iron shell, past his defenses, and reached into the vast abyss of his emotions, the parts of him he hated, couldn't bear, buried over and over. She soothed him with her presence, her touch calmed him. He felt something sliding into place when he was around her. He thought maybe it had to do with the fact that he knew her past, had been linked to her all this time somehow, that she was fucked up, neurotic and insecure because of all of it. Tommy felt the urge to protect her, shelter her, when he knew he had to protect her from himself too. Conflict and courage, something Tommy knew very well, but she broke his walls down too. He had not cried since the night he lost Sparta, but Lena was like the chink in his armor, the soft spot between hs scales. She unknowingly coaxed the darkness out of him and brought it to light. When he slept next to her, even if he only slept for an hour or two, he didn't wake up screaming. But he was scared of her, scared to hurt her, scared to lose his familiar storm shelter within himself. He did not want to rely on anyone.  
Now at Paddy's, they climbed the steps quietly and went inside. Tommy led her to the bathroom, turned the water on, pulled his clothes off-now she could see the claw marks on his back, the bitemark on his chest.  
"Ohhh Tommy..."she touched the wounds she had inflicted on him,"I am so sorry.."  
He turned to face her, started pulling off her clothes. "Shut up," he whispered huskily, "take your goddamn clothes off." Lena acquiesced, and he wrapped her naked body against his, dragging her in the shower, kissing her deeply. Tommy spun her around in the hot steamy shower, hunched over her, bending her over, and she felt his cock pushing in between the folds of her already swollen pussy, and he thrusted hard inside, pushing her against the tile wall. She whined low in her throat. "I saw the scratches this morning,"he growled,"Just made me want to fuck you again."  
Lena was slain again, he filled her to the hilt and rode her hard, twisting around inside her and pushing her to the absolute threshold of pleasure and pain. He didn't slow down, didn't stop, and her body spasmed against the girth of him, and his ferocity and passion for her. She grabbed his hands and held them to her breasts as she helplessly, soundlessly orgasmed on him, making him hiss between clenched teeth.  
"Fuck," he spat the word out, and fell against her, rubbing his spasming cock against her back, shuddering silently from the sudden peak he hit so hard. Lena waited a moment before she turned and took him in her arms, and got wrapped up in his. Tommy kissed her head, pressed his cheek to her temple. He wouldn't let her go. It was just a moment of silence, a moment of peace, and he felt deserving of at least that, if nothing else, and so greedily he took it, rubbing on her and kissing on her as she did the same to him. "Oh fuck I just want to do this all day Lena," he breathed, and Lena nuzzled his jaw, his ear.  
"Yes, me too...but Colt-"  
"I know, I know." He let her go, and suddenly reached down for a bottle, and he shot her with a jet of body wash."Here you go dirty girl."


	11. Chapter 11 : Spun Out, Snap Back

The rest of their time together was either very quiet, or they would tussle, mock-fight and giggle, throw things at each other, and it ended with him pressing her up against the front door before they left, kissing her deeply, stretching her arms out with his til he had her pinned.  
"I win," Tommy whispered,"every time." He was hungrily ravaging her neck with his mouth, his hips bucked against her and she could feel him hard against the inside of her thigh.  
"You're going to kill me," Lena gasped. She could not imagine what it was going to be like as he got bigger, stronger-he was already all muscle and solid as a rock.  
"No,"he said,"just fuck you." He let her go and she slumped against him. His eyes were pinpoints of heat on her, his cheeks red, perspiration beading on his forehead. He was beautiful and animalistic, seething with intensity. Tommy didn't do anything halfway, wanting her was no different.  
"We...we better go." She was panting a little. Tommy flashed her a smile.  
"Yeah. What time you coming over tonight?"  
Lena's surprise was hard to contain. "Umm, I think I'm hittin' the gym and I know I gotta study tonight..."  
Tommy shook his head. "I'll come by your place then. I'll bring you dinner."  
There was no saying no to this man. She was scared a little, she had imagined he would be done again, like he had been telling her it was going to be. She wasn't completely prepared for him in her life full-time either. Tommy was a hurricane of uncertainty and desperation, love and lust-Trouble Man. She stared into his eyes, hot dark blue pools of need. She realized he was going to be all by himself here, and maybe he didn't like that.  
"OK Tommy,"she whispered, her fingers on his chin to pull his mouth to hers one last time.  
LATER. Cal was busting her door down. Lena had been cleaning her apartment, had her sheets washing in the laundry room down the hall. She was sore and still a little stunned from her time with Tommy.  
"What the fuck is goin' on, Lena?" Cal stormed into her apartment."I've been calling you and calling you..." He looked at her in dismay. "You really look like shit."  
Lena laughed."Thanks asshole, I love you too." She hugged him and he pushed her away.  
"No offense but if you're sick I don't want it. I brought you some ibuprofen and some other shit-"he shoved a plastic bag in her hand, it had tissues and at least four different kinds of medicine, and a big bottle of orange juice. "Hope it helps." Cal gave her his winning smile. "Gotta take care of my best bitch."  
"You are too much, thank you Cal." Lena set the bag on the table. "I actually...um I'm not really sick."  
"What?!"  
"I mean, I had a really long night, been busting my ass...just worn down I guess." Lena avoided looking at Cal, she knew he was going to give her hell. She set about putting the orange juice in the fridge, and Cal snatched it from her.  
"Lena. I'm taking it back. I really thought you were sick."Cal glared at her now as they faced off on the kitchen. "I really hope this has nothing to do with Tommy Riordan. Cuz I have a feeling it does."  
"You know Cal, I appreciate the fact that you want to watch over me. I realize we're close. But you need to back up right now cuz I'm not in the mood for this."  
"YOU don't realize what's happening here, it's starting already. You skipped class Lena, you never do that. I have to watch out for you because there are people who can fuck your life up and you won't see it coming til it's too late. I knew this was gonna fuckin' happen!"  
"Wow way to overreact, I missed class ONCE Cal, I can handle myself regardless of your low opinion of me! This has less to do with Tommy than it does with you trying to control everything in my life. I love you but can you just leave me alone about this one thing? Just one!"  
Cal looked like he was ready to yell some more, his tan chiseled face glowing bright with anger. "You know I don't try to control you Lena," he seethed. "I have to take care of you. You're my best friend and my sister. I couldn't stand it if something happened to you too. Maybe it seems like I'm trying to run you, but goddamn Lena! Anyone but him! There's how many people in the 'Burgh you could be seeing?!"  
Lena sighed, dropped her face in her hands. She knew there was no way they would see eye-to-eye on this. Maybe ever.  
"Cal,"she said softly."I don't expect you to understand. I don't fully understand it. But...I can't stay away from him." She looked at him and her eyes pleaded with him to go easy on her.  
"Lena, you ever heard of the saying, moth to a flame?" Cal approached her and rubbed her arms. "I won't say another word. But please, don't skip class anymore...you have that really big test-"he fiddled in his pockets and pulled out folded up notebook paper,"-Teresa gave me her notes for you. I don't want to see you get fucked up on this guy. You haven't been around the block, you know, and this guy could take you there. I can tell. He's got too many problems, Lee." Cal looked at her a long time, and all the anger was gone from his eyes, just concern and love. "I gotta run down to Kimo's, but I'll be back, you going to the gym with me around 4?"  
Lena nodded, and gave him a big hug. "I love you."  
"I love you too. Oh and my mom's appointment is next Monday at 3. You still coming right?"  
"Of course, I'll drive us there."  
Cal laughed out loud. "Hell no you won't, you'll give my mom a heart attack before we ever get there!"  
"Oh my God shut the hell up Cal!" Lena punched his arm hard as she could before he headed out the door in a rush. She shut the door and rested against it-she was emotionally exhausted.  
LENA hadn't heard from Tommy all day, she could imagine what Colt was doing with him. She was sitting in her car outside Colt's at 4, waiting for Cal to show up, when her phone beeped with a text message: 'I'm going to be late tonight. See you after 8.' It was Tommy, and she marvelled at how quickly winds can change direction. Never did she ever expect to be talking to Tommy Riordan much less be in a whatever-ship with him. She had thought about everything Cal had said, had been saying, and knew he was right. She couldn't let Tommy sidetrack her, and she could see how easily she could forget everything when she looked into his eyes, smelled his skin, heard his voice, and when he touched her...she shivered with goosebumps, like a cold chill, but it was a hot breeze that blew through her nervous system-she had never felt like this before. And she wasn't sure what to do about it.  
Cal was friendly and funny and bossy and bitchy, but was true to his word and didn't say anything about Tommy. Even when he noticed her looking around the gym every so often, he still shut his trap even though it killed him. He remembered the one true love he had back in his senior year of high school-once his love's parents found out it was a boy that their son was in love with, they packed up all their stuff and moved to California, leaving Cal a complete mess with Lena to pick up the pieces. Cal never found out what happened to his dear heart, hoping that somehow, some way, they would find each other again. Helpless hopeless love. In truth Cal was still waiting, he felt he could never find anyone that understood him so well...besides Lena.  
In the gym, Cal punished her relentlessly, barked at her, made her almost throw up and even burst into tears at one point. He could see how strained she was, he knew the physical exertion always helped her in ways nothing else could. She cursed him intermittently through it all, but afterwards, while they were towelling off, she thanked him. She felt focused, complete. Her body and mind reconnected somewhere along the way and she was on her feet again. She hadn't realized just how off-kilter she had been feeling. He bowed to her, like a great Sensei would, and Lena bowed back. People in the gym stared cock-eyed at them, wondering what the hell that was all they laughed together all the way out to the parking lot. Just right.


	12. Chapter 12: Stormclouds

It was 6:30 when Lena made it home. She felt energized and elated. She took a long hot shower, called her mom, had a snack, and dug her intermediate accounting books out of her backpack-tomorrow was two back-to-back accounting classes, plus she had her microeconomics notes from Teresa to go over.  
She wasn't watching the time very well, even though she was dying inside waiting to see Tommy. It was 8:45 and her phone was quiet, no sign of him, when her stomach started growling. It only took a couple of minutes for her to head out the door to Vinnie's. She knew she could hassle Butch into making something healthy and delicious.  
Vinnie's was packed, it was Friday night after all, and she snuck in the back door. The kitchen was a blur of activity-Lena realized she may have made the wrong call. Butch spied her standing between the pastry racks and chortled.  
"Yo, whatcha doin' here, you out of uniform!" Butch was the biggest red-headed guido she knew.  
"I know, you make me something to eat, please? I'm starvin'!" Lena ducked when he threw a dinner roll at her.  
"Oh I know how to get rid of you Lee-nuts, throw some carbs atcha and you'll run!"  
"Ha-ha-ha. Butch you're a comic genius. Where's Bossman?"  
"He's runnin' the front, that lazy Karina didn't show up-"  
"Why didn't he call me?!"  
Butch shrugged. He was doing about 10 things at the same time and barely breaking a sweat. "Don't know Lena, he knows you got class an' shit. Plus I hear you gotta boyfriend-" he gave her a salacious smile,"-so you been a little busy."  
Lena felt her face burning. "Who told you what, you jerk? What are you even talking about?"  
Butch shrugged again, chuckling. "I ain't sayin' anything else." He slid her a styrofoam box that smelled heavenly. Lena just shook her head.  
"Thanks you pain in the ass." Lena kissed his cheek, and he waved her away.  
"Can't you see I'm busy here?" But he had a big smile for her.  
Lena looked down at her clothes-she had on black and pink athletic wear, not the kind of clothes she wanted to be seen in the front-end of Vinnie's. She waited by the server's station in the back so she could negotiate paying for her meal. It was a big bustle, loud, people yelling, and she wanted to help but knew she couldn't. She finally got Sam to stop and take some money for her food, and she asked him to let Vinnie know she was here. It took a minute and Vinnie was in the kitchen, staring at her.  
"Whaddya doin here?" He grabbed her in a half-hug. He was wearing his classic white shirt/white tie/black slacks combo, sleeves rolled up, and he was looking sweaty.  
"I was hungry-you need me to come in?"  
"Nah Lee, we're OK. I had to give a couple kids a crash course Vince-style, but it's ok, things are flowin'. I gotta get back out there though but I gotta ask you somethin'-did that Tommy guy get arrested last night?"  
"Yeah." Lena looked down as he got a little closer to her, staring at her.  
Vinnie's face was set in grim lines. "Uh huh. And you were there to bail him out because..."  
Lena shook her head, looked back at him. "Boy, news travels fast huh? How'd you hear?"  
"That's not an answer. I ask the questions. Listen I don't have time right now but you and me are gonna talk. Colt just got here with the sponsor paperwork, and he and I are gonna have a nice chat too. So you better get the hell outta here before I make you work. Awright?"  
Vinnie kissed her head and headed through the double doors, out into the front fracas. Lena shook her head, turned around, and Butch was throwing another dinner roll at her.  
"You're in trouble Lee-nuts!"  
Lena flipped him off, only half-serious this time. "Yeah yeah." She chucked a roll at him too and scooted out the back door before he could retaliate.  
On the drive home she sighed heavily and wondered if she was ever going to catch a break. The food smelled so good she was half -tempted to pull over and scarf it down right there. Of course, when she pulled up at her apartment building, there was Tommy sitting on the front step outside. Her heart accelerated, her nerves fluttered all over her body. It was 9:30, and Lena hadn't checked her phone since before she left-she wondered if he had even called or messaged her. She waved at him and pulled in around back to park, and when she stopped the car and got out Tommy was on her, taking her purse and dropping it at her feet, grabbed the foam box and set it on top of the car, and leaned her up against the car, kissing her softly at first, but moved into a deeper, harder kiss as he grabbed her legs and picked her up in one swift motion. Lena wrapped her legs around him and he crushed her to the car with his weight, and she could feel him like a steel rod against her sex-Tommy kissed and kissed her, rubbing his body against hers, and she felt like she couldn't breathe.  
"I want you right fuckin' now," he rasped, and chewed on her throat, her chin, back to her mouth. Lena's fingers splayed out on the sides of his head as she held his face-she had to get him inside.  
"Tommy," she struggled to get his attention,pull him up to look at her,"Tommy let's go inside, please..."  
Tommy stopped kissing her but still had her trapped against the car. He stared at her, looking half-wild, eyes dilated and black, nostrils flaring. Lena's adrenaline was already pumping, but looking at him, feeling him, she was in overload.  
"I got the fight," he said breathlessly, "your uncle helped a lot."  
Lena looked at him, perplexed. "Hmm. Saw him tonight, he didn't seem to happy-"  
"I know, just got off the phone with Colt. He told me to stay away from you." Tommy looked at her, nonplussed. "Guess your uncle doesn't like me that much."  
Lena felt the bottom drop out of her. "Fuck." She pushed at Tommy and he gave way. She grabbed her purse and her food and started heading for the apartment.  
"Hey," said Tommy, catching up to her. "What's wrong?"  
"What do you mean, what's wrong? Tommy if my uncle said that then that also means he could pull sponsorship if we continue. You just got started again. I don't want to fuck it up for you." Lena kept up her quick pace to the apartment and Tommy almost had to jog to keep up with her.  
"You're not gonna fuck anything up, Lena, I could fuck it up way before you could. And I'm not gonna." He followed her inside, and she dropped everything on the study table, sat down and put her head in her hands.  
"You're overreacting." Tommy sat at the table with her. She looked at him-the bruise around his eye was purple and yellow now, the deep cuts on his face were healing up. She noticed his thermal shirt tight over his frame, the worn out jeans that clung to him just right. He smiled knowingly at her. "You need to chill out and let me take you to bed."  
Lena smiled, but it wasn't a real smile. "Tommy...my uncle is a smart businessman. And a stern father to me sometimes. But if he said that, then I know he's serious and I don't know if I can convince him of anything. You just got this going, you can't blow it because of me."  
Tommy sighed, fidgeted in his seat. He looked everywhere but at her. "You know Lena, I spent a lot of my life being told no. Felt like I was forced to do a lot of things I didn't want to do. Had to grow up fast." He finally looked at her and nodded. "It just makes me want you more. I know you're right, but I don't want to stop seeing you. As hard as it is to say it, cuz I didn't want it to get this far to begin with." He spoke slowly and she heard the words, revelled in his accent and voice. "You don't want to see me, that's fine, but let it be for your own reasons, not cuz some...old man says no. I appreciate what he's doin' for me, but not on those terms." He sat back, crossed his arms, and just looked at her.  
Lena looked him straight in the eyes. "Is that what you told Colt?"  
Tommy shrugged. "Some of it. Colt said he already signed the contract, cut the check. You think he'd want to say it to me. I think it was more of a warning. He can't pull anything when we already have the money."  
Lena shook her head. She needed to talk to Vinnie herself. "Maybe he doesn't want you sidetracked while you're training." They both laughed at this. "Where and when is the fight?"  
Tommy looked at her, surprised. "It's Sparta. August 4th. Las Vegas."  
Lena looked at him wide-eyed. "I-I didn't know you were going for Sparta...what about the expo, wasn't that for something local?"  
Tommy shook his head. "I already have three fights lined up, in two weeks. I'll have to change my class later but for now I'm a welterweight." He glanced at her, then looked away, sighing. "Look, Lena...do you want me to leave, or.."  
She stared at him until he looked at her again. "No. I don't. I want you to eat with me. I'm starving." She smiled at him, and got up to get some plates. Her legs were shaking, her mind was buzzing. She had to eat something before she could absorb anything else.  
Tommy sat quietly as she dished out grilled chicken and rice with veggies. How something so simple could smell so heavenly was beyond her, but she knew how fantastic Butch was. Tommy stared at his plate, then at her.  
"Where did you get this?"  
"Vinnie's. I thought I could wait til you got here but after the gym tonight I needed sustenance." She handed him a tall glass of water and sat down next to him at the table. "Well, the gym, and you."  
Tommy looked at her bemusedly. "Oh yeah? Me?" He laughed a little and dug in to his food. "It's your fault."  
Lena swallowed her chicken too soon and almost choked. "Me?! How is that possible-"  
"Cuz you keep callin' me, you won't leave me alone, I'm thinkin' about one of those whaddyacall'em...restraining orders." He played the straight man very well, his face was blank as Lena lost it, giggling and socking him in the arm. "I know you're a little starstruck but c'mon this is getting out of control. Autographs aren't enough for people sometimes."  
Lena shook her head at him. "Alright. OK. I got your starstruck right here bud." She flicked water from her glass at him, right in his face. "Too bad it's not lemon juice."  
"Ouch," was all he said, but he was grinning at her. "So what are you gonna tell your uncle?"  
Lena considered it for a moment, and Tommy started to look a little nervous. "I'm going to tell him that we're fine, that it has nothing to do with your fighting, and he should only be concerned if it's really necessary."  
"Eh. Not many people like me, and I'm OK with that. This is no different." He kept eating, he was almost done, and Lena still had a bit to go.  
"Yeah well...he's my family. He's also my boss. He' s the reason why I have this apartment and the car and I can afford school. The grants only get you so far. I care very much what he has to say. I just hope he understands."  
Tommy shrugged again, and Lena couldn't help but feel irritated. Was he always ungrateful? And not ungrateful, maybe just hateful. He didn't seem perturbed at all and Lena wondered what would happen if Vinnie didn't want to understand and tried forcing her to give Tommy up. How would Tommy react then?


	13. Chapter 13: Bed As Octagon

Lena couldn't think about it any longer, too many variables. Also her vision was obscured by Tommy. He had taken his plate to the sink and rinsed it, stuck in the dishwasher. He opened her fridge, looked around inside, found a beer she had forgotten about from New Year's-it was some nasty malt beverage/energy drink. Probably Cal's, she thought. She finished her plate as Tommy drank the beer in silence, watching her from the kitchen. She got up to rinse her plate and still he said nothing, just leaned up against the counter swigging away. Lena set her dish in the dishwasher and turned to face him, press her belly against his, look up into his eyes. They were cold and hard. She wondered if he was irritated with what she had to say, or if it was just another mood swing. She slowly ran her fingertips up his ribs, ran her hands across the span of his chest, over his shoulders, finally resting her palms on the sides of his neck. Still he didn't move, just finished the beer and chucked the can into the trashcan behind her. Lena looked at him, his sloping nose, his chiseled face, marked up from the rough path he walked all his life. Tommy looked down at her as she caressed him, he had his arms at his sides and his fists balled up. He took a deep breath in and sighed, closed his eyes, opened them. A little softer now, the anger was shifting, grey gave way to blue in the hue of his eyes.  
"This isn't going to be easy, is it," he said, but it wasn't a question.  
Lena stared at his lips, touched them lightly, full and deep pink, warm and moist. Almost too pretty for a fighter. She wondered how many times had they been split and bleeding, how many times was she going to see that happen if they stayed together? "What isn't going to be easy, Tommy?" Her voice was a breathy whisper. Her heart was in her throat.  
"Us. This. I didn't want to do this," his voice was almost a whisper too, "but now...I can't stop it. Can't stay away from you."  
Lena took in a deep breath when he finally touched her, his hands strong on the small of her back as he pulled her tighter to his body, looking down at her with such intensity she felt she would melt.  
"You were trying too hard to stop it, "she said, her voice a hitch in her throat as his face was inches away now and she could make out every scar there, even his stubble glinted in the light coming from above the study table behind her. "You didn't realize we were supposed to be doing this. It's fate."  
Tommy's eyebrows went up. "Yeah? Then why are so many people wantin' to fuck with it?"  
"Like you said," she said, placing her hands on his cheeks, touching all the cuts lightly, "it's not going to be easy." His eyes were tragic, like a fallen angel, sad and angry at the same time. "And I don't want to stop either, I have to see you Tommy."  
He shook his head, pulled away a little, but Lena wouldn't let him go. "I should probably go."  
"No, Tommy. You're staying." She pulled him closer and kissed his mouth, and his lips wetly slid against hers. He groaned and pushed his tongue inside right away, his hands finding her bottom to pick her up so he could carry her to the bedroom.  
"How do you fuck me up so bad,"he whispered, setting her down on the bed so he could strip off his clothes. Lena was all over him, kissing him as she crouched on her knees on the bed, uncaring about her own clothes. She chewed on the outstanding six-pack of his abdominals, her tongue tangling in the rough dark curling hair that led down to his cock. It sprang free and jumped in her face like a weapon of some sort, threatening her with imminent destruction, and she caught it with her lips and sucked him deep into her mouth. Tommy hissed, grabbing her ponytail to yank it out so he could wrap his fingers in her hair. Lena ran her hands down his bare legs, and scratched up softly until she met his buttocks. She wrapped her fist around his girth to join her mouth, and Tommy began to moan as she pulled and pulled on him, her own panties soaking through so she felt it on her thigh-she was on fire for him, she wanted and wanted him endlessly. He grabbed at her arms weakly, shuddering.  
"No, not like this," he gasped, and pulled her up finally, tearing at her clothes carelessly, "take this shit off now Lena." She quickly got out of her clothes and Tommy was climbing on her bed, climbing on her, rubbing his damp cock all over her as he grabbed her head and kissed her like a man possessed. He wanted to hurt her for wanting him, for not giving up, for not backing down. For staying. He inhaled her breasts, bit her nipples almost too hard, making her cry out. The heat coming from her skin was so intense, he was sweating now, grabbing her hips as he teased her clit with his tongue. He locked his arms around her thighs so she couldn't squirm and proceeded to lick her, long slow licks with no breaks for Lena, nipping her clit in between the agonizing tongue torture he was putting her through. Lena couldn't squirm anyway, she was riveted to the bed, crying loudly as he devoured her, she felt like she was going to black out from the intensity of pleasure he was giving her. He started a circular rhythm now, his fingers had her spread wide and he had her begging for him inside her, but he didn't stop. Her thighs started trembling and trying to close around his head, but he fought her back down and kept up the relentless licking, sucking, blowing until she froze in a death spasm, her body tied in a tangle of orgasmic ropes that wracked her with seismic cannonfire of screaming pleasure. Tommy rose up when she fell back so he could fall on top of her and fill her with his own need, large and wide, making her gasp and cling to him. His hips rose high, pulling all the way out and then diving back in deep again, over and over. Lena pulled her legs up tight and squeezed him hard as he filled her. Tommy breathed out in a huff, up on his hands above her so she could watch his amazing body working her into the bed. Sweat rained down on her, she wondered how he could work so hard all day during training and still do this to her.  
Suddenly he was up and turning her on her side. He lifted one leg up and moved in, holding her in a scissors position, and drove into her wet pussy, making her gasp-new feeling, still so full, and now he battered her, his eyes blazing into her as he held her ankle to his chest and filled her to the hilt, hard, over and over. She had no other recourse except to grab her pillow and cry into it. Tommy moved just enough to grab it away from her and throw it to the floor.  
"I wanna hear you," he growled, and mercilessly fucked her, so deep she could feel his balls against the inside of her thigh as he ground into her, and she threw her head back and wailed his name. Her bed sounded like it was going to bust. She felt like she was going to split open. Tommy didn't stop, he rode her into a silent wracking orgasm that crept up on her and walloped her from behind, causing her to squirt all over him. "Oh yeah," he huffed, "you're my girl...mine.."  
Lena was crying out with every thrust in, the orgasm left her exhausted but energized at the same time. She wanted out of the position, she was hurting inside now from his ardor. Tommy resisted her motion and moved in closer so he could feel her breasts, grab them and pinch her nipples. His thrusts were faster and more shallow and she knew he was getting close- he sucked in air and bit his bottom lip, his eyes rolled back in his head. He pushed her leg down suddenly and fell on her, his wet body like a muscled snake on hers. He whipped her hard still, and she was clinging to him as he raged like a storm above her, on top of her, all over her. His head pushed down on her shoulder, seeking support.  
"Tell me you're mine...tell me you're my girl.." his voice was rasping like dry leaves, wind blowing through trees in autumn. Lena felt tears spring to her eyes, unintentional and inexplicable, as he ruthlessly pounded her.  
"I'm yours, Tommy...your girl..."  
That was it for him, he was coming already and his guttural choking cry sounded like someone was tearing his heart out. He pulled out of her, shuddering, his body hot like an overworked engine, and collapsed. He was gasping loudly, his voice breaking through like he had just run a marathon and couldn't catch his breath. Lena held him in her arms best she could, and he buried his face in her shoulder, neck, and hair.  
Tears still burned Lena's eyes, she wondered if this was helping or hurting him, or having any effect at all. Tommy stayed like that on top of her a long time, he would not budge. Lena wondered if he had passed out for a moment, but then he pulled back to look at her, his face red and swollen, his eyes slitty and gazing at her.  
"Yeah," he said, and his voice was choked. "I can't leave you alone if I tried." Lena held his wet face in her hands, and he kissed her palms.  
"Don't want you to, Tommy. Please don't." She took him back into her arms, and he rolled them onto their sides so he could nuzzle and kiss her, rub her arms and back. She moved her legs and winced with the tenderness.  
"Did I hurt you?" he whispered, looking at her. Surprised he could see anything, it was very dark in her room. but she could see him staring into her eyes.  
"No, I'm OK, Tommy,"she said softly, caressing his face, touching his lips. She smiled, but Tommy gave her a dirty look.  
"Yeah I did." He kissed her mouth, a short biting kiss. "I can't stand it, I want to hurt you."  
"Tommy, why?"  
"Maybe I want you to run," he whispered, looking at her eyes, her mouth, and down. "Get away from me. I'm not safe for you, everything's gonna get fucked up cuz of me."  
Lena wanted to hit him. She knew that wasn't the answer. She shook her head, closed her eyes, rested her head back into his palm.  
"Not going anywhere Tommy." She looked at him from the corner of her eye, and he was still looking at her with the same burning glare. "You gonna fuck me to death?"  
Tommy shook his head. "Not yet." He raked her bare neck with his mouth. "I'm not done with you."

Lena could do nothing but let Tommy attack her, batter her, he chewed her up and spit her out with his will, his might, his force-driven hunger for her. She was exhilarated and exhausted, sore and drenched. At one point in the third round he had her on her stomach, his heavy frame on top of her grinding her into the bed, one hand on her hip and one underneath her holding her belly to steady her. His voice was hot and deep in her ear as he groaned and cried out, twisting inside her. She was holding onto the mattress as he pulverized her G spot. She had already lost her senses sometime in the second round, all she could feel was him sliding in and out of her, or his mouth on her pussy, or his cock in her mouth-she was in his control and he wasn't going to stop anytime soon. Now she felt him nudging up higher, above her pussy, and she froze as wet her with spit and started to push into her tight tender nethermouth- the stretching sensation wouldn't stop, it left her breathless with his size. She had never had this kind of sex before. Tommy slowly filled her, gasping and groaning, he didn't sound like he could take it either.  
"Oh fuck, fuck!" he called out loud, and pulled back to drive in again. Lena was in between pleasure and pain, her cries and whimpers muffled in the pillow she was biting. Tommy's hand underneath her slid down her belly to her pussy, and he rubbed at her clit with his palm, pushing hard in a circular motion as he thrusted slowly into her. Lena didn't think it was possible that she could come again, but she couldn't have stopped it when it hit her, she bucked and shuddered and the entire room pressurized with the incoming explosion, her pussy throbbed and spasmed against his palm as his cock filled her on the other side, hot and splitting her apart. She clawed at nothing, found his arm that was underneath her and she held onto it, digging her nails into his skin, her body wracking so hard it hurt. She couldn't see or hear, her voice was a broken scream that sounded like his name.  
"Ahhgoddamnit!" Tommy lost it, finally coming inside her, riding the whole wave in, and his body was a taut line of muscles spasming through it. "Fuck!"  
She felt it all, felt him spasming inside her, and then falling on top of her, his body a wet heavy blanket crushing her.  
"Oh holy fucking shit," he rasped, and kissed her neck, her shoulder. She was pinned beneath him, and he was still inside her, but neither of them could move. Sheer exhaustion had set in.  
"Tommy..." her voice was a gasp," what did you do to me..."  
"Tryin' to fuck you to death..." he slowly pulled out of her and tried to stand. "You're pretty tough."  
Lena layed there, blissed out and soaked with sweat. She took her first deep breath in what felt like forever, feeling the lovely cooler air now all around her scorched body. Everything was sore. Everything.  
Tommy was back, he had a wet rag or something, Lena couldn't have cared less as he tended to her. When she opened her eyes to look at him she could see blood on the rag-he had hurt her and she hadn't noticed, not yet anyway.  
He left again, and after a while came back with a water glass he pushed into her hand. "C'mon," he urged,"you need this."  
Lena picked her heavy head up, looked at him standing completely naked in front of her, guzzling greedily from a water glass. She followed suit, it dribbled out the corner of her mouth and she didn't care. It was heaven. When it was gone he took it from her.  
"Want more?" he asked, and for a half-second she wasn't sure what he was talking about.  
"Um, no. Thank you. Come back to bed. Please." She didn't sound like herself at all, so she thought. Her voice was almost gone. She layed her head back down and immediately started drifting off, until Tommy got in and started pushing at her to move her, make room for himself. Lena begrudgingly rolled onto her side to face him, and immediately Tommy was up against her, his belly against hers, his nipples and chest hair tickling her skin as he fought to get closer to her, til he was a wall she was resting against, her face pressed to his shoulder while he tenderly kissed her cheek and stroked her hair. She had survived Tommy's boot camp of agony and ecstasy, and he was rewarding her with sweet caresses and kisses.  
"Do I get a medal..." she said groggily. Tommy actually giggled.  
"Medal?" He held her chin and kissed her mouth,engulfing hers so easily- his full lips put hers to shame. "For what?" She couldn't open her eyes anymore but she could hear the smile in his voice.  
"Tour of Duty. Medal of honor. Something. I survived you tonight."  
Tommy laughed under his breath."You came so many times I think that's your reward."  
"Tommy...you really are going to kill me, aren't you?" She didn't remember saying that exactly, her own raspy voice sounded distant and muffled.  
THE NEXT MORNING Lena woke up to her alarm going off, and she felt very confused because she swore she had just fallen asleep. She cursed her alarm clock, and started getting up only to cry out in pain as her body betrayed her-she was so very sore.  
Tommy was gone, there was a note on the bedside table that read,  
"hey you, had to get to the gym. can't wait to see you again. take some motrin. have a great day. love, T."  
Lena shook her head, grinning. Love. Love. Love. Oh my God he wrote it for the second time now, she thought. Maybe that's just what he does.  
"He's Tommy Riordan for God's sake," she said out loud, and she had the marks and muscle strain to prove it.


	14. Chapter 14: Overcome

TODAY was Lena's 24th birthday. She was ragged and sore and grinning like a fiend all day. Her Saturday morning class went by like a dream, she tore through her accounting class, visited her microeconomics teacher, and left at 12:15 with a message on her phone from Cal to meet her at Colt's for a birthday bruiser-workout. Lena knew she was not going to be much good, but she couldn't wait to see Cal anyway, knowing he would buy her lunch afterwards since she was starving to death.  
Colt's was packed for a Saturday afternoon, at least it looked that way when she pulled in the parking lot and saw all the cars there. Ginger Henry was running the counter, all smiles when she was signing in.  
"So, uh...Lena? I was wondering if maybe you'd like to go out sometime...um catch a movie or something?" Henry was bright red, all the way to his hair roots. Lena felt very bad-if she didn't have Tommy's name written all over her body she would have said yes.  
"Henry...I am sorry, but-"  
"This bitch is taken, Henry," Cal said from behind her. "You took too long."  
Lena turned around slowly and now she was turning red. "Wow, nice to see you too asshole." Cal wrapped her up in her arms, kissing her forehead. "You have such impeccable timing."  
"Happy birthday retard," he said, grinning.  
Henry looked very confused. "Um, but I thought...I thought you're..."  
Cal cocked his head at Henry, full-on 'girlfriend please' attitude. "Um GAY Henry? Why yes, I am. It's not me, silly."  
Henry shook his head, clearly embarrassed and put out. "Er, um, sorry. Sorry Lena."  
"OK well this has been cute but we got shit to do, see you later Henry." Cal hustled her into the cardio room, and signaled up to DJ Ras manning the turntables, who nodded and started blaring some annoying Miami booty bass birthday song-"Go Libra, it's your birthday, go Aries, it's your birthday!" et cetera, ad infinitum, ad nauseum. There were balloons and a cake on a bench nearby, and Cal handed her a card signed by her friends at school, Colt, and Cal himself. Some people waved at Lena and wished her happy birthday, others just looked irritated by the distraction, and they got death looks from Cal as a result.  
"Oh Cal, thank you so much! This is great!" She hugged his big muscular frame excitedly.  
"Oh no. Go put your shit in the locker. You can have some cake later, but first I'm gonna punish you beeotch." Cal waited for her to come back, and dragged her to the treadmills. They got on together, starting at a light jog that she knew would not last before he pushed her into hyperdrive. But Cal didn't push at her, not yet, just kept looking over at her like she was a puzzle he was trying to put together.  
"What the fuck Cal, staring problem?" She loved that they could joke around like they were enemies, and other people would look at them like shit was about to go down. It was entertaining to both of them.  
"No bitch, just trying to figure out why you look like you're half-dead. Don't think I'm going to be able to hurt you as bad as I thought I could today." His voice was sarcastic and nasty. "Wonder who's been keeping you up too late?"  
Lena flushed scarlet thinking about the night before. "I think you already know, and I already know how you feel about it, so let's just not discuss it. Safer for everyone."  
Cal narrowed his eyes at her. "What is it about him, Lena? I don;t get it. You are so shy around guys, I can barely get you out of the house except to see you here or at school, and this guy comes along and you're..."  
Lena looked at him pointedly. She had sped up a little on her own, hoping he would too and get too out of breath to ferret anything out of her. "Different? Yes, I know. I wish I knew how to summarize it for you, but I think I'm a little clueless too. I like him. A lot. It's mutual, in case you were wondering-"  
"Oh yeah? Did he tell you he's leaving Monday for six weeks?" Cal watched her facade crumble, and looked satisfied with it.  
"Huh, what? Leaving...how do you know anything about it?" she spat, angry and upset.  
"So he didn't tell you. I saw Colt this morning, he's leaving the gym to Henry and a couple other guys to run, he wanted me to do it, but I can't-anyway he has to go with Tommy to Arizona, I guess there's an MMA lab or something down there and Tommy has to train there. Colt says he doesn't trust him here, too many distractions." Cal pointed at her.  
Lena was getting even angrier. "Me?! What about his dad? Shit I can't believe this. He didn't call me or anything..."  
Cal scoffed at her. "Lena you have got to figure this out, he's desperate and lonely. And lots of trouble. This will be a great thing for you, you can forget about him, and maybe take Henry up on his offer-"  
"Fuck you Cal, fuck you fuck you," she panted, and she hadn't realized she was running a six minute mile. She slowed down now, she thought her chest was going to burst. Cal watched her, he looked like maybe he hadn't seen her quite this pissed in a long time. She was raging fury, at Cal and at Tommy.  
Lena hopped off the treadmill and marched straight to the locker room to get her phone. Nothing from Tommy, just a voicemail from her mom that she knew was a birthday wish, and a couple of text messages from her friends at school.  
When she came back out of the locker room, Cal was waiting for her. He looked sad. Lena didn't have the patience to put up with any of his condescension.  
"Save it, Cal."  
Cal shook his head. "Lena...I'm sorry. I'm an asshole. Come one, it's your birthday, let's go have a piece of cake, fuck the workout, OK?"  
Lena looked at the floor a long moment, looked at Cal. Big blue eyes.  
"Aggghhhh Cal, I fuckin' hate you! You know I can't stay mad at you when you do that, stop it!"  
Cal grinned his big shit-eating grin. "I know, right?"  
LATER. Lena had talked to her mom-big dinner planned for Sunday night for her birthday. She knew it was going to be her favorite-lasagna-and she wished she had worked out earlier. She had to head to work at 4:30, where she knew Vince would be pouring drinks down her throat and Butch would be trying to shove tiramisu in there too.  
Tommy still had not contacted her, and she was half-worried, half-pissed. No way was he just going to bounce on her, right?  
"Hey, birthday girl!" Vince was spoiling her with balloons and snowshoe shots. Lena was just hanging out with him, not really working, and even though it was busy as hell, somehow he had her on the clock and in the corner of the bar away from everything. She found out quickly that he had a motive.  
"I got a surprise for you, little Lee Lee." He pulled a card out of his pocket.  
"Uncle Vince," she raised her hand in protest, thinking her voice was a little too slushy-sounding, "I don't wanna card from you, you already gave me one anyway, 'member?"  
Vince laughed at her. "Oh you are so lucky Butch isn't here at the bar, he'd be taking a video of you trashed, kid. Now take the goddamn card please. Stop makin' a scene."  
Lena took the card and tore the envelope open. It was a card all in Spanish and her heart jumped.  
"Feliz Cumpleaños" on the front, and inside some words she didn't understand, maybe a few. It was signed 'Amor, tu Papá' and she understood that well enough. The room was spinning and her eyes filled with tears. She felt Vince ushering her past all the crowds and into the office, where she sat in his big comfy chair and began to weep.  
"What does it say uncle, please tell me.."  
Vince rubbed her shoulder and read it to her in English:  
'My dearest daughter, I wish I could be there to wish you happy birthday in person, but I made some choices that put me here, and all of us at a disadvantage. One day I will make it all up to you. I miss you, your Mom, and David more than you know. I know you are doing well, keep it up. I love you so very much. Take care of your mom for me. Please tear this up after you have read it. Love, your Daddy.'  
Lena sobbed soundlessly, her emotions so raw from the alcohol in her blood. All she could see was her father, and when she looked at Vince the resemblance was too much.  
Vince set the card on fire with his classy gold lighter and set it in the steel ashtray that had always sat on his desk as a paperweight. Lena watched it burn, knowing she could never have convinced Vince to let her keep it anyway.  
"I miss him so much Uncle Vince," she said in between little sobs. "You know we still haven't heard from David-"  
"I know kid," Vince said, his voice deep and soft. "I'm sorry, I knew it was gonna tear you up, but..."  
Lena looked at him again, her eyes waterfalls. "Thank you. And I'm not supposed to ask, but where did you get it?"  
Vince just shook his head at her slowly, and didn't answer. Lena wanted to be angry, but she knew Vince wouldn't budge. To keep her safe he wouldn't tell her.  
"OK, OK." She tried to get herself together. "Aren't you going out of town Monday?" Maybe if they talked about something else she would be able to get it together.  
Again Vince shook his head. "Cancelled it, Lee. Me and Sarah are having some problems." Sarah was his wife of twenty years. Lena knew they always had problems though, this was no surprise. Vince kept long hours away running the restaurant and occasionally stayed out late on top of that. Lena wondered how Sarah had hung on for as long as she had as it was.  
"Oh...I'm sorry Vince." And Lena was really sorry because she had wanted the distraction-if Tommy was going out of town she wanted as much as possible going on to keep her busy. "Anything I can do?"  
"Nah..." he waved his hand. "You know how it is kid. Just a steady stream of shit. I should be home more is the problem. But hopefully she'll snap out of it, I really wanted to go to Vegas. I been feelin' lucky lately." He winked at her. "So what's the deal with you and that Tommy guy?"  
Lena sat back in her chair, sighing. "I'm seeing him. I like him. He likes me. I've already been hearing it so I guess it's your turn now."  
Vince looked at her like she hit him. "Hey, Lee, I let people make their own mistakes. Which is what this is. He was somethin'...once. But he's a fuckin' mess, don't you see that? I mean I know he can fight, that's why I backed him. But you...you can't take that on, Lee, he's too fucked up."  
Lena just looked at him, her make-up ruined, her nice business suit all rumpled up. She looked so small in his big high-backed chair.  
"Yeah I know Cal's been givin' you the business about it. Can't blame him. But I ain't your daddy...boy if I was I would be cuttin' that shit off quick. But you gotta fall down to learn how to get up. Just don't fall too hard Lena. You're somethin' special, hate to see your lights put out by some trainwreck."  
Lena shook her head, standing up. She wanted to have her say, but she bit her half-drunk tongue and drunkwalked over to him to hug him.  
"I gotta get out of here, I'm sorry-"  
"Uh, you ain't drivin' kid! I gotta check out the front, you wait here." Vince searched her face, looked in her eyes. "Butch or somebody can drive ya. Awright? Don't you fuckin' leave." He kissed her head and set her down on the chair he had been sitting on.  
She thought she was going to throw up. Snowshoes and cake. Not a good combo. Well, she thought, everyone warning her about Tommy, they didn't realize he was probably out of the picture now anyway.

Butch showed up in the doorway of the office. Lena had her head in her hands, and she sounded like she was snoring.  
"Hey. Lee. You up?" Butch jingled the keys in his hand loudly. Lena's head snapped up.  
"Hmm? Yeah Butch, I'm up. Just a little woozy is all. Listen I can drive home, don't know what Vinnie is all worked up about-" she was trying to stand and kind of toppled back into the chair. Butch guffawed loudly.  
"Ha ha ha, Lena, lookatcha you're a wreck! C'mon lemme take you home."  
She felt herself walk to the car, get in and she felt the car moving, but everything was so fuzzy. Butch helped her to the doorway of the apartment building, and the cold air outside kind of perked her up a bit. Lena stood at the open door and smiled at him.  
"I think I can manage, Butch. I'm going to go lay down. Thank you for the ride."  
"Lee, you sure?"  
"Yeah, get back to the restaurant, I'll see you later." Lena was running out of time to get upstairs, her head was feeling woozy again. She let the door shut on Butch and headed upstairs, staggering against the handrail. "Oh I can't wait to go to bed," she mumbled out loud. When she reached her apartment door she noticed the doorknob felt funny in her grip, like it was a little loose. She unlocked it and fell in to a candlelight glow- little candles were lit up all over her apartment, there was a delicious smell in the air, and then she saw Tommy looking quite surprised to see her, messing with her stereo. He was dressed all in black, tight fitting long-sleeved shirt and black jeans that looked brand new. His look of shock was priceless, as she knew hers had to be as well.  
Lena wavered in the open doorway, staring at him, soundless. Tommy nervously dropped the CD he had in his hand and started making his way towards her, his face giving away nothing, his cheeks and eyes glowing with the misty candlelight. Still neither one said a word, Lena too drunk and tongue-tied to say anything, Tommy unable to read her and just acting on instinct. She put her hands up to defend herself from his sudden attack, but he just reached behind her and shut the door, then walked against her so she backed up flat against the door. He looked down at her, into her eyes, her face. Lena was pinned between the heavy wooden door and his broad muscular chest, and she was caught up in his eyes, blue-green in the soft light. She stared at his face, ruddy cheeks, knit brow, and his glistening lips that looked like they could swallow her whole. She wanted to remember it forever, her fallen angel, her broken warrior. His breath blew warm on her skin, she could smell his skin as his body heat rose,and clean smells; detergent, body wash-she felt so dizzy and fell against him, her head rolled against his collarbone. Tommy caressed her head, tangled his fingers her hair, and then tugged gently to have her mouth to kiss oh-so-softly, sucking her lips and nibbling them. She sighed loudly, sagged against him, and his breath came in a shudder-his desire was great, she could feel him pulsing and growing against her. His growl was low and threatening, she felt so overwhelmed by her own desire and the hunger he was so carefully containing.  
"Tommy.." she managed to break from his soft,sensuous, lingering kiss, how she did not know. "What is going on, how did you get in here-" Her voice was a raspy whisper, she was choked by the pulsating heartbeat in her throat.  
Tommy just looked down at her, glowering with want, but his expression softened by tenderness. "Lena," he began, "I broke in. Wanted to surprise you. Been at the jailhouse most of the day with Pop and the lawyer. Wanted to call you but my phone didn't work down there for some fucked up reason." God she loved his gravelly voice, his accent thick and his words drawn out. She could listen to him forever. A big smile broke out on his face and suddenly he looked like a naughty little boy again. "Why didn't you tell me it's your birthday, huh? Had to find out through Colt. You're such a bad bad girl..."His face was maybe two inches from hers, she could smell whisky on his breath. "I picked up some Chinese...Cal told me what you like."  
Lena was totally shocked. "What, Cal?! Cal? When did you talk to him?" Her voice was high and she could hear how drunk she was. Damn. Tommy just laughed, his muscled belly rocking her softly against the door.  
"You been partying without me, huh?" He kissed her forehead."I saw him at the gym this morning. Real early. He was pretty decent." Tommy's expression was sarcastic but amused. "Kid has balls, warned me off you. Hmph."  
"Tommy...you're really leaving?"  
He sighed heavily. "Yeah, um, Colt thinks I need this bullshit lab. He just wants me gone,no distractions and off the HGH. Ain't happening, I'm already seeing results-"he flexed his bicep and she could see it bulging through the thin fabric of his shirt. She thought she would faint. "They can't make me do anything. Ain't illegal. Fuck 'em anyway." He looked down at her, and she thought he would consume her with his hot glare. "I don't wanna go. But if I'm doin' this fight I have to. It's four weeks, Lena...I'll call you everyday." He bent his head and kissed her again and again, and she chewed his bottom lip just enough to make him groan, then she kissed his cheek, pulled him close to her and nibbled his ear. He slid his hips against her to let her feel how hard he was and he growled again, giving her the impetus to dip her tongue in and swirl around the cartilage of his ear, suck the lobe some more.  
"Ahhh, Lena..."His voice rumbled through her and she wanted him so badly it was starting to hurt. "Not yet, no no..." He pushed her back and she could see the red flush in his cheeks, his neck. His eyes were dilated and he wanted her, but found the strength to stop somehow. She didn't think he was capable of much else than instinct at these times. Perspiration glistened on his brow and she fought the urge to lick him, taste the salt of his sweat.  
"Tommy, Tommy..."she was tugging at the back of his jeans, sliding one hand in and scratching at a taut buttock, making him breathe harder as his cock strained against her.  
"No. Not yet." His voice was clear and dictatorial, she could hear his military training and she couldn't help but draw back. "Lena, I almost killed you last night. I'm sorry. It's the HGH, I could go forever...I won't do that to you again-"  
Lena's fingertips were closing his mouth, playing on his lips. "Oh my God but Tommy...I never experienced that before...I loved it."  
Tommy's face registered surprise. "I hurt you."  
"Yes...but didn't you try to? Something inside of you pushing me away, maybe that's how you translate it-"Lena caught his lips in hers, kissing him and moving against him. Tommy opened up to her, his tongue slid against hers and caressed hers, he was eating her alive. "Oh I want you," she gasped, "Tommy please, please..."  
Tommy grabbed her in his arms and carried her to her bedroom, where more candles flickered and glowed. Warm and inviting. He lowered her to the bed and began stripping her, carefully removing her shoes and rubbing her feet. Lena stared up at him, this beautiful beastly man in her bedroom rolling her stockings down her legs so gently. She worked her jacket and shirt off while he hiked her skirt down and took in the sight of her in her black lacy bra and panties. His ears were bright red and his breath was gusty huffs, he looked and sounded like a bull about to charge. Lena held her arms out to him, but he shook his head 'no' slightly, looking unsure of his own answer. She could see his cock full against his zipper, she was dying to set it free. When she reached for him he pushed her hands away, then grabbed her legs and flipped her easily onto her chest. She laid there, face down on her blanket, felt the bed weigh down and wobble with his weight as he climbed on to straddle her. He gently rested his body length against her, grinding his hips against her ass, and she reacted like a cat in heat, arching her back to rub up against him, sighing loudly as his hands ran up her sides to reach underneath her and grab her breasts.  
"Lena, oh fuck," he rasped, and unsnapped her bra to free her a little more from her constraints. "Thought about you all day..."  
"I don't want you to go Tommy," she whispered, and she was met with his hungry kiss along her shoulder, her neck, up to her mouth that he forced a sideways kiss on.  
"Me neither, "he gasped, her hand was reaching back and grabbing his cock through the fabric of his jeans. "Mmmmm..." his voice sent a chill through her, and he was sliding her panties off; she could hear his zipper coming down and his cock was hot and hard against her ass, sliding along her skin and leaving a wet trail behind. Her pussy throbbed and pulsed, wanting him to possess her as only he could.  
"Oh God Tommy!" she cried softly and tried to turn over, but he held her fast.  
"No,"he said softly,"I'm fuckin' this all up." Suddenly he was up and she could hear her nightstand drawer opening; she looked sideways and back and saw the massage oil in his hands. "Don't you move girl."  
"Tommy, you don't have to.."  
But when he started rubbing her back she saw stars, her toes curled and she moaned loudly. He worked her shoulders and neck, shoulderblades and ribs. Slowly, so slowly Tommy's strong hands rubbed just hard enough, and she felt the heaviness of the alcohol again, overrunning her blood adrenaline levels. He worked downwards, taking his time, working her buttocks and thighs, down to her calves and feet, then back up again until he ended up rubbing her arms and hands. She was blissed out and dazed, she couldn't barely open her eyes when he was done. She hardly noticed the soft towel on her skin as he wiped her down, removing excess oil and invigorating her skin. Maybe the alcohol had killed it-she was drifting somewhere between sleep and wake states. Tommy was fuzzy and distant and she was leaving too, couldn't stop it.  
When Lena woke from her catnap the candles were guttering out. Tommy was next to her on his side facing her, his skin with all the black ink glistening in a sheen of sweat. He opened his eyes and she could clearly see he had been wide awake the whole time. She turned into his embrace, their bodies tangled in the sheet he had put over them.  
"I'm sorry,"she whispered, "too many shots at work." She nuzzled his neck, the stubble scratching her skin. She kissed his throat, rested her lips against the pulsing vein she found there.  
"Don't apologize,"he whispered back,"I was waiting for you."  
Tommy held her, his hands all over her rubbing, caressing. Lena slid against his heavy muscled body, thinking again how much he was going to change, after four weeks he come back to her much bigger and stronger. Even now he was filling out so quickly, and she ran her hands all over his back and arms, marvelling at his structure. He gently rolled over on top of her, and Lena caressed him with her arms and legs, hands and feet, urging him on. Her nails scratched just enough to make him hiss and sigh.  
"Lena," Tommy was gazing down at her. "You know how sore you're going to be tomorrow?"  
"Yes, Tommy."  
"And you're OK with it?"  
Lena smiled lazily up at him, looked straight into his seastorm grey-blue eyes. "I have four weeks to heal, don't I?"


	15. Chapter 15: No Mercy

That was all Tommy needed to hear.  
"I'm gonna make you come so hard Lena," he growled, "I don't want you to forget me." His cock was trapped in the sheet against her leg. All she wanted was to have it inside her, it didn't matter where. His need made his face flush and sweat, his eyes dilate-it thrilled her to watch his reaction to her. Her heart was exploding in her chest as he tore the sheet away to feel her against him, feel her skin against his. The cry was already rising in her throat, she was reaching between their bodies to grab him, heavy and thick in her hand, the velvety skin sliding against her palm as she stroked him. Tommy took a hissing breath in, glaring down at her. He pushed into her stroke, back and forth, and pressed his burning lips to hers blindly, his tongue darting out to taste her, to fight with her tongue as she reached into his mouth. She looked down and saw his cock thrusting up in her fist, against her thigh, the head was glistening with his excitement-she wanted to remember all this, four weeks felt like a lifetime.  
Suddenly Tommy climbed over her, sliding upside down next to her on his side and pulled her towards him, until he had her on top of him, and she found herself on top of him with his cock pushing against her face and her sex being greedily sucked by his hungry mouth. Her mind went blank, she took him in her mouth and her hands found his balls and the root of his cock-he groaned and nibbled on her clit, his fingers working inside her and finding her slick and hot. She was lost in her own pleasure but somehow found a rhythm on him, her voice humming in her throat as he alternated between attacking her pussy and teasing it, blowing on her burning hot flesh that squelched around his fingers-she wanted him so badly. He pumped upwards into her mouth, and she could taste him now, stinging her lips and tongue. It made her delirious with ecstasy, she was so close now to falling off the edge into insanity.  
Lena couldn't bear it, she was losing control. She threw her head back and cried out, and Tommy flipped her over, climbed back on top of her, and he was kissing her deeply now, his heavy wet frame on top of her, sliding down until his hips fell in between her legs. He nudged against her aching pussy, and she arched towards it, begging him silently for slid inside with one thrust. She gasped and choked, he filled her completely and her eyes flew open to look into his dark blue eyes glistening, smiling at her. She pulsed the muscles quickly around him, over and over, until he shuddered and had to move, he couldn't stay still any longer. His full weight bore down on her, he grabbed her ass and held her up as he drove in and out slowly, his head rolling against hers, his face rubbing against hers.  
"Ohh I love your pussy," he growled in her ear, filling her slowly and pulling back slowly, grinding her into the bed, "I wanna make that motherfucker come…"His voice purred and panted into her ear, she was crying softly into his. His hand slipped down and he rose up just enough to rub her clit, around and around, his thrusts a little faster. Lena tried to hold onto him, her hands slid down his undulating ribs, his back, down to his ass that she tried to grab, but now he was on his knees and holding her up just enough to keep up his relentless rhythm inside her, only now he was pumping into that magic spot, his secret spot. The Earth spun off its axis, the stars exploded in her eyes as her body erupted in wild spasms of fire and ice, agony and ecstasy-she cried his name, every muscle was clenching, her heart as well.  
"Oh fuck, fuck!" She heard herself whispering screams as he hit her hard through it, making her arch up until she was balancing on her head and hands, and Tommy slid his hands up her back to support her, then pulled her towards him until she was on his lap. Her hips immediately found a rhythm and he fell back, letting her take control.  
Lena looked down at him, his ruddy face wet and carnal, his eyes dark and hungry as he watched her ride him. She burned with want, her heart contracted in her throat, and her muscles moved so sinuously-she had never felt for anyone as she did for him. His hands were all over her, and she leaned down to kiss him, her own thrusting making the bed rock. Tommy was gasping, kissing her desperately, his hands finding her hips to slow her down.  
"I can't, not yet…no," his voice strangled in his throat, and he had to flip her yet again, it had to stop. She held her breath as he worked his licking biting mouth down her ribs, her belly, down until he fastened onto her clit again-she squealed, she was so sensitive still, but as his fingers worked inside to quickly plunge in and out she realized how fast he could get her back on the uphill rollercoaster climb. Lena looked down to see his head in between her legs, working her into a frenzy-he caught her staring and winked at her, smiling against her sex.  
"Tommy," she gasped, "please please come here.."  
Tommy rose up silently and urged her without words onto all fours. Lena took in a deep breath as she felt him pressing slowly inside, but he slipped right out again, then just the tip in again, and out, over and over. Deep inside her body tensed, she wanted him to fill her, she tried falling back when he slipped in her, but he jerked back and kept up the torture. She swore she heard him laugh softly as she roared in frustration.  
"Tommy…please.."  
"Please what?" His voice was husky and sexy, sly and playful. "Please, what….Lena?"  
"Tommy, put it in!" Her face flushed. Tommy started rubbing her clit, her entire sex with the tip and she thought she was going to scream.  
"What? Put what in?"  
Lena rubbed back against him, she knew he wasn't going to give in until she said it, but she was going to torture him then too. He watched her undulate and slide against him and he was holding his breath now as well.  
"Your dick, Tommy, give it to me, please pleeease…" She bent all the way over until her forehead was on the sheets and she was totally exposed before him. She could see behind her from this position and saw him stroking himself, staring at her body, biting his lower lip. "Fill me up, please-"  
Tommy was all over her at once, holding her hips so he could drive in, hard and fast, and then remain motionless. He sighed loudly, and she could feel him throbbing inside of her.  
"Oh God," he groaned, "you feel so fucking good…I wanna come inside you so bad…."  
Lena moved on him, over him, rocking back and forth and thrusting on him, moaning low. She wanted that too. His hand was on her sex, rubbing and sliding, and she knew it wouldn't be long for her. Tommy started pushing against her until he had complete control again, and she tried to hold onto something as he picked up speed, making the bed vibrate. His breath was ragged and he pumped her body harder, while she fell to pieces around him, coming endlessly-the only thing she was aware of was his palm rubbing her clit and his cock filling her over and over and the freight train orgasm running through her nervous system, her brain, her entire body. She was falling face first down on the bed, barely able to hold herself up now as the spasms receded. Tommy was wildly thrusting her into oblivion and suddenly pulled out-she could feel hot jets splashing everywhere as he huffed and let out a loud deep cry. She felt him rubbing against her, leaving a trail behind as he shuddered out the rest of his orgasm on her.  
"TommyTommyTommy…"she was whispering his name mindlessly, over and over as she slid down to lay on the bed. Tommy got up and grabbed a towel to clean her off, and then he was beside her, kissing her and holding her tightly to him-he didn't care how wet or hot they were, he was not letting go. He wrapped them in the sheet and kept at her, kissing her deeply and slowly. Lena held him in her arms, rubbing his back, his shoulders, his neck, finally holding his face, the stubble scratching at her palms.  
"Lena," he whispered, "you'll wait for me?" His face was against her neck, kissing and mouthing.  
She sighed, his gentle touch sending chills down her spine. Her nipples hardened and he slid lower to suckle on them, massage her breasts.  
"Of course Tommy," she whispered, "how could you ask me that, can't you see how crazy I am about you?" She forced him to look at her, look her in the eyes. She could see the worry there, his desperate expression.  
"I hate this," he spat, sounding frustrated, "I hate feeling like this…" His face was back down and burying in her breasts again.  
"Hate what, feeling like what?" Lena stroked his head, her fingers tangled in his wet hair.  
"Not sure if you won't leave me too." His voice was just above a whisper, and he rested his head on her belly, caressing her hips.  
Lena didn't know what to say, what to do for a moment. She held him as best she could, and he clung to her, but wouldn't budge, didn't want to face her. The moment was too raw for him.  
"Tommy….I'm not going anywhere." She took his hand from her hip and kissed his palm. "I don't want anyone but you."  
He nodded but still didn't move, just nuzzled his face against her skin. They lay like that for a while, Lena caressing his head and holding his hand to her chest. She felt alarmed and hurting for him-he was admitting something to her tonight, the loneliness and anger that he carried with him had served to protect him all this time, and his defenses were coming down with her, and he wanted to make sure she was still going to be around before he could go any further with her. That, and the fact that he had lived with his pain in solitude for so long-it protected him yes, but also cursed him to walk the Earth alone-he had broken most of his rules with her, couldn't keep promises to himself, and let his guard down. He was terrified she would abandon him too. Lena shivered with the daunting mountain she was willing to climb with him, a big cold sheer rock wall of damaged emotion. She wanted to make it over the other side with him, she wanted him to feel the sun again, instead of being trapped in the shadows with his dark rage and sadness as his only company.  
She looked down at him, his arms holding her and his head on her stomach, and she realized how deep she was getting. Her connection to him was like a thick rope of fine titanium threads, shiny and glistening but stronger than steel. Her eyes stung. Between her father's birthday card and Tommy's neediness surfacing she was done in. She tried to yank him up but he was so heavy. Slowly he picked his head up and looked at her cock-eyed.  
"You really think you can pull me up?" He half-smiled at her, and slowly climbed up her body, dragging himself along her as he went. "Hmmm…little Lena," he whispered, his full slightly swollen lips coming so close to hers. "Happy happy birthday, doll." He smiled his crooked-tooth grin, the one she loved, and she cupped his jaw in her palms to pull him down and kiss him.  
"Thank you," she said, smiling too. "How did you get in here anyway?"  
He grinned. "Can't tell you…but I will buy you a new doorknob."  
Lena laughed. "You scared the shit out of me," she said. "I needed to see you, talk to you all day. I didn't expect you to be in my apartment."  
Tommy looked at her lips, sucked his own, looked back into her eyes. "I saw Cal at the gym. He was pissy. Told me you love cashew chicken and that you'd be home after 9." He snickered. "He really hates me."  
"He'll get over it eventually. So what's going on with your dad, what's going to happen with him? Isn't court Monday morning?"  
Tommy nodded. "Yep. I've already talked to Brendan, he wants to shove him in a treatment facility. Great idea, but…"he sighed. "It's one we've tried before."  
Lena caressed his face, his averted eyes went stormy grey. "If there's anything I can do, please let me know."  
He nodded, caressing her hair thoughtlessly as he focused his gaze on something else random in the room.  
"I got a birthday card from my dad tonight." She felt a hitch rising in her throat and she swallowed it down. "Were you around during…that whole thing? In the neighborhood?"  
He looked at her, and his eyes were a hot blurred glare.  
"When I get back I'm hoping you can meet Brendan. We don't get along very well…but he says he remembers you, and he filled in a lot of the blanks… I'm sorry, Lena. I was already gone with my mom. But I heard about it, it made the papers in Tacoma."  
Lena shook her head, closing her eyes. "Such a mess. My dad and brother are both gone…I wish I could see them."  
Tommy wrapped his arms around her and kissed her gently. "You will," he whispered, "one day soon." His voice was sweet and deep, caressing her just as his hands were. Lena's eyes burned and she choked back a sob.  
"Hope so…" she kissed his chest, his collarbone, his neck. "Ah Tommy…I wish these four weeks were already gone." Hot tears slid down from her eyes and met his skin. He pulled back and wiped her face with his hands.  
"Don't…Lena." He kissed her sweetly, softly. His eyes were red too, she wondered what the trigger was for him this time. She kissed him back, pushed her tongue in between his full lips, past his teeth. Her hands rubbed his chest, she gently scratched the sparse hair there and down, and Tommy huffed a breath out as he kissed her back with growing urgency.  
"Yes," she whispered. "Tommy I need you."  
"I'm here," he rasped, and pushed his body against hers, surging with need.


	16. Chapter 16:Hovering

Lena was breathless beneath him, he was everything she never knew she needed, his touch was soothing and exhilarating. She was crazy about him, and he was devouring her-she felt her heart and soul was in his mouth with her flesh as he moved down her neck, her collarbone, her chest and then her breasts, he was going to leave her an empty shell tonight. Four long weeks.  
Tommy looked up at her as her neared her hipbones, his face hot and swollen with rapacious hunger, his dark hair wet, eyes riveting and dilated black in the dimming light of the room. The candles were almost out, and she could barely make out his face as he pushed his head in between her thighs. Her eyes stung as his soft burning lips teased her sex, gently, sweetly, so belying the passion he felt to consume her whole. Lena moaned low in her throat,her voice breaking in a squelched sob. Tommy's large callused hands caressed her ribs, rubbed down to her thighs as he pushed harder against her with his hungry mouth. Waves of warm pleasure comforted her-he was the key to her concupiscence. She wanted him still, even as he kissed her deeply there, at the core of her body, the center of her throbbing need for him. She was greedy for him, lustful and always left wanting.  
"Tommy..."she growled, taking a page from his book,"come here, come here now."  
As he rose up to look at her, wanting to slide up, Lena slid down, forcing him onto his back. She wanted to return the favor. His eyes burned into her, he was silent and if she hadn't known him a little better she would have thought he was pissed at her the way he looked at her. She straddled him, teasing him with her sex rubbing against the tip of his cock. She wanted his full lips against hers, and she kissed him, sliding her breasts against his chest, her long hair falling in a curtain around his head. Tommy caressed her face as she held his, her fingers sliding down his cheeks to his perfect rounded chin, she opened his mouth wider with hers, licking his tongue, biting his bottom lip, and he groaned in approval. She spread her kiss down his chin, over his throat that he exposed to her as he pushed back into the pillow, allowing her to chew and feast on him. Her fingernails tangled in his chest hair as she worked down to nibble on his tight ruby-red nipples;she blew on them until they were so hard it hurt him. Tommy gently grabbed a handful of her hair, already losing patience. Lena pulled away and caressed his muscled belly that heaved under her touch, until she reached his hips where his cock surged against her insistently. She caught it in her mouth, tasting him, slowly lowering down on him until she had him almost totally engulfed, and she held still, suckling softly just to drive him mad. Tommy twisted beneath her, his breath caught in his throat. She took her time, relishing the precious little time she had to exert control over his animalistic drive over her. He held his breath as she picked up speed, her hands joined in, stroking him, pulling him up and up until he had to stop her, the pleasure was too great and he was losing it.  
"Oh no you don't," he said gruffly, forcing her shoulders back so she had to pull away. He sat up quickly to meet her, kiss her lustfully, driven wild with his urge to possess her entirely. Tommy pulled her onto his lap and slipped right inside her, making her gasp into his kiss. "Oh yeah," he groaned, half-smiling in between his kisses on her chin and throat. "You're all mine," he whispered, thrusting up into her, so deep she couldn't catch her breath. Her hands were gripping his wide shoulders, she was trying not to scratch him as he rocked her spot over and over. "Tell me, tell me,"he rasped, lowering her onto her back, never separating from her, "tell me you're mine..."  
Lena was already coming, there was no way to stop it. Tommy was an assault on her system, she was pushed to the brink physically as he filled her repeatedly, she loved the way he smelled and tasted, musky sweat, sweet and salty; and when she opened her eyes all she could see was his perfect muscled frame working her body into a puddle. Lena cried his name, over and over as he pummeled her through the wild mind-bending explosion that never stopped, just broke through the bottom of her understanding and rationale, into a soundless spasm that joined her with the Universe and all its deep starry endlessness.  
"I love you," she said softly, opening her eyes and looking up into Tommy's wet face, half-lit by the moonglow from her window. He scowled at her and dropped down onto her, holding her in a bear-hug as he throttled her body with his angry thrusts into her. His voice was a gasping cry in her ear and she felt him shake all over; she wrapped her legs around him and trapped him to her, and he came hard inside her, his body curved with the intensity, at last jerking and shuddering to a stop. He crumbled on top of her, and she held him, caressing his wet skin, kissing his cheek as he rested against her, trying so hard to breathe.  
Tommy lay in her arms, shivering and gasping for air, and Lena didn't stop touching him, rubbing him, kissing him wherever her lips could reach. He stayed there for a long time until he could raise his head to look at her. She touched his face and he took her hands away, holding them in his and pinning them to the bed. She felt strange as he stared at her, searching her face in the near-dark.  
"Did you mean that?"  
Lena cocked her head. "Yes." She tried so hard to read his expression but it was too dark.  
Tommy sighed. "You don't know me, Lena...you don't know me." He still didn't let her go, still kept her pinned. Still stared. She was a little unsure of what he was feeling.  
She took a deep breath in. "Better than you think. Tommy...don't ruin it. Believe it. Please. I would do anything for you." She tried to raise her arms but he held her fast.  
"You have no idea what I am, who I am."  
"No you hide yourself pretty well. But I'm used to hurt and self-preservation. I know what that means Tommy. You don't want anyone in. But I already am."  
Tommy was so still above her, and she hated that she couldn't gauge his reaction. She felt hot drops of sweat? tears? fall on her skin. He finally rolled off her, pulling out of her, and she had almost forgotten that he had come inside her this time. She took a deep breath, refusing to worry about it now. She looked over at him-in the moonlight she could see him there beside her, idlly rubbing his side, his face turned away from her towards the window. She forced herself up and out of bed, heading towards the bathroom. If he was going to shut down she wasn't going to push at him and turn their last night together for a while into a fight.  
When Lena came back out she found Tommy rolled up in a blanket, turned away from her on his side. She crept into bed and pulled the blanket over her, quiet and slow-moving. His hand was reaching back and grabbing at her, pulling her to him so she cuddled up behind him, tight and tender, her hands eager to touch him, her lips kissing on his back, and then she was resting with her cheek to his shoulderblade.  
"Lena..."his voice was thick and cracked. "You know I..I have feelings for you too. I just can't..."  
"What Tommy?" She tried to see over his shoulder to look at him, but it was useless. Then she felt the hitch in his ribs and she knew she had set his world sideways again.  
"Can't handle it all...not yet." He grabbed her hand and kissed her knuckles, wet warm kisses that made her tingle.  
"It's OK, Tommy...there's no pressure you know. I didn't say it so you would say it back..I wish I could take it back, if I had known it was going to upset you so-"  
"No, Lena, not upset..." He started turning on his side so he was facing her now, and she took his face in her hands. Wet hot tears on her palms. "I just been tryin' not to feel for so long...and you make me feel. No choice. I can't let you go." His kiss was salty and soft, his arms wrapped around her and she was shivering with the chill he gave her through her body-she felt him inside her, her heart shifted and her soul opened to his. "Don't ever take it back...unless you didn't mean it."  
"Oh Tommy..."she kissed his face, smoothing his brow, scratching his scalp gently. "You have to know I did."  
He held her tight to him and didn't say another word, just shushed her, stilled her. He had to squeeze every last drop of the peace and quiet she gave him, because the next month without her would be hell.

Lena couldn't remember when she had drifted off again, but it was morning when she opened her eyes again. The sun was filtered and pale in her room, and she could hear the birds outside- it was officially Sunday. One last day before Tommy left, one day before the big doctor appointment with Cal's mom Rita.  
She looked around the room and did not see any sign of Tommy. The clock read 8:45. Her phone was silent and she was amazed to see she had not missed any calls or messages.  
"Damn," she grumbled, rolling out of bed to get in the shower. Her apartment felt abandoned and empty to her suddenly- she always thought of it as her safe spot, away from everyone and everything. When things got rough she always had her sanctuary. But all the current events had driven her to the edge of uneasiness. She needed a breather, some time to get everything gathered together in her mind and organize it all.  
Lena took her time, got dressed up, fixed her hair and makeup, felt a little better. Just before she headed out the door, she noticed a bunch of white roses in a vase next to a small box on her coffee table- she tore the box open and found a doorknob inside with a note that read-"Good morning. I will fix this today. Thank you for another amazing night. Love, T."  
She was grinning like the Cheshire Cat, stuffing the note into her purse and heading out the door.  
First stop was the restaurant. She had to see Vince and thank him for getting her snookered and then sent home. The restaurant was just opening for Sunday brunch, and the 10AM church crowds were coming in. Vince was posted by the bar, talking to his staff, when Lena walked up and hugged him from behind.  
"Good morning," she smiled, and Vince half-hugged her back.  
"Hey kid, glad to see you made it." He was dressed impeccably as always, in a cream shirt and pale lavender tie, silver cufflinks today. "We were just talking about you."  
Lena blushed, matching her maroon fitted button-up shirt.  
"Umm, and why is that?"  
"Well I'm going to be going out of town after all, kid, and you're going to run this place with Butch while I'm gone." Vince looked at her matter-of-factly, and Lena broke out in a wide grin, flooded with relief.  
"That's great Uncle, when are you going?"  
"Leaving Wednesday, come back next Monday night. Think you and Big Red can handle that?"  
Lena nodded, trying not to look like she was happy he was leaving, but she really was happy he was leaving. "You got it boss."  
Vince looked his staff over, looking a little stern. "OK guys, you got that? Starting Wednesday Lena is your boss. Butch will run the kitchen as always but you deal with him if Lena's not around. Everybody got it? And if you are all well-behaved while I'm gone I may bring you home a present. We shall see." Vince looked around the little group and nodded. "OK, break! Take care of the customers, kids, they sign your paychecks!"  
Vince turned to look at Lena as the staff scattered off. "You look really nice, kid. Better than you should for as much as you drank last night." He winked. "So you going over your mom's tonight for dinner? Heard she was rolling out the lasagna trays!"  
"Yeah Unc, you comin'?"  
He led her past the bar, through the kitchen and into the office. "Nah kid, I gotta take a raincheck on that. I'm sorry, hope you understand. I have to get Butch ready, leave him a checklist in case you're in class and he can't get things done while I'm gone."  
Lena smiled at him, sitting down in her favorite chair in the office. "This was sudden, what changed?"  
"Ah, you know how charming I can be, she couldn't hate me forever!" Vince laughed but there was an edge of bitterness there. "I think it's what we need, you know, a break from the same shit. I gotta admit I been tearing my hair out, Karina has been actin' up lately, I swear she's gonna make that new kid Louis quit, Butch almost burned down the kitchen last night after he came back from dropping you off-"  
"What?!"  
"Yeah I know, look I don't wanna get into it, was a stupid mistake someone else made, but how the fuck did I not know Butch is afraid of fire? Jesus Christ he's a fuckin' cook-" Vince stopped himself, looking up at her wearily. "Listen to me, fuckin' rantin'. Look Lee, you're gonna be awright. Butch has a fire extinguisher that I taught him how to use now-" both Lena and Vince cracked up, "so the worst thing you gotta worry about is a couple of our kids here, they are getting' tired of Karina's shit. Sammy tried to put his two weeks in, I gave him a raise and made him barback a couple nights a week."  
"Shit boss, when did all this happen?"  
"Last night really, you had already left, some of it was goin' down already though. So I'm thinking about giving Karina a week off to get her shit together. That way you don't have to worry about nothin'. I think that will alleviate a lot of stress." Vince rubbed his forehead.  
"Wow, Uncle…I'm sorry."  
"What you sorry for?!" Vince looked at her like she was crazy.  
"Cuz, I didn't realize this was going on, I feel so stupid…"  
"No no no, you got school. I know you been busy. This isn't your restaurant, not yet. But you are gonna run it while I'm gone, and I know you can handle it. Just don't let Butch near the grill when someone spills some grappa, OK?"  
Lena and Vince laughed together, Lena imagining a great big guy like Butch freaking out over a fire plume in the back kitchen. "Awright Lee, get outta here, I got a big crowd out there. Love you, see you tomorrow night. And happy birthday again." He kissed her cheek and they walked out onto the floor together. Vince was right, it was going to be a busy day- it was already getting noisy and packed.  
"Bye!" she called, waving to Vince and heading for the door. Louis and Sam were behind the bar, waving and smiling, wishing her a happy birthday, and while she waved goodbye to them she wasn't watching the door close enough, and she bumped right into Colt and Tommy, both of them dressed up sharply, Tommy even had a black tie and black blazer on, hair slicked back, looking like Irish mafia, form-fitting black slacks and shiny black shoes. He couldn't hide his grin when he saw her, looked her over too, stared at her legs in her tight little knee-length skirt, his eyes slowly travelling up her midsection to her open-collared shirt and her dark hair that framed her face in soft waves. Lena and Tommy just stood still, staring and smiling at each other for a moment, unsure of what to do in front of everybody.  
"Uhmm, hi,"he said softly, smiling wider. "You look…amazing."  
"So do you…wow. Sharp," she said, and straightened his tie a little for him, if only just to get close to him. Colt stood to the side and rolled his eyes.  
"Alright you two, knock it off. Got things to do today." Colt's voice sounded rough but he smiled and winked at Lena conspiratorially as he passed her, leading Tommy to the bar where Vince was already waiting, watching the exchange between his niece and Tommy, his expression blank.  
"Hey I'll call you when I get out of here," he whispered, and leaned in and kissed her cheek. Her face flushed and she smiled as he drew back-the world had stopped for that brief moment, she looked into his eyes-light blue today.  
"Ok," she whispered back, and she felt a little pinch on her ass as she passed him to head out the door. When she shot him a look back he was looking back too, and he winked at her. Lena felt on top of the world as she got into her car. Next stop was Momma Rossi's, had to take her shopping for the birthday bash.


	17. Chapter 17: When It Hits The Fan

Lena pulled up to the little brownstone townhome where she used to live. It was a normal day, kids out playing in the street, someone was firing up their grill already, she could smell the burning charcoal as the smoke was caught in the cool breeze of the late morning. She opened the front door without knocking and found her mom in the kitchen, wearing a hideous apron and stirring a vat of sauce on the stovetop.  
"Hey sweetie," Senna smiled wide and hugged Lena to her tightly. It had been a while since Lena had been home, and she felt like shit about it. "Happy birthday! Are you ready to pig out tonight?"  
Lena laughed. "Oh yeah, and I know Cal is for sure! Is Rita coming too?"  
Senna winked. "She wouldn't miss this for the world, you know that. I only make lasagna once a year!" She pulled Lena over to the stove. "Here, taste this…does it need anything?"  
Lena tasted the tomato sauce and moaned. "Oh my God Mom, why can't I get my sauce to taste like yours? No matter how hard I try….it never tastes this good."  
"That's a mother's love you taste in there, child. When you have kids they will tell you the same thing, it's the same question I always asked my mom!" Senna undid her apron and started hustling over to the door, and she slipped on her shoes-horrible black Crocs that Cal bought her a while back. Lena laughed out loud.  
"Damn Mom, you still have those things? Remind me to get you a new pair of shoes. Soon."  
"What's wrong with these, I love 'em!"  
"Oy!" Lena locked the door behind them, and they headed out. "You need some nice old lady shoes."  
"Old lady?! Watch it kid." Senna plopped into Lena's car. "Why does it smell in here?"  
Lena looked at her like she was crazy. "What?"  
"I dunno….smells…weird. You been goin' to the bar?"  
Lena shook her head and laughed. "Mom? I work in a restaurant that doubles as a bar? Is it me, do I smell strange?"  
"I don't know, let's go already. We don't have all day!"  
At the store Lena and Senna split up, grabbing noodles and cheese and pans. Lena knew her mom usually had everything she needed, and normally this would have already been done, but Lena had been a little busy as of late.  
Lena's phone rang and it was Cal, no doubt making sure everything was going smoothly.  
"Hello Master of Disaster!" Lena was smiling into the phone.  
"Why didn't you tell me your dad sent you a birthday card?!"  
Lena looked confused. "How the fuck do you know?"  
"I saw Butch at the corner store earlier, and he told me about it. What did it say?"  
Lena sighed. "He wasn't supposed to tell anyone and you know why Cal! I wanted to tell everyone tonight at the table, so if you don't mind, I would appreciate it if you kept your trap shut!"  
Cal laughed. "Me? Of course, darling. But you better talk to your boy, he's going to have it all over the hood if you don't shut him up."  
"On it right now," she said, and immediately called Vince. When she told him what had happened, he got so quiet she swore she lost the connection.  
"Hello?"  
Vince sighed loudly. "Goddammit I really wanted this vacation. I don't want to fire him, Lee. What the hell do I do?"  
"Chew him out I suppose?"  
"Yeah but…who knows how many people he told already? Damn I've always trusted him before…lemme go talk to him. I'll talk to you later."  
Vince hung up. Senna was staring at Lena in the pasta aisle. She couldn't remember seeing her there before.  
"What's this? Did I hear right?"  
Lena winced. "Yeah Mom, I was going to tell you tonight…"  
"Why didn't Vince tell me himself? Where's the card? What the hell is wrong with you two?!"  
"Alright Mom, you're gonna make a scene, can we just check out and get out of here, so I can tell you in the car?"  
Senna glared at her for a moment. "I have a mind to throw the sauce out and forget this whole thing. I can't believe you didn't tell me right away!"  
Lena made gestures for her mom to shut it down. It was busy in the grocery store-no further unwanted attention was necessary. They had just made it out of the store in one piece, and Lena already had a headache. All she could think about was Tommy, she wanted to invite him tonight, but she knew he would be uncomfortable, with Cal there glaring at him, and Rita and Senna there to question him endlessly. Lena didn't want to miss her window of opportunity to be with him again, the day was going to fly by in a matter of hours and then he would be gone for what seemed like an eternity.

Lena explained everything to her mom in the car. Senna sat silently afterwards, and Lena knew how upset she was, but couldn't do anything to change it. They reached the brownstone to find Rita sitting on the steps, waiting for them.  
"Hey happy birthday stranger!" Rita was a few years younger than Senna, and she still had her looks too- long dark hair, dazzling blue eyes. She hugged Lena to her with all her might, and whispered, "Thank you for coming with us tomorrow…I know you'll be in the waiting room, and I'm sorry, but it will give Cal the strength he needs just knowing you're there." She kissed Lena's cheek and smiled at her warmly. Until she saw Senna in a froth. "Hey Sen, what's going on?"  
Senna turned and shook her head as she unlocked the front door. "This family has no end of secrets, that's what." And she went inside. Rita turned and looked at Lena, taken aback. Lena was digging the packages out of the hatchback.  
"Lena, does she know about you and Tommy?"  
Lena dropped everything in her hands back into the trunk. "Are you kidding me, where did you hear that?"  
"C'mon Lena, Cal's my son, and I still talk to Colt, almost every day. Cal's been in denial, because I told him what Colt told me."  
Lena looked at Rita expectantly. "Yeah? And what's that?"  
Rita smiled her warm smile again. "Colt told me Tommy's been doing better, acting better lately. Not as hard to manage. He thinks it's because of you, that you're helping Tommy to come out of his…shell, I guess is how he put it. Whatever you're doing Lena, keep it up. I know that family from way back. I know Paddy, Tommy's dad, very well. But I had to give up helping him though." Rita rubbed Lena's hands, watching tears well up in her eyes. "Don't cry honey. Maybe you can help Tommy in ways I couldn't help Paddy."  
Lena looked into Rita's sky blue eyes, Cal's eyes. "Did- were….did you and Paddy…?"  
Rita didn't give anything away in her expression, but she was quiet for a moment.  
"I tried to help him the same way he helped me. You know Brendan was like another son to me. After what Paddy did, and Tommy and Molly took off…they didn't have anyone, and then when…Ted passed," Rita's face was pained, too many memories,"- our families got kind of mixed up together. But no, it never went that deep with Paddy. Oh God, I can't imagine it…after I saw what he did to Molly, I don't blame her for running away. No one ever heard from them. I always hoped and prayed she would call me, but no call ever came."  
Lena hugged Rita again. "Love you Auntie Rita." She kissed her cheek. "Thank you for telling me that. I figured after the way Cal reacted no one was going to be very understanding."  
Rita shook her head, smiling. "Cal will always be your brother. He's just looking after you. Tommy is a mess, he spent seven months in jail. Before that he was in custody for two months with that busted shoulder trying to heal. Colt told me everything. If you have any questions I would go talk to Colt if I were you. But Cal wants to protect you. Try to understand."  
Senna burst out the front door. "Lena, bring the stuff in! We can't wait any more!" She was still pissed, her voice had that mean-mom sound that was like nails on a chalkboard.  
"Give me the packages, Lena. Go meet Cal at the gym, please? He's stressing out pretty bad, went to try to sweat it out."  
Lena shook her head. "Seems like someone is always trying to make it easier on me. Let me at least bring the stuff in, OK?"  
Rita nodded and went inside, holding the door open for Lena.  
"You're still a kid, Lena," Rita smiled, "maybe we just want you to have a little more of being a kid than we did."  
Lena was so close to tears on the drive to the gym. Her phone was buzzing in her purse and she really couldn't have cared less about it, feeling such a mix of emotions. She was happy Tommy was doing better since being with her, sad he was leaving after the revealing information she was given, hurt to know she was causing pain to others, sad about her father and David-still no word, even on her birthday weekend. She had dimly hoped he would find a way to contact her, but she knew from families that had loved ones in Afghanistan; sometimes the closer they were to the front lines the harder the possibility of communication became.  
She knew she had a change of clothes in her locker at the gym, and she hustled inside the gym and headed straight back to the locker room to change. It was busy for a Sunday morning, and everybody noticed her dressed like a business professional. Several guys gawked at her as she came back out in her gym clothes, tight faded black yoga pants and an old grey Colt's Gym t-shirt, and ratty tennis shoes. Back-up clothes were sometimes the worst.  
Lena looked everywhere but couldn't find Cal anywhere. She was about to give up, but she saw Cal's silver Ridgeline in the parking lot- he had to be here. Finally she approached the front desk, where Ginger Henry was manning the phones while another guy, completely non-descript to her, ran the desk.  
"Henry," she whispered loudly, gesturing at him, "where's Cal?"  
Henry looked at her quizzically for a minute, then pointed to Colt's office upstairs. Shit, she thought, now what? She jogged up the stairs and tapped on the frosted glass door.  
"Who is it?" she heard a gruff voice-Colt's- bellow.  
"It's Lena," she called back. The door opened and inside was Tommy, Colt, Cal and some other guy she vaguely recognized. Cal looked the most shocked to see her.  
"What the fuck are you doing here?" he asked, disbelieving.  
Lena looked around the room, everyone looking very grim. "Um, do you want me to come back, or…"  
"No Lena, you just stay put," Colt said, his voice sounding tired. "You should probably be here too."  
Lena gingerly walked into the room, towards Tommy, who held a hand out to her. He was dressed in ratty gym clothes too and his eyes looked swollen, like he had been fighting again. Lena approached him and he pulled her to him to kiss her cheek. She could see his upper lip was swollen more than normal too.  
"Lena," he said, and his voice was ragged, "this is my brother, Brendan." Tommy gestured to the man leaning against the windowsill. He was ruggedly handsome, like Tommy, like Paddy must have been once, and though she tried she could not really see an age difference between Tommy and Brendan.  
Lena took the large paw Brendan extended to her and they shook hands. "Hi, nice to meet you." His smile was forced and fleeting. Clearly there was something going on that she had completely interrupted. Cal was just staring at her, and she narrowed her eyes at him.  
Colt cleared his throat. "OK, you guys already know the rules-no fighting in my goddamn gym UNLESS it's in the ring guided by the trainers. Today was out of control and will not happen again or I'm getting rid of you right now and you will be kicked the fuck out of here."  
"I'm sorry, Colt," Brendan said, and his accent was just as pronounced as Tommy's. "Won't happen again."  
Colt looked pointedly at Tommy. "You need to chill the fuck out, Tommy. Brendan's trying to help, I know you been stressin' 'bout your pops. Let Brendan do what he can. And Cal…I know you want to go work at that uh,gym or whatever it is downtown, if I double your pay will you stick around and help out around here? I can't be havin' this place run into the ground."  
Cal nodded. "Sure Uncle, I'll do it, you don't have to pay me anything extra. That other gym is trying to pull some bitch shit anyway."  
Colt nodded. "Good. Thanks. So now…we need to talk about Paddy." He looked at the two brothers and shook his head. Tommy clutched Lena to his side tighter, looking at Colt, his face blank but his eyes glowered dark with fury that Lena could not fathom yet. "Brendan, you got a place picked out already?"  
"Yeah, it's all ready-"  
"I told you,"Tommy growled menacingly, "he's just gonna bust out of there. He already told me he ain't goin' into a fuckin' home."  
"Tommy, this ain't a home," Brendan countered, his voice full of older-brother authority. "It's a twelve step program. He's gonna be forced to do it through the court anyway-"  
"Yeah you and your fuckin' attorney really cookin' up some schemes, you ain't ever here Brendan, you don't know what the fuck is goin' on anyway-"  
The brothers looked about to fight, for the second time apparently, thought Lena, and Colt was interrupting to stop it before it happened.  
"Hey. Tommy. What did I say? Your pop can't be left with a nurse or somethin' like that. He has to go into a program. I looked at the charges, he's gonna be forced into one of the state programs and you don't want him to go in those fuckin'places. He can get his hands on alcohol in there, there's all kinds of shit goin' on in those joints. Alright? It's to the point that the term 'halfway house' was in the paperwork. Paddy can avoid all that if he checks into Mercy Behavioral on his own."  
"Yeah I know, but it's not willingly." Tommy looked exasperated, as if he had been explaining this over and over and no one was listening. Lena grabbed his free hand that rested across her hip and squeezed it as he rubbed his face and pinched his brow with his other hand. "I already checked into Mercy Behavioral, and they won't keep him longer for more than three days because he doesn't meet the requirements for anything more."  
Brendan shook his head. "There's another place that I checked into Colt, it's a two week hospitalization, then it goes outpatient. I can take him in after that so Tommy can do his lab."  
Tommy's face was scornful and irritated, but he said nothing. Only he had been dealing with Paddy since he got out of jail. Brendan had hired someone to check on Paddy once but the nurse left after Paddy almost killed him one night, drunk and thinking he was an intruder in his house.  
Colt nodded his head in silent agreement and then looked at Tommy. "Well? Can you live with that Tommy?"  
Tommy shrugged, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter. You'll all see what I'm sayin' is true."  
Colt just glared at Tommy. "OK so that's a yes. Brendan, make the call. He gets out tomorrow morning. Our flight is at 7:15, so we won't make it-"  
"Yeah," nodded Brendan, "don't worry, I'll be there first thing in the morning. You know how it is over there, they make you sit and rot just for fun."  
Colt nodded to Cal. "Thanks for breakin' these two up, Cal. Did you ice your shoulder?"  
Lena looked alarmingly at Cal. He was rubbing his left bicep and shoulder.  
"Yeah Uncle Colt, don't worry about that. I was in the right time at the right place." He glanced over at Tommy, glared at him, then looked away. "It's funny cuz I was going to get back in the ring and spar today, guess I got a sign from God not to."  
The air was thick with the built-up tension. Lena wanted to leave but Tommy held her fast. His eyes slid to the side so he could look at her. She couldn't tell what he was thinking but the angry dark grey cast of his eyes gave her a pretty good idea. Tommy was pissed and coiled tight like a snake about to strike. The room had fallen silent and Lena realized everyone was looking at her.  
Colt sighed loudly. "OK…Lena. You can guess I figured out what's goin' on with you and Tommy. Vince was not too happy with it, and I had an opportunity come up for Tommy that would keep you two apart for a while. But I talked to Vince today and he's come around a little bit-"  
"I don't see why," Cal muttered, and Tommy stood up straight, glaring at him.  
"Hey!" Colt yelled. "Lemme say what I need to say!" He cleared his throat. "So I think everything is gonna be cool. I see the effect it's had on Tommy and I was worried about your uncle pullin' out and Tommy gettin' sidetracked…but I want to give you guys my blessing. I hope it works out. It ain't gonna be easy, I postponed two of Tommy's fights to get him into this lab but he's gonna be travelling a lot when he gets back next month. So you guys are gonna have your shit to handle, just don't bring it here is all I ask. Keep it out of the gym, do you understand?" He looked pointedly at Lena, and she nodded and averted his stare, already feeling like she did something wrong.  
"Y'know.."Colt laughed out loud bitterly. "I remember when all of you were kids, and things were so much easier. Everybody get your shit together, I'm doin' my part. You do yours. That's all I have. If any of you got anything to say you better do it now, I don't want any more bullshit in my gym."  
The room was so quiet Lena could drop a pin and it would shatter glass.  
"OK get out of my office, I got shit to do." Colt plopped down in his chair and everyone started leaving, quietly shuffling out the door. Brendan half-smiled at Lena and she half-smiled back. He seemed like a nice guy. Lena remembered seeing him through her childhood here and there, seeing him in Colt's office triggered a few distant memories. He was the nice kid in the neighborhood that fought bullies off other kids, and fought for money after school. She remembered him teaching Cal a little jiu-jitsu in the yard. Long time ago…  
"Hey." Tommy stopped Cal. "Look I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hit you-"  
"Yeah I know," Cal spat. "Thanks." He stalked off and followed Brendan down the stairs to the main gym. Lena stopped Tommy and looked at him questioningly. He didn't say a word, just looked back at her. She could see how worn out he really was. He was an old man in a younger man's body, his eyes were devoid of anger and all that was left was exhaustion.  
"Wanna talk later?" She kissed the swollen knuckles of his right hand. Tommy nodded, and then took her in his arms. His ragged shirt was soft and she slid her hands around and all over his back, kissing his neck. "OK, cuz I wanna know what the hell happened."  
"Why'ncha ask Cal, I'm sure he'll tell you everything." Tommy's voice was like lead shrapnel, deep, sharp and grating. "I just don't want to right now, I'm sorry. We still seeing each other tonight?"  
Lena pulled back and looked into his eyes;she could see some of the blue returning. She sighed in relief.  
"Yeah…but it has to be later. I'm goin' to my mom's for dinner."  
"Oh, OK," he said softly, and his hand was on her face. "I don't care how late, just need to see you."  
Lena kissed his palm. "I know how you feel."  
Colt's office door flew open. "What did I say, not here!" Colt yelled, and he slammed the door shut. Tommy giggled out loud and it was the best sound to Lena, it made her laugh too.  
"C'mon," Tommy said, pulling her to the stairs,"Let's get out of here."


	18. Chapter 18: Only Hours Left

Lena grabbed her stuff out of the locker and joined Tommy outside. No sign of Cal's truck, no doubt he and Brendan took off to go catch up at some bar somewhere. She refused to feel guilty as Tommy hopped in her hatchback- she just wanted to spend a little time with him…  
She looked into his eyes, blue like the Carribean sea, his swollen lips hot pink, his angled face half-smiling at her. Every part of her body reacted.  
"Why you turnin' red, huh?" He broke out in a big grin and she burst out laughing. "No, c'mon little girl…say it."  
"Well the day isn't turning out the way I planned, but there's nowhere else I would rather be than sitting next to you." Her smile faded and she was staring at his mouth, leaning forward. Tommy kissed her sweetly, tracing his tongue along her bottom lip.  
"Your place, Lena," he rasped softly, his fingers running down her neck and throat. Lena immediately started the car and sped off, eager to get to her apartment. It felt like every second counted, and she was going to make the most of this stolen time she had.  
Lena and Tommy had just crossed the threshold to her apartment and Lena was stripping her clothes off while Tommy locked the door, turning into the sight of her baring her skin so quickly. He started to smile but his own urge was overwhelming, all he wanted was to feel her against him, giving him that peace and warmth he craved from her. He crossed the floor towards her, quickly shedding his shirt and sweats, and as Lena tore her tank off she was met by Tommy's bare skin against hers, his mouth pressing hard to hers as her face emerged from the chokehold of her tank. She grasped his face, his stubbled cheeks in her palms-she wanted to kiss him forever, bury herself in his want for her that matched her own need for him. Tommy grabbed her leg and lifted it to pin her to him, so he could slide her over his hips and down on to his cock, his voice a deep groan vibrating through her. She shuddered against him, her teeth catching his lips in a gentle biting kiss-she loved the feel of him all around her, inside her, and now looking into his eyes that glowed green-blue in the sunlight, she felt his hands around her heart too.  
"Tommy…"  
"What baby…"he whispered, kissing her cheek, her nose. He pulled her other leg around him and carried her to the couch.  
"Take your time." Lena wrapped herself around him there on the fluffy cushions of the couch, and Tommy layed his full weight on top of her, slowly stretching himself out over her, piercing her deeply inside, making her gasp.  
"Oh I will," he growled in her ear, "I'll make it last forever if I can." He was as deep inside her as he could get, and she was squeezing him so tight he was forced to use controlled breathing to keep it together. Lena was kissing his neck, caressing his skin, and already the sweat between them was making him slide against her.  
"Tommy, ohhmygod…"Her hips met his at every slow thrust. He was raising up on his elbows so he could look down on her, and she looked up into his eyes, his open expression-he looked completely at peace at that moment, no sign of turmoil, no anger, no conflict in his mind to show on his face. She could see a golden shimmer in his irises, somewhere in the dark icy blue and warm light-green tones was a deep vein of shiny hammered gold-she was taken aback as it caught the light and she wondered then if he was going to just disappear and return to Heaven where he must have fallen from some time ago. "You're incredible," she heard herself whisper, and Tommy smiled his crooked smile that she loved so much.  
"Noooo," he whispered back, "you did this to me, Lena. It's you." His breath was shallow-she hadn't noticed but he had deftly picked up speed, still so gentle. Lena wanted it to go on forever but he was already losing it. He pulled out and she watched him erupt everywhere, moaning an apology.  
"I don't know what happened, I'm sorry-" Lena cut him off with a kiss, pulling and sucking at his lips that were twice the size of hers, those lips she wanted to kiss forever, and she marveled again at her celestial lottery jackpot -he was a frightened angry little boy with the heart of a tiger trapped in the body and face of a Michaelangelo statue, covered in tats, with the sweetest tasting sweat and the sexiest voice she had ever heard, and he was all hers.  
"We still have time, Tommy, it doesn't matter what we do with it, as long as I'm with you."  
"Yeah, but I feel like a jackass." He grabbed a shirt off the floor and cleaned her up, then flopped on top of her into her open arms. Lena layed there, still and quiet. She was so full of questions but she didn't want to ruin the moment. Instead she caressed his back, his shoulders, and he nuzzled her neck, burying deeper into her.  
"I know you want to know what happened in there. So I'll just tell ya. Cal walked in to my sparring session and Brendan was already there, hasslin' me about Pop. Drove all the way down just to try to take control, couldn't have just called y'know. An' then I just had enough and got out of the ring to take care of Brendan. Things got a little hot, and Cal got in between us to break it up. I hit him pretty hard, I was aiming for Brendan but…Cal took it. I stopped swingin', and Colt was there yellin' his ass off at me. We got into it pretty good though, Brendan wasn't backin' down. So that's that." Tommy sighed, didn't move, waiting for her response. Lena didn't have one, she just sighed too. Tommy actually felt a little nervous. "I don't like fighting Lena. Just, Brendan kept talkin' shit…I been takin' care of Pop all this time, tryin' to keep shit together. Before I got out of jail Pop was alone, you shoulda seen it…he was a fuckin' mess Lena. I-I can't leave him to rot in a joint like rehab, it won't work and he'll just get pissed and try to get out. He has early-onset dementia. Brendan doesn't want to deal with that. But I took care of Ma in the worst times…I'm used to it."  
"Tommy…have you ever considered a career doing that? Helping people?"  
Tommy laughed. "I can't help myself most of the time. I'm a helluva lot better for Pop, but…I couldn't take care of complete strangers, Lena. No way."  
"Hmm. I think you're wrong, Tommy, I think you could do a lot of good for others, people who have been through the same shit you've been through. It may help you more than beating people up."  
Tommy shook his head, his face rubbing against her shoulder. "No. I come in fast and hard to get it over with. I fuckin' hate fighting really…but it's the only time I find peace. It's fucked up I know. And I find that peace with you…only you. But I have to make some money. Can't stand livin' like this, I feel like a scumbag. And I ain't no fuckin' scumbag."  
Lena sighed again, rubbing his back harder. "Whatever you decide I stand with you. Just thinking of other ways…I wish I could help you. And I know you don't accept help, but you would from me, right? Not trying to control or hurt you, Tommy…I love you."  
Tommy laughed softly. "There's that word again, Lena…you haven't seen me at my worst, you can't know what you're sayin'."  
"I wish I could show you what I see, Tommy….what you have done to me. I'm completely yours, and…I know there's a part of you that's all mine."  
"All of it," he answered quickly, softly. "Just don't know how to…"  
"We can do it together, Tommy," she whispered, running her nails through his hair.  
"Why?" Suddenly he was up on his elbows, and his expression of hate/disgust was back. "Why me, Lena?"  
Lena looked up at him, and her hands were on his face. He grabbed them, took them away, and stared her down.  
"Tell me." His voice cracked in a whisper. She was almost scared looking at his fierce expression. "You should hate me, despise me."  
Now Lena was irritated. "Why the fuck would I hate you Tommy?" Her voice was soft but sharp. "I just want to give you what you give me-"  
"Oh yeah?" Tommy's voice was rife with snarky sarcasm. "What's that? Misery?"  
Lena fought against him to try to get away. "No, asshole, happiness. Happiness. You bring me joy."  
Tommy looked like he had been slapped. "Now I know you're lying."  
Lena kept struggling in vain. "Tommy I can't make you believe me, or love me, or let go of all your anger and pain. If you fight me every time I will give up eventually, and if that's really what you want then fucking get it over with, because if I lose you it's going to hurt no matter what but don't drag it out please…" She was weeping bitterly now, realizing he had her trapped and his expression gave away nothing but distrust. She felt hopeless suddenly, knowing this was going to be a fight forever between them. His hurt and distrust of people in general, his anger and bitterness, his hate, all such big hurdles for her to jump when he was only halfway interested in dropping his guard just long enough for her to step in a little all the time, only to kick her back out again so easily. She knew about PTSD, she knew it was for life. But he had to want her inside somehow, enough to stop questioning her so much.  
Tommy still held her, looking down at her. She couldn't get past the grey panels she was staring at, his eyes gone blank. She stared back, her own expression somewhere between pleading and rage.  
"Lena…" His voice was pained. "I know how you feel. I can't help how I feel either-"  
"Do you even know how you feel Tommy?" She shoved hard at him with her hips and budged him just enough to kick her leg out to the floor, and pivoted to slip out of his grip. Or maybe he let her go. She went into the bathroom, and even though she had to go she still hid out for a minute, trying to get her temper under control. The last thing she wanted was this, right before he was about to leave. It was like he did it on purpose. She swung the door open at that thought but she was too late, he had cleared out. She pulled her clothes on and started down the stairs, determined she was going to catch him.  
"Tommy!" She called his name, tearing the apartment lobby door open and coming out onto the street. She couldn't see him up or down the block and she knew he had taken off running. She hadn't been in the bathroom that long, he had burned out quick.


	19. Chapter 19 : Synchronicity

"Fuck!" Lena yelled out, not noticing or caring about the people passing her, staring. As she strode back inside she debated whether she should go after him, or let him go. Acting on anger, she grabbed her keys and headed back down to her car. Tearing out of her parking lot, her rational mind wondered why she was bothering and what she going to say if she found him.  
"Fuck it," she growled to herself. It wasn't going to end this way, she wasn't going to let him off easy. "This is bullshit."  
Lena was driving in circles around the neighborhood for almost 45 minutes before she started to calm down and finally give up. She wasn't going to bang down his door, or search the gym, or go into any bars, even though she was sorely tempted. There were other things she had to do today, like get back to her mom's and have a Rossi family birthday get-together in her honor.  
Back at her apartment she found the phone she hadn't noticed missing on her study table. There were 6 unread messages: one from Cal-"Where the fuck are you?", one from Butch-"I'm sorry Lena, I didn't tell anyone else.", one from Colt- "Where's Tommy?", two from Tommy- "I'm sorry." and "Where are you? I'm at your apartment.", and one from a number she didn't recognize-"Happy belated birthday sister. Love you and miss you. Call as soon as I can."  
Lena had to sit down. David?! She couldn't believe it. Immediately she began texting back-"David how are you? Are you OK?" She waited almost 20 minutes for a response, and finally the answer was-"Hey this is Dave's buddy Finn. We're at separate posts. He's going to call you when he comes back in."  
She wanted so badly to keep texting, she had so many questions, but she just responded with a "Thank you" instead. The shock left her numb. The happiness she felt was overwhelming, the sign she had been waiting for had finally come. Her brow knitted with the thought of Tommy, and she started texting him- "Explain."  
But nothing came. She wondered now if he was with Colt, or if he was finishing packing. Sitting at her study table she felt very alone and very small. All her thoughts and worries melded into one big throbbing mess that made her head ache. Lena was never really good at dealing with anything, she was always raw under the surface, she got frustrated and overwhelmed easily, even if she never showed it. Like a bad gash on the knee with the bandage always threatening to come off, she fell apart so easily when her façade slipped and she was overwhelmed. She was always bleeding with old and new wounds just below the surface.  
Lena fought the urge to weep. She forced herself out of her chair and headed to the shower. Mechanically she washed, dried and dressed herself, her only thought of the phone call she wanted so badly to get from David and the text she waited on from Tommy- all she wanted was to be told everything was going to be alright, even though it was a lie. A little suspension of disbelief was all a person needed sometimes.  
It was now 3:45, and Lena was back at her mom's house. Cal's truck was outside, and she knew she was in for it, and in spades.  
"Hello?" she called out, walking through the front door. Senna and Cal had on aprons and were pulling pans out of the oven to cool. Rita was making garlic bread at the kitchen table, and she was the only one who looked at Lena with a smile.  
"Hey birthday girl. Glad you made it back. Your party is turning into a big deal you know."  
Lena cocked her head and looked at Rita quizzically. "What do you mean?"  
"Well," Rita giggled, "Vince and Sarah are stopping by, and Brendan Conlon too."  
Lena looked agape. "OK Uncle Vince and Aunt Sarah I get, but…"  
"Cal invited him. It's OK, isn't it?" Rita winked at Lena. "I talked to Colt, and-"  
Lena's eyes bugged out of her head. "No. Tell me you didn't."  
"Yes I did, love. You know Colt is as much a part of our extended family. He just asked me about Senna's lasagna last week!" Rita got up and took the garlic bread with her to put into the oven. Senna and Cal looked over at Lena, Cal stone-faced and Senna sad looking.  
"Honey," Senna began, "I'm sorry honey…"  
"No Mom, I'm sorry. I really wish he could have sent it to the house but, well you know why he can't."  
"I know…" Senna hugged Lena so tightly she swore she heard ribs crack. "I am sorry Lena. I overreacted. This is your day. We need to celebrate it right."  
Cal was wearing the most ridiculous apron of all, red and white plaid with ruffles. As if he heard her thoughts he raised a tomato sauce covered spoon at her. "Don't you say a damn word. This is a great apron, look I didn't get anything on my Adidas gear, right? So save your smartass comments." He hugged her tight too. "It really wasn't Tommy's fault today. I know better than to break up a fight. You get in the middle you get hit too. I was just really pissed." Cal stepped back to look at her. "He may be comin' tonight too. You ready for that?"  
Lena rolled her eyes. Rita and Senna were fussing with the oven and the garlic bread. Apparently the party had started without her, because she noticed two empty bottles of wine on the counter.  
"I know those are not all in the sauce." She pointed to the two empties. Cal reached back on the counter and produced another half empty bottle.  
"We're on three." Cal giggled like a schoolgirl. "I was trying to act normal, damn you Lee."  
Lena looked again at Senna and Rita and realized they were acting silly too. "Christ you're all a bunch of drunks!" She was laughing as Cal handed her a full glass.  
"Try it, Lee. Got a whole case at Primo's for like $60. And it's good shit!" Cal tried to keep a straight face as Lena downed the glass. "Holy shit! You tryin' to catch up?"  
Lena closed her eyes and leaned against the wall. "No. Just really needed that." When she opened her eyes again, everyone was staring at her.  
"OK, you ready for the next one?" Lena leaned in towards them closely. "David got ahold of someone's phone, and texted me happy birthday."  
"What?!" Senna looked like she had been shot. "What the hell, Lena, do you realize how lucky you are?! First your dad, now your brother…."  
"Yeah Mom, I know and I'm sorry. That's why I gotta sit on my phone and wait, cuz the guy who has the phone told me David's gonna call tonight."  
"I cannot believe it…" Senna sat down at the kitchen table and put her head in her hands.  
"Mom, it's only because he finally got access to a phone. You know he would have called you if he could. He texted me because he knows he can." Lena got behind Senna's chair and rubbed her shoulders lightly. "Please don't be upset…"  
"Well," Senna mumbled without picking up her head, "you're going to stay put until he calls. Got it?"  
"Planning on it Mom." Lena leaned down and kissed Senna's bowed head. "Come on Mom. Cal, more wine please. Let's party like we should! Buon compleanno! "  
IT was only an hour later. Cal was playing Dean Martin on the stereo and was dancing with the three ladies present, and everyone was singing and having a great time. The food was done, and the case of wine was being chipped away. Lena had almost forgotten all her worries. Tomorrow was another day, and it seemed so very far at the moment. There was a knock at the door and everyone slowly responded, Rita finally going to the door to open it, finding Vince and Sarah there, Vince holding a huge vase full of roses.  
"For my business partner, my best girl," he said with a smile, kissing Lena's cheek. Lena threw her arms around his neck and whispered in low tones about David's text and hopefully a phone call. "Holy shit kid, that's great! Hope he has time to talk to everyone, I would love to talk to that brat."  
Vince poured a bottle of wine in two glasses and gave one to his beautiful wife Sarah, a blue-eyed blonde that looked at least ten years his junior, and they sat at the table with Senna, who was breaking out the cards to play some poker.  
"Oh look at you lady, you can't wait to try and take my money huh?" Vince laughed out loud, waving his hand at Senna.  
"Who you callin' old, you dirty old silver fox?" Senna started dealing. "Yeah, I'm gonna clean your clock! Just watch me."  
"Oh I know how you are….you cheat!"  
Lena and Cal stood off to the side in the doorway of the kitchen. No way were they going to mess with that table.  
"Come on, you young whippersnappers. Come over here and get your ass kicked!" Vince gestured to the empty chairs, grinning like the cat that just ate the canary.  
"Uh, no way Uncle Vince." Cal looked serious.  
"Haha, yeah Boss, I didn't bring any change," Lena laughed.  
"You damn kids and your debit cards. You know I can loan you some change…when you win you can pay me back." Vince winked and the table erupted with evil laughter.  
"No way, Uncle Vince! That's how you get me, every single time. You know I probably still owe you from last game!" Lena laughed out loud. The wine felt so good.  
"Oh yeah Lee? Then get your ass down the street and get some change if ya fuckin' owe me!"  
"Language!" Senna yelled.  
"Oh Jesus Christ gimme a break, they ain't kids no more Sen!"  
Another knock at the door made everyone pause. Lena started towards the door, the voices in the dining room muted suddenly and she could only hear her heartbeat. Could it be…?  
Brendan stood at the door, dressed up nicely. She could see a slight resemblance to Tommy, not much though. She smiled big and lazy at him, opening the door wide so he could come in.  
"Hey…happy birthday Lena." He handed her a card, and he was looking a little nervous as he gingerly stepped inside.  
"Thanks Brendan. Thank you for coming." She shut the door and heard Cal laughing out loud.  
"Hey brother, come on in! You want some wine?"  
"Uhh…sure. Hey thanks for inviting me-"  
"Nah, no problem. We only get to hang out once every few years, Bren, gotta make it good." Cal was still in that stupid apron and Lena had to laugh. "Oh shit-" Cal seemed to know exactly why she was laughing and tore off the apron.  
"No, leave it on Cal. I think it suits you." Brendan casually took a swig of his wine while the table everyone thought wasn't paying attention to the new arrival burst into laughter.  
"Hey, don't take that off, you looked gorgeous in it!" Vince was red-faced, having already drained his glass.  
"Oh thanks Unc, real nice." Cal shot him a pretend-dirty look, and drifted into the kitchen with Brendan, probably to sneak some food, Lena thought. She checked her phone- nothing, not yet. She wondered where her wine glass went.  
Another thirty minutes must have passed. Lena was finally sitting at the dining room table, but wasn't playing, just enjoying the stories and accents around the table, and Cal and Brendan were hiding out in the kitchen, chatting and laughing in low tones. Someone knocked at the door, and Lena jumped out of her chair to answer it. As she headed towards the door she heard Vince saying something about 'the other brother' and 'think she's still seein' him'. Sure enough, when Lena opened the door there was Colt and Tommy on the porch. Tommy looked clean cut in a pair of black jeans and a white dress shirt that was open at the collar just enough to show the shiny silver cross he wore. His hair was combed and slick, and his face was beautiful and smiling at her under the porch light.  
"Well….hi." Lena smiled wide, instantly falling into his eyes. She was ecstastic seeing him, forgetting entirely she was supposed to be pissed at him. He grinned at her in response, playfully winking at her, and she felt her legs buckle.  
"Happy birthday Lena!" Colt handed her a gift-wrapped box and hugged her.  
"I'm so glad you made it Uncle Colt!" She hugged him tightly, and opened her eyes to see Tommy watching her with mild amusement. "Who's this jerk you brought with you?"  
"Ha ha, you're hysterical Lena." Cole shook his head at her and went inside, leaving her with Tommy still leaning against the doorway, a half-smile on his lips.  
"So. Explain." Lena leaned against the doorframe too, looking at him expectantly. Tommy sighed, the smile fading.  
"Yeah, I know…look I'm sorry Lena." He shrugged, looking down. "Couldn't handle it. I knew it was my fault. I went down to the corner store and got you some flowers but you were gone when I got back-"  
"Yeah, out lookin' for your ass!" Lena realized she yelled that but didn't care. "You know you're gonna have to get your shit together Tommy…I want this to work but you can't run off on me every time shit gets hot. I'm human. Flesh and blood. I can't do this by myself please help me-"  
Tommy pulled her to him and kissed her, hot and slow. So perfect. And distracting. Lena pulled away, her hands on his shoulders, pushing him back.  
"Lena…I love you." His voice was a gruff husky whisper, his eyes riveted into hers.  
Lena cast her head back to fix her glare on him. "Tommy…"  
"No…Lena listen to me. I'm fuckin' crazy about you. I can't fix my….shit. Not alone. Not without you. Please forgive me." His face was all she could see, his eyes that she was drowning in.  
"Wha-…How am I gonna help you Tommy, you're always running away from me."  
"I won't anymore, Lena , I won't. I can't…do this, do anything, without you. You're my life, my oxygen. I promise I won't run anymore."  
Lena looked at him, really looked at him. She could see the scared 12 year old there, the little boy who had to grow up so fast. She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed his muscled torso as tight as she could, rubbing her face against his neck.  
"Hey shut the damn door, it's cold out there!" Cal yelled from inside. Tommy and Lena both looked inside and Cal was laughing out loud.  
"Ha ha, Cal you're so damn funny!" Lena pulled Tommy inside and shut the door. She looked at Tommy, who immediately looked small and uncomfortable looking around, glancing at everyone staring at him.  
"You OK?" Lena whispered, taking his arm and leading him inside.  
"Uh…I had to take some pills to come here…"  
Lena looked up at him. Tommy looked sideways at her and she knew he was serious. She knew his anxiety must be high, he was holding onto her for dear life.  
"You did this for me." Lena stopped short of the dining room to look at him face to face. Tommy looked at her, his face blank.  
"Yeah." Was all he said. "Well, and I had to see you again, somehow." He was fidgeting. Lena shook her head.  
"I'm sorry Tommy…you want a glass of wine or something?"  
Tommy shook his head. "No. I took the pills with a beer, I think I'm good for now." His face was blank as he scanned the doorway into the dining room. "Brendan in there?"  
"Yep." Lena sighed loudly, looking exasperatedly at the doorway. Tommy kissed her temple, rubbed her back.  
"It's OK, Lena, it'll be OK. Promise." Tommy's smile was empty. She wondered what he had taken, if it was really going to be OK. Too many things could go wrong.  
Cal moved into the doorway, looking at them, his face blank. The racket of voices and music went up a notch now that Colt was there, bullshitting with Vince, Rita, Senna and Sarah.  
"Well, you two lovebirds gonna come and visit or just hide out here all night?" He was joking around but his voice still carried an edge to it. Lena realized then that Cal would never trust Tommy, he would always be a little stand-offish. His jealously and caution would never die.  
"We're comin', smartass." Lena led Tommy through the doorframe where almost everyone was now playing poker- Colt had been dealt in, cold beer in hand.  
"Hey everyone, Mom-" Lena stood by her mom and gestured toward Tommy, who looked very pale suddenly. "This is my boyfriend, Tommy."  
Senna peered up from her hand and looked at Tommy closely. "Nice to meet you." She shook Tommy's outstretched hand lightly. "You taking good care of my daughter?"  
Tommy cleared his throat and smiled weakly. "Yes ma'am. Nice to meet you."  
"Well, boyfriend huh? Lena what are you gonna tell all those little servers at work? They're gonna be heartbroken." Vince chuckled into his wine glass.  
"Yeah, haha, Uncle V." She laughed anyway, his smile was so infectious. "Tommy you sure you don't want anything to drink?"  
"Um.." He cleared his throat loudly. "No, Lena. Thank you. I, uh- I'll let you know…"  
Lena looked up at him and noticed he wasn't looking very well. "Are you sure you're OK, Tommy?" she whispered. Tommy nodded, looked down at her and smiled a real smile. Lena put her hand on his cheek and he kissed her fingers lightly.  
"Yeah. I'm cool." Tommy smiled at Senna. "Really nice to meet you, ."  
"Senna, just call me Senna. Why don't you guys go in the kitchen and find out what the hell those other two are doin'? I need another glass of wine."  
Lena giggled and took her wine glass. "I'll get it for you Mom." She steered Tommy into the kitchen, where Brendan and Cal were leaned up against the counters opposite from each other, drinking beer and laughing. Brendan's face changed and went blank when he saw his brother.  
"Hey Tommy."  
Tommy looked at him for a moment, his face blank too. He wavered a little, then smiled.  
"Brendan…how are ya." He walked towards him and then stopped. "What you drinkin'?"  
"Uh.." Brendan had to look at the label. "Sam Adams?" He smiled at Tommy. "You want one?"  
"Yeah. Sure." Tommy took the beer, opened it and took a long drink. Lena went over to Cal and pushed at him.  
"C'mon twinkletoes, put your apron back on. I think Mom's ready, since everyone's here." Lena filled her mom's wine glass and headed back out of the kitchen.  
"Yes ma'am!" Cal yelled after her, and started grabbing plates out of the cupboard. Tommy took another step forward.  
"Anything I can help with?"  
"Yeah," Cal handed him the plates and set a stack of napkins and cutlery on top of that. "There, take it out to the dining room."  
Lena almost crashed into Tommy as he brought the plates out to the table.  
"Shit!"  
"Lena, language!" Senna was smiling this time though.  
"Here, let me help-" Rita took the plates from Tommy as Sarah cleared the table of cards and loose change.  
"Hey Sarah, gimme all that change, it's all mine anyway!" Vince laughed out loud.  
Tommy escaped back onto the kitchen but was met with Cal and Brendan taking a lasagna pan and garlic bread out to the dining room. Lena stood back for a moment and watched all of it, watched these well-built men in her mom's house helping with dinner.  
"Damn I should've brought my camera," she muttered out loud, and Rita heard her and burst out laughing.  
"Lena, I brought mine!" She gestured towards the living room. "In my purse on the couch!"  
Lena immediately went to get it, and started snapping pictures of the well-dressed Chippendale's show going on. Tommy flipped her off, Brendan smiled half-heartedly at her, and Cal rolled his shirt up to show off his rippling six-pack. Lena laughed out loud, documenting this auspicious event.  
"Here you go," Tommy said, holding out a glass of wine to her. "Drink some more," he whispered, "you're such a handful when you're half-drunk."  
Lena's eyebrows went up. "Oh yeah? I'm not when I'm sober?"  
Tommy winked at her. "Always." He kissed her cheek and moved back into the kitchen to see if he could do anything else. No one had warned her for this, life had not prepared her for Tommy Conlon. Not at all.  
Finally at the dinner table, where Senna had one head of the table and Vince had the other, Rita and Sarah and Colt sat on one side, and Brendan, Cal, Lena, and Tommy sat on the other, a little short of elbow room. She never thought her birthday dinner would be this exciting. Everyone was bantering and laughing together, except for Tommy and Lena who whispered conspiratorially together and giggled. It was peaceful, not what Lena was expecting and she was grateful for it. The laughter was so loud at one point she almost didn't hear her cellphone ringing.  
"Everybody shut up!" Cal yelled. He had heard it even before Lena had, and it was in her pocket. Lena fumbled with her phone and looked at the display.  
"David!" Lena shouted, overcome with excitement.  
"Hey little sister, happy birthday! Are you at Mom's?"  
"Yeah, yeah! Oh my God how are you?"  
"I'm good, I'm good. Actually it's pretty horrible. I really miss you and Mom…Cal takin' care of you guys?"  
Lena started to cry but fought it hard as she could. Tommy took her hand and kissed it.  
"Yeah of course! You know Cal…he's always watching out for me. Are you coming home soon, I mean-"  
"Uhh not sure Leelee…I really would love that. But I'll be in a place soon where I can call you guys. I don't have a lot of time, I'm so sorry Lee! I love you so much. Can I please talk to Mom?"  
"Of course…David…"Lena choked back a sob. "Thank you so much for calling and letting me know you're OK. Been goin' crazy! Ok here's Mom…I love you too." Lena passed the phone to her mom and turned into Tommy's shoulder to let it out, hot tears soaking his shirt. He held her to him and whispered in her ear that he loved her and it was going to be OK. Just what she needed.  
Senna took the phone into the kitchen, crying herself. Cal was rubbing at his face, trying to act like he wasn't relieved and sad at the same time.  
"Hey, Lena." Vince caught her glance. "It's gonna be OK. He'll come home, you'll see."  
Tommy whispered in her ear again, and she smiled brightly. "That's a great idea Tommy, thank you." When Senna returned from the kitchen she was handing the phone over to Cal, her shoulders shaking from her silent sobs. Lena turned to Cal, standing up to go comfort her mom. "I have to say one thing to him before you hang up, OK?" Cal nodded in understanding, then took the phone to his ear.  
"Heyyy brother!"  
Lena held her mom as she sobbed quietly. She knew her own feelings, she couldn't imagine how it felt to be a mother and experience this. Cal talked for a while and then signaled Lena over.  
"Here's your sis…yeah I love you too man. Hurry up and get home, I can't handle all these chicks by myself!...alright brother, take care out there. Love you man." He handed the phone to Lena, his eyes red rimmed and puffy.  
"David, I know you're running out of time but just real quick I wanted to tell you that Colt and Brendan C. are here, and so is this guy- " She handed the phone to Tommy. Tommy suddenly blanched, and then he cleared his throat.  
"David, this is Tommy Conlon-" David's audible excited yell was not hard to hear by everyone in the room. "Yeah, it's really me…..Hey I just wanted to say hi, and I know you're gettin' outta there soon. Just hang in and come back in one piece….Uhh, I'll let your sister answer that David, let's just say I'm here for Lena's birthday too." Tommy winked at Lena. "Alright I know you gotta go…thank you for the compliments. I hope to meet you in person soon. Semper fi." Tommy hung on the line for moment, then handed Lena back the phone. He paused for a moment, then smiled.  
"Thank you Tommy. I heard him scream, that had to have made his year." Senna smiled at Tommy, and he smiled back.  
"No problem, Senna…he sounds like a great kid. I'm sure he's comin' back soon." Tommy nodded at her and resumed eating. Everyone else followed suit, unsure of what to say or do after that. Lena could not wait to get Tommy alone in her apartment now, he had made her so happy by coming to her party and actually speaking to her brother, who also happened to be Tommy's biggest fan. When he looked sideways at her he saw the look she was giving him, tears still in her eyes and all.  
"Ahem…well," Cal said, "Anyone down for some cheesecake?"  
"No but I could play some more poker!" Vince smiled at everyone.  
"Oh yeah, cuz you didn't get everyone's money yet?" Senna laughed even though her expression betrayed her.  
"Hey, what can I say?" Vince shrugged. "You're all my sheep just waiting to be fleeced!"  
"Damn you Vince,"Rita growled, smiling. "You got all my money, I have to sit it out."  
Colt cleared his throat. "I gotta go soon, I'm sorry. Lena did you open your present yet?!"  
Lena had forgotten all about it. She jumped up and ran into the kitchen to grab the box off the kitchen counter. She came back in and tore it open, and found a set of golden boxing glove earrings and a matching necklace. It was tastefully small. Not something Lena would wear every day, but it was cute. She smiled and gave Colt a great big hug.  
"Thank you Uncle C!" She hugged him and kissed his cheek. "This is awesome!"  
Colt smiled at her. "You're welcome kiddo. Love ya." He stood up and looked over at Tommy. "You about ready?"  
"Um, no Colt, I think I'm gonna stick around for a little bit, cool?"  
"Yeah that's cool. Just be where you're supposed to be in the morning." Colt smiled at everybody, said his goodnights, gave Senna a big hug and Rita walked him out.


	20. Chapter 20: Closer

Tommy was helping Lena clear the table, Brendan and Cal were talking about heading to the bar for some whisky and coke, and Vince and Sarah were opening the second-to-the last bottle of wine while Senna started dealing cards.  
"I know we should stay, but Tommy…" Lena stared at him longingly over the dishes she was washing and he was drying. A playful smile pulled up the corners of his mouth.  
"Yeah, I know." He took another dish from her. "I owe you, don't I?"  
Lena closed her eyes for a moment, thinking about him taking her right then and there. When she looked at him again she could see he was really thinking of doing it, his eyes were burning into her as if he read her mind.  
"I need to get you out of here," he rasped, "or I'm gonna rape you in your mom's kitchen."  
Lena grinned like an idiot, and Tommy leaned in to kiss her. His slicked up hair was coming undone and his shirt was a little too open, enough for her to slide warm wet fingers in and gently pull at his chest hair. He growled in his throat and opened his mouth to her, he was after her tongue and she gave it to him. He forgot about the plate he had in one hand and the dish towel in the other and pulled her close to him so he could feel her, so she could feel what she was doing to him. Lena gasped and slid her hip sideways to rub against his zipper that was pressing hard against her. Her breath was caught in her throat and she couldn't give a damn any less of their surroundings at that moment.  
"Oh gross!" Cal walked in on them, watched them disband and resume their work. "Really Lena, I'm glad I'm not your mom….sick." But he was smiling at her when she turned her head to give him a look.  
"Shut up Cal," she mumbled, trying not to smile. Tommy was nodding and grinning, drying the next dish she handed him.  
"Hey me and Bren are goin' to the bar. You guys wanna go?"  
"Uh…"Lena looked at Tommy who was shaking his head. "No Cal, thanks, we're good."  
"Yeah you guys got other things to do, I got it. See ya!" Cal flounced out of the kitchen and Lena and Tommy were alone again. He looked up from the dish he was drying a little too hard, his eyes blue and hard.  
"I'm gonna fuck you so hard Lena," he said quietly, "I'm not gonna stop til you can't come anymore."  
Lena's mouth dropped open, and she almost dropped the pot she was scrubbing. Tommy didn't flinch, he didn't smile. He just stared at her, looked her up and down, bit his lip and took the pot from her to dry.  
"Oh fuck Tommy." She was breathless, looking at his face, his blatant aggression towards her. He rendered her powerless with just a look. Beautiful and hungry. "We have to get out of here."  
"Mmmhmm." He didn't stop staring at her, and she could see the flush in his cheeks now. Oh boy. She remembered what it was like when she was younger, standing in line at Coney Island Arcade with her brother at the biggest, scariest ride there on vacation one year. The thrill, the fear, the adrenaline coursing through her. That was what it was like looking at Tommy now, he pushed her to her outer limits of sensation in so many ways, she knew there would be no coming back from it. She still couldn't believe he was hers.  
"Please hurry," he said at last. Lena realized she had been staring at his full pink lips and deep blue eyes too long, and he was very impatient now with his urges bearing down on him with no way to express them.  
"OK," she whispered. And in truth, she was almost done. Now, how to get out of the clutches of the crowd adjacent to them….  
Lena came out of the kitchen half-soaked with dishwater, sweat and excitement. Everyone looked at her, Senna, Rita, Vince and Sarah.  
"Hey," she finally said. "I think I'm going home everyone. Morning class…"  
Vince's eyebrows went up. "Hmm, yeah right kid. More like night time ass-"  
"Vincent!" Senna clapped her hands to her ears. "I don't need to hear that crap!"  
"Just being honest, Senna. So shoot me!" Vince laughed loudly. The wine high was in full swing.  
"I don't care Vincent, dammit that's my daughter!" Senna uncovered her ears and turned towards Lena. "Babe, it's OK if you leave. I wouldn't want you to get robbed by your uncle here, not like the rest of us. Just refill my wine glass will ya?"  
"Of course Mom!" Lena took her wine glass into the kitchen, where Tommy was waiting by the sink, drying the last of the dishes. He gave her one look and she knew how much trouble she was in. His hair was falling into his eyes, he had soap suds on his bulging forearms, and his shirt was half undone. Lena looked into his darkening eyes and she gasped silently. Holy hell, she had to get him to her apartment or he was going to fuck her right then and there. She filled her mom's wine glass to the rim with the last of the wine and headed back out to the dining room.  
"Happy birthday my love," Senna said, smiling kindly at her. "It was really nice getting everyone together, wasn't it?"  
"Yes," said Lena, "and I'm really glad you got to meet Tommy and you like him-"  
"Yes, he's a good boy." Senna smiled and Vince chuckled. "He made David's entire life with that phone call tonight. I couldn't have asked for more."  
"I know, I'm so glad he thought of it." Lena leaned down and kissed her mom's head. "Thank you so much for the delicious dinner. It's always the best meal of the year."  
Tommy came out of the kitchen then, and Vince winked at him. Tommy just smiled privately and put his head down until Lena addressed him.  
"Are you ready?"  
Tommy nodded his assent, approached Senna with a hug. "Thank you ."  
Senna hugged him back. "Thank you for what you did tonight. David is probably still shocked."  
" you're more than welcome. I didn't do it for anyone but him. No offense."  
"None taken. I know you didn't do it for our sake. I love my son. It's what he needed to go on. And I thank you for that."  
Tommy smiled at her. "I would talk to him more if I could."  
Lena felt her eyes burn as she watched her mother look on Tommy with nothing more than appreciation and love.  
"I just want him to come home in one piece." Senna had tears in her eyes. "You are welcome here anytime, Tommy Conlon."  
Tommy smiled and nodded. "Thank you, ."  
"Senna, I told you Senna!" She laughed away her tears. "You kids get out of here. That old fox Vince has his eyes fixed on every pocket in here, you two included!"  
"OK Mom, I love you. Thank you for everything tonight." Lena hugged her mom, then Vince and Sarah, and finally Rita, who held her arms out like a lonely child.  
"I love you little girl," she whispered. Lena's eyes burned and this time the tears spilled.  
"I'll see you tomorrow," Lena whispered.  
Tommy and Lena were out the door at last. Neither said a word, just got into her car and she drove with the radio volume up, some generalized 70's rock band singing about sex. Her apartment could not be any further away at this point.  
"Thank you for everything tonight Tommy." Lena looked over at him, found him staring out the window, nodding.  
"Didn't do anything Lena." His voice was deep and raspy, his accent a sound rolling over glass and sand in his throat. "Your brother needs all the support he can get."  
Lena drove the rest of the way in silence, waiting for her apartment complex to appear in her field of vision so she could get him inside and tear him to pieces. Or vice versa.  
She pulled up in a parking spot, not really remembering it the next day at all. She got out of the car-Tommy was ahead of her as he opened the car door before it ever stopped . His face was blank and she wanted to try to crack a joke to break the tension, but she knew it was pointless.  
They both hustled inside, it was not yet Spring in Pittsburgh, and the nights got very cold. Lena was on fire though, imagining Tommy in her apartment for the night and how much she would be sweating soon.  
She fumbled the lock and heard Tommy sigh impatiently, it was the same sigh she made. Her hands were trembling. She wanted it just as badly as he, but she was not as impatient as he.  
Once inside, Tommy immediately began stripping. The apartment was dark, and she kept it that way, turning away from him only to lock the door. She could see his body in the moonlight, muscles working to pull off the clothes that got in his way. She followed suit, everything coming off so easily, so quickly, while she watched him work his jeans off and then stand before her in the shadows and silver light, bare and erect, urging her to throw herself onto him, which she did so eagerly.  
"Oh God," she gasped, feeling his velvety skin and tickling body hair against her skin, "Tommy take me to bed…."  
He lifted her in one smooth motion, took her to her room, her own bed. She fell in with her sheets and blanket, and before she had time to assess anything Tommy was on top of her, hard and hot and hungry. She opened to him, her arms and legs wrapping around his muscled body, her mouth opening to his insistent kiss. She was breathless and laid to waste already in her desire for him and his overpowering burning hunger for her. His cock nudged against her slippery slit, she was more than ready for him, and he breathed out in a huff, trying so hard to suppress the urge to drive it in and claim her.  
"Fuck, Lena..ohmygod,"he rasped, the tip of his cock rubbing against her pussy, so easy to just push…  
"Tommy!" she cried out, and her nails dug into his back as she pulled him tight to her. It was all he needed, and he buried himself deep inside her, moaning and holding still to feel her react around him, her body fluttering and pulsing around him and all over him. She tried to relax enough to take in his size, but her body betrayed her in the orgasm that was already arriving, hot warm waves lapping at her and electrifying her.  
"Holy fuck Lena-" Tommy was gasping, trying to force his own down and ride her.  
Lena cried out breathlessly and her fists pounded against his chest-he was grinding her into the bed, so hard it had to hurt. But Tommy was blown back by the intensity of her orgasm, she was like a fountain he was pushing into, and she was almost hysterical as he began slamming her faster into the bed.  
"Tommy, oh hurt me please…" her voice was broken and breathless, but she wanted him to unleash hell on her, fill her and punish her until she couldn't bear it. Her clit hummed as he stroked it unwittingly with his pelvic bone, crashing into her again and again until she screamed in a whisper that she was coming, and Tommy couldn't help but join her, his hips whipping hard until he had to pull out and shower her with his throbbing orgasm, but she was so far gone and out that she barely noticed.  
"Oh Lena…" he was gasping for air as he sunk down on top of her. "I'm gonna go fuckin' nuts without you…"  
"Kiss me, Tommy," she whispered, searching for his mouth. He pressed his full lips on hers and she felt she was being swallowed into the black hole that was Tommy.


	21. Chapter 21: Stay

"I want you again," he rasped, "you're not sleeping tonight." He kissed her again, his hands lazily stroking her face, her hair. Lena ran her tongue along his wet jaw, bit down on his neck almost too hard. Tommy gasped and pulled back, attacking her back with warm wet kisses, both passionate and tender.

Something was different tonight, Lena felt something had changed but she couldn't tell where or how. Tommy was reacting, emoting something more than before. She imagined it was out of his worry that she would forget him while he was away, or maybe it was meeting her family and being part of something more than just the two of them, maybe it was the love she expressed for him. Lena held him, kissed him, caressed him, she conveyed her reassurance to him through touch. His instincts were so sharp, but partly marred by his defense mechanisms, so it was hard to know whether she was getting through to him. Tommy crushed her with his need, smothered her with the agony of leaving. How could such a short amount of time add up to this? Lena was puzzled and amazed by it. His skin was hot and moist against her, she was sweating against him. Tommy was pushing at her, pressing his full weight against her, making her gasp. He was kissing her, holding her to him for dear life. She felt a connection to him raw and primal that went beyond sex, but was quantified by it. When she and Tommy were alone together, when their bodies met, it was naked truth for him, he couldn't hide from her, and was brought to tears by the rawness of it, the way she made him feel. Lena opened him up inside and he was never sure what would come out or how to handle it. And now he had to leave, and even though it wasn't very long it felt so awful. Tommy had become addicted to her, she filled his dark mind with light, and he clung to it.

"Oh!" Lena cried out as Tommy penetrated her, filled her and lay against her, not moving except to kiss her some more, his hands on her face, his legs tangled with hers. They lay like that for a while, Lena impaled on him and unable to move with his full frame on top of her, and she was relaxed and enjoying the fullness enough to not care.

"Lena…oh fuck," he gasped and shuddered, for a moment Lena thought it was over. "I want more..."

"Take it Tommy," she breathed, her hands on his face as he shook his head.

"No I want more," he rocked inside her and she realized it was far from over. "I want us together…when I get back. Like moved in together."

Lena was silent, she didn't know what to say.

"If it's too much tell me," he rasped, and his hips rolled back and forth slowly, making her body vibrate.

"How, Tommy…how can we do it?" Lena squeezed handfuls of sheets, both holding steady to the bed and rocking her hips up to him.

"I don't know, I don't know…" he picked up speed, rising up on his elbows so her face was framed by his biceps. "Lena you're my girl…I can't be without you, I wanna see you all the time." His voice was sexy and slow and sinister.

"When you come back," she gasped, "we'll talk about it. Your dad…"

"Fuck I know," he spat, and suddenly he was pulling out of her and falling in bed beside her. "I just…oh fuck it forget about it." His demeanor was changed again, he was pissed and she wasn't sure if it was at her or the situation.

"Tommy-"she reached for him in the dark, and was met by his cooling skin and soft kiss.

"Don't." He kissed her briefly, pulling her close. "Just…don't. OK? Forget I said anythin'. I know it's too soon. Can't help it, I wanna see you every day, be with you every night."

"Tommy…I feel the same. But you're right, it is too soon, we need to know how your dad is going to do anyway-"

"I'll tell ya how he's gonna do, Lena…it's gonna be a fuckin' mess and it'll all end up exactly the same as it has before. Only worse this time." Tommy rolled onto his side and squeezed her to him. "Just wait."

"Nothing can be easy with us, can it?" Lena sighed, pressing her face to his chest.

"Maybe. One day. Right now I just gotta get through all this bullshit and maybe then I can get Pop the help he needs. Sparta will take care of a lot of things for me."

"I'm not going anywhere," Lena whispered and she felt Tommy's smile against the skin of her shoulder.

"Hope not…" Tommy slid his hand down her back and cupped her ass, pulling her on top of him. "You're in charge now," he huffed, pushing at her hips. "Make me yours."

Lena was sitting on his erection, so easy for her to maneuver him inside her. She grabbed his hands and put them on her breasts, and she alternated a hard and fast rhythm with a slow and sinuous one.

Tommy growled, he sweated and gasped, and Lena didn't stop. She knew he was trying so hard to fight the urge to flip her over and take control. He grabbed her hips and held her fast to him, thrusting up into her and dragging her clit against his pubic bone, and she was over the edge before she realized it. She dug her nails deep into his pecs and he growled low and loud as she shuddered and hitched on him, over him, crying his name. That was enough for Tommy, he couldn't take any more. He rolled over on top of her and slowly moved inside her, enjoying all the contractions as she shuddered with lingering orgasmic spasms. Lena clung to him, her mind blank and her body belonging to Tommy; his hips speeding up and the kiss he was giving her became sucking and biting, the bed rocking loudly with his urgency. Tommy pressed his face against hers, his lips rubbing against hers as he gasped and moaned, sweat running down his face to wet her cheek.

"Don't stop don't stop," Lena cried, and Tommy's voice was a loud burst in her ear, he cried out and bit his lip to stop himself, but it was too late. As Lena clamped down on him, clawing at him and crying out, Tommy erupted half inside her, half out, his voice strangled with pleasure in her ear, making her come harder as his throbbing cock rubbed against her clit.

"If you were…any more perfect Tommy…I really would think you're an angel…."Lena was panting, bearing his full weight and just completely obliterated by him.

Tommy scoffed, lifting off her just enough to look down at her. "You're my angel. I wish you could come with me." He kissed her softly, rolling onto his side next to her, pulling her with his hands and his lips towards him. "I would never get anything done."

Lena laughed and wrapped herself up with him. "No. We wouldn't leave the room."

"Except to get coffee and whiskey."

"And steak,"she added. "Steak or chicken or fish, something to keep going, because Tommy I swear you work me harder than two hours at the gym. I love it," she smothered his face with kisses, and he trapped her in his arm to kiss her mouth, bruise her lips a little with his.

"I love fucking you, Lena," he growled. "I'm never gonna stop. So you better be ready when I get back. You should probably take a couple days offa work." His snarling lips kissed her, his teeth grazed her chin. Chills ran up and down her body.

"Oh my God you're gonna be even bigger than you are now," Lena said, rubbing his round hard biceps in her palms.

"Mmmhmm,"was all she heard in his deep gravelly groan.

"Tommy…you're gonna break me."

Tommy pulled back to look at her. His expression was grave and intense. "You know if I ever hurt you Lena, tell me and I'll stop. I promise I'll never hurt you like I did that one night-"

"Tommy are you still apologizing for that? I could've stopped you at any time. I didn't want you to stop. I was pushed to the brink of my existence, yeah, but I would have stopped it if I wanted."

Tommy brushed his lips against hers, smiling. "Yeah I know…I'm tryin' to make you hate me. But you're really stubborn."

Lena smiled and bit at his soft warm lips. "I couldn't hate you…you have my heart Tommy Conlon." Tommy pulled back and she could see his haunted eyes in the moonlight.

"Lena…" He sighed, shook his head, and kissed her forehead, her nose and finally her lips. "Where did you come from?" he whispered, but it wasn't a real question, just his wonder at her devotion.

"Maybe one day you'll understand Tommy," she whispered back. "Until then you will never accept it."

Tommy wrapped her up so her face was pressed to his chest, his arms enveloped her head. His legs trapped her against him, even his feet twined around her somehow.

"When I'm gone will you think about it?" His voice was a rumble against her ear. Lena imagined living with Tommy, what it would mean, and then there was Paddy….

"Yes baby," she said, kissing his salty skin, breathing in his clean sweat and distant cologne smell. Despite her best efforts she found herself nodding off, drifting away from him briefly only to be kissed or caressed back into the moment with him. Tommy seemed restless, he couldn't relax and she could feel his heart beating fast in his chest.

"Are you OK, Tommy?" Her voice was barely above a whisper, but he heard her. He was fidgeting, he sighed, he nervously kissed her head, played with her hair.

"Yeah, I'm cool." He rolled onto his back, pulling her half-way across his chest. "Don't know if I'm gonna sleep tonight though."

Lena stretched against him, her body fluidly spreading across him and then gripping him tight. "What can I do?"

Tommy laughed softly, caressing her. "Just do what you're doin'."

Lena held onto him, her hands and lips sweet and warm and soothing. She wanted to hang on to this moment, she couldn't let him go. Tommy had broken out in a cold sweat and she wiped his forehead, kissed his cheek.

"Baby you want me to bring you anything?" Lena kissed the palm of his hand, rested it against her cheek. He was trembling ever so slightly.

"Mmm…no," he shivered against her. "Fucking anxiety attack…s'posed to be taking these pills…turn me into a fuckin' zombie."

Lena rubbed his arm, held his hand. But Tommy couldn't help shifting uncomfortably, he was breathing harder and finally he sat up on the side of the bed away from her. She tried to touch him but he held his hand out to stop her.

"I'll be alright, I'll be alright…"

Lena sighed. "Tommy…"

"Just…gimme a minute."

She waited, watched. Tommy finally got up and headed out, she wasn't sure where, and she wanted to follow him but didn't. She saw a light come on in the kitchen, heard him rattling around in there. She was getting nervous, not sure what to do or how to help. She finally got up and headed to the bathroom, silently crept in and out while Tommy stood stark naked in her kitchen, drinking orange juice out of the carton.

Lena waited in the dark bedroom for what seemed like an eternity. She didn't realize she had nodded off until Tommy's cold sweet lips were on hers, tasting like vodka and orange juice. His body hovered over hers, he had straddled her and had no weight bearing down on her.

"Lena…."his voice was an urgent raspy whisper. "Lena wake up."

She wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him down but he resisted. She could feel his body still trembling, his skin wet with cold sweat.

"No…listen to me." He sniffed and kissed her again. She could taste salty tears and sweat on his lips. "I love you. I love you Lena. I can't…I can't be without you. I'm so fucked up and I'm so tired of fighting myself…I don't wanna drink so much or take pills…but I don't know how to be normal, Lena."

Lena held his face in her hands, tears and sweat all over her hands.

"How the fuck do you do this to me? I feel like I fuckin' hate everybody sometimes…except you, you make me happy and I forgot what that felt like." Tommy started collapsing on top of her. His skin was clammy all over, and Lena could feel his heart knocking against his ribs as he attempted to relax on top of her. "I hate it when this happens."

Lena held him in her arms. "How often does this happen?" she whispered.

"A lot," said Tommy, his wet face against her shoulder. "Just bad this time. Don't let me go."

Lena's eyes burned and she clutched his cold wet body to hers. "I've got you baby," she whispered. "I've got you."


	22. Chapter 22: Barricade

After what seemed a long time, Tommy's full weight came to bear down on her, his heart calmed, his breathing leveled. He was at ease, and she wished he hadn't needed a drink to help him get there.

"Lena…"he sighed against her skin, giving her a chill. "We need to sleep, don't we?" His voice was a shaky breath. He heaved himself off her to lay at her side, and she immediately turned toward him, to keep the close contact going, keep touching him and kissing him. His kisses were soft and lazy, his thick lips pulling at hers like he was eating cotton candy.

"Tommy…I can't get enough of you." She snuggled up to him, savoring every inch of his skin, the taste of him on her lips, the scent of his skin, even with the strange metallic smell of fear sweat on him he still smelled like her Tommy.

"Go to sleep, babe," he said in his slow, deep, rough accent, "please. I can't promise I'll let you if you keep that up." She realized her hand was rubbing against his lower belly, her nails thoughtlessly scratching at the thatch of hair surrounding his sex.

Lena smiled against his cheek, her face getting warm, and he laughed softly. "I can't wait, Tommy…you and me when you get back, we're gonna have our own little party."

"Oh yeah," he rasped. "I'm already thinking of the things we're gonna do."

Lena smiled, rubbing his back, leaning against him. Her eyes were so heavy, but she wasn't really ready to give him up, not yet. He still was hers for a little bit longer. She slid down his body to take him in her mouth-Tommy had little time to react to her, she made sure she moved fast. He gasped deeply, palming the back of her head gently as she sucked hard fast strokes on him. His body went rigid, his hips tilting forward, until she shoved him onto his back to continue her onslaught.

"F-f-f-uuuck," Tommy growled, still holding her head, and she could feel his toes curling up against her thigh, and he attempted to pull her up but she batted his hands away.

"No, this is how you come, or not at all," she breathed, her hand stroking him fast and hard, and took him deep in her mouth again, this time tasting the bitter slippery warning his body was giving her.

Tommy tried again right before he lost it, he tried to pull her away but Lena wasn't having any of it. One hand gently clawed his thigh, the other a tight fist pumping him into her mouth, and he was holding his breath, his body trembling, his hands squeezing fistfuls of sheets. He coughed out a chesty explosive yell, sounded like an angry curse, and hot jets of salty tang filled her mouth. Lena took it all, waited and stilled on him as he gasped for air beneath her, and withdrew him slowly, listening to his hissing breath as she sucked the last of it out of him. She rested her head on his hip and breathed in the smoky humid vapor his body was exuding, and her hands caressed his ribcage, his belly, his hips. She loved this moment, she felt her six senses taking a snapshot of the seconds, minutes of total peace and contentment they shared then.

Tommy's hands were back on her head, caressing, fingers tangling in her hair. She glanced upwards at him and could see the little smile on his lips, his contentment smoothed his expression in the streetlight glow coming in through her window. He looked blissful, when less than an hour ago he was panic-ridden and desperate.

"My God how I love you Tommy," she whispered, taking his hand and kissing his palm, pressed it to her cheek. He hauled her up with his other hand and crushed her to him, kissing her lips, pushing his tongue past to fill her mouth, lazy and passionate at the same time.

"Stay right here," he whispered huskily, holding her to him. So she curled up on him and promptly fell asleep, exhausted and content, every cell in her body completely satiated with Tommy.

5:30 AM. Lena had only been asleep for what felt like fifteen minutes when Tommy's phone was going off on her nightstand. Tommy was up and headed to the bathroom before she could blink, and then she was falling back asleep again instantaneously.

"Lena…" Tommy was kneeling by the bed, gently shaking her awake. Her eyes shot open and she realized he smelled like her body wash, her shampoo. Coconut and moon petal musk.

"Hey handsome," she giggled, pulling him to her, but he resisted.

"No doll, I gotta go. Can you please give me a ride to the gym? I'll never make it on time even if I run." His deep voice sounded like bourbon, cashmere, warm heavy cream poured into her ear. She smiled sleepily and sat up like a shot.

"Course I will," she mumbled, and stood up shakily to look for clothes, yoga pants, even shorts, anything, to wear. Tommy stood back and she could barely see him through the sleep in her eyes.

"Oh Lena…" he whispered. "Poor thing."

Lena laughed out loud. "Tommy, really? I would do it all over again. And more." She found a shirt and a pair of shorts, and Tommy watched her dress, then reached out for her. Lena was in his arms in a heartbeat, and he squeezed her so hard she gasped for air.

"Can't be back soon enough," he rasped in her ear, giving her chills.

Lena pulled away, searching for her shoes. "Does it have to be a month…goddammit." She grabbed her purse and her keys. "C'mon you," she said, holding her hand out to him as he stood motionless, watching her.

"I'll call you everyday," he said softly, taking her hand. His eyes were blue this morning, blue like a swimming pool, a touch of green glowing beneath. She smiled wide at him, knowing full well she probably looked like a F.B.I. Most Wanted poster, fucked up hair and smeared make-up. Tommy's return smile was weak and fake, but she took it anyway and they headed out the door.

They drove in relative silence, the radio crackling the weather and news that neither one of them couldn't give a shit about. Tommy was grinding a toothpick between his teeth and Lena hid behind her shades, whipping around the neighborhood until they reached Colt's gym. It had never looked so grim.

Lena pulled in next to the only other car in the lot, Colt's silver Caddy that was running, white steam pouring out the tailpipes in the cool morning air. The window rolled down and Lena could see Colt wave hello at her, then wave Tommy out.

"This is it," Tommy sighed. He looked at Lena, her face blank, shades still hiding her eyes. He pulled them down the bridge of her nose and saw the red rims of her dark brown eyes peeking out at him.

"Go Tommy," she whispered, her voice breaking.

"I-" he began, but Lena leaned in and kissed him, soft, sweet and salty with the tears that slipped down her face.

"Hurry back to me," she whispered against his full lips. Tommy kissed her hard, biting at her and chewing her bottom lip almost too hard.

"I will. Wait for me," he growled, and got out of the car in a rush to jump into Colt's car. She sat and watched them leave, watched Tommy's sad face watching her as they drove off. Lena sat in the parking lot for a minute, mute. A lightning strike, that was Tommy, he was a lightning strike in her life that flashed several times, then faded. A month wasn't so long, was it?


	23. Chapter 23 : Til I Get Back To You

LENA was in the shower and headed to Cal and Rita's. Big day today. She was nervous and raw and anxious already, sleepless and wired on tension. When Cal opened the door he could see the wraith-like appearance of his best friend, and it worried him.

"Lena…" Cal let her in, she was pushing her way in anyway. "You need to eat something."

Lena laughed bitterly. "You think that's it huh? Where's Aunt Rita?" she asked, looking around.

"She's getting dressed. Are you OK?" Cal approached her slowly.

Lena looked at him like he was crazy. "Yeah, just worried about everything…need to know Aunt Rita is OK. Are you OK Cal?" And she was hugging him, clinging to him. Cal held her, wrapped her up in his big strong arms. Lena's eyes watered but she tried not to cry. She had to keep her shit together.

"Yeah…my little sister. I'm OK, don't you worry about me." Cal's voice was soft and soothing. She remembered it so many times comforting her when things seemed impossible. She needed that now. "Gotta be strong for Mom."

Rita came downstairs and saw Cal holding Lena. "Hey kids, everything OK?"

Lena pulled away, trying to smile. "Yeah…Tommy left this morning for a month."

"What's Colt making him do?" Rita smiled knowingly at Lena. "He pulls his best away for a while to get their heads in the game. Colt's a very smart business man. You'll see. Tommy will bust his ass in there, come back better and stronger."

Lena laughed. "Let me guess…Ted?"

Rita nodded. "When Cal was about three months old, he pulled Ted for a month. He wanted him to focus, and it worked. Ted came back and tore through several fights, made Colt a lot of money." She smiled and took Lena's hand. "Tommy will be back. All he's gonna do is think about you and getting back to you. You'll see. You are his anchor now, Lena. Remember that."

Lena hugged Rita tightly. "You're so great Aunt Rita…thank you."

"It's just the truth, sweetie. You give that boy all your love, he's the one for you. I could see it last night. He needs you and you need him. Perfect." Rita pulled back and kissed Lena's cheek. "Cal honey, you ready?"

Cal stood off to the side, looking lost and sad. "Yeah Momma, ready as I'll ever be."

"OK then, let's go." Rita started for the door. Lena watched her, thought how strong she was to have gone through all the things life had thrown at her, and still brave now.

Lena really thought she was going to go nuts in the waiting room. She sat and tried to wait patiently, but she was crawling out of her skin. Suddenly she understood why people smoked, it was to pass the time and make them think they were calming down somehow. She was watching her phone, watching the time, and waiting for Tommy to text her, reach out to her somehow.

Finally, finally Cal and Rita came out of the office. They both looked relieved, smiling and thanking the doctor as he walked them out. Cal grabbed Lena out of her seat and squeezed her tight.

"Benign," was all he said, and Lena felt the weight lifting off her instantly. "Just needs an outpatient visit and get it all cleaned out."

Lena smiled wide and the moment he set her down, she grabbed Rita and hugged her, swinging her around.

"Yes yes YES!" Lena dragged them out into the sunny day. "Breakfast on me ladies!"

Cal rolled his eyes. "Ha ha funny bitch!" But he was smiling brightly. "I think we should go to Vince's, what do you think?"

Rita clapped in approval. "Yes yes, let's go see the old goat, he stole all my money last night, he owes me breakfast!"

Vince's was empty, not open yet but warming up for the day. Lena had used her keys to get them all in. Vince was laughing when he saw them all-Lena had snuck into the office to give him the good news.

"Well, Rita dear, what would you like to eat for breakfast? Anything."

Rita winked at him, sitting at the bar with Cal and Lena. "Anything?"

Vince cackled. "Well, within reason. C'mon, Butch is one mean cook."

"I want steak and eggs. And maybe hash browns, if you got 'em."

Vince winked back at her. "No problem sweets." Lena got up to help, but Vince waved her back to her seat. "Naw Butch and Louis are back there. You don't worry about it Lee. What you guys want?"

"Pancakes and bacon," responded Cal without hesitation. Lena looked at him, her eyebrows raised in shock. "What, I get to cheat too, shaddap Lena!"

Lena laughed. "OK Boss, I'll have the same thing as Auntie Rita. Well done please."

AFTER a long breakfast of mimosas and meat with Uncle Vince, Lena and Cal took Rita back home to nap off the champagne, and they headed to their afternoon classes.

"I don't think we're supposed to go into class half-drunk, do you?" Cal was hysterical laughing, giddy and silly.

"Fuck no, but looks like it's happening. Just shut the hell up will ya Cal, you're so obvious!" Lena staggered out of his truck and tried to straighten up. Her legs were wobbly- too much sex, not enough sleep, and too many mimosas. Cal was giggling like an idiot watching her walk.

"Holy shit Lee, what did Conlon the Killer do to you last night?" Cal was making too much noise as they walked into the main entrance.

"More like what I did to him," she mumbled. Cal walked off to his building, still giggling, and Lena walked off to hers, flipping him off. It was going to be that kind of day.

All through her three classes Lena obsessively checked her phone. Nothing was registering. She rebooted it just to make sure, hoping any minute Tommy would text her and tell her something, anything. Little did she know he was crawling out of his skin, at the airport, through security, in the airplane, at the baggage claim. Tommy just wanted to get someplace quiet where he could call her, hear her voice.

Lena was halfway through her shift at the restaurant when her phone started going off in Vince's office. She was so busy she didn't see it, hear it. But when she finally got to it, she found three texts- "I miss you already. Call when I get a chance." "I'm in my motel room. It's terrible. I'm fucking starving." –and, "I called but you're probably working. I'm exhausted, call you in the morning. Love you- T."

Lena held the phone to her chest for a moment, thinking of him in his room, in the dark, where she wanted to be. She would talk to him tomorrow, she was sure, but she would have loved to hear his voice in her ear right then.

THE next few days passed slowly, Lena moved through her workouts and classes in a daze. She went to work the same way, even while Vince briefed her, Louis and Butch on how everything had to go while he was gone. Louis was Vince's friend and partner from way back, he didn't know or care about the restaurant business much, but since Vince was leaving for vacation he felt obligated to hang out. Truth was Vince was looking to buy Louis out and install Lena in his place, but Vince knew things took time. He was street-smart and business savvy, and he wasn't going to make a move until the time was right.

Lena took care of the deposits, the orders and the daily sheets, Louis ran the restaurant while Lena was in school. Butch was running the kitchen like a drill sergeant and no one messed with Butch's kitchen anyway. The servers were well-behaved, they liked working for Vince and wanted to keep their jobs while he was away. Much to Lena's surprise no one called in or tried to pull any shit-maybe it was the scary stories they heard about Louis, that he had gone to jail for murder when it really had been a burglary job gone wrong when he was 16. Only Lena knew that, and she wasn't going to spill the beans when everybody was being so good. Why mess up a good thing?

Lena didn't hear from Tommy in a week after he first arrived and tried texting her. She wondered what was going on there, if Tommy was OK, if Paddy was surviving rehab. She wanted to ask Cal to message Brendan but she knew it really wasn't any of her business. She felt like she was going insane waiting for the phone to ring.

Finally, after ten long days, Lena was at home studying when her phone rang, and it wasn't Cal for once.

"Tommy, baby, oh my God!"

Tommy laughed in her ear, an infectious little chuckle. "Fuck Lena, they wouldn't let me have my phone back til tonight!"

Lena looked at the time- it was 10:30 pm her time, 8:30 in Arizona. "I knew something had to be up, I know you would have called me by now-"

"Yeah they run this place like it's the fuckin' military. I know how it works. But I didn't know I wouldn't be able to use my phone…it's all bullshit. So forget all that, how you doin'?"

His voice did things to her, it was soft and soothing and deep and sounded like thunder and leaves rustling in the wind.

"I'm OK, Tommy…I guess. Missing you. Has it been a month yet?!"

Tommy scoffed. "No, doll, I wish. It's not bad here, but I feel like I'm back in basic. Colt goes out every night with the trainers and I'm stuck in here with the fuckin' TV and grilled chicken for dinner every night." He laughed. "When I come out, I'm gonna make my money though. It's all worth it. Just miss you though." He sounded almost close enough to touch. Lena's heart ached.

"I know I need to get used to you being away…I've been pretty busy with school and the restaurant-"

"Hey how's Cal's mom? Did you go to the doc with them last week?"

"She's good, Tommy, she's in the clear."

"Well that's great." He sighed deeply. "So…whatcha wearin'?"

Lena laughed at his sly sexy voice tickling her ear. "Oh you know…black lace and not much else…"

Silence. Then, "You better watch out…you know I'm not gonna tell you when I get back. I'm just gonna show up. You'll be in so much trouble…" He growled the last part and Lena shivered.

"I wouldn't expect anything else from you Tommy." Lena took in a deep breath at the thought of his body against hers.

"Yeah, I'll tear black lace to shreds, doll." His voice was a breathy menace. "By the time I get home…shit I'm already so worked up thinkin' 'bout you now…" Lena swore she heard skin-on-skin contact through the phone. She wanted to ask but didn't have to. "My dick's so big Lena…tell me what you're wearin', for real."

Lena cleared her throat. This was going to be a first for her. "Pink tank. And pink panties." Already her heart was pounding just listening to him breathe.

"Oh yeah? Whyn'tcha take 'em off. Now."

Lena stood up and went into her bedroom, slipping her panties off as she was told. She laid back on the bed and ran her hand down her side, smoothing over her stomach to her sex.

"They're off, Tommy."

"Good," he breathed. "Go lay down on your bed."

"Already am, boss," she whispered, listening to his breath catch in his throat.

"Are you wet?" He couldn't ask, just pant. Lena was so close already, her hand was wet and her breasts were heaving thinking about what he was doing to himself.

"Yes…so wet…Tommy I need you, I want you…" she was starting to whine just a little and Tommy made some deep growl into the phone.

"That's it…what you need, tell me…"

"I need you to fuck me, harder harder-"

"Fuck!" he yelled, and Lena was right there too. They came together over the phone, so strange but so much more satisfying than when she was alone. She imagined what it looked like on his end and it pushed her over the edge, she cried out into the mouthpiece and she could hear him straining not to yell anymore.

"Oh Tommy, oh my God…."

"Lena…I'm your slave. You know that, don't you…" He was gasping. Lena imagined him lying back, his body glistening and his chest heaving. What a sight.

"Hurry back to me…I miss you." Lena was still, staring at the ceiling, at nothing, listening to him, not wanting him to hang up. Ever. Except to come home to her.

"I miss you too." He sounded so relaxed, so tired. "Twenty one more days."

"Sounds like forever-"

"But it will go by fast. Just the nights…haven't been sleepin' well, no whisky." He laughed bitterly. "Talked to Brendan earlier, Pop seems to be hangin' in there so far. Just got to visit him the other day I guess. Maybe there's hope."

"How long is he in the program for again?" she asked.

"Two weeks. It's almost over for him. But he's done this before, I just…I hope he gets it this time. Course with the dementia…he could be tryin' to bust out tonight."

"Shit Tommy, I'm sorry…a lot to worry about when you have to focus on other stuff. You're the one that needs to hang in there." Lena rolled onto her side and hugged her blanket.

"Hey, it's OK. Been through worse. A lot worse. I'll be back in a few weeks…everything will be alright." Tommy sounded like he was falling asleep.

"Love you," she whispered. Tommy sighed softly, she hoped contentedly.

"I love you too angel."

"Talk to you tomorrow?"

"Yeah…tomorrow. Promise."

"Goodnight baby." But there was a click on the line and she imagined he fell asleep with the phone by his ear. She curled up in bed and sighed, alone again.


	24. Chapter 24: Fiat Lux

ANOTHER day, and another…Lena was running ragged. Between work and school she didn't have time to blink. Cal was having a hell of a time running the gym- he called her constantly, because he didn't want to have to call Colt unless he absolutely had to, and as a result he was driving Lena nuts. She felt like she couldn't breathe.

Finally Vince came home. He had extended his trip, saying he had "somethin' special happenin'."He was gloriously happy, having won $10,000 dollars in a poker tournament. How blessed was Lena to get an extra grand in pay from Vince, on top of what he was already paying her.

"Lena, take a few days off, will ya?" Vince had her in the office, sitting down with her to get all the info of the last two weeks past. He could see the rings around her eyes, she had lost a little weight too. "Christ, you look like a zombie."

Lena raised her eyebrows, but she didn't smile. "Thanks, nice to see you too."

"No really, go home." He looked at the clock. He had been gone exactly two weeks, and it was 10:30 at night. Lena looked like hell. "Please."

"Hey, alright, not gonna argue!" She stood up, gave Vince a big hug. "Thanks Uncle. I'm going home to go to bed."

"I don't wanna see you in here til Friday night. Got it?"

Lena smiled, grabbing her purse. "Yes boss. Goodnight, I love you."

"Love you too girl."

Lena was on her way home when her phone started ringing. She took in a deep breath-she was going to flip out if it was Cal again. It was Tommy, thank God, it had been too many days, six long days to be exact. Lena was miserable without him.

"Hey doll," his voice was sweet and rough in her ear. "I miss you baby. You off work yet?"

"Yeah…damn Tommy it's been six days. I hate not hearing from you." Lena's eyes filled with tears but she would be damned if she let them fall.

Tommy sighed loudly. "I know. I wish I could call you more…I thought things would be different. Doesn't help that one of the trainers found my HGH…not supposed to have it. Colt got pissed, almost got sent home. Bullshit." He was pissed off, Lena could hear the edge in his voice.

"When did this happen?"

"The day after I finally got to talk to you. I'm not a fuckin' teenager, I just want to get this over with. They really try to run this place like the brig….I'm really havin' a hard time with it, Lena."

Suddenly Lena realized he sounded like he had been drinking. "Tommy, are you in your room?"

"Umm yeah, why?"

"Because you sound a little…tipsy?"

Tommy laughed out loud. "Shit, it's that obvious?"

"Baby you've switched moods at least three times now. You're not supposed to be drinking. Right?"

He snorted. "Yep, you're right. I can't deal with this…can't sleep. I thought I could handle it, but you know how much shit I've been through…just need to see you," he whispered, his voice a raspy rush through her earpiece. Tommy sounded like he was standing next to her, and it made her shiver, made her body rattle. She was sitting in her parking lot now, the car running. She wanted to drive to Arizona and pick him up.

"You don't have much time left, baby. You can do this. You were meant to do this."

"Was I? I think about what my life could have been….should have been. But then I wouldn't have met you. Fuck this!" he suddenly yelled into the phone, making her jump.

"Tommy. Stop whatever you're doing, listen to me. Don't mess this up, when you wake up tomorrow you'll only have eleven days left-"

"Oh no, wait Lena, this is the best part! I'm stuck here another two weeks!"

"What?!"

"Yeah," he growled, snickering at the same time. "Some fights lined up already. One of 'em is going to Sparta too. There's some expo goin' on and yours truly was invited to fight Leandro Rivera."

"Oh I've heard of him. He's tough…but you're tougher."

"I'll fuckin' kill him, Lena…he'll be lucky to make it to Sparta. Fuck." He was irritated, worked up.

"Tommy…if you have anything left will you please pour it down the drain, please."

Angry sigh. "No."

"Please, Tommy."

"I don't wanna play by the rules, Lena. I got my own."

"Yeah but they're gonna mess everything up, Tommy…please, for me."

Lena heard a toilet flush. "It's gone. OK? Happy? Fuck it all. You know what, I'll call you tomorrow. I gotta go…I love you little girl." He sounded so frustrated.

"Tommy? Tommy…" But he was gone. Damn. "I love you too," she whispered.

Lena practically crawled up her stairs, slid into bed half-dressed, and fell asleep. A dark nasty dream crouched there in her mind, she saw David hiding behind a half-burned overturned Humvee, and there was a relentless ongoing gunfight. She could hear someone yelling, see bullets fly by and then hear a scream-"grenade!" in her dream she saw Tommy throwing himself over David as the grenade ignited, and her dream filled with fire and death.

She sat up in bed, gasping for air, pouring sweat. It was dawn. She looked at her phone-nothing there but the time. She wondered what had happened with Tommy last night, and she fought the urge to call him. It was 4:30 AM his time. She hoped he had fallen asleep, quietly and deeply. Something else to worry about that she had not anticipated- Tommy was unraveling there almost 2,000 miles away from her. She could do nothing but sit in hopeful patience that he was going to make it. She knew he could, but the lack of sleep and probably the diet, plus the lack of alcohol that he had been relying on and all his worries were wearing him thin. If he could just find his focus…

Lena had an early class that day anyway. Spring break was coming up, and she was ready. April was rushing by, and that meant midterms, which Lena had been preparing for and even got some of them out of the way already. Still trying to cram everything in, she was spin dizzy.

Tommy called her around noon. He sounded groggy and sick. "Hey. I'm an asshole. I'm sorry I hung up on you last night."  
"Are you OK, Tommy?" Lena was getting her bag around her shoulder, heading to the car.

"Hmm…no. I'm not OK. But it's alright. Got what I deserve. Hangover, I never get fuckin' hangovers…"

"You do when your body is in serious training. Poor thing, Tommy if I were there-"

"If you were here, I wouldn't have been drinkin'…don't feel bad for me, I asked for this."

Lena sighed. "Damn, Tommy…what are you doing today?"

Tommy coughed loudly, sounded like he was really sick. "I'm in between muay thai and weight training. Are you at school?"

"No baby, leaving now." She was sitting in her little hatchback now, and the inside of the car had to be 80+ degrees. Spring was heating up. "You really don't sound well Tommy."

"Yeah, my trainer, Alex, wanted me to go back to my room. But I told him to fuck off." Lena could hear his smile through the phone. "I'm not a quitter. Fuck that, I want this done and over with so I can come home."

"Yeah…mmm Tommy. Love you." She was quiet, listening to him breathe-she rested her head back and closed her eyes. "Another month."

"Mmmhmm. Hang in there for me, doll." His husky voice wrapped around her brain, soft as silk, rich and warm as melted butter. "This is it, Alex is waving at me. I gotta go. Love you babe. Call ya later."

"OK Tommy. Take it easy, will ya?"

He laughed. "Yeah. Sure."

LENA was in Vince's office that night, much to Vince's chagrin.

"Hey. I said Friday. Get the fuck outta here." He really looked pissed.

"Listen, I gotta talk to you." Lena grabbed his hand as they perched on his desk together. "I'm gonna call Colt but I wanted to ask you first. Please can I take a few days off, I need to go see Tommy as soon as his lab is over. He's sick, he's having a rough time. I need to see him and I think he needs to see me more."

Vince looked at her incredulously. "Are you serious? First, of course you can take some time off, you're gonna take a week off, since you been looking like something the cat dragged in and I think you need a break during your time offa school. And second, do you really think Tommy can't do this? He's a fuckin' Marine, kid. He's just fucked up. I told you. You may not be helpin' by goin' down there, but I'll let Colt tell you that. What's Cal gonna do without you?" Vince was smiling now, watching her face slide into a devastated expression. "C'mon kid, don't look like that. Maybe you should go, I don't know…"

"I'm gonna call Colt later. I just wanted to clear it with you first." Lena closed her eyes and blew out a breath. "Cal's just gotta get through it for a few days til I get back. I've been helping him over the phone for the most part anyway…"

"Yeah but you know how he is, he'll feel all abandoned when you leave." Vince winked at her. "Don't you worry kid, I'll go pay him a visit. He just needs some advice is all. Got his hands full with those knuckleheads up there."

Lena threw her arms around his neck. "Thank you Uncle. I've already bought my plane tickets anyway-"

"No shit! Thought you had to talk to me first?" But Vince was laughing.

"Well…they're refundable tickets." Lena grinned sheepishly. "I gotta talk to Colt too."

"Yeah, just tell him you're comin'. Don't give him no choice. When's Tommy's last day in there?"

"In a week and five days. Spring break starts in a week, so…"

"Fuckin' perfect. Nice to see you take some time off, kid, never seen this before. You need a break. Just hope this is gonna do it."

Lena didn't tell Tommy she bought tickets to Sedona, she didn't tell him she had talked to Colt and got a reluctant OK from him, that she would be in his room waiting for him when he got back from the UFC press meet in twelve days. It was so very hard considering he had chances to call her more and more often, each time a different part of him that he let her see, either he was falling apart, or pissed, or calm, or exhausted, or once or twice focused and militaristic. Mostly he was tired and brief with her, honey on his tongue with a yawn not far behind.

She struggled through her midterms, not worried somehow at all about them. She was in Colt's gym, sifting through paperwork with Cal. She was in the restaurant, helping Vince run the show. She was even at her mom's one night with anchovy pizza and beer to play cards with Rita and her mom, telling them excitedly that she was leaving for five days and six nights to be with Tommy as much as she could, and watch his first professional fight in years. Rita and Senna promised her they would be in the bar together to watch it when it aired on PPV too.

Lena had her bags packed, and Vince himself was taking her to Pittsburgh International Airport in his sexy black gangster car. Her flight left at 5:40 AM, she would land in Phoenix at 6:57 AM-even after a four hour flight she would move backwards through time. After a 30 minute layover she would board a plane to Flagstaff for almost an hour-long flight. From there she would pick up her rental car and drive almost an hour to get to Sedona, where Tommy was staying- The Orchards Inn, an upscale motel. She would be waiting in his room, Colt already had it set up with the front desk-after the press meet it would be about noon, and Lena figured her timing would be just about perfect, and Tommy would find her on his couch, or in his bathtub, or in his bed, when he walked in.

Vince had given her more cash than she needed, she had tried to refuse but Vince was really happy she was taking some time off, even though he wondered what he was going to do without her for almost a week. Money was no object for Vince to buy his niece a little happiness after everything she had done for him.

Lena tried to sleep during the flight, but it was nearly impossible. She was so wired. She flipped through magazines, flipped through her e-book reader, couldn't stay focused enough to absorb anything that her eyes scanned over. She wondered if Tommy would try to call her when he woke up-she figured he would, and get irritated with her voicemail like he did sometimes. She had saved the last one, just for posterity.

"Lena. You must be workin'. I hate leaving messages. Goddammit. Love you."

Phoenix was pleasant so early in the morning. Lena was only outside briefly as she had to run to the other side of the airport to get to her plane that was headed for Flagstaff. She couldn't miss it.

Flagstaff was sunny and smelled like pine trees. There was melting snow on the mountaintops, and Lena instantly fell in love with her surroundings as she drove to Sedona. Red rocks, dark green brush, mountains…such dramatic terrain. The car rental place had given her a map with several routes to take, all scenic and beautiful. All that Lena could think about was seeing Tommy's scenic beauty. She had several texts, two from Tommy asking her if she was awake yet, one from Colt telling her everything was cool at the desk, the hotel knew she was coming. Lena was full of butterflies, cranked up the radio in her Jeep Cherokee rental and pushed on.

She followed her GPS directions to The Orchards Inn, pulled in at 11:35 AM. The place was beautiful, not what she was expecting. It was high on a hill, it looked like a resort more than a hotel. She couldn't believe the natural beauty surrounding it. She hauled herself in through the wide front doors to the desk, where after she showed proper ID she was slipped a plastic magnetized card that would open the door to Tommy's room. She took the elevator to the third floor, found room 309 and opened the door to a large apartment-style room, with a beautiful view of the rugged red rocks that surrounded the hotel. Tommy's king-size bed was perfectly made, there was a faint smell of his citrus musk cologne hanging in the air-she saw an ironing board open with the iron still sitting up on it. Everything was meticulously organized- Staff Sergeant Thomas Conlon was living here.

Lena poked around, picking up his bodywash and smelling it, looking in his closet and finding new clothes with tags still on them, jeans and plain t-shirts, a few hoodies, nothing special. She fished out her black lace stockings, black lace teddy, black shiny stiletto heels, and jumped in the shower to freshen up after her travel adventure. She had just finished putting on a little make-up and spritzed some sexy scent on herself, when she heard the door click. Her heart was in her mouth-it had been five weeks since she had seen him, and he did not disappoint. Lena had pulled the shades, trying to add some ambience, and Tommy opened the door to his room to see someone standing by his window. Lena could already see how much he had filled out, his dark red dress shirt was stretching tight over his shoulders and his black slacks were snug in the thigh-even though it was a little darker in the room than she wanted it to be she could see him perfectly. Tommy, on the other hand, froze in his tracks. The door closed with a soft metallic click, and Tommy was sniffing the air, staring at the figure in his room.

Finally Lena started making her way towards him, and she could see he had caught the sun in his cheeks, his eyes glowed blue at her, he licked his pillow-like lips nervously and she felt her knees give way. Now he could see her, in black lace and high heels, coming towards him slowly, smiling at him. He looked shocked to the core.

"How-how did you…" He slowly looked her up and down, and when his eyes met hers again she could see his nostrils flare, his eyes turning black. Predator. "I can't fuckin' believe this." His voice was a breathy growl.

Lena casually approached him, staggered by the width of his build but not letting on. She began unbuttoning his shirt, slowly, looking into his eyes, his beautiful face, his shock still registering. She moved a little closer and pressed up against him, her belly met with his rock hard erection straining inside his slacks. His shirt fell away, revealing rounded muscles, cut like a statue, all over him, even his neck was more thick and powerful than ever.

"Ohh my God," she heard herself whisper, her fingers gently running along his broad, wide chest, down his serrated ribs and along the wide expanse of his eight-pack belly.

"Yeah, you like it?" Tommy's voice grated in his throat and he was smiling at her mischievously. "And uh, what do you have on?" He switched on a light on the wall to get a better look. Lena turned around slowly, seductively, so he could see everything. He growled low and loud, and she could see his handsome face break out in a sheen of sweat.

"Holy shit." His jaw clenched, he sniffed in a deep breath. "Looks like the joke is on me. I was supposed to be doin' this, surprisin' you." He unbuckled his belt and took it off, folded it in his hands and snapped it. "Walk." His voice was deep, slow, sexy. "Now."

Lena started walking back into the room, and Tommy exhaled shakily, watching her closely, prowling behind her, snapping his belt again.

"Am I in trouble?" She stopped for a moment, and Tommy threw the belt to the floor.

"Yeah, but not that kind," he whispered huskily, and suddenly came up behind her, his slacks falling to the floor. She felt his angry lust, hard all over, muscled arms winding around her to toss her on the bed, and then his naked body was against her, the lace starting to tear at her stockings from the friction. Tommy was possessed, taking her down almost like an opponent and then kissing at her neck and throat as his hips ground his cock against her. She could feel the slippery excitement coming from him against her thigh, and she gasped as his wide body fit in between her thighs just barely, she grasped at his back and found muscles like broad hills rising from his shoulderblades and down. Lena had no recourse but to ride his full throttle assault on her. Tommy's thick fingers pulled her panties to the side and suddenly he was inside her, full and wide, his heavy frame almost crushing her. He growled, moaned, stayed still inside her as he kissed her face, sucked at her mouth with his. She felt totally overwhelmed and was loving it, he was burning her alive with his passion.

"Went fuckin' crazy without you Lena…fuck you're incredible…." His voice was crackling lightning and rumbling thunder in her ear. She cried his name breathlessly, trying to draw her legs up and around him and finding it almost impossible-even his buttocks were bigger, rounder, more solid. Tommy suddenly pulled out of her, and just that quick his full lips were tugging at her clit, his hands yanking her panties down and off so he could inhale her pussy. Lena cried out loud, her body recoiling as he sucked and licked her aggressively, and she came hard like a shotgun blast, her fingers in his dark hair already wet with sweat. Tommy rose up, his face red and wet with her juices, and he looked like a Greek god on his knees before her, the God of Lust to be sure.

"I'm gonna fuck you with these heels on, Lena…you're not allowed to take 'em off." His cock was pointing at her from the nest of dark hair at the perfect middle of his flawless body.

"Do it, Tommy…come here and fuck me."

Tommy fell on her, finding the wet fount that he drove into, groaning softly in her ear. He pushed one of her legs out to the side to see the black shiny stiletto glinting at him as he thrusted into her again and again, gentle but savage at the same time. Lena cried out into the pillow, orgasming against him, around him-when she opened her eyes she saw his mountainous body pinioning her to the bed to fill her, his face swollen and his lips red, his eyes slits. Was this real?

"Goddammit!" he shouted, and pulled out of her to shower her black lace with thick white threads of his come. "Ahh…I couldn't…hold it…"

Lena reached up for his face, wiping sweat from his brow, away from his eyes. He was still up on his knees, panting and staring down at her.

"You're beautiful, doll," he whispered, his hands working her thigh-high lacy stockings down, pulled her heels off, urged her up to pull her teddy off too, taking the mess with it. Tommy fell on her again, gently this time, and he gathered her in his arms to kiss and caress her, hold her to him like she was the dearest thing in the world to him. Lena did the same, as best she could with his new size-she knew he was going to be bigger but she wasn't completely prepared for how much he had really changed. He had worked so hard to get there, all she could do was kiss him and rub and knead on the neverending mass of muscle he had become.

"Tommy, Tommy," she whispered, and he rose up from nuzzling her neck to kiss her softly, sweetly, then deeply, slowly. He felt like heaven.

"Babe I missed you so much," he breathed, and he rubbed her face with his. "Tell me how this happened. Later." He was kissing her throat, her neck, her collarbone, down to her breasts. They had a lot of catching up to do first.


	25. Chapter 25 : Courage Honor Love Fidelity

Lena ran her fingers into his hair, held the back of his head as he buried his face into her sex- she didn't know how much she could take, she was so sensitive from his first attack. She tried pulling him up, but he pushed her hands away. She tried breaking away from him and he just pinned her to the bed so he could keep eating her alive.

"No no no," she heard him mumble, and his fingers were inside her, pushing, sliding, stirring inside her like she was a bowl of cake batter. She thought she was going to scream, her body was lifting off the bed despite all the strength he was using to hold her down.

"Tommy…Tommy…" she was on the verge of hysteria as despite herself she was coming- her entire body caught a flash of lightning that surged through her for what seemed an eternity, and she didn't ever want it to stop. When Tommy finally came up he was wet and breathless, ruddy and hard for her. He threw her legs apart to crawl in between, running his tongue up her sternum to bite at her neck.

"I missed your little juicebox," he growled in her ear, hoisting her legs up to slide in slowly, filling her completely. "Ahhhh…."

Lena's eyes rolled in the back of her head- she was overwhelmed by him, he was so very strong, big in her arms, wide inside her, wet all over, his muscles flexing against her. And when she looked up into his eyes, his face…she felt all her insides exploding into a million butterflies in a downpour of rain.

"Tommy, Tommy…" she cried his name breathlessly, straining against him and pulling him tight at the same time. His thrusts into her were short, fast and deep, and he rose up to watch her face as he did it, smiling at her expression. Her hands clawed at his chest, his ribs, her fingers sliding along wet hard muscles.

"Are you gonna come again for me, Lena?" Tommy's voice was the mean growl that made her shiver.

"Tommy, I don't know if I can-"

"Oh yes, yes you fucking are…I'm not quittin' until you do." He was still pumping her body but not hurting her, and she could feel the wetness running down onto the bed beneath her. She arched her body against him, burying her face into the mess they made of his pillows, and Tommy ran his hand along her stomach, her breasts- she was as wet as he, his sweat was all over her. His hand grasped her throat lightly as he kept up his rhythm, he used her collarbone as an anchor to continue his assault. Lena's hands closed around his hand and she cried his name as she got closer to his demand, she held her legs up and he caught them to steady them against his chest, rising up to dig deeper into her. Lena couldn't stand it, she opened her eyes to see her own long legs against his tatted chest and belly, his shadowed face just barely visible, enough that she could see his expression of ecstasy barely contained.

"Oh Tommy don't stop PLEASE-" she exploded around him, he was thrusting and twisting inside her and she couldn't hold in her wail. She came and came and couldn't believe it as it was happening, she thought she was going to die it was so strong, and the phospenes exploded in her eyes, her mind was alight with electricity as Tommy pounded her nonstop into endless pleasure.

She opened her eyes to him coming apart, his body trembling and falling over her as he caught himself on his palms, barely pulling out in time as he crushed her, groaning and shaking against her.

"Tommy," she whispered, holding his wet face, pulling him to her to kiss him, sucking the sweat off his jaw as her kiss moved sideways so he could breathe. "I missed you so much."

He fell back next to her, trying to catch his breath. "I was losing my fuckin' mind Lena…I was glad I was gonna have a fight…just so I could work some of it out. Needed you…" He grabbed her hand that was caressing him and kissed it, rested it on his chest. "How the fuck did you manage this?"

Lena rolled onto her side to look at him, smiling at him. "Well…I had some help. Colt gave me the address, me and Vince did the rest."

Tommy stared at her blankly, she couldn't tell what was going on. She thought then he should have played poker, not fought MMA. He could kill with one look, and perplex with the next.

"How long do I have you?" was all he asked, that voice that she loved sounded so much better in person.

"Six days."

"You think you're leavin' me?" Tommy rounded on her, easily coming up on his side and then pinning her to the bed. "You can't go." He started kissing her, softly and sweetly. "I have you now," he whispered. "You're mine."

Lena shivered again. Her body rattled against his and his lips curled in a half-smile.

"Yeah…you should be scared." He laughed softly. "No really. I can't let you leave."

"Tommy…shut up and kiss me." She pulled at his lips with hers, she could get his bottom lip in her mouth and suck and it was like both of hers put together.

He was so hungry for her that he obliged her, his body sliding against her-she tried to grip his shoulders and found the thick wall of trapezius muscles that led to his thick powerful neck. There was so much more of him. She dug her nails gently, broke from the kiss to suck and bite on his neck, his skin, all the muscles that got in her line of kisses and nips. Tommy sighed as she kissed, gasped when she bit, his hands grabbing her to him so he could press his hips against her.

"I have to be somewhere soon…" his voice was a breathless whisper. Lena was rolling over on top of him so she could finally marvel at his hard work.

"Oh my God…Tommy…" she ran her hands over his biceps as she smoothed her face against his wide broad pectorals, his cut obliques, the ribbed belly-then the smooth plane of his lower abs, a flat tight wall with the tickling hair that led to his sex. But he was pulling her up before she could do anything.

"Hey…that's not fair," she protested, pouting against his mouth that sucked her up.

"Can't…have to shower and go to this fuckin' lunch thing with Colt and the UFC suits, then to the gym."

"Ugh. Tommy. What am I gonna do while you're gone…"

"You could go swimming. Or go into town, I dunno…it's a vacation, right?" Tommy smiled crookedly. He was so handsome, his angular face was carved from stone, warm now and looking at her softly. If anyone had told her three months ago that any of this was going to happen she would have been in hysterics.

Tommy looked like a panther, a predator. Soft and sweet sometimes, then so feral and dangerous. His dark hair was wet with sweat and his eyes caught the filtered sunlight to glow at her, blue-green-grey. She ran her hands across his face, her fingertips straightening his eyebrows and her palms smoothing against his already stubbly cheeks.

"I'll figure it out, don't worry Thomas Conlon. Just don't be gone too long…I may get lost in the wilderness."

Tommy's eyebrows went up. "I don't recommend that. There's coyotes and javelinas and who knows what the fuck else out there."

Lena laughed. "I'll figure it out."

Tommy kissed her softly. "I still can't believe you're here. Don't go too far..I should be back around 4 or 5. Then we can go out." He started making his way out of bed, and Lena found herself clinging to him. He kissed her hands, winked at her and walked towards the bathroom. She watched his perfect form all the way.

"Damn," she said out loud, and Tommy laughed, closing the bathroom door.

She was drifting off, a lovely peaceful sleep, when Tommy was kissing her awake.

"Hey doll," he whispered, "if you wanna check it all out it should be on ESPN soon."

"What, the press meet?"

"Yeah, everything. You want me to turn it on?"

"Yeah," she said, sitting up. He was dressed up again, this time in a white dress shirt and black slacks. Damn he looked sexy. He turned the TV on and found ESPN-there were a couple of men on the screen talking MMA. Tommy leaned in and kissed her cheek, her mouth.

"I love you little girl," he whispered, his eyes boring into her. "I'll see you in a few hours. Call down to room service when you get hungry."

He stood up straight and waved briefly before he left. Lena sighed heavily and sunk back into the cushy bed. The men on TV weren't talking about Tommy so she started drifting off.

"-Tommy Conlon, the same guy who tore through Sparta six years ago? Isn't he a little past his prime?"

"Well we met with him today and this is what he had to say."

Lena opened her eyes and saw him in his dark red dress shirt at a table with Colt and some other people she didn't recognize.

"I'm back and ready for Sparta 7." Was all he said. The camera caught his angular beauty, not a fighter's face, though now even his features had thickened somehow.

"We caught up with Tommy at the Octagon MMA lab he's been in the last four weeks, see for yourself folks."

There was Tommy in full swing, first beating up the bag, beating the muay thai pads, then sparring with some guy- Tommy was just wrapped with gloves but the other guy had full headgear and body pads on. Tommy hit and hit and hit, and she saw that focused rage again, pure lethal violence in motion.

"I would say he's looking great, wouldn't you?" one commentator asked the other.

"Those bags and pads don't hit back, Alan. Really this guy just got out of the brig in Lejeune, North Carolina. He's got that weak shoulder from Sparta one, when his brother popped his arm out of the socket and damaged his rotator cuff, which required surgeries. He's got way too many weaknesses and not enough fire to get to Sparta much less go through it."

Lena was pissed off and almost shut it off, when the other commentator said, "Let's go back six years to Sparta 1 and see the incredible Tommy Conlon's abilities."

She watched as they replayed snippets of every fight from Sparta that Tommy had fought. It didn't take long, because Tommy massacred every fighter mercilessly. She saw his face, he looked so much younger then, but he never gave interviews or anything that would put him in front of a camera, then he was on the run from the brig chasers then.

Lena knew she should have turned it off when the last fight with Brendan came on-she remembers seeing some of it six years ago. There were the two brothers, going at it, all the anger and hurt bleeding out between them there in the octagon. Lena heard the snap of Tommy's shoulder, she heard his scream-tears filled her eyes as she watched him get up and head in to the next round anyway.

"Didn't they see he was hurt?!" she cried out at the TV. Tommy's shoulder had immediately started swelling and bruising, he obviously wasn't able to use it but he swung and batted at Brendan anyway. The worst part was watching Brendan wailing on his bad shoulder, she could see Tommy's face in one of the shots and she could see the pain was about to break him. But he still wouldn't give up, and Brendan finally had to kick him in the head to get him down, put him in a chokehold that turned Tommy purple, and finally Tommy tapped out.

Lena couldn't hear the annoying announcers anymore, she was crying uncontrollably. She had known, seen this, but…everything was so different now, she didn't want to watch because it was too bloody, and Tommy was so very violent. She couldn't watch then, and now that she saw it she was left breathless with sadness and hurt for Tommy.

"…that was Tommy Conlon's fifteen minutes of fame. We'll see what he's got left in him when he fights Leandro Rivera, see it here on UFC headquarters ESPN MMA Powertalk!"

Lena switched the TV off and fell into bed, hearing the crack and pop of Tommy's shoulder in her ear. She shivered, wept a little more. Tommy just had it bad from the start, his dad an abusive alcoholic, escape with his mother, having to deal with her sickness and death alone, joining the Marines before he was even 18, losing his best friend in a horrible friendly- fire bombing, losing Sparta to his older brother and going to jail… Lena just cried her heart out for him. So much darkness…

She awoke to her cell phone ringing loudly on the nightstand. She looked at the display-Cal.

"Hello?"

"You bitch, you had to go and leave me. There was a fire at Colt's today-"

"What?!"

"It's nothing major. Caught it in time, but fuck! It could've been bad if I hadn't been there. They think it was electrical- I had someone come out to look at the air conditioning unit and they think he crossed a wire or somethin'. "

"Have you talked to Colt?"

"Well yeah, just now. He's calm now, almost hopped a plane home."

"Damn Cal, all you had to do was close it early, you didn't have to try and burn the place down for a day off!"

"Fuck you. You get to go on vacation, me I'm stuck here. Fuckin' sucks. So how's it goin', they comin' back anytime soon?"

"Probably another two weeks."

"SHIT!" Cal yelled into the phone. "What the fuck is going on there Lena?"

"Cal…I am really sorry, but it's Tommy, he has fights lined up and-"

"Yeah I know, been watching ESPN. I got people coming in the office now, I gotta go. Call you later?"

"Yeah, of course."

Cal hung up, and Lena sighed loudly. All she wanted was to see Tommy. Right away.


	26. Chapter 26 : Joy and Pain

Lena felt like she waited forever. She showered, dressed in one of the nice dresses she brought with her, heels and flowery print fabric snug on her curves, and chased her features with a little makeup to cover the tear-swollen face she had now.

It was 5:30 when the front door opened, and Tommy shuffled in, dragging a big gym bag in with him. He had on a black tank and grey sweatpants that looked like they were going to burst at the seams with his muscular frame. He was drenched with sweat, and when he turned to look at her she saw he had a black eye and a split bottom lip. She raced over to him and he held his hands up, dropping the gym bag.

"Hold on hold on,"he said, stepping back. "I asked for it. I wanted it. I needed some competition. OK?" He looked at her expression, shock and the apparent need she was fighting back to touch him, reach out to him. Tommy smiled through his pain, his lip was oozing and it hurt, but he didn't care. He took her in, pretty in her dress and heels, dark hair long and half-swept back. "Oh baby. You look beautiful."

Lena coughed, and he swore he saw her tear up as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She held onto him and he embraced her warm little frame in his hard thick arms. She sobbed softly against his neck, and he tried to pull her back to see her face, but she fought him to stay in his arms, her lips against his salty skin, pressed so tight to him that there was no space between them whatsoever.

"Hey," he said softly, stroking her hair. "You OK?"

She shook her head 'no', still not letting go.

"You wanna talk?" Tommy didn't realize he was rocking side to side, soothing her. His blood ran cold when he caught it-something his mom used to do when he was scared, while they were on the run, when she was sick and he was frightened. He didn't stop. She fought against him to stop crying, and he carried her to the bed and set her down on it.

"Tommy," she coughed, clinging to him still. He kneeled at the foot of the bed, and she had her legs around him and her arms around him, she was kissing his wet hair and his forehead, tears falling all over him. "You're my love," her voice a strangled whisper. He buried his face in the bosom of her dress, letting her love him, not sure what was going on but lost for a moment in her desperate need for him.

"Lena…you can talk to me." He kissed her neck and then her jaw, catching some of her tears in his lips, even though it burned he kept kissing until he found her lips, blindly kissing and not caring that it hurt. Lena broke from the kiss, breathing hard, touching his face, his lips. He saw the tears rolling down her face, and he was puzzled and upset by it. She looked at him, in his eyes, aquamarine in the light.

"I saw the fight…Sparta-"

"Shh, don't-" Tommy tried to calm her, rubbing her shoulders.

"Tommy, I had never seen it, not really-"

"Lena stop-"

"I know, I'm sorry." She sat still while Tommy stared at her. She reached out to touch him, her hands caressing his hardened features. "I just had a rough day. I can see you did too. Just needed to see you." She smiled weakly at him.

"It's old news, Lena. I thought you'd seen it by now, fuck everyone else has. I don't need your pity. I did what I had to do, my whole life been like that. Don't."

She just looked at him, tears still falling. "I don't give a fuck what you say. Broke my heart watching that. Knowing what a hard time you've had in life. I just hurt for you." She ran her nails through his hair, pulling it away from his injured face. "You're mine now, aren't you, and I want to look after you…if you'll let me."

"I been doin' it myself," he whispered, unblinking.

"Not anymore," she whispered back, her hands running down his neck, his shoulders, his arms. Her gaze turned hot, and his body reacted instantly.

"I need a shower-" he was cut off as she abruptly stood, pulling her dress off in one swift motion, leaving red lace and not much else. Tommy's breath caught in his throat. She pulled him up with her, and hiked his sweats down, his cock in her face as she came back up to kiss his neck, bite his throat, her fist closing around the hard shaft of his cock and stroking him tight and fast. "Uhhh Lena I really-"

"Just shut up," she said, pulling her panties down and taking him with her as she fell into the bed. Tommy acquiesced, sliding inside her, hitting that sweet spot inside of her that made her shudder and throw her head back. "Oh Tommy," she gasped, her legs locking around him, her heels digging into his flesh just enough to hurt a little. He thrusted hard and deep, making her cry out, and his hand came up and caressed her throat, her face, and then he crushed her to him and filled her, buried her, making her scream into his shoulder, red faced and grasping at him, her body arched and stiff against him as he hit her hard, her body becoming a waterfall, soaking him and the bedcover.

"Goddammit,"he gasped, and he was going over the edge too. She squeezed him so tight inside her he thought his head would explode trying to pull away, but she held him tight to her and he lost it all there, spilling over deep inside her, crushing her in his arms as his body let go, filling her with his seed. "Fuck Lena fuck," he growled, gasping for air, and collapsed on top of her.

She held him as best she could considering his body was almost three times the size of hers. She was wet all over, and she was starving. She needed some food if she was going to survive the next week.

"I ain't worth a fuck now," he rasped and laughed out loud. Schoolboy giggle. Made Lena smile.

"I think you're worth a few more fucks tonight, at least I hope so."

Tommy picked his head up and looked at her, his eyes narrowed. Well, one eye narrowed.

"That's all you want me for, huh? Sex. I'm just your plaything."

Lena's face registered playful shock. "I've been exposed. I'm just in it for the dick."

"I fuckin' knew it," he said, dropping his head back down. "Well ya shoulda just been honest. I hate liars."

"I had to use a few tricks to get what I wanted, what can I say?" She rubbed his back through the wet tank that was plastered to his skin. "I regret nothing."

"As long as you don't ask me for money I guess I'll let you slide. I ain't payin ya."

"You mean you're broke? Well fuck this, I'm out."

Tommy looked up at her, grinning through his busted lip. "You ain't goin nowhere doll. I told ya you're mine now to do with as I fuckin please."

"What do you have in mind, ?"

He winked with his good eye. "I ain't tellin'."

"You bring a donkey in here I'm calling the cops."

Tommy laughed and started getting up. "Oh well, there goes that idea." He winced a little, cussed some more, then pulled her up to press her against him. "I wanna kiss you so bad, damn. I'm gonna bleed all over ya." He picked her up and threw her over his shoulder, hauling her off to the bathroom with him, where he ran a hot shower and attempted to yank her in still in her red lace bra. The water felt so good, Tommy couldn't hide his expression of joy as the shower head beat into his back. Lena was washing his chest, her hands splayed out across his pecs, his shoulders, his neck, getting tangled in his dog tags- one that read MANUEL FERNANDEZ and the other THOMAS CONLON, all his tats were stories she wanted to hear, so much of him he never shared. Tommy caught her staring, reading him as if he were a billboard. Lena just looked up at him and he could see all her questions that she wasn't asking.

Tommy took her hand and touched his right pec, where there where two theatrical masks-"Laugh Now, Cry Later".

"Got this when I first went into the Marines. I just turned 18." His voice was soft, his eyes calm. He ran her fingertips along the number above it- "1338046". "Manny's military ID number." He covered his right shoulder with her hand, over part of the big tribal design that ran over his entire upper arm and shoulder. "I designed this." Tommy slid her hand down to his lower abdomen- "til I die sw". "Manny and I both got this after we had a close call one night and the master sergeant called us his 'special weapons'." He braced her hand to his left shoulder. "This is the Virgin Mary-my mom was very Catholic and she believed we were being looked out for. She almost killed me when I came home with this. I was 16. Got it touched up later. There's a shooting star above it. And a dragon on the inside-" he bared the underside of his arm-"my mom was born in the year of the Dragon. She was tough like that, too." Tommy sighed, and smiled. " I'm a Scorpio, I got the one on my back in Afghanistan after I got stung by one." He turned so she could see the scorpion she knew was there. She soaped up his back and rubbed it at the same time, listening to him hiss and moan-he leaned against the tile wall in the big shower and sighed loudly, letting her rub on the knotty muscles all over his back.

Tommy finally turned and scooped her up in his arms, only to press her back against the shower wall and slide her down on his hips, filling her up at the same time, making them both choke on air and steam from the shower.

"Thank you," she whispered, her hips meeting with his thrusts. Tommy's eye was swollen and purplish, forcing it closed, and his lip was swollen too, split a little in the middle enough to ooze blood in the heat of the shower.

"What you thankin' me for", he gasped, hitting her harder , her bottom making a wet smacking sound against the tile.

"Telling me some of your secrets," she said brokenly, her head rolling back and her body arching against him. He didn't say anything, just pressed his face to her neck and drove endlessly into her, making her curse and cry his name. She held on to him, all a working machine of muscle between her arms and legs, pistoning inside her-she wanted to bite him hard, scratch him up as he pushed deep and upwards, ramming her g-spot. Tommy's voice was a strangled muffle against her neck and collarbone, his fingers dug into her flesh as he pinioned her to the shower wall to intensify his attack.

Lena froze as she was wracked with ecstastic waves of pleasure, slow warm currents building towards another stronger one. But Tommy couldn't make it much longer, her tightening orgasmic spasms around his cock ended his stamina.

"Fuck!" he bellowed, and slipped out of her, coming uncontrollably all over the shower floor, all of it sucked down the drain. Exhausted, he fell to his knees, leaving Lena standing there, spun out, gripping the tile wall for support. She looked down at his perfect chiseled body before her, and she smiled at him in the joyous emotion of being near him again. Tommy opened his good eye and smiled back, now sat back and unmoving, taking in her body from another angle.

" . Please get up. I haven't finished washing you yet."


	27. Chapter 27 : Promises

Tommy smiled in spite of himself. He was just too weak to get up yet, he just wanted to stay in the hot spray of the shower a little longer.

"I'm half dead, girl." He shook his head and then finally stood. "Ain't what I used to be."

Lena's eyes widened. "No Tommy. You are amazing. In every way." She kissed the side of his head and ducked out, leaving him there to absorb the heat some more. In the meantime she got ready for the second time, put new undergarments and the dress and heels back on, and added some makeup.

Tommy came out, dripping wet and wrapped in a towel. She stopped and stared, amazed by his physicality. He moved as if he didn't notice her, drying himself off and searching for clothes to wear, naked and glistening in the same room as she. Lena could not help but watch him. He was humming something, swiftly dressing in a plain black t shirt and then hiked into a new pair of light blue jeans that hugged him perfectly. He disappeared for a moment, then came back with his hair parted to one side and combed. He sat on the bed and pulled on his black boots, and finally realized Lena was openly staring at him.

"What?" he shrugged, looking at her questioningly. Everything about Tommy was attitude, even if he didn't mean it. Lena smiled.

"I was just…appreciating the view."

Tommy waved her off, his face incredulous. He stood up and looked at her pointedly as best he could with one eye. "Well…? You hungry doll?"

"Yeah, starving." She stood up and followed him out the door. He took her hand in the elevator, kissed her cheek, but stayed mysteriously quiet. They exited into the lobby but instead of going out the front door he guided her to the back, where there was a huge extended patio and an enormous pool twinkling below. He led her to a secluded spot where there were already candles burning at one small table and not a soul in sight. Tommy pulled her chair out for her and then sat down next to her, smiling slyly.

"What's this?" Lena asked, but it wasn't long before staff brought out plates with chicken, grilled vegetables and brown rice. Lena thought she was going to black out from hunger, smelling the food drove her wild. One of the staff had fluted glasses and champagne that they poured for the couple. Tommy could barely contain his sheepish delight at it, stealing looks at her and smiling to himself. Finally they were alone and Lena stared at him, then her plate. "OK you have to explain, after I inhale this food." Tommy nodded, smiling wider, and they both dug in. She felt like she had never eaten before, the chicken was delicious, the vegetables practically melted in her mouth-squash and sweet potato and asparagus. Tommy was ravenous as well and they sat in silence, devouring their food.

Finally the plates were cleared. Lena felt like a warrior that just got home after a glorious victory-belly full, high on bubbly wine, her prize sitting beside her wiping his lips and sitting back, rubbing his tummy happily.

She shot him a sideways look, and he caught it. He just smiled wickedly at her.

"I knew we would be starvin' so I ordered in. So shoot me." His crooked smile made her burst out laughing. "What?!"

"You're just shady as hell. You knew I didn't order out for food, didn't you?"

He nodded. "Yep. I called and asked the desk. I knew you hadn't left either."

"Are you keeping me under watch?"

"No. Yeah. I just worried about you….here alone in a new place. I just…quit lookin' at me that way, will ya?" He poured her another glass of champagne, and she waved at him.

"Oh Tommy I feel really light-headed…"

His eyebrows cocked at her comment. "Yeah? You want me to take you upstairs?"

"No, not yet." She drank the glass down, hiccupped, and smiled at him. "OK now."

Tommy stood, pulled her chair out and helped her inside. She was giggling softly, leaning against him.

"Wow, you're a cheap date." Tommy's husky voice was in her ear in the elevator. She felt dizzy, everything was getting blurry.

"Tommy…what the hell did we drink?"

"Some expensive shit, I don't know. It was recommended with the meal from the restaurant down the street. I'm feeling it too." He tickled her into a fit of soft high-pitched giggles, blowing air in her ear and down her neck. "Fuck I'm so glad you're here girl."

She grasped his chin in her palm, pulling him in for a kiss that tasted vaguely like sugary champagne and blood. "Baby I couldn't stay away from you if I tried."

Tommy looked down at her, his black eye very purple but she could see the glint of his emerald-cyan eye there, his good eye fixed on her and lit from inside.

"Thank fuckin' God," he growled, his voice slippery and sinister. He urged her out of the elevator to his room, where the next thing she knew she was being lifted into bed, and she had no clothes on, and Tommy was sliding against her, hard muscle and soft skin, her nose filled with his scent. Lena felt so sleepy and cloudy. She heard him whispering, "my girl, my beautiful girl."

"Ahh love you…" She slipped her arms around his neck and he was so warm, the bed was so soft. She was already asleep.

THE NEXT MORNING she woke up to birds twittering on the patio and bright warm sunlight filling the room. It was 9:30 AM, almost noon in Pittsburgh. She had slept in for the first time in a long time. She forced herself to get up and head to the bathroom, where she felt something strange on her hand- on her left ring finger was a small golden band, with a little diamond within a heart shape. She almost screamed in shock.

Lena raced out of the bathroom to grab her phone and found a note wrapped around it:

"Good morning. Or afternoon. If you found this it means you found the ring. I was going to give it to you last night but you passed out on me, you dirty drunk. It's called a promise ring or something. I just wanted to get you something nice. I hope you like it. See you around 5. Love you-T."

She sat down slowly on the bed, staring at the ring. It was small, tasteful, very pretty. She wondered how he had managed to get her ring size, but it was no surprise that he played telephone with Colt and Rita and probably her own mother. She wanted to call him, call everyone, but instead she layed back down, staring at the ring some more. It seemed like a big step to her, but then again he already showed interest in wanting to move in together. She knew he was not going to let her go, and she was perfectly OK with that. But she worried also, wondered what their life was going to be like…she didn't want to get too comfortable so soon and lose the spark that was more like a volcano between them. She needed to know he wasn't going to get bored and leave her. Lena couldn't handle any more abandonment or rejection…then again, she knew neither could he.


	28. Chapter 28: Just One Date

LENA was full of energy. She went downstairs after a long hot shower, and ordered breakfast-oatmeal and egg white omelette with fresh fruit and a lot of coffee. She had on spandex shorts and a tank, and armed with a map, her phone and a big bottle of water, she drifted off on a hiking adventure. No one was around, so she had ample time to herself with her music to soak up the amazing beauty around her. She took the advanced trail, and by the time she got back to the hotel she was dirty with red dust and sweat. It was the best thing she had done in a long time, and she was thinking about what life would be like if she lived somewhere like this. She grabbed some lunch, the whole time paying for her own food, knowing Tommy would be checking up on her and she was dodging him as best she could. She wasn't going to run up his bill, and she didn't want him watching out for her when she could damn well take care of herself. The first day she was a little out of it, today was a new day. She felt empowered by her newfound freedom, and the fact that her phone was in and out of signal she could do whatever she wanted without feeling the slightest bit of guilt. However she knew she had to call Cal and check up on him, call Vince, call her mom…it was only 2pm, and she still had some time before she had Tommy within her reach again. She went upstairs and took another long hot shower-Tommy's bodywash and shampoo was like therapy for her-and went downstairs to sit by the pool in her bikini to catch some rays and catch up with everyone. She tried not to sound like she was enjoying herself as much as she was, but her satisfaction was hard to hide. Vince sounded like he was really happy for her, Senna missed her, and Cal was cussing her for leaving him.  
"I have to deal with Vince now? What the fuck, did you tell him I couldn't handle it or somethin'?"  
Lena sighed. "No, Cal. Nothing like that. He just felt you might need some help…tell him to leave you alone then."  
Cal huffed. "No way I'm gonna tell Uncle Vince to fuck off. Plus he helped me with all the bullshit paperwork last night, so…"  
Lena smiled. "Mmmhmm. OK. Well, my friend, he knows a lot. He just wants to help. You know, so I can enjoy my vacation and you're not alone-"  
"Ugh, I don't want help Lena, goddammit I really want to do this by myself! It's just…how the fuck does Colt do it, plus he trains and shit, I don't know…."  
"Colt has been doing it for so long Cal, you can't try to compete or compare. Plus he just opened that big ol' gym, he's got his hands full with that-"  
"Yeah, tell me about it. OK I gotta go, looks like the electrician is back. Better not cross any goddamn wires this time, I swear to God."  
"I love you Cal!"  
"I love you too. You bitch. Get back here already." And he hung up on her. Classic Cal.  
Lena turned over on her belly and stretched out. The sun felt like heaven on her skin, not too hot, and very nourishing.  
It was 5pm when she got out of the shower again. She just rinsed off really, and put on some sexy undies and not much else and waited for The Man to walk in. She had butterflies, and she kept looking at the band on her finger, and just smiled to herself.  
Lena was almost asleep at 5:45 when Tommy dragged himself in. He was beat. The bruised eye and busted lip looked a little better, but she could tell the way his arm was positioned that his left shoulder was hurting. He dropped the gym bag, dressed in a black Under Armor shirt and ratty grey sweats, everything soaked with sweat.  
"Well hello there." She was already out of bed and walking towards him, lacy black boy shorts and a matching tank. Tommy stopped and watched her, his face blank, but his eyes burned her as he looked down at her body until she got close enough, then he looked her straight in her eyes. She shivered with the heat from his gaze.  
Lena took his gym bag and chucked it on a chair. Tommy was still hanging onto the doorknob with his right hand, never saying a word. She reached out to embrace him and he tried to hug her but hissed in pain instead. Lena took him by his right hand and led him to the bed. She sat him down and helped him out of his wet tight shirt.  
"IcyHot?" She asked. Tommy gestured to his gym bag, not speaking. It had to hurt that bad that he didn't want to talk. Lena fished around in the bag until she found a big tube of IcyHot. Tommy was just sitting on the edge of the bed, soaked, shivering, waiting for her.  
Lena didn't say anything, just started working on the muscles all around his shoulder, then underneath, inside his armpit. He could barely lift it without hissing and biting his lip. She left again and got an icepack he already had in the mini-fridge. Tommy shook his head 'no', and so she looked inside his bag for a heatpack, she thought she had seen one in there earlier. Lena held it up when she found it, and he just nodded 'yes'. She knew there was a microwave somewhere inside the room. Tommy just sat and waited for her.  
Finally she was back, and she carefully rubbed some IcyHot on his shoulder, making him wince, then layed the heatpack on. She kissed his head briefly as he used controlled breathing, trying to control the pain. She looked in the bathroom for any kind of drug, found a few pills in an unmarked bottle that looked like vicodin. She brought them out with a glass of water and Tommy took two of the five she had in her hand. His eyes were dark grey, she had never seen them so clouded. His pain must have been intense, he still had not said a word.  
"Baby…is there anything I can do for you?" Her voice was a whisper, and she was untying his gym shoes, pulling them off, wet socks next. Tommy looked down at her, her big brown eyes staring up at him. He felt tears of pain and appreciation well up, but he didn't let them fall. He just shook his head no, and held his good arm out to her. She sat next to him and he wrapped her up as best he could and kissed her, thankful she was there. So many times that he was alone, when he took care of himself no matter what, never had anyone there to help him. Didn't want anyone. It was strange and so very nice to have her there. The fact that she was the only one ever allowed to, besides his mother, only added to the sweet sadness of the moment.  
Finally the pills were kicking in. Tommy was relaxing a little, and Lena turned the heatpack over so it stayed warm on his shoulder. She sat beside him, touching him, her left leg against his right, and he leaned in to kiss her, his wide full lips sweet and loving on hers, split and all. She smiled against it, kissing him back and caressing his cheek, her knuckles rubbing against the stubble on his jawline.  
"Hey you," she whispered. Tommy looked into her eyes and she saw a little blue, a little green, a little gold mixed in with the dark grey clouds. He was feeling a little better, but not much. "Can I get you something, food, drink?"  
Tommy looked at her for a moment, and finally smiled. It was a small smile, but his crooked boy smile nonetheless. She felt a ray of sunshine breaking through him. Finally he spoke, his long slippery East Coast accent and his gravelly voice soft, just loud enough for her.  
"Yes. I want you to call downstairs. Order the biggest steak they got. Medium rare. And I want two servings of steamed vegetables, whatever they got down there, I don't fuckin' care what it is. Get yourself some food. I'm gettin' in the shower-"  
"Bath." She interjected.  
"No. Shower. I can do this, tiger." He smiled again. Even sweaty and nasty he was still beautiful. "Can you handle that?"  
Lena half-smiled at him. "I think so, boss."  
Tommy nodded, and got up, holding his left arm close to his body. She waited to hear the shower run and then she called room service, tacking on a grilled chicken breast and salad for herself.  
When Tommy came out she was still on the edge of the bed, flipping through channels, looking for something to watch. He was wrapped just in towels, and Lena pretended not to notice when he crossed her line of vision, rubbing his hair dry with his good hand.  
"You need some help getting dressed?" Lena smiled wolfishly.  
"Oh I'm not getting' dressed, doll." Tommy threw his towels on the floor of the bathroom and came towards her, crawled up her body totally naked, pushed her down on the bed, mounted her and didn't move, all without using his left arm. "I'm gonna stay like this all night. That OK with you? I mean…you gotta get the door an' all…"  
Lena took a big deep breath. Soap, shampoo….Tommy. "I don't know, won't they need you to sign or something?"  
Tommy narrowed his eyes at her. "Oh yeah, you wouldn't know wouldja? Still haven't called down for anythin' have ya?"  
Lena smiled again. "Nope. I went down and got my own food, stud." She bucked her hips against him, but he had her pinned.  
"Listen. I can cover you while you're here. I don't wanna have you payin' for nothin' if I can help it. Got it?" He was half-smiling, but his voice was all business.  
"Yeah. I got it. So…" she wiggled her left hand. "This was very conveniently in my size."  
It was Tommy's turn with the wolfish grin. "Yep. How 'bout that."  
"What am I gonna do with you, Tommy?" She kissed his smiling lips, over and over. "Thank you. It's beautiful and I love it. You freaked me the fuck out!"  
Tommy laughed and giggled, so pleased with himself. "I know, pretty slick huh?"  
Lena laughed too. "I love you." She kissed his cheek, his lips, whatever she could get. "I love you Tommy Conlon, you're the king of my heart."  
He gasped a little as she nibbled and kissed his lips, not caring that he was still hurt. She gave him a little shock of pain to go with the pleasure of her palm grasping the firm width of his growing erection. He couldn't remember how her hand had gotten out of his one-handed pin but he didn't care now, she was stroking him just how he liked, slow, controlled, tight. He flipped himself onto his back, just a little high from the painkillers, and was still, a slave to her fist. Lena leaned over him so her back was to him, and used both hands to work him, then added her mouth. He held still, rising off the bed a little, his voice a strangled moan.  
Suddenly Lena was up and pulling her boyshorts off, deftly squatting on top of him and swallowing him whole inside her. They both cried out, and Lena rode him hard, her intense gaze burned holes through him for once. The bed rocked hard, and she wasn't going to give up. She had him at a disadvantage and she was going to use it, she was going to give him what he usually gave her-a rough hard fuck. Tommy was sweating again already, his voice tight in his throat as he groaned loudly, fighting with himself not to grab her hips. He held his breath, squeezing his eyes shut and straining against her, towards her.  
"I'm coming," he gasped, and erupted inside her suddenly. "Fuck!" Tommy yelled like he was pissed, his eyes wide and glaring at her. He grabbed her hip with his right hand to still her, panting, and then fell back. "Dammit…Lena…"  
She crawled in next to him, kissing his wet skin as she went, until her head was next to his. He stole a kiss from her, and half-smiled at her, his eyes drowsy.  
"I don't wanna get you knocked up…not yet."  
"Not yet?" Lena laughed. "Low dose birth control, don't worry Tommy."  
His eyes got wide. "Waitaminute, I been pullin' out all this time, you never told me that?"  
"My family's really fertile, I wasn't gonna argue it. My mom got pregnant with my brother on birth control, so…"  
Tommy shook his head, smiling. "Anythin' else you should tell me?"  
Lena laughed again. "Um, don't think so-"  
Just then there was a knock at the door. Lena jumped up and found her clothes quickly, grabbing a few dollars out of her wallet. She opened the door to a young Hispanic man who had a cart with silver-domed plates on it, and a complimentary bottle of wine.  
"On the house, for you and Mr. Conlon," said the man with a smile.. Lena wheeled the cart in and tipped him, closed the door and turned to see Tommy dragging himself up the bed with his good arm. This was going to be a long night.  
They sat in bed and shared food, Lena drinking wine and Tommy guzzling water. He ended up taking another pain pill and wanting some wine later, all the while the TV was on with some movie or show neither one of them paid attention to.  
"What are you gonna do with your shoulder fucked up as it is Tommy?"  
He waved her off. "What else, baby it for a day and then get back at it. I'll be OK, Lena. Don't worry."  
"Yeah, OK, don't worry." Lena shook her head. "Does Colt know you're hurt?"  
Tommy shot her a look. "No. If he did the fight with Rivera would be cancelled."  
"Maybe you should think about it, Tommy-"  
"Hell no. I need the money, Lena. This is like the Sparta pre-games. I can't fuck this up."  
Lena sighed, shook her head. "So what, he's just giving you the day off tomorrow, no questions asked?"  
"Just so happens he needs the day for conference calls and whatever. Works out great. No training." Tommy smiled and winked at her. "I'm all yours tomorrow."  
As happy as Lena was, she was also worried and upset. What was going to happen if Tommy couldn't compete? All his plans were out the window, and she knew he wasn't going to be able to handle that. At all. But looking into his smiling eyes she tried to brush all of it out of her mind. His happiness at having a break and spending time with her was evident.  
"I love it." She kissed his battered lips, smiling back at him. He looked like a kid in a candy shop. How could she ruin it? "So what should we do?"  
Tommy looked thoughtful for a moment. "I think we should go on a date." Totally straightfaced. Lena burst into giggles. "What?"  
"A date? What's that?" Lena took his right hand and kissed his open palm, smiling fiendishly.  
"I'm fuckin' serious Lena, like go see a movie or…somethin' I dunno." He looked at her incredulously. "I haven't been on a date since…well, fuck I can't think back that far."  
"What about that scary chick at the bar, what's her name, Danny?"  
Tommy looked irritated. "C'mon."  
"OK, OK. A date. I think we should totally do it. Dinner and a movie. Maybe a walk in a park. We can go make out on a park bench." Lena giggled again and now Tommy looked genuinely pissed.  
"If you think it's so funny just fuckin' forget it," he grumbled, and Lena grabbed his sour face and kissed him. She didn't mean to laugh at his sentimentality.  
"I'm teasing you Tommy," she said, her voice husky, her lips lingering longer on his mouth, his cheek, his neck. "C'mon baby. I think it's a great idea. I would love to go out with you."  
He cocked his eyebrow and pursed his lips. "Yeah, you're a fuckin' smartass. That's awright, I'm gonna rent a limo now and everything."  
Lena shook her head, smiling, kissing him some more. "Shaddap."  
"No, no, I'm gonna rent a tux and a limo. The prom I never had." Even he started to laugh a little. "Fuckin' corsage."  
She kissed him again, her passion igniting his as she slipped her tongue past his lips. He growled low in his throat, grabbing her arm with his one good hand to hold her fast to him, pushing to meet her slow burning flare. So warm, so sweet and soft, and directly underneath was the raging lust they felt for each other-the slow hot kiss was a mask over the hunger they shared. Too close was not close enough. Tommy tugged at the sheet that barely covered her, he was on his knees before her in an instant to assail her with his wet unending kiss, down her throat, her collarbone, her breasts.  
"Tommy," she breathed, watching him hug his left arm to his side to rest on his right in between her thighs, so he could push his face against her sex, nudging her until she was wide open to him. "Your shoulder…"  
"Shh…just let me…" He started soundlessly saying the alphabet against the wet folds of her pussy, her clit hardening and throbbing against his lips, and he sucked at it and pulled at it, making her whimper and shiver hot and cold in a tangle of sheets. Her thighs quivered, she felt as if she were nailed down to the bed, looking down at his Adonis frame between her legs and his deep green-blue eyes burning up at her, she couldn't stand another minute of it and when his fingers pushed inside she saw stars, the orgasm bubbling up and drowning her in sweet honeyed waves of warm ecstasy.  
"Tommy!" she cried in a high-pitched whimpering whisper, and he was there in an instant, entering her, filling her to the hilt, and she tightened and squeezed around him until he couldn't breathe.  
"Ohmygod," he gasped, his hips thrusting his cock harder into her without him being aware of it. She helped to hold him up in her arms as he twisted and dug around inside her, thrashing around trying to get comfortable to do it. She tried to buck him, make him roll onto his back, but he resisted, finally resting his left arm alongside her and holding her with his right, his hips doing all the work. She felt the life being squeezed out of her, but she could still moan and cry, thrusting back up against him to assist him. "Lena I love your pussy," he groaned softly in her ear, making her shiver and arc towards another golden wave of blinding light, so intense it was loud and roaring in her ears, her own body spasming and locking up beneath him, around him. Tommy couldn't bear it any longer, the heat was choking him and he was on the speeding train towards release, his heart bursting and his voice a choking cry in his throat. "Aw fuck!" He helplessly came and came, pouring the tension and burning heat into her.  
She held him as he came to rest on his side against her, panting and hissing. She kissed his head, wet dark hair against her lips.  
"Oh Tommy," she whispered, pushing him onto his back beside her so she could survey the damage. "God you poor thing…"  
"Don't," he gasped as she reached to touch his shoulder. "Just…don't. It's OK it's OK…" His right hand petted her weakly. "I promise…" Lena just sat beside him, wiping the sweat away from his brow, and Tommy yanked her down to rest her head on his chest. "Jus'…c'mere."


	29. Chapter 29 : Comfort Me

They lay like that for a long time, until Tommy caught his breath and then soundlessly got up to get to the bathroom. Lena shut the TV off, unsure what to do to help him and irritated by the incessant racket. She found the rest of the wine and drank it down, turned to find him standing there, staring at her openly. She stood stock still with the wine bottle in her hand, and Tommy just looked on, seemingly impassive.  
"Are you OK," she tried to ask, but it was just a whisper. He was clutching his arm, naked and defenseless. He shook his head no, and as she slowly approached him she could see his crestfallen expression showing through.  
"How am I gonna do this," Tommy whispered. "Fuckin' killin' me."  
Lena reached for him, and he stumbled forward into her arms. He was blazed on wine and vicodin, both depressants at that.  
"You're gonna rest it, no more funny stuff. Tomorrow all day-"  
"I can't just fuckin' sit here. I don't do that." Tommy took the wine bottle away and tugged her towards the bed. "You don't seem to understand that…I can't be one of those people who stay in bed all day, readin' a book or whatever."  
Lena sat with him on the edge of the bed. She could see his left shoulder was swelling a little.  
"You want ice or heat?"  
Tommy looked over at her, his expression wary, his eyes grey and dim. "You just gonna nurse me the whole time you're here?"  
"Yes, if that's what you need Tommy, I'm here. Maybe I was meant to come here, good timing. You still haven't answered me."  
Tommy shook his head, looking away. "I wish I could keep you to myself. You really gotta go back?" He smiled weakly at her, and as Lena started to speak he shushed her. "Don't answer that. Ice please."  
Lena realized then that she left the icepack out. It was cold on the counter but not cold enough. She threw a pair of jeans and a shirt on and went out to the hallway to the ice machine. No one in sight. When she came back in she wheeled the dinner cart out into the hallway, grabbed a towel, threw the ice in it and sat next to Tommy, holding it out to him. He gestured for her to do it, but she really didn't want to attempt it.  
"Just put it on," he huffed, noticing her reticence. He looked away, biting his lip in anticipation of the pain, and she slowly placed it on the swollen shoulder. "Ow fuck!" he spat.  
"Tommy…you need to see a doctor. Please. Tell. Colt. For me."  
He shook his head no, and she didn't know if it was for her statement or the pain. His eyes were squinted shut.  
"I'll tell Colt myself if-"  
"Don't you dare," he growled at her, his eyes opening to show red rims around dark grey-green irises. "Don't you fuckin' dare do that Lena. I'll tell him myself. I'll kick you outta here you do that."  
"You really gonna tell him?" She narrowed her eyes at him, and he did it back.  
"Don't fuck with it Lena." A tear slipped down his cheek. "It hurts really bad. I know there's somethin' wrong with it. But I can't lose this whole deal, we just set it all up."  
"Well you won't have to worry about it, if you go through with the fight I guarantee you you'll be out of commission for good."  
Tommy pulled back from her, the ice-towel slipping out of her grasp. "You ain't tellin' me anythin' I don't know…just stay out of it." He held the towel himself , and Lena kind of got pissed, but said nothing. She knew how his mood could slip, especially in that much pain and his mind clouded by substances. She thought of a pissed off wounded animal. Her mother always told her to avoid it like the plague if she ever came across one.  
She went into the bathroom, brushed her teeth, combed her hair, took off her clothes and slipped on another tank top and boyshorts, pink this time. When she came back out Tommy had shut off the lights, left only one little lamp on by the bed so she could see him laying there, the ice-towel on him still. She slowly approached him, switched off the lamp, and carefully crawled into bed with him, sidling up to his right side but keeping her distance. After a while Tommy sighed in irritation and searched for her in the dark.  
"Look…I'm sorry." Tommy kissed her sweetly. "I'm a dick. I'm gonna talk to Colt tomorrow, maybe get some physical therapy before the fight."  
Lena caressed his face, his thick corded neck, his right shoulder and arm, ran her hands across the wide expanse of his chest. "Good. Thank you." She kissed him this time, hovering over him as he had to lay on his back. She swore she tasted whisky. "Tommy…where's your stash?"  
"I ain't tellin'." His toothy grin was evident in his voice.  
"Oh come on! I can't believe you've been holdin' out on me!"  
Tommy laughed. "I opened the mini-bar, chickie." Lena growled at him loudly, giggling at the same time. "I'm gonna blame it on you when Colt gets the bill."  
"You are unreal!" She wanted to beat him with a pillow, but she was grinning. She hopped off the bed and made her way to the mini-bar. Inside she found little airplane bottles with all different types of alcohol, wine and beer. Tommy watched her from the bed, the light of the fridge illuminating her frame. He made some kind of obvious throat-clearing sound from behind her.  
"Yes, Mr. Conlon, can I help you?" Her voice was sweet and sarcastic, a shitty grin on her face he couldn't see.  
"Um, I would really like another drink. Ms. Rossi." His slippery growling voice gave her a chill, the way he said her name…  
"Well, you know…" she swung the door closed on the little black fridge. "If I'm going to get the blame, don't you think it's only fair I get to drink it all?"  
Tommy shifted in bed when she crawled back into bed with him, and she pressed an ice cold bottle against his thigh, making him jump just a little. He grabbed her hand, taking the bottle away.  
"Thanks. What is it?"  
"Could be rum. Or vodka. Or tequila. I don't know."  
"You don't want me to drink the tequila." He tried to hold the bottle up to the moonlight to see what it was.  
"Ooh, what happens?" She split the cap on her bottle and started drinking it down, wishing she had grabbed a drink to wash it down. The rum was sweet but not sweet enough.  
"I'm not very happy when I have too much of it." She could see him peering at the bottle, his face half-illuminated and beautiful in the pearly moonlight.  
"Relax Tommy, it's Jameson." She kissed his full lips, smacking him with a taste of rum. Tommy pulled her back when she tried to sit back up straight, and kissed her again, pushing her mouth open, giving her no choice as his bottom lip cleared her teeth, ripe and so delicious to suck on, irresistible to her. Her nose rubbed against his as she sucked him up, and his chest rose against her palm as she stroked his torso up and down, her nails dragging against the sparse hair everywhere, scratching his skin lightly. His breath blew hot on her out his nostrils, he huffed and growled a little, taking her hand down to his very stiff cock that she readily grasped, squeezed the base of it tightly, even though she couldn't get her hand all the way around it.  
"Mmm," Tommy's voice was a deep inviting rumble, and he rocked upwards into her fist, his mouth insistent and hungry against hers. Lena kept up the slow steady rhythm, sliding her mouth down his stubbly throat and over his collarbone, his right nipple, and then she met up with the straight line of hair to his hips. She had to take a deep breath, the heat coming off his skin was intense. "Get on top," he murmured, but instead she took him in her mouth and sucked on him as if he were a succulent strawberry. His reaction was magnified, his toes curled and his body stiffened, he sucked in a deep breath and Lena kept at him, resting her body against his leg, the top of his foot nestled in between her thighs-Tommy pivoted his foot and rubbed up against her, slipping against the wetness coming through the fabric of her boyshorts. "Aw fuuuck Lena come here, now now…"  
Lena slowed but didn't stop, she couldn't tell him how much she loved to have him this way because her mouth was full, so she pressed her palm against his chest when he tried to sit up in impatience to pull her up. Tommy fell back, his shoulder reminding him he shouldn't have moved so suddenly.  
"Goddammit…" he hissed and gasped and hissed again, half-pleasure half-pain. "Please…" he whispered, and his right hand was grasping weakly for her. Lena didn't want him to lose it yet, she was wanting him in the worst way now as the rum raced hotly through her bloodstream. She rose up, yanked her bottoms off and was on top of him in reverse, and in the moonlight Tommy watched her ass slide down his cock-he pulled at her with his good hand, held her hip steady in his palm so he could thrust upwards into her, making her cry out loud. When she opened her eyes again she was looking down his muscular legs drawn tightly beneath her, imagining what he was seeing made her dig her nails in to the bed.  
"Oh holy fuck what are you doin' to me Lena…" She felt him fall back and just let her go, and she rotated and pumped on him, squeezed him so tight he hissed and cursed under his breath. Slowly, carefully, she spun on him, until she was facing him. She looked down and could see him bathed in sweat and breathless, and she slumped down low enough to kiss his lips, his jaw, his chin, holding herself up on her palms; her breasts slid against his chest and he grabbed one lightly, thrusting upwards to meet her, trying to overpower her and take control.  
Lena threw herself back out of his grip and rode him hard, shivering and starting to feel it slowly running up her spine and inside her belly, flowering outwards to her nipples that peaked and burned and froze at the same time-then came the hot aqueous pulsing that blasted like a volcano inside her-she felt like a cloth doll and she was tearing apart at the seams. Tommy's voice matched hers in volume as he sailed clean over the edge with her-for the first time ever he was almost as loud as she was. She was crying his name and he was yelling FUCK…when it was over and she was just sitting on his hips, she started giggling.  
"Wha-?" Tommy was done, he was almost asleep already. "So funny?"  
"Just hope the walls are soundproof." Lena hiked off him to get to the bathroom.  
"Nope," was all he said, and when she came back out with a warm towel for him he was out, snoring into the pillow.


	30. Chapter 30 : A New Game

Lena took the wet cold towel off him-all the ice had melted and was soaking into the sheet, so she tried to get the warm towel around his hurt shoulder somehow without disturbing him. She found the full mini-bottle of Jameson that was somewhere on the bed, and crawled in next to him, exhausted and ready to curl up next to his powerful Herculean body and rest in the shade of it. Sleep was easy to find there.  
THE NEXT MORNING Lena awoke with a start, some dream had shaken her awake. Groggily she looked around-Tommy was nowhere to be seen. She couldn't explain the panic she felt, maybe it was something she had carried over from the dream that she couldn't seem to remember at that moment. She scrambled out of bed, glancing over at the clock on the wall-7:45. The room was dim and cool, and she probably would have kept sleeping forever. The room was tidy, dirty clothes gone, empty bottles in the trash. Where was Tommy? No note, no text on her phone-she started panicking and she had to tell herself to calm the hell down. She decided to get in the shower and get dressed-funny how the mind has to drill the body and tell it what to do sometimes, especially when it acts on its own impulses.  
Lena opened the bathroom door in a spaghetti strap maroon tank and a pair of low cut blue jeans-the heat from her running blow-dryer was too intense. She caught sight of Colt, who immediately frowned at her, so she ducked back into the bathroom and shut the door anyway.  
"Fuck my life," she whispered, somehow sure that she was going to catch hell that Tommy had a few drinks.  
Sure enough there was a knock at the door. She switched off her blow-dryer and had her hand on the doorknob when it twisted in her palm and Colt was busting in.  
"Hey!" Lena tripped and almost fell against the sink.  
"OK. Short and simple. Tommy doesn't drink. At all. Got it?" Colt was not so much pissed as he was matter-of-fact. He looked at her, gave her his hand to straighten her out. "No offense Lena but I don't need you getting him off track."  
"OK, Uncle Colt. I'm sorry-"  
He waved his hand. "It's not your fault. I know Tommy. But you gotta help me out while you're here, he listens to you-"  
Lena snickered. "God I wish that were true."  
"No, would you listen to me, he does." Colt nodded. "He does, Lena, that's why I didn't stop you from comin'. So don't let me down on this one."  
"OK." Lena nodded back, and Colt started clearing out, muttering a thank you. "Wait! Uncle Colt…"  
He stuck his head back in. "Yeah, what?"  
"Is Tommy going to be OK, I mean his shoulder-"  
"He has bad arthritis where they performed the surgery. It's fucked up but if he rests it he'll be OK. I'm in talks right now with the officials and his doctor. So I gotta go. He's downstairs waiting for you."  
"Thanks." She watched him leave in a hurry-by the time the door slammed shut he was probably already in the elevator. Lena quickly got her shit together, tried to fix her swollen morning face and slipped on her sandals to get downstairs to Tommy.  
He was outside by the pool, sitting by the deep end in a pair of shorts and his left arm in a sling, with only his feet in the water. He was swinging his legs slowly, treading water with his toes. When he looked up and saw her he smiled wide, but his eyes were tired.  
"Hey," he said softly.  
"Good morning," she said, and sat next to him on his right side, slipping her sandals off and rolling her jeans up to dip her feet too.  
"So…did you get an earful too?"  
She sighed, turned her head to look at him. "Yeeaah. A little bit. And I feel really bad too. Is it so wrong to have you to myself?" She laughed. "I have to share you with your career and I can do it…just wanted to have a little fun is all."  
"Hey," he said, his voice rough around the edges from the hurt he was in. "You didn't do anything wrong. I knew I wasn't supposed to drink. I called him at 5 this mornin', hurt so bad when I woke up. He got me in to the doc and got some x-rays. Nuthin' broken or torn. Just fucked up."  
"I know, I asked Colt." She took another good long look at him. "Goddammit Tommy you are…" She reached up to trace her fingers along his face, forehead, eyebrows, cheekbones, jawline. His eyes reflected the pool and the incoming rays of sunlight, and he seemed to glow from the inside. "Ridiculous."  
His eyebrows raised and his expression was one of pretend shock. "Well that's nice."  
"I mean…really." She leaned in to kiss him, nibble his lip and caress his neck. "You're gloriously and perfectly beautiful…"  
"I think that was my line," he said, his voice throaty and purring. "You don't call guys beautiful."  
"When the guy looks like a fucking angel you do." She reached up and tugged the hair at the nape of his neck, kissing him again.  
"You better fuckin' quit," he said with a laugh. "I'm hurtin' too bad to take you down and you know it."  
"Mmmhmm," she hummed, her lips on his collarbone. No one was around this time of the morning, so she continued to lay siege to his flesh, biting and gnawing softly on his throat, his neck, til she was at his mouth again, greedily kissing and sucking at his generous lips.  
Tommy was pushing her away.  
"No."  
"What?"  
"No. We have a date to plan, remember?" He winked at her surprised and hurt expression. "I'm going to make you wait all day."  
"Me? You're going to make me wait?" Lena really was shocked.  
"Oh yeah. Cuz then I'm gonna fuck you six ways from Sunday. Tonight."  
Lena really sat mute for a moment and wondered if she could wait that long.  
"Are you awright?" Tommy was grinning now, a rare and wondrous sight.  
"Yeah. Sure. Of course!" She laughed out loud. "You are always up to something. You catch me off guard. A lot."  
"Well…good." The simple finality with which he said that made her laugh again. "I like the element of surprise, no matter how small the victory." Tommy the Marine was talking. "Yeah you're in the suck til tonight."  
"Oh yeah? Well maybe we shouldn't anyway with your banged up shoulder, probably making it worse."  
She smiled evilly and Tommy fastened her with the dirtiest glare, the one he used on her the very first few times they encountered each other. She shivered but didn't back down.  
"You wanna get tough with me huh?" He scowled at her and she must've looked somewhat terrified because he suddenly burst into his silly husky giggling laugh.  
"Ahhh fuck you Tommy," she said, going after his lips anyway. "One more, right now please."  
Tommy kissed her with a slow burn, steaming her alive, his lips soft, moist and sucking hers softly, pushing her open to slip his tongue in. He tasted like sin. The core of her body melted and she leaned into him, and he responded by abruptly breaking away.  
"No no no," he admonished, but she could see the red blush on his chest, with his ruby nipples and his neck and ears flushing, his eyes dilating and his face glistening with sweat. "Tonight." His rusty voice tickled her as he spoke into her ear. "I'm gonna eat you alive…there will be nothing left. That is a promise."  
Lena knew it was true. She shuddered against him and he laughed softly in self-satisfaction.  
"Yeah," was all he said, nodding at her.  
"OK, so…where are we going for our big first date Tommy?" She tried to change the subject, she was going to do her best to play his little game.  
"Oh, it's a big surprise. I'll let you know. Soon." Tommy looked up into the rays of sunshine that were stretching over the pool and onto them. Not going to give anything else away.  
Dammit, he was just going to play cat and mouse the whole day, Lena thought. Suddenly she wasn't so sure she could keep it together. Patience was something she lacked in a big way when it came to things she really wanted.


	31. Chapter 31 : Walking Wounded

Lena regarded him for a moment, and Tommy broke into one of his little boy smiles, looking down at the waves he was making with his feet in the pool.  
"Well I thought you said we were supposed to plan it-"  
"I know. I just wanted to see what you would say, make sure I got this whole thing right." Tommy looked at her finally-was there a hint of anxiety in his eyes?  
"I'm sure it's perfect, whatever it is." She looked around the pool. A few swimmers had shown up. "Hey have you had breakfast yet?"  
Tommy shook his head no. "Not hungry, too much pain."  
Lena ruffled his hair and kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry babe, I'm sure all our activity didn't help." She stood up suddenly, shaking the water from her feet. "But you do need to eat. Did they prescribe you some drugs?"  
"Yeah." Tommy squinted, looking up at her, not looking like he was ready to get up yet.  
"Well I can go get you something…I'm a little hungry. I'll be back." Lena headed off, thinking about how she was going to leave him in a few days when it was the last thing she wanted to do. She ordered two healthy breakfasts of egg whites, steak and fresh fruit. Everything smelled so good and she thought she was going to die of hunger before she made it back to the table, two hot plates in one hand and a coffee carafe with two mugs in the other. She found Tommy sitting at a table by the pool, sipping a frosty glass of water with another waiting for her.  
"You know you could have had them bring it out to us," he said softly, watching her set everything down like the professional she was.  
"I know but this is more my style. Anyway they're bringing out some fresh squeezed orange juice here in a minute…where'd you get the water?"  
Tommy just pointed to the staff member circling the tables, where there were a few couples ordering their breakfasts. Lena laughed.  
"Hey what can I say, I'm not used to this at all."  
"Neither am I." Tommy started tearing up his food, and tried to cut his steak holding the fork with his left hand and sawing with his right. When Lena made a move to help him he pulled back. "I got this," he said defensively. Lena sat back.  
"Sorry wasn't thinking about that part-"  
"No don't be sorry." He triumphantly wiggled his fork with a piece of steak on it. "I told you I got this."  
LATER. They had eaten and were headed upstairs, and Lena was beginning to feel like a diabetic being told she couldn't have cake anymore, and Tommy was a bowl of yummy, creamy, sugary frosting she wanted to lick clean. She watched him hungrily as he swallowed a bunch of pills from at least three bottles and drifted into the shower soundlessly. Lena sat on the bed, wondering what he had planned for their day together.  
"Hey can you hand me a towel please?" he called from the bathroom, and Lena exhaled slowly, got a towel and handed it through the open door with her head turned away from him, not wanting to see his glistening skin and rippling muscles. "Whatsamatter?"  
She turned her head to look into his dazzling aqua eyes, his shit-eating grin.  
"Really?" She giggled and shook her head and started walking away, when his wet hand grabbed her forearm and pulled her back. His wet lips replete with the healing split sucked and swallowed hers up, and she reached out to touch his wet torso, groaning into his kiss. "Oh Tommy don't do this to me…"she said against his mouth, her nails scratching his belly and down, tracing the 'til I die sw' tat on his lower abdomen. She didn't have to look, she knew he was hard and pointing at her.  
"I'm doin' it to myself too," he whispered, nuzzling her face and leaving her wet and on fire, and then shut the door in her face.  
"Got damn it," she said aloud and heard his evil giggle from inside. "Not fair."  
When he came out to get dressed Lena was on the patio, reading the UFC magazine that got delivered while they were both out-they had a layout on Sparta 7, pictures of Tommy from Sparta 1 and a mini-interview, where he discussed his time in the brig and the treatment he received there:

" I had to go to a military hospital in Pittsburgh, then I had to face the MCJA [Marine Corps Judge Advocate-ed.] and battle it out, went back to Iraq for a year, hurt my shoulder again, and back to the VA hospital in Pittsburgh and then to Camp Lejeune to finish my sentence. I was given special treatment, and made an example out of. Lots of people thought I shouldn't have been jailed but I didn't care, I wanted to help my brother Manny's family out and after that I couldn't have cared less what happened to me."  
Interviewer: "And now?"  
"And now I have purpose. My career, my family, my girlfriend."  
Interviewer: Why did you agree to this interview? You haven't granted any others, and you sure didn't before or after Sparta 1.  
"Well, you have to play the game, right? And I would rather do it here than in a newspaper or anywhere else."  
Interviewer: So what happened back in Iraq? Can you talk about it?  
"No. I can't, and I won't. Not open for discussion."

Lena had tears in her eyes. Would she ever learn anything from Tommy himself? She was shocked by his admission in the magazine about her, she knew all this was really happening but it felt so strange. Tommy was hers, something she never imagined, much less conceived.  
She felt a thick hand on her shoulder and she looked up from the magazine to see him standing over her, looking down at the magazine. His eyes met hers and she could see the flat gray walls there.  
"I didn't want to give that interview," he muttered. "Had to. Hate talkin' about any of that."  
"I know, Tommy." She kissed his hand. "Maybe one day you can tell me about it, when you're ready."  
Tommy nodded imperceptibly, turned on his heel and just like that was gone, out of the sunshine and back into the cool dark hotel room. Lena set the magazine down and stretched out in the warm light, trying to snuff out her cares and worries, trying to let go. She was about to uncontrollably drift off when she heard Tommy's voice calling from inside.  
"Lena. Lena!" She snapped awake and stood up quickly. "Come here." She stepped inside, squinting. She couldn't see at all coming in from the bright light. "Shut the door."  
She did as she was told and slowly her eyes came into focus. Tommy was laying in bed, wrapped up in the sheet and blanket with his left arm propped up on a pillow beside him.  
He extended his right hand out to her. "Come here."  
Lena stood still for a moment, wanting to tease him but there was something in his eyes she didn't like. He impatiently waved her in, and so she crawled in with him, only to be pulled down to his chest and hugged tightly.  
"I can't. Not now. Maybe one day." He kissed the top of her head, took a deep breath in. "I'm sorry."  
Lena pulled back, she was uncomfortable anyway and she just wanted to look in his eyes. She could see the blur he was in, she could tell he was having trouble focusing.  
"Don't be sorry Tommy." She touched his face, rested her fingertips on his lips. Tommy kissed them softly. "You know I'm not here to make things harder on you. I trust you, I know you will talk when and if you're ready. There's no pressure here. I love you no matter what you do."  
Tommy's eyes blurred. "I don't wanna talk about it, you know that's all they made me do and I fuckin' hated it. Felt like a failure and a coward. Just pissed off all the time. Still am. They can't fix me." He stared hard at her, and she could see the glisten of unshed tears. "I don't want 'em to. I do what I have to. I'm too fucked up for them to fix, cuz it ain't just Manny…" He trailed off and looked away, his face was reddening and she could see sweat beading on his brow. "I ain't no pathetic mental case. I got up, always, no matter how many times I fell, Pop was a fuckin' crazy drunk bastard, beat us all down, but I kept goin'. Then Ma was so sick an' I just kept workin' wherever I could to try to keep her goin' to the doc. I never let the shit pull me all the way down, I always got back up to fight again." When Tommy looked at her again she could see the wet trails on his cheeks and the hate in his eyes. "Fuck if I'm gonna spill my guts in some fuckin' magazine or paper for everyone to read. Let my fights speak for themselves, that's all anyone should give a damn about."  
Lena looked back into the cold hard stare. She knew it wasn't meant for her.  
"And you…" Tommy grabbed her arm hard, making her wince, and he pulled her down to kiss her. "I don't know where the fuck you came from or how this happened but I'm not gonna let you get away. I've lost all kinds of shit, all my life. I want to know what it feels like to win. And I'm gonna."  
Lena was burned by his kiss, heated with the hate and anger he still had in his heart and soul, that transfigured into passion and desire, and what she hoped was love, or Tommy's version of it. He was tugging at her clothes, mumbling against the kiss, "take it off, take it off" and Lena stripped her clothes off quickly, got under the sheet and blanket and found him warm and firm everywhere. She didn't want him to move from his spot, so she half-climbed on him, down just enough so he could feel her little hotspot against his cock.  
"No no," he moaned softly, "I just want you to lay here with me. I'm not givin' in."  
"C'mon Tommy," she whispered huskily, nibbling his earlobe, her hands caressing him everywhere.  
"Mmm mmm, no." He held her to him, slowing his kiss. "I'm tired…pills are working." She looked at him and could see he was having trouble keeping his eyes open. "Just…stay with me."  
"Of course I will." Lena caressed his face, kissed him softly. She slid into position beside him, her face against his hard chest and the hair there prickling her nose. Tommy sighed, turning his head so his face was in her hair, and was out. Lena listened to his slow heavy heartbeat, and after a while she was drifting too, daydreaming about running away with Tommy and staying in a little hut on a beach somewhere.


	32. Chapter 32 : A chuisle, a chroí

LENA was awakened by a sharp knock on the door. Another disturbing dream that left her feeling sideways carried her to the door in an instant, and thankfully she had unconsciously remembered to at least drag most of the bedsheet to wrap around her. She opened the door without looking through the little peephole and was overwhelmed by the riot of flowers in her face. The same Hispanic man that had brought them up some dinner the night before had a large vase full of flowers, white orchids, hot pink roses, violet carnations, and more. Lena was shocked and bewildered and not very awake.

"Umm…do you have the right room?" was all she could muster.

The man smiled beatifically at her from behind the jungle of flora. "Yes, you're Ms. Rossi, and these are for you."

Lena looked without. "Umm," she cleared her throat. "I don't have a tip-"

"Don't worry about it. You overdid it last time and anyway," he laughed a little, passing her the vase, "the look on your face is tip enough. Have a good day." And he bustled off, leaving Lena standing there at the doorway totally confused and her sheet slipping.

"Hey close the door, I can almost see your ass," she heard behind her. Tommy was awake and ready with something to say. Lena closed the door with her foot and came into the room, the flowers obscuring her vision. She almost tripped over the sheet and it came down with a billow, right as she was crossing in front of the bed.

"Wait." Tommy's vocal authority stopped her clean in her tracks. "Don't move."

"Oh my fucking God you better not be taking a picture or something-"

"Don't have to. Committed to memory."

Lena peeked around the flowers to see him sitting up in bed, his hair a mess and a sloppy grin on his face. "Really, I need to set this down now if you don't mind."

Tommy waved her off, winking at her. She set the vase down on the little dining table by the sliding glass door, and stole a glance at the clock. It was almost four o'clock.

"Tommy we have been sleeping a long time…" she picked up the sheet and shook it hard, sending it up over their heads as she closed in on him. He was still smiling sleepily at her, and she crawled up his wide frame and kissed bare skin, upwards til she reached his lips, full and warm against hers. The sheet fell around them and ensconced them in a white shroud of growing heat.

"I know…I don't think I've ever slept this long." Tommy bit at her jaw, then kissed, bit at her neck, then kissed. She gasped softly and her nipples hardened against his skin and he had a similar reaction, just lower.

"Thank you," she whispered, and he chuckled, his fingers in her hair as she rubbed her face against his ear, neck and shoulder, almost purring like a happy kitten.

"How do you know they're from me, ya didn't even look at the card."

Lena pulled back to look into his smiling eyes. "Gimme a break, I don't have to look. I know."

"Yeah but ya still didn't look at the card." Tommy's look was one of feigned innocence and she knew she had better get up and go look at the damn card.

"OK, you win." She wrapped the sheet around herself once more and went over to the table where the beautiful arrangement was sitting. She searched for and found the card, pulled it out of the envelope and read it.

'No more loneliness. You're my miracle. Didn't know I had been waiting for you all this time.'

Lena turned to look at Tommy, saw his blank expression, the smile gone. She went back to him, soundless, her eyes burning, and mounted him to kiss him, pushing his mouth open with hers and electrifying him with her sudden hungry demand for him. She could feel him straining against her, his cock hot and stiff against her-he was growling softly in his throat, feeling all over her with his right hand. How was he going to say no this time? Lena didn't want to find out. Tears slipping down her cheeks and her sex on fire, she impatiently yanked the sheet back from him beneath her and slid home, all the way down on him, making him pull away from her kiss and cry out in his deep voice right in her face. Her hips rocked against his, she drove down on him over and over, riding high so her breasts pressed against his face-he had nowhere to go, his back against the headboard and his shoulder hurt, even if he tried to stop her he was helpless. Lena grabbed the top of the headboard and bounced on him, and she could hear his gasping and deep gurgling throaty sounds he only made when it felt so good and he lost control. She was coming, sighing and trying to catch her breath but it was all too late-Tommy was a wet hot wide blur inside her and she was contracting all over, joyful rainbow diamond explosions in her eyes and her body uncontrollably working on him like a dog in heat.

"Aw here it comes," he gasped and he braced himself, one hand on the headboard as he shook hard against her, his heat and muscle spasms shockwaving through her as she slowly was coming down from her cloud. She tensed all around him, pulling his orgasm deep into her body. Tommy's voice was deep and loud as he spat a curse, and grabbed her with his good arm to stop her from moving. "Oh shit," he hissed. "You raped me." He was panting against her shoulder. Lena just giggled.

"Oh yeah? That's your summary of it?" She couldn't catch her breath either, resting partly against him and partly against the headboard.

"Mmmhmm." He took a mouthful of her breast, sucked hard at the nipple, making her gasp and grab the back of his head. She slowly pulled herself off him and tried to stand-wobbled but didn't fall. She grabbed his ankles and pulled down hard as she could, making him yelp in surprise. Luckily the sheet beneath him assisted her, and Tommy was once again in a supine position, looking a little shocked and exhausted. "What the fuck Lena?" But he started to smile.

"It's time for more rest for you. And me for the moment." She got in next to him and layed sideways, pressed her body against him to half-cover him with it. "Tommy…thank you so much for the flowers. They're beautiful." Her voice was soft in his ear, her hand stroking his chest. "You really need to stop spending money on me-"

"Lena." Tommy turned his head to look in her eyes. "I will do whatever the fuck I want. You got that? I want to give you the world. So you better just get used to it now, or…" He trailed off, unsure what he could threaten her with, or if he even wanted to.

"Or what?" Lena grinned now. "I love everything you're doing. Thank you. But I just want you." She peered back into Tommy's deep eyes, steely grey and dark Atlantic ocean blue. "Just so we're clear on that."

"Hmm," was all he said. He took her hand in his and kissed her palm, rested it on his chest and closed his eyes. "Well too bad," he muttered, just before he drifted off again. Lena smiled against his shoulder, kissed it, and fell asleep there, wrapped up in a sheet and tangled with Tommy.


	33. Chapter 33 :A Kind Of Date

"I'm starrrrrving."  
Lena woke up to the sound of Tommy's deep crackling voice in her ear. She opened her eyes and saw him sitting up, rubbing his eyes. The clock read 4:20.  
"Hey," she said, reaching out for him, and he pulled her to him to hug her close.  
"You need to get up and get ready. We have reservations at 6:30." Tommy yawned a big bear yawn. Lena looked askance. "Forget it, I got nothin' for ya. It's my little secret." He smiled sleepily, kissed her forehead.  
"OK Mr. Mysterious, what can I do for you? Ice? Heat? Pills?" She stretched herself against him, no sheet between them meant full contact and Tommy was holding his breath.  
"Hmm," he purred. "I could use more of you. But there's no time. You can shower first, I'll take care of myself."  
Lena sucked his earlobe, chewed on his neck. "Oh Tommy, how do you mean…take care of yourself?"  
Tommy growled, half smiling. "Damn girl, you need to stop. Maybe I'll show ya later…if you're good."  
"If I'm good? But how will I know?" Lena blew in his ear, and he shivered. Her hands were sliding all over his skin, and he was getting stiff, tenting the sheet. "Ohh look what we did…" She slid her grasping hand down to his thighs.  
"No, no!" he giggled, grabbing her hands. "You getcha ass in the shower, I'm fuckin' dyin' from hunger. I'll deal with you later."  
Lena bit his bottom lip gently, pulled it and sucked it up with hers. "I can't wait." She got out of bed, very aware of his eyes on her as she slowly made her way to the bathroom. She shook out her long dark hair, feeling it slide against her back, and stole a look back to the bed as she opened the bathroom door. Tommy was still sitting up in bed, watching her hungrily, his erection holding the sheet up.  
"You're so fucked Lena," he said softly.  
"I love you too baby." She winked and ducked into the bathroom. Hot water, lovely suds, everything smelled like cashmere, vanilla and sandalwood. She felt relaxed and sexy when she shut the water off, and turned to find Tommy standing in the doorway, his boxers tight around his muscular thighs. He was cradling his arm and watching her intently. The color was high in his cheeks, and his chest was flushing too.  
"Tommy…" She was wrapping herself up with the towel and came towards him. He just stared at her, and then when she got close enough he reached for her, scooping her up with his good arm.  
"I can't wait to get you back home and we ain't even left yet." Tommy kissed her, rubbed his half-naked body against her. Lena sighed, letting the towel slip so she could feel his chest against hers. She felt the hard thick lump he was becoming against her hip and belly, and she gasped softly, her nails starting to dig into him a little.  
"Tommy, please," she whispered, letting the towel fall. He caressed her face, down her neck, and cupped her breast, squeezed softly. She lifted her leg just enough so he would rub against her bare sex, the fabric of his boxers getting wet where she knew the head of his cock was, as she rubbed and circled around and against it.  
"No," he said softly, "we're gonna be late." He kissed her head, still holding her to him, and she started backing away.  
"Well then, you better get your ass in the shower or else get raped again." Lena smirked at him, his beautiful face, ruddy glistening skin, dark hair and mood ring eyes.  
"My little criminal," he growled. He didn't smile, just glowered at her.  
"Love you Tommy." She shut the door on him, leaving him to shower. She searched for something decent to wear-a basic red shirt and black slacks, nothing amazing but casual and dressy at the same time. She was trying to do something with her wet chestnut mop of hair when Tommy came out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel and smelling like heaven as he passed her.  
"Ugh, Tommy, I don't know if I could ever get used to having you around." Lena was grabbing her towel and heading back into the bathroom.  
"What?!" He was coming after her. "What's that supposed to mean?"  
"I mean…"she turned to look at him, smiling. "You. Being around you the past few days…I almost can't get used to it."  
Tommy fixed her with a puzzled, irritated look.  
"I have to leave in a few days, Tommy. I'm just gonna miss you so much more now." Tears welled in her eyes inexplicably.  
"Look I don't wanna talk about that. I don't wanna think about you leaving Lena, I start feeling sick. So please, just…let's pretend for now that it's not gonna happen."  
Lena touched his pink marshmallow lips. "I'm sorry."  
"Mmm, no 'sorry's. Let's just go out and have a good time." Tommy kissed her briefly, pressed his forehead against hers, looked into her eyes. "Did you hear me? You fuckin' criminal?"  
Lena laughed her tears out, kissed him back. "Yeah hurry up, you're starving, remember?"  
"Umm no I haven't forgotten, trust me." He winked at her and headed to the closet, found a pair of dark gray slacks and a crisp white button up shirt. Lena watched him dress and comb his hair from the bathroom, all the while gawking at him like a starstruck fangirl.  
A half hour later they made their way downstairs. Lena had the keys to her rental in her hand, and Tommy followed her to the Jeep. She was relieved he hadn't actually rented a limo-she would have died of embarrassment. But with Tommy it was hard to know what he was really going to do.  
He punched in an address on her GPS and gestured her to follow it. She drove according to the directions and they pulled up to a swanky looking restaurant in downtown Sedona, a fancy Italian name, dimly lit inside. Expensive.  
"Ahh, Tommy." She hugged his right arm against her as they were shown to their table, a nice private little table with a candle burning in the center.  
"Well…?" He smiled at her. "Whatcha think?"  
"I think it's awesome," she said, grinning back at him. "I might steal some ideas for the restaurant. Thank you for taking me to such a nice place, me being a filthy criminal and all."  
"Oh yeah, I still have to decide your punishment. Hmm." Tommy winked at her. "Good thing I've got some time to do it."  
Under the table, Lena had slipped her foot out of the high heel it was on and started running it up his leg.  
"Well hooray for me. If you need any help planning anything let me know. I would love to help."  
Tommy sat back in his chair, rubbed her foot and held it from going any higher.  
"I really think I have all the creative control here." He winked at her.  
Their server approached the table and Lena held her foot against his thigh. They ordered their drinks-non-alcoholic, even though Tommy urged her to get something laced with rum, she told him if he couldn't drink then she wouldn't either. He ordered his mandatory diet of grilled chicken and vegetables. He hadn't had a carb in so long he almost forgot what bread tasted like. Lena, however, ordered baked chicken spiedini and grilled vegetables. Tommy shook his head at her.  
"Whyncha order somethin' absolutely terrible, like lasagna or stuffed shells or somethin'?"  
Lena laughed. "Tommy, no way! Why, so I could torment you? At least the chicken isn't fried-"  
"Uh yeah. If you had ordered somethin' fried we'd been done right then."  
"Oh yeah?"  
"Lena I haven't had anything fried in so long, whaddya think I want the most right now?"  
"Well besides bread?" She winked at him, and he smiled at her finally.  
"Yeah. A big piece of fried chicken and a buncha mashed potatoes."  
"Tommy, I'll promise you this- as soon as you can sin I will make you my mom's recipe fried chicken and as much mashed potatoes as you can eat." She watched Tommy's face change and she swore she heard some growling coming from underneath the table.  
"Fuck," he said softly. "I'm starvin'. I'm gonna die before they bring the food out here."  
"Don't do that, Tommy. We still have to negotiate my punishment." Lena winked at him. Tommy looked back at her impassively, shaking his head slowly.  
"No we ain't negotiating anything. Let the punishment fit the crime."  
Lena laughed softly. "When's my trial? I mean, there's no due process, no hearing, nothing?"  
"Not in my bedroom, no." His eyes were lit from the inside, glowing with candleflame. They were interrupted by the server setting their plates down. "Just wait," he finished, still staring at her. The hair on Lena's arms stood up on end.  
"I might be planning something too, don't be so cocky." She almost choked on her peach bellini watching his expression turn dark. He waved his fork at her.  
"You know…I got nothin' to say until after I eat. I'm tempted to deal with you right here and now."  
Tommy looked like a male model sitting across from her, his tan glowing under the white shirt, silver dog tag glinting, dark ink of his tats peeking through. He had just shaved and his striking handsome face had a little boy quality, but his eyes like seascape skies, cloudy, blue, green, gold and grey, told a different story, a sad angry one that had aged his soul.  
And just like that, a little smile, and his expression softened, even the air around him lightened. Lena had started digging in, the food was irresistible. She offered him a small bite of her chicken, but he waved her off.  
"That's how it starts," was all he said between great wolfish bites of the chicken. "I think I need another one of these," he muttered. Lena continued to devour her food, and when the server came up to check on them, she ordered Tommy another chicken breast.  
"Thank you," he said gruffly, still fixed on his chicken. Lena's foot started the ascent up his calf again, and he flashed her a smile and a half-assed grin. "Cut it out."  
"No. That's too boring." Lena's toes were nestling in his crotch and Tommy growled. She found the half-stiff pole in his lap and rubbed against it softly.  
"Quit fuckin' with me girl," he whispered, still half-smiling. "You're gonna get it. I'll fuck you right up against the wall in the bathroom here."  
"Am I supposed to be scared?" Lena winked at him but stopped inciting him. She would wait til they got a little closer to a bed.  
Dinner was peaceful and filling. Tommy mentioned going to catch a movie, but Lena told him another time would be better.  
"Well why not?" Tommy was paying the check, turning down Lena's moves to pay with severe irritation.  
"Because."  
Tommy cocked his brow. "Because what?"  
Lena leaned against him as they walked out to the Jeep. "Because I have to leave you soon, and I don't want to waste time in a movie theatre."  
"Ohh I see," Tommy was rolling his eyes. "You just want to stay in bed the whole time."  
"No. Yes. I just want to lock us up in the room. Not come out unless we have to."  
Tommy pushed her against the Jeep, pulling one of her legs back and up so his hips would be against hers. She could feel how hard he was already and she whimpered in her throat.  
"You sure you don't wanna catch a movie? Hmm?" His sexy deep voice sent tingling chills down her nervous system, made her nipples hard, her clit throb.  
"Oh God," she whispered, looking into his eyes, dark with the dim light of the parking lot. "Tommy…" her leg wrapped around his hip. "We can watch as many movies as you want, just …not now."  
"Hmmmmm," his voice hummed through her, singing to her passion. "I don't know…you sure?" His face rubbed against her neck and Lena's heart was beating so hard she could barely speak.  
"I'm leaving now for the room…are you coming or not?" Lena was still whispering.  
Tommy eased off her, lightly kissing her lips, soft and sweet, when right behind were his teeth wanting to chew her alive and his tongue wet and eager to explore every inch of her skin. He was pretty sure he was hungry enough for her he could have eaten her.  
"Get in. Drive us home."


	34. Chapter 34 :Aphrodisia

Lena drove as calmly as she could. Her entire body felt electric whenever she was around Tommy, as if every nerve ending, every cell in her body was alert, aware of his presence and busily active, causing her heart to beat harder and faster, her body to perspire, her senses set to hyperdrive. Tommy, meanwhile, sat beside her, his expression blank in the passing lights of other cars, but his legs were in motion, his entire body showing nervous energy. The toothpick in between his full lips twirled and poked in and out, even his jaw clenched. Lena was relieved she was not the only one that felt this way-however Tommy looked like he was about to head into the octagon for a battle. He was silent and brooding, game face on. This made her a little more nervous, so she made an attempt at idle banter.  
"So…are you back to training tomorrow?"  
Tommy slowly turned his head towards her, as if she was breaking his concentration. "Yeah. 6AM."  
"And your shoulder?"  
He continued to gaze at her. "Yeah, it hurts. Bad. I'll take it easy." She almost jumped out of her seat when his hand came down on her knee. "Don't worry."  
"Yeah, easier said than done. I'll always worry about you." Lena was finally at the parking lot of the Orchards Inn. She was sweating now, and the tension was still so thick in the Jeep. How did he do that to her, without saying a word she was picking up his vibes. The only problem was she wasn't sure what was going on with him when he got so quiet, what was he thinking? She wanted to ask but she already knew Tommy wasn't very responsive to prying.  
Tommy patted her knee before taking it away. She parked close to the front entrance, and as she got out Tommy met her at the car door. She wasn't sure how he had reached the door so fast but she didn't care. Looking into his eyes, glancing at his straight sloping nose that led to his hungry generous lips, all framed by his angled face, her heart fluttered. She stopped short when she was full on her feet and gently ran her hands up his chest, softly reaching for his neck.  
"Tommy…" she whispered, and he dipped his face down to hers, pushed his nose in her hair, and took a slow, deep breath in. "You don't know what you've done to me."  
She felt his lips smiling against her forehead, his good arm around her hugging her to him.  
"You've done this to me. It's you." His hushed voice sounded choked. "I'm just dreaming. I'm gonna wake up soon."  
Lena nuzzled his neck, the stubble scratching her cheek and lips. "Just don't. Please."  
Tommy kissed the top of her head and started guiding her inside. When she stole a look at him she saw his handsome face a blank slate again. He stopped at the counter while she hit the elevator button, and she saw him talking conspiratorially with the attendant at the desk, then laugh as he headed towards her. He had a silly little smile on.  
"Hmm. What's the smile for?"  
Tommy shook his head. "No smile here." He fidgeted nervously, smiling to himself.  
"What are you up to?" Lena laughed out loud as the elevator door opened to their floor.  
"Nothin'!" But he could barely stand it as he opened the door to the room, and there was candlelight everywhere, rose petals all over the bed, a bottle of champagne chilling in a bucket by the bed.  
"Really, Tommy…" she turned around to face him as he closed the door, the light shuttering out from the hallway behind his burly frame. "Nothin'?"  
Slowly he came into focus as he approached her. He was holding his arm, smiling gently at her. Lena reached out for him, but he stopped short.  
"I can't…not yet. I need some pills. And I need your help with the heating pad Colt left here…" he found a box on the nightstand and tossed it to her. She took the heating pad out and plugged it in by the bed, setting it to low. She touched the hot pink rose petals that were all over the bed, looked over at him and smiled. Tommy was working his shirt off, his face strained, cursing under his breath.  
"You know Tommy," she said softly, helping him out of his shirt, unbuttoning and unzipping his pants, "we don't have to do anything. You can just rest, OK? Thank you so much…this is beautiful, amazing."  
"You deserve so much more." He stared at her as she rose up from the floor. She had taken his pants and socks off and he stood in just a tight pair of boxer briefs, all shiny and perfect like a living statue in the warm flickering candlelight.  
"No Tommy." Lena was trying so hard not to throw herself in his arms. She leaned forward, looking in his eyes. "I have everything I could ever want or need right here."  
Tommy breathed on her, kissed her softly, fighting against the building heat between them.  
"No," she broke from the kiss, bit her own lip. "Get in bed baby."  
Tommy wandered to the bed and cursed loudly. "This wasn't how it was s'posed to go down." He scooped some of the petals and stuffed them under the sheet on her side, and got in, but stayed sitting up. Lena got the pill bottles, the Icy Hot, an ice pack, a couple glasses, and popped the champagne. She stripped out of her dress and took all her goodies to the nightstand.  
"We can still have it, we're both here right?" Lena poured the glasses of champagne and handed Tommy one. She got in next to him, and he took a long look at her naked body as it slid in next to his, and she got under the sheet with him. "I know you're not supposed to drink. But." Lena shrugged. "Do you need icy hot or the cold pack?"" She handed him his pill bottles. Tommy didn't say a word, just shook his head and took what he needed, chasing the pills with champagne, then set the bottles on the nightstand. Lena went to work, carefully wrapping his arm and shoulder up with the long heating pad.  
"Ow, fuck." Tommy was hurting, probably more than anyone could ever know. He broke out in a cold sweat, and squinted his eyes shut.  
"I'm sorry babe." Lena kissed his cheek, his temple when she was done.  
"Thank you," he whispered. He rested his head back on the headboard and sighed. "I'm sorry Lena. This sucks."  
She bent down and gently kissed the callused palm of his hurt arm, up his wrist, his bulging forearm, all the way up his bicep until the heating pad got in her way. The tension was slowly draining out of him, his eyes were looking hazy already. He patted her side of the bed and looked at her with half-open greenish eyes.  
"Yes boss?" she whispered.  
"You come here. Now." His voice was a raspy breeze.  
Lena switched sides, got on her unofficial side and cuddled him, kissed him, embraced in his good arm.  
"Lena…don't leave me alone…please." Tommy was drifting somewhere far from her, and she rubbed his chest and belly.  
"Baby, lay down." She tried to help him slide down flat onto the bed but he was too heavy. "Please."  
Tommy rolled down into bed to lay on his right side, taking her with him to wrap her up in the sheet with him and press his body to hers in the warm fog of pills and fizzy wine.  
"Tommy, you can't live like this forever baby." Lena kissed his cheek; his long lashes fluttered against her face and she smiled, kissed his mouth softly.  
"Shhh…" was all he said, his eyes closed. He pressed his face against hers, kissing her sweetly. "Gimme what I want," he whispered. He bit at her a little, kissed her wetly, his warm callused palm rubbing up her arm, her neck, to her face.  
"What's that?" She ran her hand up his hip, scratching lightly at the hills of muscle there, up his side and his ribs, to his shoulder, all growing mountainous regions of firmness. Tommy's breath blew hot on her face, his lips like wet, soft, warm sucking marshmallows against hers.  
"You know." He gently used his bad arm to guide her hand to his groin, where his cock flopped against her arm, firming up immediately at her touch. "Make me come," he whispered, his mouth against her face. His body trembled at her touch, and Lena was so hungry for him.  
"Oh my God Tommy." She gripped him in her palm, he was hard, thick and pulsing, the tip so very slippery. His whole body throbbed with the slow strokes she began on him, and the very core of her body clenched and ached for him, needed him so badly. "I want to taste you." Lena shimmied down his body, urged him onto his back and took him in her mouth- he was so big her jaw ached but she didn't care. She wanted to make him feel as helpless as he made her feel, she wanted him to surrender to her.  
"Aw fuck," he breathed, his big muscled body submitting to the joy and satiation of the pleasure she was giving him as she sucked him up and licked him down, fist tight around him like a vise. He was increasingly hazy, and the pleasure turned into colors in his mind, muted and matte, wavy like oil on a watery surface.  
Lena worked on him, grinded down on him, and his hips were starting to sweat against her. Tommy's breaths were shallow and fast- he was so close but held down by the pills. She took her time, giving him as much pleasure as she could. All she needed was his sweet little cry and she knew she was too close.  
"Come here, damn you," he growled, pulling at her. "Get on top."  
Lena sat astride him, pierced herself with his cock, so deep and wide she cried out helplessly. Her body fought to accommodate his girth, as always she had to ease down on him, he filled her completely.  
"You're so fucking lucky," he said in a huff, watching under his hooded eyes as her hips slowly rolled and rotated on looked down at his glistening skin, black tats standing out on tan skin, dog tags almost tangled with his chest hair-and his face, red and still injured, swollen with lust and need. She wanted to come right then, her entire body spasmed against his.  
"Oooh Tommy, I'm so close…lucky how?"  
"Lucky I can't do what the fuck I want," he growled in an icy rasp, and used his right hand to hold her to him so he could thrust up into her, making her gasp and cry. "I want to hold you down and fuck you so hard Lena."  
She cried out loud, running her hands into her hair as she cast her head back. Tommy drilled into her from beneath, and she was already making them both so wet the smacking sound was audible in an echo through the room. She finally put one hand down on his hulking chest and thrusted her hips against his hard, taking his cock deep into her and pulling almost all the way off with a snap of her hips. He cried out softly, his hand clawed at her thigh as he tried to hold on.  
"Fuck you Lena...aw fuck don't stop!" His voice was a rough sound, like paper ripping or drums and cymbals crashing, and she came instantly, stuttering and shouting obscenities as her body was torn in two by the ecstastic threshing orgasm that obliterated her on all levels-mind, body, soul. Tommy was losing it beneath her, and his body came off the bed, lifting her with it as he shot deep inside her. When Lena opened her eyes she looked down to see how he had been trying to fight against it in his face, how it tore through him and was released in hard fast waves of luxuriation. He was in pain with his shoulder and overwhelmed with orgasmic joy at the same time.  
Lena fell on him, their bodies spent and breathless and wet. She couldn't move, her hips and thighs ached from their short rough meeting.  
"Lena…" he whispered. "I'm a dead man."  
She sat up on him, his cock still trapped in a tight clamp inside her. Even he had to take in a sharp breath. The indomitable Tommy Conlon was hers, even if it was only temporary while he was hurt. Lena enjoyed the momentary conquest, slipping her hips around with him inside her.  
"You feel so good…mmm Tommy." She kissed him, sliding her hands all over him, running up into his wet hair to tug gently.  
"Not much longer," he said softly, breaking their kiss.  
"Not much longer for what?" Lena playfully teased him, still riding him gently, throwing her head back and feeling his hand on her breast.  
Suddenly she was on her back and trapped beneath 180 lbs of solid heavy muscle. Tommy had flipped her and had her pinned, in a split second. Lena's head spun.  
"Don't forget who you're fuckin' with," he growled in her ear, making her shiver. "When I heal up…you're all mine." Tommy licked her ear, her neck, bit her collarbone almost too hard. "I'll let you drive for a while, only cuz I'm hurt, doll."  
"I got it Tommy," she nuzzled her wet face against his, and he broke out in a wide smile. "You the boss."  
"Ahh I love you," he said softly, giggling a little. "You know I'm just playin', right?"  
Lena looked up at him, his face obscured by shadow and candlelight and Adonis beautiful. "Maybe…" He dropped the smile. She beamed into his sudden brooding expression.  
"You gotta know I would never hurt you." Tommy almost looked disgusted.  
"I do, baby." Lena wanted to tell him how he eluded her sometimes, how she was sure he wouldn't hurt her but how he made the hair on her arms and neck stand up straight. Very rarely was she 100% about what was going on in his heart and mind.  
"Well…" Tommy smiled maliciously. "Maybe not on purpose…" As he gnawed on her mouth and neck, Lena tried so hard to imprint it all in her mind. In three days she had to leave.


	35. Chapter 35 : Fugitive

Just then a high pitched annoying ring pierced the room. Tommy almost leaped off the bed to grab his phone from the pocket of his pants he had laid over a chair, and answering it, opened the back glass sliding door and walked out stark naked onto the patio. Lena was shocked and taken aback as he slid the door closed, but remained calm in bed, listening to the deep vibrations of Tommy's voice through the glass door. It got louder and more aggressive sounding, and she sat up straight to listen as best she could, but the depth and cadence of his voice prevented any words to be heard. He sounded like a storm thundering deep in the distance.

After a little bit, Tommy tore the sliding glass door open to the side and came in like a raging stormcloud, went into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. Once again Lena sat mute, waiting for the fallout. What the hell was going on?

Lena had never been a smoker, but Tommy made her think about it. Sitting alone in bed and feeling befuddled, she wanted a drink. There was a glass nearby that she could pour champagne into, wasn't there? Or just the entire bottle…

Tommy came out of the bathroom in a rush. He paced the floor for a minute, went back outside, looked at his phone blankly.

"Tommy…" Lena called softly. He poked his head through the doorframe and it was almost as if he had seen her for the first time. He nodded. "What's up?"

Tommy shook his head, his face grim. "Pop."

Lena sighed and hung her head down. "What's happened, Tommy?"

He scoffed bitterly, sarcastically, and stalked out onto the patio, high-wired and ready for anything, but nowhere to go with it.

"FUCK." His voice was a deep growling bellow. Lena got out of bed and wrapped the sheet around herself to meet him outside. He was standing stock still, one hand clutching a little towel to his groin, the other hand wrapped around his cellphone with a death grip. He was staring out into the night sky-so many stars, it looked like the Milky Way was going to cleave through the very vault of heaven.

Slowly Lena approached him, coming behind him to wrap him in the sheet with her. "Baby you're naked-"

"I don't give a fuck," he said flippantly. But he grasped the sheet around him anyway, shivered a little against the drastic difference of her warm soft skin against him and the dry cold air of the desert valley. She could feel the goosebumps all over his body, so she gripped him a little tighter, pressing her cheek against his shoulderblade, and her hands found his belly that she idly stroked.

"Talk to me Tommy." Lena kissed his spine while he huffed angrily, totally enraged.

"I really don't want to. Fuck!" Tommy punched the wooden balcony, made everything shudder. When Lena opened her eyes she saw a big dent where he had made impact. Tommy turned to face her, the sheet still half wrapped around his frame. "I can't believe it. But it makes perfect sense. Pop kicked the shit out of some people at the VFW and ran off. No one knows where he is."

"Oh shit!"

"Yeah! Yup. I told Brendan, I fuckin' told him…he tried to act like King Shit over the phone when I was in lab, cuz Pop was behavin'. Show's over now, he ran off when the nurse was at the house with the social worker and been runnin' ever since. Goddammit!" Tommy kicked a chair over, making her jump. He immediately looked down and away from her.

"Tommy…how long has he been missing?"

He looked up at her, into her eyes. "A while. Found out when we were out to eat."

Now Lena understood. His taciturn attitude in the Jeep was because of this.

"Why didn't you tell me then?"

Tommy looked at her like she was crazy. "What and ruin our night? At the time he had just run out, the cops were looking for him so I wasn't gonna freak out til I had to." He leaned into her and kissed her forehead. "Wasn't gonna ruin our night."

Lena sighed and rested against him. Somehow his body was relaxing against her, his breathing was slowing. She had been worried at first-he looked like he was going to murder someone.

"Tommy, you can tell me anything. Please, please let me in next time."

He was stone silent, just slowly melted into her. They stood outside in the chilly night air together, Tommy hugging and kissing her. Lena waited for a while, and finally spoke up.

"So now what?"  
"Now what? Fuck, I don't know. I don't know." Tommy kissed her cheek, her eyebrow. "I can't get out there. But…"

"I can." Lena pulled back to look at him. "I can."

Tommy looked down at her. "You know I don't want you gettin' in it. You don't wanna get wrapped up in all this shit."

Lena smiled at him. "You need to focus on your training and your fights. This is it. If I can help while I'm home, I will."

"Well doll," he grumbled, wrapping her back up in his arms nice and tight, "that ain't helpin' now. I have no idea where Pop is and what's goin' on. Brendan is on his way to the 'burgh but that's gonna take him hours…" Tommy rested his rounded chin on the top of her head and sighed. "Fuck I wonder where he went."

Lena wrapped around his warm ribcage tighter, against the flexing steel muscles of his torso.

"Who called you?"

"Brendan. Cops called him. I told him, I tried to tell him…" Tommy's low growl faded and he sighed. "I know I could find him. I really need to be home."  
"No, you don't. This is the rest of your life, something you want to do. You can't give it all up-"

"Don't, Lena." Tommy's voice was rough and angry suddenly. "Don't preach to me. I know where I need to be. He was a rotten no-good worthless piece of shit when I left with my mom. When I came back he was tryin' to get it together. I fucked up his shit with my shit. He mighta done it on his own anyway but I tortured his ass and made him start back drinkin'. I'm responsible now."

Lena held back her sigh. "No you're not Tommy. You didn't do this. Paddy has a lot of problems. The only way any of this is gonna get resolved is if he wants to fix it."  
Tommy shook his head. "Pop doesn't know what day it is, or who I am sometimes. He's getting worse. He was in Vietnam, drank way too much for too long."

"Has he ever been assessed for anything?"

Tommy looked at her guardedly. "Yeah, his doc told me he was havin' problems, back when I first got home. That was six years ago?" He shook his head, looking away. "There's nothin' you can do anyway. By the time you get home he could be in jail, or the hospital…who knows. Brendan should be there in about two hours. He can handle it. Let's try to get some sleep. I gotta be up at 5." He disengaged from her and headed in. Lena stood outside and looked at the night sky one last time. She felt small and insignificant in the face of the vast, cold Universe. Where was this all going to end up? Where were she and Tommy headed? A chill raced down her spine. Tommy's life had been so fraught with difficulty. How could she be so egotistical to think she could be the one thing that could bring him any peace or happiness? Did he have an idea of what those feelings truly were? He was angry and broken and things just kept happening to solidify it, justify his bitterness and rage. There was no way he would ever let go of her, or she of him. But would their lives ever be somewhat normal? Her life had been crazy early on, her family traumatically shredded apart and the whole neighborhood disrupted. Nothing like what Tommy had experienced and she could only imagine how much mental discipline it had taken to get where he was now.

While Tommy may have broken apart, pieces of himself fallen away, memories suppressed and emotions bottled, there was a part of him that would never give up, never be broken, never stand down. Tommy had looked into the gaping jaws of fear, desperation, abandonment, and hopelessness; the things lost to them were his youth, any shred of innocence he had left, replaced with contempt and bitterness. But he would not lose his will to survive. His mother had given him the grace he needed to find his strength within. Paddy may have trained his body and sharpened his skills, but his mother had raised her boys to be strong and observant, kind and loyal. She haunted Tommy's dreams, her voice was so clear it was as if she was standing right beside him at times. For years he tried to shut it out, erase his past, erase himself. When he signed up for the Marines he asked for the most dangerous job, the worst place to go. He was surprised he passed the psych test-he wanted to die at that time, his mother was gone, he had no real friends, no family, and instead of reaching out to his brother, his terror and loss froze into a dark glacier of hate and hurt. Tommy sharpened it into a tool in the corps, he became a strategist and sniper, he used his quiet focused strength and melee skills to overcome difficult and tricky situations in the desert. It didn't take long for him to promote to sergeant, then staff sergeant. He was in charge of at least 30 people at a time, and was noted by his seniors that he didn't talk much, didn't socialize much, and had no ego or fear. He was on his way to becoming a senior tactical adviser to the platoon commander, when the incident that would change his life forever happened.


	36. Chapter 36 : Coming Home

"Lena! You comin' in?"

She was broken out of her strange reverie by Tommy's commanding voice in the room. She was still standing outside, barefoot and wrapped in a sheet, and it was chilly. It felt like she had been standing outside staring at the stars for hours.

The sliding glass door shut with a 'shhhh'. Tommy was sitting up in bed, watching her intently. She crawled in with him and he hauled her up to his chest, kissing her forehead.

"You awright?" he whispered.

"I don't know Tommy…just worried for you."

"Nah, don't you worry. Not supposed to be easy." He covered her up in the blanket and cuddled her to him. Lena sighed deeply, warm in his arms. "Go to sleep."

She tried to let go, and found herself in a sweet spot physically, with a racing, anxious, terror-filled mind inside.

Tommy didn't think she could sense his hotwired psyche, he really thought she was asleep when he got up an hour or so later, dressed and left. Lena sat up as the door softly clicked closed, and she sat looking the clock- 12:35 AM. What was he doing?

She waited a while, thinking maybe he went to get some ice for his shoulder. Maybe he needed something from the kitchen. Maybe he went to the drugstore for something.

Finally at 1:15 she couldn't stand it anymore. She kicked the sheets and blankets off, put on some jeans and a t-shirt, grabbed one of Tommy's hoodies from the closet and wandered downstairs. There was no immediate sign of any activity whatsoever. It was late, no parties to be had.

Lena asked the concierge if anyone had seen Tommy, but they responded they had not. She checked the pool and grounds, parking lot…nothing.

The night clerk at the desk smiled at her as she approached the desk for the second time.

"Can I help you?"

Lena felt lost. "Umm…I hope. The mini-bar is out in my room, do you have anything available?"

The clerk smiled wider. "Uh, I think we normally wouldn't, but...if you'll excuse me. I'll be right back." He shuffled out to what she imagined was the kitchen. When he returned he had a pint of Crown and a 20 ounce Coke.

"Where did you get that, the alcohol fairy?" Lena smiled weakly with her own joke.

He laughed. "Are you sure you're old enough for this? Do I need to card you?" He slid the bottles her way.

"Ugh, I can't thank you enough. I want to sleep and I can't shut down." She took the bottles from the clerk, shaking her head.

"It's quite alright, I totally understand. If you need anything else I'm here all night." The clerk winked at her, and she quickly ducked out to the pool grounds to sit with her drinks. It was cold in the desert night air, steam rising from the heated pool, and she cuddled up inside Tommy's hoodie and sipped from the bottle of Crown and then the Coke to wash it down. She had left her phone upstairs and didn't realize it until she started to buzz a little.

She didn't realize she had polished off a third of the bottle until she actually looked at it. Her head was swimming. Maybe she could sleep now…

Upstairs the room was still empty. Lena was fuzzy and confused, sad and agitated. She set the bottles down on a table and flopped into bed, grabbing a pillow to hold onto and prayed for the room to stop spinning.

"Hey. HEY." Tommy's voice in her ear. Her body refused to respond. "Lena. LENA."

He shook her hard. She peeled her eyes open and saw the clock-5:50 AM. She closed them tight again.

"Hmmmmpphh."

"You're about to fall outta bed."

"Don't care."

Tommy heaved her into bed using just his right arm. "I do."

"Fuck did you go…Tommy…"

Deep loud sigh. "I'll explain when I get back. Love you."

"Agghh…no I wanna know now." She couldn't look at him, her head hurt too much.

"No. Later."

Lena heard and felt the covers being drawn around her and she was passing out again. The last thing she remembered was his warm lips on her cheek.

LATER. Had to be mid-morning, she thought, maybe a little later…she opened her eyes out of the coma-like sleep she had been in. She was hot and sticky with sweat, wrapped in Tommy's sweater and the covers smothering her-she was on fire. The room was cool and quiet, the sun was shaded through the blinds, and the clock read 2:15. No way, she thought. She dragged herself out of bed, ripped all her clothes off and threw her aching body into the shower. Afterwards she checked her phone-nothing, not a phone call or text message. The more Lena thought about last night, the angrier she got.

"All you had to do was talk to me!" she said out loud to Tommy, who wasn't there. Wrapped in a bathrobe she went onto the patio to face her punishment from the sun. It blasted her burning eyes and roasted her in her robe. She stood there and took it for as long as she could before drifting back into the room. She called room service and had them bring her up coffee and an omelette. Sustenance, dark sugary coffee, and fluffy eggs wrapped around vegetables and ham, smothered in cheese – and after a handful of painkillers, Lena was in heaven, if only for the meantime.

She tried to watch a movie but fell asleep again instead, only to wake up and find herself on Tommy's bare shoulder, his skin still moist and fragrant from a recent shower. She stretched out and yawned, and Tommy caressed her naked skin, kissed her hair.

"Mmmm," she growled, and turned her head to gnaw lightly on his pec. He hissed a little and giggled softly.

"Good morning." His voice vibrated in his chest and through her, giving her the chills.

"What time is it?!" Lena looked around and caught sight of the clock- 4:45 PM. Tommy just laughed.

"You been sleeping all day," he said. "You must've been really smashed."

Lena broke from his grasp, sat up next to him, suddenly remembering everything. Tommy was naked, half-covered in a sheet, his left arm wrapped with bandages and in a sling. "You know I wasn't really, and I feel fine now, and where the fuck did you go last night?"

He considered her quietly, his expression blank and guarded, and Lena narrowed her eyes at him, almost daring him to argue with her in any way. Finally he broke away from her stare and sighed.

"I couldn't sleep. I went to Colt's room to talk to him, tell him about Pop. That's it. And I get back to you passed out drunk-where did you get the Crown?"

"The concierge gave it to me. Why couldn't you have told me? I panicked when I couldn't find you. Worried about Paddy-"

Tommy interrupted her, his eyes dark and flat like a painting. "He's for me to worry about."

"No, not anymore. If we're actually gonna do this it has to be together Tommy. You may not understand that part but that's the way it should be. You aren't alone anymore."

His cheeks flushed and she could see he was literally biting his tongue.

"Say it. Go ahead, say it."

"What?" He narrowed his eyes at her. She really didn't like that guy when he came out.

"You were about to say something not very nice."

Tommy shook his head, looked away from her. He stood up and walked to the table where there was a big sweating carafe of water standing with two glasses. She felt like he was going to run any minute.

"I don't know what to say anymore, Lena…I tried to tell you I was just gonna fuck up your life-"

"No, Tommy, no. I don't want to hear that. It's not true. You and I are past that point. We already crossed that cop-out." She stood up and joined him for a glass of water. He regarded her with a blank expression and hostile eyes. "Look let's just drop it, I don't want to fight about something trivial. I'm just glad you're OK."

Tommy washed his water down in one pass, set the glass down, never taking his eyes off her. "Well…I wouldn't say that."

Lena looked at him, puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"I'm on the injured list. I'm out for at least two weeks, can't train, can't fight. Rivera broke his foot yesterday in training, so the fight has been cancelled. UFC official was in the gym this morning to tell Colt about Rivera and sent me to the doctor. I have to be in this bandage and sling or end up needing surgery." His face was getting red again.

Lena bit her lip, shook her head. "Tommy, I-"

He raised his hand to stop her. "Don't. Don't say a word. I have to go home. This's the way it has to be. But I'm not off the card for Sparta. And I still have other fights. So you better change your ticket, looks like we're goin' home together."


	37. Chapter 37 : Sometimes You Can't Make It

Lena didn't know what to say anyway. A weak apology wouldn't cut it. The tone of his voice and expression were barely disguising his anger and frustration. She wasn't sure how to feel about him coming home so pissed, especially when he had a hornet's nest to deal with there.  
Tommy stared her down for a minute, waiting for her to say something. Lena was quiet, watching him. He went to his bag and fished out some papers, and handed them to her. The first was a paper with a UFC letterhead describing his injury.  
'MRI suggests chronic shoulder instability, rest and repeated heat and ice treatments, physical therapy to avoid surgery-two weeks or more.'  
And Tommy's plane tickets, leaving the next morning at 6:15 AM. Lena looked up at him, and he just nodded, coming closer to her, his skin pink and warm. She could see what was happening already, and her body instantly reacted. Tommy's dry callused palm was on her face, his bare skin pressed to hers.  
"Have you thought about it?" The quiet menace in his voice gave her a shiver. He teased her breast, gently pinched the hardening nipple.  
"Thought about what?" Lena placed her hands on his abdomen, hard and bulging with muscle, and she started rubbing and caressing. Her breath came hard as her heart sped up so fast it almost hurt.  
"Us. A place together. Remember?" His expression was soft, he was leaning in to kiss her gently. Her body pressed against his bandaged arm and she stepped back. "Don't worry…hmm…" He whispered and hummed, pulled her close again, slipped his arm around her to bind her. His cock wedged between their bellies, and Lena gasped, looking into his acroamatic eyes glowing mineral blue, green, and gold. "You forgot, didn't you…"  
"No Tommy, I didn't." She felt the fog of heat and moisture surround her, she wanted to give in. Her head was swimming. "I didn't forget, just…"  
"Whatsamatter…am I not good enough for you?" His eyes were riveted on hers, and she couldn't tell if he was starting to sneer or smile. Dangerous.  
"You know that's not true." She didn't realize she was stepping backwards, and he was following, like some dance of predator and prey. Sweat broke out on her forehead, her upper lip. Tommy continued to stare her down. The small of her back was against the edge of the table now.  
"So what? What's stoppin' you?" He licked his bottom lip, bit it, looked down at her mouth, and hummed another noise out his throat.  
"Everything," she blurted. Tommy got her on the table somehow, before she even knew it he was inside her, his arm hooked around her and his hand gripping her ankle tight. His eyes closed tight and he took in a deep breath.  
"Ohh…hmmm what does that mean," he said in an exhaled breath on her face. Lena was impaled on him, she struggled to grip onto his body anywhere she could, faltering.  
"Tommy…Tommy…"she cast her head back as he thrusted into her, short quick and deep.  
"Tell me…tell me why…" He was fighting against himself to not use his left arm at all, all bound up and helpless. "Goddammit why…"  
"I'm scared Tommy!" She was going to come if he didn't stop. She wanted to talk but couldn't, he rendered her powerless under his physicality. "I want to but I'm so scared Tommy…" Her body rattled against his and then went still and stiff in a death throe. Juices flooded over and around him and he didn't know how long he could hold out either.  
"Nothin' to be scared of…Lena I'll protect you. I'll keep you safe." Tommy's growl turn into a sob-like cry as he was pushed over the edge, buried deep inside her and locked down. Endless shockwaves, each of them hitting different plateaus. "Oh holy fuck Lena I will protect you with my last breath." He dropped his head on her shoulder and tried so hard to catch his breath. "Even from me."  
Lena burst into tears, the raw emotion of the moment could not compare to the ocean inside her.  
"No, don't please don't…" Tommy held her as she sobbed. Lena fought against herself but the tears came anyway. She hurt so bad for him, the pain coming from deep inside her own psyche, a voluminous well that could swallow them both. She was sitting up on the table now, he had withdrawn and she was holding onto him with all the life she had left.  
"I don't want to lose you Tommy…not ever." She kissed his face, his lips, his chin and jaw. "I can't help but worry. I can't let you go either, I know what you want but what are we gonna do when we get home and it's all real life again?"  
Tommy sighed, holding her to him. "Just let me worry about that, will ya? I'll take care of everything, just…" He pulled back to look at her. His aqua eyes were rimmed with red. "You gotta know, I ain't about to let anything get between us. Not no more. I'm gonna fix it up, you wait an' see…Lena I can't do this without you. Don't wanna come see you. Don't wanna wait all day and night, tryin' to make it work. I wanna come home and know you're gonna be there. I wanna wake up and find you there. I can help you, I won't weigh you down. You'll see." He cupped her face in his hand and nodded. He was a man of his word, and Lena knew that. At least with her he was 100% of the time. "I want us to share a key," he whispered.  
Lena wanted to cry all over again. How could she say no, how could she dare to keep fighting this man? He couldn't tell her he was terrified of things going back to the way they were, how depressed he was at the thought of being alone…without her. He hadn't slept so soundly, or felt more connected to himself through her and the love she had for him. He felt alive again.  
"Yes Tommy. Yes." She wrapped her arms around his thick neck, and he was lifting her up. She locked her legs around his waist and he moved through the room as if she weighed nothing, and then he was falling on her on the mattress, laughing softly.  
"Yeah?" He was grinning at her. God she loved it, he looked like a kid at Christmas. Every glower and glimmer of his hurt angry insides faded away in the sunshine of his smile.  
"Yes. We can figure it all out when we get home…just, kiss me Tommy." She looked up into his mood ring eyes, set wide and deep in his angelic comic-book superhero face. He took her mouth with his, passion burning again within him and his heart racing against hers. She gasped and wrapped him against her like an octopus, holding him and inhaling him. It wasn't long before he was hard and finding the opening to fill her, to bind and seal them together closer than close, smothering and freeing him at the same time. Lena twisted backwards in the sheet, breaking from his kiss to cry his name as he pierced her, like Poseidon slaying a sea beast with his trident, and she helplessly came against him, consumed and laid bare before Tommy and anything he could ever want from her. He rested on his right side and drove her into the mattress unforgivingly, squeezing every last drop from her before he finally imploded inside her, gruffly yelling expletives before shuddering to a stop on top of her.  
"Tommy…my heart is yours." She held his wet head in her hands and kissed dark wet locks of hair.  
"I want it all," he whispered. "Every single fucking thing."


	38. Chapter 38 : Last Vacation Day

Lena and Tommy layed there in bed for a while, not talking, just breathing. Tommy was not really there-when Lena stole a glance at him she saw his eyes open and blank, staring in the distance at nothing. She could only imagine what was going on in there.

She needed to call the airline, call Vince, Cal and her mom and let them know she was coming back a little early. All the while the idea of moving in with Tommy presented her with question after question, her worried mind would not rest behind her eyes. Tommy was going through the same thing perhaps, but he didn't seem to care about the details-everything seemed so small in the face of what he wanted and that it was in his grasp to take.

After a while Tommy rose up, struggling slightly on one arm, kissed her mouth, her cheek, her forehead, and broke free of her embrace to get out of bed. He grabbed the sling on the floor, discarded and forgotten at what point she couldn't remember, and slipped it on. Lena watched him cross the room to the bathroom, and she took her cue to recover some clothing and grab her cell- there was already a text message from Cal: "You're coming home bitch HA HA HA! For real I'm so happy. Miss you! Call me with the details!" Lena laughed softly- she needed to get to the gym and let Cal work her like a pissed drill sergeant. She heard the shower running and started her laundry list of calls-changed her flight to the earliest available, a mid-morning flight arriving in Pittsburgh a few hours after Tommy since his plane was all booked up already. Vince didn't answer so she left a message, her mom was out with Rita and was so happy to hear her daughter was coming home, and then there was Cal.

"Ha ha ha bitch I cursed you!" Hysterical peal of evil laughter.

"Hey, you dick, I hope that you're kidding, really. Tommy is hurt pretty bad-"

"Come on, Lee, you know I'm kidding. But yeah, I'm not gonna lie, I've been missing you and this managing the gym shit is driving me up a fucking wall!"

"I know, silly, I understand. Everything is going to work out somehow. You and I need to have a big talk when I get home-"

"Oh shit, Lee…you preggo?"

"No you dumbass!" Lena laughed nervously. Tommy was emerging from the bathroom dressed already and looking fine in a dark blue shirt and black jeans, hair still damp. He caught her staring at him and winked at her, a half-smile playing on his lips. "Look I'll talk to you when I get there, just keep your shit together til tomorrow, OK?"

"OK, OK, shit why you coppin' attitude with me?" Cal laughed. "See you tomorrow. Love you."

"Love you too." Lena set her phone down and watched Tommy watch her. He had sat down on the bed facing her and had the bunched up black bandage that had been wrapped around his arm.

"Hey," he said softly. "You help me with this?"

Lena got up immediately and went to work wrapping his entire arm, then slipped the sling around his body so he could rest his arm in it.

"Wish they wouldn't of fucked with me so much, now it just hurts worse." His voice was a growling whisper. Lena was on her knees before him, her ribs rubbing against the inside of his thighs. She looked at him, longing to alleviate his pain, knowing that the worst was not over. He was just starting up again and already was falling short- that hurt worse than any pain his shoulder could be causing him.

"What can I do baby," she whispered, rubbing his knees. Tommy just regarded her behind his silent stone grey eyes. He leaned down ever so slightly.

"I want you to get ready," he said softly, "because I want to take you out for dinner again before we have to leave." He kissed her lips slowly, softly, and almost chastely. "And then I'm gonna have you all to myself one last night here. I'm gonna break the fuckin' headboard, and tear the sheets up-"

Lena looked up into his very serious expression and burst out laughing.

"What, why's that funny? I'm gonna fuck this room up tonight. Broken shit everywhere. We're gonna do it on top of everything."

When she opened her eyes again she saw he was grinning evilly. She giggled again and he joined her. Then he was quickly pulling her up against him and she was sliding across his thighs and up his chest-he was laying back and taking her with him.

"Not playin', Lena." He was gnawing on her neck and she couldn't wait to have him again. Her body fell in beside his and she felt more in control to kiss and caress him, one of her legs hooked around his hips and her hair falling all around his face as she took more of his mouth with hers. His eyes were open and watching her, his breath coming faster and harder-she could feel how his body was reacting against her leg. He groaned in his throat.

"Mmm, I hope you never get tired," he said softy, breaking from the kiss. "Go get ready. Now."

Lena cocked her head back to get a good look at him. The hazy sunlight that saturated the curtains was the only light in the room, and it made his skin glow and caught the myriad of color in his eyes. She ran her fingertips along his jaw, touched his reddened lips thick and soft against her skin.

"Ah Tommy…" She sighed. "You know I'll do anything you say."

His expression showed his amusement. "Anything?"

She laughed. "Well…almost." She kissed him one last time and then leaped off the bed and charged into the shower, and she heard his soft chuckle behind her. "I said almost!"

Lena hurried through the motions in the shower, hopped out and caught Tommy watching TV and trying not to notice her as she got dressed.

"Any news on Paddy?" She was dressing in a slinky black dress and sexy shoes. Tommy's eyes flickered from the TV to her and stayed.

"No. Nothing."

Lena sighed heavily. "We'll find him," she said softly. She took a long look at Tommy, who just regarded her silently, and then she was in the mirror trying to do something with her wet tangled hair. She heard him laugh softly.

"I hope we do. Brendan's out there, looking for him, waiting for something to happen, cops, ambulance, someone to find him. I think I know where he is."

Lena finally was fed up enough to fix her hair up in a neat little bun. She looked like a socialite going out for cocktails. Tommy nodded at her appreciatively.

"Where, Tommy?"

"At Rita's. If I were a betting man I would lay my last dollar on it."

Lena could not hide her surprise. "You think she's harboring our fugitive?"

Tommy shrugged one shoulder. His attitude couldn't get any more laid back. He must have taken some pills, she thought. "Well…I'm sure Rita doesn't know he's missin'."

"No," she responded, shaking her head. "Rita would know people are out looking for him."

"You don't know how close Rita and Pop were, huh?" Tommy was smirking. "Yeah back in the day Rita was chasing Pop out of the bar and tryin' to be a mom to Brendan I guess…Pop talks about her all the time. Used to piss me off, but now…does any of it matter?"

Lena just looked at him, she didn't know what to say. Had Rita been involved with Paddy? Tommy was right, it didn't matter…but still, curiosity was one of Lena's downfalls. She wanted an answer.

"Hmm," was all she could say. She looked around the room, spied her black high heels. Tommy watched her slip her shoes on and slowly walked his way. A little smile played on his lips. "How can you stay so calm?"

He shrugged again, made a face. "What can I do from here? No I don't worry. I know where he is. I'm tellin' ya Lena…he's dryin' out over there." He took her hand and she tried to pull his mass off the bed. "You ready I take it?"

Lena stood in front of him, dwarfed before his near-colossal body. "Yeah, I am. I'm ready to get back here and destroy the joint."

They laughed together, and for a brief moment Lena imagined every moment between them being so irreverent and fun. It was nice to think of it, but she knew they had a very hard road to bear together, sludging through the dark rainy skies of Tommy's world, with Lena trying to pull him towards the light the whole way.

Tommy took her to a cute little roadside diner, where he ate chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes, drank a half-pitcher of sweet tea and even considered a piece of strawberry pie afterwards. Lena had ordered a club sandwich and salad, and it was almost as good as being at her mom's for lunch. She just smiled blithely at him, finding it fitting to be with him in such an inconspicuous place dressed like she was going to a dinner party. She watched him happily and quietly sin in peace, and was happy too. There would always be a part of her that was in shock, disbelieving what she was seeing, that she was with Tommy Conlon, her brother's hero, MMA and Marine legend, neighborhood king, very private and virtually unknown to everyone. There he was, sitting across from her with gravy on his bottom lip, happily destroying his diet, and his feet were tangled with hers under the table.

He seemed to know what was behind her smile, and he winked at her, licking his lips.

"So…you want some strawberry pie there, tiger?" He smiled his adorable crooked grin, so belying his animal nature beneath the surface.

"Oh no. Not here." She smirked. "I got some pie for you."

"Oh yeah?" He grabbed her wrist and tugged gently. "What you mean, pie? Hmm?" His eyes were hot and darkening grey-if all humans were made of stardust, then Tommy was black holes and dark matter.

"Yeah, I can let you taste-test the product once we leave here." She stared back unflinchingly, but the heat was rising in her neck and face.

He bit his bottom lip. Oh God, she thought, he has to know what he's doing when he does that… "Yeah? Well I really can't wait, I got a real bad sweet tooth."

"Good," she relied, her voice strained. "Where's the fuckin' check?"

Lena drove the way she normally did-like a crazy east coast girl with no time left on Earth. Tommy was laughing, just a little scared but loving the fact that it was her sex drive pushing her past the speed limit and doing hairpin turns on a dime.

"You're gonna kill us Lena," he said, trying to smother his smile.

"No I won't," she growled, and pulled into the hotel swiftly and parked with deadly accuracy. "I know how to fuckin' drive. Uncle Vince took me and David to New York City one weekend and stopped the car in an alleyway, and told me and my brother we had to drive, all weekend. We both sorta knew how to drive but we picked it up real quick after that."

Tommy looked at her sideways, not really trying to hide his expression. "Well that explains everything."

Lena smiled sarcastically at him and stuck her tongue out, got out of the Jeep and came around to help him out-of course he waved her off.

"So you think we can get some more Crown from the desk?" Tommy walked beside her, looking down at their feet, her shiny black heels and his rugged black work boots.

"I don't know," she said, "I'll find out."

LATER-Tommy was already upstairs and Lena was putting in an order for more alcohol, and strawberry pie. She made her way to the elevator and ran into Colt there.

"Hey Uncle Colt," she smiled, going into his embrace.

"You comin' back with us, Lee?"

"No, I didn't book in time-"

"Aw bullshit. Gimme your info-"

"Everything is in the room."

"Good," said Colt, "I was headed up to see Tommy anyway."

Lena and Colt were the only ones in the elevator. She sighed and finally couldn't stand it any longer.

"So…Is Tommy gonna be OK?"

Colt took a long look at her. "He got big too fast. Put too much strain on his shoulder. I think if he really rests it for a week or two he'll be OK. Rivera broke his foot, did Tommy tell ya?" Colt laughed bitterly. "I swear it's the Conlon curse."

"What?" Lena looked confused.

Colt waved his hand at her dismissively. "No such thing…but really what are the odds? If that hadn't happened Tommy may not have gotten another fight until Sparta. No, he'll be OK, Lena. Just watch him, will ya? I know him, he'll push it as soon as it starts feelin' better and fuck it up worse."

Lena nodded and the elevator opened. "I got you Uncle Colt." She opened the door and found Tommy stretched out naked in bed, the sheet barely covering his hips.

"Oh for fuck's sake," Colt grumbled, looking away. Tommy didn't really make much of a move to cover up.

"I didn't know we were havin' a party," Tommy said sarcastically.

"I'm leaving," said Colt, "but first I wanted to tell you Kai from the UFC called to tell me they set you up with a physical therapist and doctor in the 'burgh. And you got a fight in three weeks with Victor Castanho."

Tommy just stared at him. "They pretty sure I'm gonna be all better by then huh?"

"Well you are, cuz you ain't steppin' foot in the gym, 'cept maybe to hit the stationary bike."

"OK boss."

Colt waved his arms up. "That's right. Lena gimme your flight info, I bet I can get it switched."

Lena passed him the paper she had everything written on. "Thanks Uncle Colt."

"Sure. I'll text you if can get it done. See you at 4AM. Goodnight." Colt slammed the door behind him. Lena laughed softly, looking over at Tommy's monstrous frame in bed, creamy skin with tinges of pink and the black ink everywhere, dark hair and gleaming greenish eyes, rounded muscles and hard edges everywhere.

"Does this mean you're mine now?" Lena started to pull the dress over her head, and there was a knock on the door.

"Nope," said Tommy. Lena struggled to get her dress untangled from her hair and arms, finally got it back down and smoothed out. She opened the door and her buddy the doorman was there with Crown, ice, coke, and two slices of strawberry pie. She winked conspiratorially at him, and he winked back. She slipped him a $20 and thanked him, shut the door and brought everything inside.

Lena winked at him and poured him some Crown over ice. "You ready?"


	39. Chapter 39 : Full Circle

"Fuck yes," Tommy said gruffly, taking the glass from her. "Thank you." And just like that he emptied the glass, rested back and sighed. "I feel like shit after eatin' that bad food but it was so fucking good."  
Lena laughed, mixing herself a drink. "Ah Tommy, it's just a mini-vacation now. You'll be back to chicken and broccoli before you know it." She sat on the edge of the bed and sipped her drink. Tommy gently put his hand on the glass and took it from her, downed that one as well. "Hey. That wasn't very nice."  
"Who said I was nice, doll." His lazy smile belied his killer growling voice. Lena made them another round and drank hers down just as fast. "What's on the tray over there?"  
She smiled at him. "Strawberry pie. But you can't have any until after the first round."  
Tommy's eyebrows went up. "You tryin' to tell me how it's gonna be?"  
"Yeah, last time I checked you're the patient, I'm the nurse. I'm in charge and you're gonna do what I say."  
He laughed mirthlessly. "Hell no, little girl. I don't think so." He pulled her down to him and kissed her. "Why you still in that dress?"  
"Good question…" Lena got off the bed long enough to take it off, slip out of the heels and stand before him naked. Tommy was tenting the sheet, glaring at her.  
"Come here, now."  
Lena shook her head, mixed another drink, his straight, hers with a splash of coke. The bottle was almost gone already. She felt tipsy but energized, standing by the bed and looking down at him. Did she have the energy to torture him? Tommy drained his glass, chewed on the ice while she worked on hers.  
"I don't know if I'm ready…"  
"I can get you there." Tommy slid his hand up her thigh, palmed her sex and rubbed gently. "Come here."  
Lena was urged forward by his fingers, and mounted his hips. She couldn't help but grind on his hand.  
"Higher." He curled his fingers inside her and tugged up a little, and she felt that manic ecstasy beginning as he massaged her g spot. "Higher."  
Lena was holding onto the headboard now, and his face was between her thighs.  
"That's it," he growled, and pushed her hips down so she was almost sitting on his face. Lena grabbed the headboard and her thighs shook as Tommy tongued her, sucked and pulled at her, the strokes of his lips firm and unending. She cried out from his blend of ferocity and sweetness, she couldn't see straight-his fingers dragged in and out of her, his sucking mouth swallowing her whole and his tongue massaging her clit all at the same time. She looked down in to his hungry eyes watching her and she broke into a million pieces, like hot glass shattering. Tears streamed down her face, the pleasure was almost pain.  
Tommy slid out from under her and quickly was on his knees behind her, negotiating the position to run the entire length of his cock into her with one swift movement. She felt speared, impaled, immobile, and Tommy was silent as he grinded inside her, rubbing himself inside her, massaging the walls of her sex to make some room for himself.  
"Ahhh!" Lena pressed her cheek against the headboard, seeking support as her legs began to fail. Tommy went to work, steadying himself with his right hand on her hip, and thrusted hard against her tight little sex, getting bathed in the same juices that were all over his face as she came all over again. He relentlessly battered her, and she was slipping helplessly down onto the bed-he jackknifed her against the headboard, holding on to whatever he could grab one-handed and cussing loudly, not wanting to stop. He fell back, pulling her with him, and she was sitting reversed on top of him, and he was trying to get a deep breath while she was dazed and drenched. She couldn't help but move, slowly rotating and sliding all over him, she felt stretched and hot and full of him.  
"Oh fuck," Tommy growled, and Lena knew she had to be doing something right. His hand was in her hair, clawed down her back and grabbed her hip. "Don't you fucking stop." She worked down on him in harder circles, slow and easy. Sweat dripped off her nose and chin onto the sheet; she opened her eyes to watch his toes curling up as he groaned low in his throat. Suddenly he was rolling her over, still inside her and now on top again, and she was overwhelmed by his vicious attack- so strong even one-armed, and she felt it before he could even warn her as he detonated, exploded, burst apart inside her, all over her, cursing and crying out like it hurt. He rolled off her and layed there, helpless and gasping, and she couldn't move for the moment, wasn't even going to try.  
"Tommy…" She reached out for him, and he held her hand against his chest with his bandaged hand. "Are you really mine…?" she whispered. She watched a smile break out on his wet face, his eyes still closed.  
"Do you really want me?" He turned his head towards her and opened his eyes. Lena could see the sadness there. "Sometimes I can't believe you're really here. That this is really happenin'. And what we need to do when we get back. My pop…" He closed his eyes again. She knew it was weighing on him more than he let on. Lena rolled onto her side and kissed his mouth, his cheek, rested her face against his.  
"We'll figure it out. It's gonna be OK." Her whisper in his ear raised gooseflesh all over him. "What we need to do is to try and get some sleep tonight-the flight is so long, it sucks." She remembered then that Colt was going to try to get her on their flight, and she hopped out of bed and went to get her phone. Tommy laughed softly and grabbed the sheet to cover himself. Lena had two text messages, one from Cal and one from Colt- "Hey bitch, what time you gonna be back, I'm coming to get you!" and Colt's- "Be ready at 4, lady."  
"YES!" she said out loud, and text Colt back, "Thanks Unc!"  
"What?" asked Tommy, wrapped in a sheet and still looking wet.  
"Colt got me on the same flight as you!"  
He flashed his greenish eyes at her. "Great so I gotta put up with you the whole flight?"  
Lena threw a little couch pillow at him. "You mean I gotta put up with you!" She wanted to run and jump on him, but instead flipped him off and went into the bathroom.  
"We just did that," Tommy called out.  
When she came out, he was taking his meds and polishing off the bottle of Crown.  
"First off, that's not safe at all. Second, hey. You could've waited. You know, sharing means caring." She threw another couch pillow at him, and he jumped off the bed and came after her-she was squealing and attempting to flee when suddenly he had her on the couch in a mock rear chokehold, face down in the couch cushions. "Tommy…your shoulder."  
Tommy scoffed. Letting go of her and at the same time resting more of his weight on her, he began tickling her mercilessly, making her squeak and buck against him to try and get away.  
"Stop STOP PLEASE I'm BEGGING YOU TOMMY!"  
He was laughing now too, enjoying the torture he was inflicting on her. Lena almost knocked him clean off the couch and he had to catch himself on the coffee table using his hurt arm, and it was enough to stop him cold.  
"Are you OK?" She was still trapped under his weight and couldn't move.  
"Mmm," Tommy growled, "s'my fault." He climbed off her and pulled her up to her feet. She clung to him, kissing him, her skin against his, and she realized how addicted she was to that magic feeling being with him gave her. Tommy held her, leaning down to give some back to her, and she wanted him all over again.  
"How could I ever get tired of you…" Her passion ran hot against his immovable physique. She bit into his neck almost too hard, ran her mouth down along the thick band of muscle to his collarbone.  
"Give it time," he breathed, his hand running slowly down her side to her hip. Lena kissed his chest, his tats there, mouthing the numbers in a whisper as she kissed, "1338046". She was ignoring his comment, working her way down, until she was on her knees on the parquet floor in front of him, leaving him gasping as she skillfully, demandingly worked him in her mouth and hands. She had only seen something so perfect in a dream once-she looked up and saw past a forest of muscle and skin into dark eyes only hinting at color, the intensity that was pent up for so long burning back at her. The bandage was coming undone again and the cloth caressed her face as she glided down and sucked upwards. She ran her nails up his legs, rubbed the hard muscles of his thighs, and he felt like he was going to fall any moment, his legs were trembling and he had nothing to hold onto.  
"Lena….Lena…" he was trying to pull her up, but she was relentless-finally when she felt his leg giving way she abruptly quit. "The pills…"  
"Come on Tommy," she said softly, taking his hand. He almost stumbled to follow her in, and she sat him on the bed to re-wrap his arm and shoulder. He watched her, looking almost sorry for her.  
"You're gonna get tired," he said softly. "You should let me do it."  
"Next time." Lena finished up, kissed his forehead and stood up, and Tommy grabbed her and held onto her for dear life with his good arm.  
"No matter what happens," he said, "just remember I love you with everythin' I got."  
She looked down at him quizzically, but he kept his face hidden, tucked sideways, his cheek against her belly.  
"I will…Tommy…?"  
He looked up at her, looked away. "Shut off the lights, hmm? Gotta sleep." With that he rolled into bed, and she went to flip any light switches they had left on. She started to program her phone's alarm, the blue light illuminating her in the pitch black room. "I set an alarm already….c'mere."  
Lena did it anyway, set it for 3AM. She felt so strange-he was apologizing for things not gone wrong yet, and she was at the edge of feeling sad about their little vacation ending, and excited about getting back to work and school, knowing that nothing was going to be the same again after tonight.  
Getting into bed she was welcomed by the soft heat of Tommy's body, the rise and fall of his steady breaths. Wrapped in his arm and nestled against his chest she drifted into a haze of sleep, never going very deep as her nerves wouldn't allow it. The night stole away their time, she knew the morning was coming soon and would not be very forgiving.  
"I love you," she whispered out loud, sometime in between sleep and wake states, unaware of time itself. Rough sandy cheeks and chin rubbed against her skin and she felt his dry lips kissing her forehead and nose.  
"I love you too," came the sleepy response-Tommy couldn't let go either, he was being kept awake by the tumult of his emotion, his nagging worry and fear, his elation at possibly having a somewhat normal life with the one person who dared to carry a lantern deep into his darkness and refuse to leave. His father, his injury, the fact that her life would intersect with his and his inability to deal with people very well might spill over into hers-disruption on both sides. But he was a warrior, when he made his mind up he saw it through, no matter what the cost, and he knew there was going to be sacrifices made on both parts. He knew what he wanted and she was all he could see. He snuggled her up so she was wrapped inside the circle his body made for her, his arm rested comfortably on his side and hip, and he finally drifted off with her for a brief walk through the clouds of shared consciousness, where there were no troubles, no worries, just the peace of their union.


	40. Chapter 40: Long Road Home

Time was irrelevant-Lena awoke to Tommy struggling behind her to push her over a little, enough to slip inside her from behind, his body bearing down on her, trapping her against the mattress. His arm was desperately wound around her, and finally she ended up on her belly and arching her back with Tommy grinding deep inside her, his cheek pressed against her shoulder, his body gasping and hitching as he worked. Lena cried out into the pillow, her voice rough and broken, and his arm came around in between her neck and shoulder as he roughly pistoned his body into hers.  
"Fuck!" His voice was a scratchy whisper, and he was slipping off her-Lena quickly broke free, pushed him onto his back and mounted him, her body taking all of him to the hilt. Tommy cussed some more, his hand clamping on her hip so he could try to control the pace, but Lena resisted. She had other ideas.  
"Ah Tommy…no no." She slowly made circles on him, changed how fast and deep, refused his slippery grasping tries at making it a hit-and-run. He jumped a little when he felt her hand on his balls as she reached back and caressed him, and he felt an electric chill and started relaxing back a little.  
"OK…it's your show," he growled, letting go of her so she could do what she wanted.  
"That's right," she whispered, twisting her hips on him in a figure 8, making him gasp, then bouncing on him hard and fast, then slowing down again so she could lean forward and take his mouth with hers. The sweat that was all over them made it harder to hold onto him, she felt like she was going to slip right off. Tommy sounded louder than he ever did, maybe it was the room so dark and quiet, maybe he was just hurting since he hadn't finished earlier, Lena didn't care-it sounded so sexy, his rough voice rising and falling in cries and curses, growls and whimpers, she found herself crushing her clit against his pelvis, closer and closer to the edge every moment, until she burst into an intense shuddering orgasm, out of control and so wet-she was bearing down and flexing around him so tight he yelled her name. Exhausted but not done, she wound herself around him until she was backwards and she could ride him harder, deeper, faster. Tommy sounded like he was stifling a scream and it was almost over, his hand a death-grip on her thigh as he held her in a tight seal to his hips, and she felt him spasming inside her, emptying out and holding his breath at the same time.  
"Damn damn got damn," he yelled in a whisper, falling back on the pillows. Lena slowly disengaged, stealing a look at the clock-2:15 AM. "Lena….fuck…"  
She fell in beside him, her drenched body against his. "Tommy, close your eyes and sleep for a little."  
"Ohmyholyfuckjesuschrist," he muttered, still so out of breath. "I'll try."  
She smiled against his cheek, kissed him softly. The alarm was going off in 45 minutes.  
SURE ENOUGH, the horrible racket began in stereo as both their phones sounded off. Both Lena and Tommy hopped off the bed, Tommy cussing in frustration and pain, Lena snapping on a lamp, blinded and eyes glues shut. She staggered up and headed to the bathroom to take care of business-Tommy came in, totally ignoring her trying to pee and turned on the shower. His arm was unwrapped and he was naked except for his ink. Lena got up and he took his turn-they ended up in the shower together, numbly scrubbing each other's backs and taking turns rinsing off. They still hadn't said a word to each other, just did what they had to and got out.  
They dressed and started packing up, Lena helping Tommy as much as she could since he was fighting against himself to not use his left arm at all. When everything was collected and packed, she set all the bags by the door. He sat on the edge of the bed, swallowing pills.  
"You should just wrap it baby," she whispered, finally breaking the silence. His puffy red tired eyes met hers, and he smirked a little.  
"Ya help me?"  
Lena smiled. She knew she looked awful but it didn't matter. "Sure."  
Tommy sat and let her wrap him up, help him slip it in the sling. "Thank you." He kissed the top of her head, and she climbed up on him, in his lap, locking her legs around him and kissing him. He moaned low in his throat, his rough stubble scratching and heating up her skin as he kissed her back. His dark hair had started to dry, it was falling almost in his eyes, and she tugged it at the back of his head.  
"Oh don't you fuckin' do that," he growled. She opened her eyes and saw the color changing in his eyes.  
"I'm sorry," she said softly, but then noticed his toothy smile.  
"It has to wait til we get home," he said. "You're all mine, doll. I'm gonna have you every night to myself."  
Lena broke out in a wide grin. "I know, when are we gonna sleep?"  
"When I can't take it anymore." He kissed her again, soft and sweet. There was a loud knock on the door. "That's it, time's up."  
Lena opened the door to a hyped up Colt. "Alright you kids ready? Come on Lena, gimme your keys, I'll pull the car up front." He took the keys and pushed a luggage cart into the room that already had a carry-on and a suitcase on it. "Get your shit on there and come on."  
Lena and Tommy made their way downstairs and to the lobby, loaded up the Jeep and Colt gave Lena the driver's seat, hopping in the passenger side.  
"Where's the nearest gas station," she said. "I need coffee."  
"Yeah, me too." Tommy yawned like a drowsy tiger in the backseat.  
"Down the street over here, but hurry up, we can't be late."  
"We won't, Uncle Colt, I promise."  
An hour later they were in Flagstaff. Tommy had fallen asleep, Colt had found a classic rock radio station earlier to try to help keep Lena focused on their dark drive to the airport, but he had started drifting off too. Lena had guzzled her coffee and a Red Bull, so when they pulled into Flagstaff Pulliam airport she had to pee so bad it hurt.  
Colt and Tommy waited outside Hertz with a luggage cart for Lena to come out of the bathroom and turn in the Jeep. Security checkpoint, check-in, everything was mindless and everyone was exhausted and not very talkative, but Tommy had fallen deadly silent and Lena knew it was anxiety and worry- he refused to speak except for one or two monotonous words.  
Finally on the plane. Lena had a seat across the aisle from Cole and Tommy, who were sitting near the window. She saw Colt give Tommy a pill, the two of them whispered for a brief moment, then the exchange was over. She pretended not to notice, even as Tommy shot her a brief wary look. Lena closed her eyes and rested back in her seat. The flight to Phoenix was short, and the layover in Phoenix lasted a little over an hour. At last they boarded the plane that would take them home. Lena had talked to Cal while they were in Phoenix to make sure he would be there to pick everybody up.  
"Of course, bitch. See you at 3:30!"  
A little over four hours later, they were home, back in the 'burgh. Cal was waiting at the terminal for them, and he had never looked so happy. Lena could see the dark circles around his tired blue eyes-this had been pretty rough for him.  
"Thank fucking God you people are home!" He grabbed Lena and swung her around. "Your mom and Rita are home cooking for you guys. Come on, let's get the fuck out of here!"  
After they collected all the bags and suitcases, they piled into the Ridgeline and headed out.  
"So Cal, you take care of the place while I was gone right?!" Colt sounded like he was going to kill him but he smiled like an idiot kid.  
"Yeah Uncle Colt, I did the best I could. Besides the little fire incident-"  
"Ah that wasn't your fault anyway…fuckin' electricians, I think I'm just gonna get my cousin Johnny to fix shit from now on…never had a problem with him. What about the bills, Vince help you out OK on those?"  
"Oh yeah. Vince helped a lot. You can look everything over when you get in. Left it all out on the desk for you."  
"Alright. Wait, who's runnin' the joint now?"  
"Henry's covering til I- I mean you get back."  
Lena sat in the back with Tommy, half-listening to everything. She could see Tommy's mind racing behind his eyes, still he didn't say a word. It wasn't until Cal dropped him off at his townhouse that Tommy addressed her.  
"Lee…I know you got other shit to do…but can you pick me up here in a little bit, so we can do some searchin'?" His eyes were so blue in the sunlight.  
"Yeah Tommy, of course. You should come by for dinner at my mom's too." He nodded in agreement, and they kissed briefly and he grabbed his bag. He argued with Cal for a moment about dragging his suitcase to the front door, but in the end he was grateful. Lena waved at him as they drove off.  
"Wow, Uncle Colt…he was ready to fight. That sucks." Cal shook his head and Lena yawned loudly.  
"Yeah…it sucks. But it's gonna be OK, I ain't givin' up on him." Colt sighed. "He's not done yet."  
"He's determined enough. He won't lay down and die." Lena was messing with her phone, and looked up to see Cal watching her from the rear-view mirror.  
"Yeah…and he's got you to help him, support him." Cal smiled at her.  
"Yeah, that's what I was tellin' her, keep being there for him, he needs her." Colt laughed. "He doesn't really listen to me, but he listens to her."  
"Keep talkin' about me like I'm not here Uncle Colt," Lena laughed and socked his shoulder.  
"Hey! You know what I mean, Tommy has issues man. He doesn't say much but I know how pissed off he is. If I tell him go right, he goes left," Colt shook his head. "Most of the time I leave him alone. The other trainers in lab were frustrated with him because he listened to them until it was time to spar, and then he did his own thing. But because he's a powerhouse and implemented a lot of what he was taught they never dropped him. He's very instinctual."  
Lena smiled. "Yes he is."  
Cal groaned, rolling his eyes. "OK let's get you home Lee, I don't like that sick smile on your face."  
At Lena's apartment, Cal helped her drag her stuff inside.  
"You and me, we got some catching up to do. You come to the gym tomorrow first thing in the morning?"  
Lena smiled and embraced him. "Yeah Cal, if the time changes I'll let you know."  
"Well shit, we don't have much time before spring break is over, and it's back to school. And I know you weren't working out while you were gone. At least what I got in mind." Cal winked at her. "I gotta get Colt to the gym, I'll see you later?"  
"Yeah, Mom's at 7, right?"  
Cal shrugged. "Everyone's coming to my house tonight I guess. See you there." Lena thought it was strange. Usually her mom held events because her kitchen and dining area was bigger, but maybe it was time for a change of scenery. She set about unpacking, throwing all her dirty clothes in a laundry basket, putting everything back where it belonged. She knew she was going to have to clean out her fridge too, and that really didn't sound like something she wanted to get to right away.  
The phone started ringing about 20 minutes later-it was Tommy.  
"Hey, I missed you too," she said.  
"Hey. Can you get over here as soon as possible, please? I think I know where Pop's hiding out."  
"Yeah. Have you heard from Brendan?"  
"No. He's back in Philly today anyway. Couldn't take more time off work, they already had their spring break there."  
"He still teaches, wow. Thought he'd be doing something else." Lena found her car keys and grabbed her purse.  
"Yeah, he loves it, what do I know…"  
"OK I'm on my way."  
Tommy had her driving all over town. He was sure he was at the mission, he was sure he was at a friend's house. The later it got, the less sure Tommy was of anything. He sat next to her in the car looking totally dejected. The bright warm sunshine was quickly fading to a beautiful sunset, and they sat in her car in the back lot of the VFW, where everything had begun for them three months ago. It felt like three years with all they'd been through.  
"Well…" Lena sighed.  
"Yeah I know. We gotta get to Cal's house. Fuck this, I was sure I knew where he was." Tommy was pissed, quiet and still. The worst kind of anger.  
"Maybe we should skip it-"  
"No way. You need to go see your mom, I ain't holdin' you back from that."  
"Well at least we know he's not there, I know you thought Rita was hiding him-"  
"Yeah, I still haven't given up on that." Tommy sighed. "At least she probably knows where he is. I told Brendan to go talk to her, but he just ignored me like he always does."  
Lena pulled out of the lot and headed to Cal's house. There were already three cars there, and Lena knew Vince and Sarah were there with Vince's big black gangster car out front. Tommy sighed, tried to relax a little. His anxiety was already through the roof.  
She shut the car off and looked him over. He watched her, looking at her sideways, clutching his hurt arm to his chest.  
"You sure you want to go in?"  
Tommy sighed. "Yeah. I can handle it."  
"Not the answer I was looking for…but OK." She kissed his temple, his cheek, and he turned his head to catch her lips for a long, lingering, chaste kiss.  
"Love you Lena," he rasped, and knocked her forehead with his. She laughed out loud, rubbing the spot.  
"Ow! You're crazy." She got out of the car and came around as Tommy got out too.  
"Fuck yeah I am." He took her hand and they walked to the door together. Cal opened the door, laughing about something that was going on inside.  
"Hey you two, come on in."  
Rita, Vince, and Sarah were sitting at the table, playing cards. Cal and Senna looked busy outside with a BBQ grill, arguing whether the burgers were done or not. Rita looked up at Tommy, smiled briefly and looked down again, seemingly preoccupied with her cards, while Sarah and Vince stood and hugged Tommy and Lena.  
"Christ girl, you couldn't have come back at a more perfect time!" Vince was happy and drinking wine. "Things sucked. Two kids walked out-"  
"Who?!" Lena sat down next to him and watched Tommy lean down to Rita and whisper in her ear. She watched Rita turn white.  
"That fuckin' troublemaker Karina and her friend that just started-"  
"Lisa."  
"Yeah, that one. Oh well, who gives a damn anyway," he grumbled, throwing back the rest of his wine. "You're back now, that's all that matters."  
"Everything else OK?" Lena watched Rita get up and follow Tommy to the kitchen, and she started freaking out but was trying to stay calm.  
Vince sighed, stared at Lena and leaned across the table. "Cal was drivin' me nuts. He wasn't ready for that much responsibility. He did good though, poor kid. Colt just kinda threw him in there-"  
And as if by magic Cal appeared beside them. "Hey you guys want a burger or a brat?"  
Lena laughed, grabbed his face and kissed his cheek. "I missed you!" She abruptly stood up and went outside to her mom, who hugged her tight, laughing out loud.  
"Hey Mom, I missed you…are you doing OK?" Lena pulled back to have a look at her.  
Senna was all smiles. "Yeah I'm great. Rita and I have been spending a lot of time together. It's been good." She reached into her apron pocket and handed Lena a rumpled piece of paper. It was a letter from David, and the only words she saw were… "coming home the end of August." Lena jumped up and own and whooped for joy.  
"When did you get this?"  
"Yesterday…I wanted to tell you but," Senna laughed, "you're not the only one who likes to surprise people."  
Lena was ecstatic, almost forgetting about Tommy and Rita in the kitchen. "Mom…what's going on with Rita? Something's up."  
Senna instantly looked guilty. "It's Paddy. He's a mess, Lena-"  
"I know, Tommy's having a heart attack trying to find him."  
"Well…he can stop looking."  
"Mom, what's going on?"  
Senna sighed. "Uh, Rita brought him to our house." And she shrugged.  
"Mom, you're hiding him? Do you realize how bad that is?"  
"Shh, will you just quiet down? He needed to dry out somewhere safe, and Rita was afraid he was going back to jail-"  
"Mom he will if he doesn't show up, his P.O. has been hunting him down, Tommy has been going nuts!"  
"Alright, I'm sorry, OK? Rita asked me to do it, she loves him Lena. She can't help it, she has for a long time and she was hoping he would straighten out for her-"  
"Mom, you know as well as I do that shit never works, he couldn't quit to save his own family-"  
"I know that, and I tried to tell her that. But she thinks he still has one more chance, and she wants to help him. I can't tell her what to do, she's been my best friend since high school. What would you do?"  
Lena sighed, rubbing her face exasperatedly. Just then Cal burst through the screen door, looking frantic.  
"Lena! Tommy took off!" As Lena approached the back door in a run, Cal grabbed her arm. "What the hell is going on?"  
"Ask our moms!" Lena called back, running out the front door. Tommy was gone already. "Goddammit!" She didn't stop, kept running at full tilt to her mom's house. By the time she got there Tommy was already inside, and she could hear loud male voices coming out of the townhome. Senna's elderly neighbor opened the door and saw Lena running up the steps.  
"Hey quiet it down or I'm callin' the cops!" yelled the little old man.  
"OK, OK," Lena huffed, going inside and slamming the door behind her. She found Tommy and Paddy in the kitchen nose to nose, yelling at each other.  
"Fuck you you motherfucker I had Lena all over town lookin' for you, the fuck you think this is, tiddlywinks?!"  
"I ain't takin' any shit off you Tommy, not til you show me some goddamn respect for once!"  
"Respect? Oh you want my respect? Don't you see what you're doin'? I can't move an inch without wonderin' what the fuck you're gonna do next! You're s'posed to be doin' what the courts want, so you don't get into trouble no more! Instead of runnin' around town and actin' up like you're a teenager!"  
"I'm where I need to be. I haven't had a drink in days-"  
"Woohoo, some fuckin' record there." Tommy rubbed his forehead, exasperated. He looked over at Lena, his eyes blazing with rage. "Did you know about this too?!"  
Lena held her hands up. She was still out of breath and pouring sweat. "I just found out too Tommy."  
He glared at her for a moment, then looked back at Paddy, who was now taking a seat at the kitchen table. He looked like a very tired old man.  
"OK Pop. You wanna pull this shit, fine. These are two older women you're fuckin' around with, they can't hold you back from the next bender. What if you lose your shit on them huh? Have you thought about that?"  
"I'm tellin' you Tommy, I don't want to drink, don't want to run. Can you just let me do what I feel I need to, so I can handle this myself?"  
Tommy shook his head, narrowing his eyes. "You've proven it to me many times that you can't do this on your own. You need a doctor –"  
"Fuck doctors, fuck rehab, and fuck you too if you can't figure it out." Paddy was quiet and resolved. "I got a doc Rita wants to send me to. I'm goin' next week. I'm tired, Tommy. Sick of doin' it everyone else's way. I wanna do it my way. I did it before…" He looked hard and long at his son. "I can do it again."  
Tommy heard what Paddy didn't say, and he looked down, sighing.  
"OK, well…if you're such a big boy then you can handle your P.O. and everythin' else. You comin' home ever?"  
Paddy sighed. "Yeah. When I'm ready. You home for good now?"  
"Yeah, until Sparta in six weeks."  
Paddy shook his head. "Your shoulder won't be healed by then."  
Tommy looked resolutely at his father. "Maybe not. But for Sparta it will be."  
"Son, don't destroy your shoulder for the money. You know the other fighters will focus on it."  
Tommy waved his comments away. He wasn't interested in what Lena knew was the truth. "Alright Pop…so this is it, huh? You gonna call Bren?"  
Paddy nodded. "I'll make all the calls tomorrow."  
Tommy stared at him for a long time, then turned on his heel and strode out. Lena followed behind, briefly waving at Paddy, who waved back, watching them leave.  
She had a hard time keeping up with Tommy. "Hey slow down-"  
"No. I won't slow down. I'm goin' home. Don't follow me." He turned right down the next street and she stopped, watching him walk in blind fury away from her.


	41. Chapter 41 : Lost Without You

Lena wasn't sure if she should chase Tommy, or just go back to Rita's. She stood on the corner as the streetlights came on, watched him until he was far from her. He never looked back. She finally decided to head back to Rita's. By the time she made it there everyone had already eaten, Rita had gone upstairs to her room, and Vince and Sarah were getting ready to leave.  
"Hey kid," Vince took her in his arms as she began to cry a little, the stress always made her tear up. "Look it's gonna be OK. You come back to the restaurant tomorrow whenever you're ready, awright? Tommy's a hothead, he needs some space."  
Cal was standing nearby. "I swear to God I didn't know Lee. Been so busy I haven't been sleeping-"  
"Kid, you didn't come home at all the first three days, y'slept there at the gym!" Vince shook his head, and looked back at Lena. "Get somethin' to eat and go home, OK? Listen to your Uncle Vince. Don't be mad at Rita or your mom."  
Sarah and Vince left. Lena found her mom in the kitchen washing dishes.  
"Mom…"  
"I know. I'm sorry, love." She dried her hands on the dishtowel. "I feel like I should have told you, and I made the wrong call. Tommy probably hates us all now, huh?"  
"He'll calm down." But Lena wasn't sure. "Look Mom…I'm sorry but I'm exhausted. I'm gonna head home. Sorry the night was a bust." She hugged her mom tight and headed for the door. She found Cal outside sitting on her car, and he looked like he was smoking.  
"Hey, what the fuck you doin'?"  
Cal tried to pass her what she realized was a joint. "Here, you really should hit this."  
"No thanks, you know how stupid I get on that shit. Where did you get it?"  
Cal smiled as the smoke curled around his face and head under the streetlight. "Henry. God bless him. I've been saving this for tonight, I need to relax and get some sleep and I think this'll do the trick."  
"Damn it's stinky," Lena laughed, waving the smoke away. "I'm going home, Cal, I can't take anymore, I'm running on very little sleep-"  
"Yeah and who's fault is that?" Cal tittered. "Yeah OK, can't blame ya. I'll see you in the morning, right?"  
She hugged Cal tight, kissed his cheek. "Yep. Love ya."  
"Love you too Lee." He watched her get in the car, then poked his head in her window. "I really am sorry."  
"You smell like a skunk Cal, get out my window!" Lena laughed, waving him away.  
"Yeah an' I'm HUNGRY as FUCK!" His deep voice echoed in the street. They laughed together, and then Lena left him standing there as she drove away, waving goodbye. She sighed heavily, knowing she was going to be alone for the night and not sure how to feel about it. She headed into her dark apartment, grabbed her laundry basket and tossed her clothes in the washer in the hallway laundry room. She found her school books and dusted them off to brush up on a few things, but couldn't focus. The fridge was still nasty but there had to be something in there-she was scrounging around when she heard her cellphone ringing in her purse, and she scrambled to answer it.  
"Lena?"  
"Yes, who's this?"  
"It's Brendan, Brendan Conlon?"  
"Oh, hello…"  
"I know you're wondering why I'm calling you. Sorry to bother you, but I can't get ahold of Tommy. He messaged me that he found Pop, but now he won't answer his phone, and…I got your number from Cal. Do you know where Tommy is?"  
Lena sighed. "No, Brendan, I really don't. I'm assuming he's home…"  
"Well I'm on my way there, I'll be there in about three hours-"  
Lena looked at the clock-8:55. Damn the day was over already.  
"Do you know where he found Pop?"  
She laughed softly. "Well, you're not gonna believe this, but…" She told him everything, the whole story that she had heard and seen. Brendan was so quiet she wasn't sure if he was still there.  
"Hello?"  
"I, uh, I'm still here…just a little shocked. He was right under my nose the whole time, I can't believe it."  
"Yeah. Yep. And it had to be my mom and Cal's mom…but you have to know Cal didn't know about it, he would've called you…"  
Brendan cleared his throat. "Well I hope so. But I know he was really busy over at Colt's, I went to see him a couple times. He was goin' crazy. So…Tommy's pissed at you right now, he won't answer if you call. Maybe we should go over there together, what do you think?"  
Lena sighed. "I don't know Brendan, I think he'll be even more pissed if we show up together, you know?"  
"Ah, maybe you're right. Tommy's pissed no matter what so…I guess it really doesn't matter now anyway. Well you have my number now, so if you hear anything from him here in the next few hours would you mind letting me know?"  
"Sure, no problem. I'm really sorry-"  
"Don't be, it's not your fault. This is so crazy, I don't know what to do anymore…"  
Lena smiled ruefully. "Me either. Good luck. If I hear anything I'll get ahold of you."  
"Thanks a lot, Lena."  
They hung up. Lena felt she may have betrayed Tommy somehow, but couldn't be too concerned with it as she was still starving and not thinking correctly. She was about to give up and head to the store when she found a frozen pizza in the freezer. Spinach and artichoke, she thought, yum yum.  
It was around 11 or so when her phone started ringing again. She had taken her applied economics book and laptop to bed with her and was dozing off in a haze of stats and graphs and random numbers when she was jolted awake.  
"Hello?"  
Silence, then, "Hey." It was Tommy.  
"Hi." She waited for his next words before she started with a barrage of questions.  
"Look…I know you didn't do anything wrong. Shouldn'ta taken it out on you." He cleared his throat. She could tell he'd been drinking. "I'm sorry."  
Lena cleared the computer and book off her lap and sat up. "Where are you Tommy?"  
He laughed softly. "Funny you're not the only one who wants to know. Actually I'm headin' your way."  
"Oh yeah?" Lena had gotten out of bed and was looking out her window. There was a light rain falling and there was no one out on the street.  
"Yep, just took a long walk. Was across the river havin' a few drinks. So I'm walkin' home, thought I'd come see ya."  
"Tommy how far are you? It's raining!"  
"Ha ha, I know, I know. I dunno, couple miles I guess."  
"I'm coming to get you. What are the street names?"  
Tommy laughed loudly. "You worry too much. I'll be OK, Lena."  
It took her a while but she finally got it out of him- he was a lot further than a couple miles away. Across the river was already at least six miles away, and he had to be at least four miles from her apartment. She sped off in his direction, into a horrible neighborhood she wouldn't go into in broad daylight, and found Tommy wandering up the street like it wasn't raining and he couldn't possibly get mugged. She pulled up alongside him and threw the door open.  
"GET IN!" she yelled, and Tommy burst into peals of giggles.  
"Wow you're really serious huh?" He fell into the car, soaking wet. "Thanks babe!" He tried to kiss her and she pulled away.  
"Tommy…what the hell, you crazy walking around here!" She was speeding off and Tommy as still laughing.  
"No one's gonna fuck with me, c'mon." He put his hands up, and Lena realized then that he wasn't wearing the sling.  
"Where's your sling Tommy?"  
"I dunno, think I lost it back at the bar-"  
"Shit," she spat. "Where's the bar?"  
Tommy was shaking his head. "We ain't goin' back there…I got tossed out for fightin', they don't wanna see me no more." And he laughed again.  
"Goddammit Tommy." Lena was speeding, and she knew it was late and the cops would pull her over in a heartbeat if she didn't slow down. Just then her phone started ringing-she knew it had to be Brendan. She made no move to answer it and Tommy watched her, a silly smile on his face.  
"You gonna answer that?"  
Lena shot him a look. "It's probably your brother, he's been looking for you."  
"Oh yeah?" He grabbed her phone and answered it. "Yeah, hello…yeah it's me…nope Brendan I found him and he doesn't wanna come home, so…I tried that…what the fuck you comin' out here for?...oh great, well you can turn yourself right back around, I don't need your fuckin' help."  
Lena pushed him, not hard but enough to make a point since it was his bad shoulder.  
"Ow, what the fuck? Look I'm almost home, so…yeah fine, fine, but it'll have to be in the mornin', you can crash in Pop's bed, I'm goin' to Lena's-," and he leaned over and winked at her. She shook her head slowly. "OK well I'll be there to let you in here in a minute." He hung up on Brendan and handed her the phone. "Can you take me home for a sec?"  
Lena sighed. "Yeah, sure."  
Brendan was waiting outside the townhome. The rain had stopped for a moment and the air smelled of wet concrete and humidity. Lena sat in the car as she had on short shorts, a spaghetti strap tank, and bunny slippers. She waved at Brendan as he and Tommy had an exchange outside, and then Tommy was coming back down the stairs as Brendan went inside and shut the door.  
"Thank you," Tommy said, kissing her cheek as he shut the car door. Lena didn't move a muscle, not even to drive. "What?"  
"Tommy I really don't know what to do here, I feel like telling you to get out and go home-"  
"I will if you want me to." He suddenly looked like a wounded animal.  
"But it's not that easy, is it? This whole thing has been crazy today, and I hate that you turn on me too when I had nothing to do with it-"  
"I know," he said softly, cutting her off. "And I'm sorry. I just…I needed some time to get my shit together."  
"And drinking at a bar is getting your shit together? You could just talk to me you know, or find another way to blow off some steam instead of getting into a fight." She didn't realize she was on the verge of yelling. Tommy was fishing in his pocket for a bottle of pills that he produced and took one with a bottle of water he found in the console. Lena shook her head. "Gotta stop all this shit Tommy."  
He sat in silence beside her, his eyes fixed on her. She wasn't sure what he was thinking and at that point she didn't care. He had to know she cared about him, he had to know she worried about him. Was it ever going to matter?  
"I told you, I'm sorry. You know what, have a good night, I'm sorry I bothered you." He was getting out of the car when Lena yanked him by his shirt and he lost his balance, falling back into the seat.  
"Fuck you Tommy, get in the car. You're coming with me." Before he had a chance to get out she started driving, and the car door shut on its own. Tommy sat beside her, pissed all over again. "You can be as pissed as you want, you're not walking away from me twice in one day."  
Tommy didn't say another word, just sat quietly as she made the short drive back to her place. He followed her upstairs to her apartment, silent and brooding, still intoxicated and getting worse now that the pills he took were kicking in.  
"You need anything, water, coffee…?" Lena stood in the kitchen, watching Tommy move around her living room. He was headed to the bathroom, and he turned to look back at her. She hated that he could still look so inscrutable at times, and she could not read him. And she hated that she still had to try.  
"No, thank you." He closed the door and Lena wanted to cry in frustration. Was it ever going to be somewhat normal? Or was this their normal? She refused to let the tears fall. Tommy came out in just his boxers, and despite everything else, Lena just stared. His skin was shiny with the rainwater that had soaked through his clothes, and he raked his fingers through his wet hair. He caught her staring and he almost smirked. "You gotta towel anywhere I can use?"  
It took her a moment to process what he had said, and then she was pulling a folded towel from the laundry basket. It was still warm from the dryer and she held it to her face for a moment as she approached him to hand it to him. Tommy winked at her and rubbed his face with it. Lena stared at him, her eyebrow cocked.  
"You know, I really hope you don't think your Conlon charm is gonna work for you every time."  
"Oh I already know…but uh, where am I crashin'?"  
Lena smiled. "Really…you're kidding, right?" She gestured to her room. "Where would you like to stay, the couch?"  
"Hell no," he said in a huff and grabbed her up in his arms, "I wanna be all over you." He swallowed Lena's lips whole, pushed them open and his tongue was inside, warm and wet and stinging of whisky. Her body reacted despite her wallowing feelings of frustration and hurt-she was no match against his fierce passion for her. "Come to bed with me," he whispered, pushing his hips against her so she could feel him hard against her.  
"Oh God Tommy, this isn't fair," she sighed, walking backwards with him pushing her towards the bed.  
"Nope," he said softly, and fell on her in the darkness. Her bed was squeaking already. "Need to get a new bed." Lena was reaching for him in the dark, found the place where her hand fit right inside his boxers to grasp that stiff heavy pole- velvety soft skin, the head wetting already with excitement. Tommy moaned in his throat, pulled her shirt up so he could find her warm breasts to feast on, kissing and nipping-Lena instinctively wrapped her legs around him and he wanted so badly to be inside her, he tore her shorts over to the side and suddenly was pushing inside her, groaning into her kiss. His skin felt hot and soft against hers, she tingled from the friction as he strained hard against her to fill her, she was pinned beneath him and helpless. She heard a tearing sound and he had ripped her shorts up to get to her, fuck her with her clothes still on. He found his feet on the floor and stood up, still inside her, and pumped her body hard-she raised her legs until they were together and he grabbed them with his right arm, pinned them to his chest and continued his assault on her. Lena couldn't see much in the darkness, she clutched the sheets in a death grip and her entire body stiffened as the orgasm overtook her senses.  
"Tommy…Tommy!" Her cries were sharp and quick, it almost hurt as he dug around inside her and her body flexed hard around him at the same time.  
"Oh fuck," was all she heard, his raspy voice a dark growl, and she felt all the liquid heat from his body flooding into hers. He stayed motionless for a moment, then he disengaged and disappeared. She felt a towel against her leg and Tommy was falling into bed beside her. She wiped herself up and threw it on the floor somewhere, along with her tattered clothes-she was exhausted and uncaring at the moment. His hand found hers in the dark, he took it to his mouth and dragged her knuckles along his lips.  
"I won't run from you anymore…pretty sure I've said that before." Tommy was perfectly still in bed beside her, his voice quiet.  
"Yes, you have said that before. I know how you must feel-"  
"Oh you do? Hmm? All I was doin' was stressin' out about where my dad was…and even though I knew Rita had somethin' to do with it I wasn't prepared for y'mom bein' involved. Look I'm sorry, I wasn't pissed at you. Y'understand?" He was on his side now and was caressing her face. "I am tryin', Lena."  
She couldn't see in the dark, all she wanted was to catch his eyes with hers. It was so easy to talk in the dark when faces were obscured and you could almost say anything, especially if you were intoxicated.  
"I know you are. I am too. Every part of this is new to me Tommy…I never really had a serious boyfriend before, nothing even remotely close to this. But one thing I do know, you and I have to try to find the place where you can talk to me no matter how pissed you are…like a safe zone."  
He chuckled. "I don't know no safe zones."  
"We have to try to find one, make one. When I watched you walk away I was heartbroken, I almost chased you-"  
"I'm glad you didn't. I was way too pissed to try and talk or anythin'. You gotta understand, I never had anyone who gave a shit before…'sides my mom, and she's been gone a while. Never wanted to talk anyway. I'm supposed to be seein' a counselor through the V.A. but it's a bunch of bullshit, I go there, get more pills, go home. That's all they wanna do is throw pills at me that don't fuckin' work…then ask me why I drink." Tommy laughed bitterly. "I couldn't give a shit less what they wanna do, everyone's a number, and that's all I am to 'em." He buried his head on her shoulder and in her hair, and she held him to her, half his body on hers and his legs tangling up with hers. She sighed heavily.  
"It's OK Tommy, I'm not going anywhere. Even though I wonder why you even bother sometimes when you know I'm gonna get in your ass-"  
"Oh yeah, I always know when I'm in trouble." She felt his smile against her skin. "But yeah I keep comin' back cuz I told you, can't stay away from you. You put some kinda voodoo curse on me or somethin'-"  
Lena laughed out loud and he chuckled softly. "Is that so?"  
"Yeah. But y'know somethin'…" he raised his head and she could barely make out his features. "I'm gonna make it up to you. All this bullshit you go through with your job, and school, and…everything with us…I'll make it right. I won't fail you, Lena." She could hear in his voice his smile was gone. She reached up and caressed his face, ran her fingers into his damp tangled hair.  
"I don't want you to fail yourself in the process," she whispered softly, and his hot mouth was on hers again, kissing and probing her with his tongue.  
"You ain't gotta worry about that doll," he rasped, and she could feel him getting hard all over again against her thigh. "Takin' care of you is what I need to do." Lena was breathless as he swarmed her with kisses and caresses, his body sliding over hers and in between her legs again.  
"Oh my God Tommy," she whispered loudly, and he was slipping inside her once more, his heavy muscled body flexing against her and pinning her down firmly beneath him. "Oh don't stop!" How he could be like a rock hard muscled wall, with soft smooth skin taut under her touch, whispers and high-pitched sighs, then deep growling groans and guttural moans, sweet caresses and soft touches, then biting inhaling kisses and hard vicious thrusts-Tommy was every experience she could have with a man, gentle and kind and rough and hurtful-her dark angel, master of her senses, liberator of her deep yearning passion. It was so easy to give up and give in, she arched her body up to his as he filled her over and over, so big she could barely stand it, her body felt stretched tight in every way, and she felt the squirting heat coming from her that made him so wet and slippery as her orgasm uncontrollably barreled through her. Tommy fought to keep it together, she could hear his breathless cries as he neared the edge of insanity. Her bed was practically rocking across the floor, his thrusting was wild and frantic, and she was clawing his lower back, his buttocks so hard against her nails she had to control herself to not dig deep into his flesh.  
"You're mine, you hear me," his voice was angry and thunderous suddenly, startling her. "You're mine!" His last thrust in curled her body upwards and he was shooting deep inside her, holding his breath as his body wracked with the spasms.  
"Forever," she whispered breathlessly as he fell on her, almost half-asleep already. "Forever Tommy."


	42. Chapter 42 Back In The Burgh

IT WAS SO DARK. He couldn't see where he was going. Brendan was pulling him across a dark street and through a park, Tommy saw the swings still and motionless in a dim floodlight and moved towards them, breaking away from his brother.  
"Tommy, no!" Brendan grabbed him around the chest and now Tommy started to cry. He was so sleepy. "Just a little farther, we're almost there." Brendan kept jogging.  
"Where we goin'?" Tommy sobbed a little now, wrapped around his brother. "Where's Mommy?"  
"Shhh," was all Brendan said. Tommy drifted off after a little while, and was awakened as Brendan banged down someone's door in a neighborhood he barely recognized. Tommy fought to find his feet, and the door opened, a bathrobe-clad woman peering out at them, then a large male form pulling the door open further.  
"Who is it, Rita…Brendan? And Tommy…hey you guys, come on in."  
"Thanks Uncle Ted."  
Tommy followed Brendan into the house, unsure of anything and terrified. Brendan had woken him up out of a sound sleep, and for once the house was quiet. He had just had his 7th birthday party that Sunday, and they had school in the morning. He felt so lost and confused.  
"Can Tommy lay down on the couch? I woke him up-"  
"Yeah sure." The very big man turned to Tommy with a kind smile. "Hey kiddo, come on, you can lay down over here-"  
"I don't wanna lay down." Tommy looked angry and grabbed Brendan's hand for dear life.  
"Come on, Tommy…" Brendan took him into a large room where the light from the kitchen poured in. There was a big comfy looking couch there, and Brendan took Tommy over to it. They sat down together and tears spilled down Tommy's cheeks again. Brendan looked at his little brother, his eyes showing exhaustion no 11-year old should ever know. "Look…I know you're upset, I'm sorry I woke you up. But Mom has a plan and she wanted me to get us here. She'll be here soon, I promise. But it's OK if you lay down for a while and rest til she gets here."  
"Where are you goin'?" Tommy sniffed.  
"I'm right here, in the kitchen. Just gonna talk to Auntie Rita and Uncle Ted, OK? It's gonna be alright, promise. See, look," Brendan pointed to the kitchen table where Ted and Rita were sitting. "You can see me right there. I'm just gonna go sit over there. OK?"  
Tommy nodded, his big dark blue eyes full of trust for his brother. "OK." He layed down on the couch and Brendan threw a nearby afghan over him, gave him a little hug and went into the kitchen. Tommy watched his older brother sit at the table with the grown-ups, he heard things like, "has a stash of money" and "planning to leave for a long time", "family in upstate New York". Tommy drifted off, and when he woke up there was sand in his eyes, it was so fucking hot. The Humvee was rattling more than normal today, and PFC Jones was driving like shit.  
"Goddamn would you chill out!" Fernandez yelled. "Slow down homie, you're gonna kill us!"  
"Hey Manny, calm down." Tommy smiled at him even as his own teeth rattled. Had to set an example after all. "Jones. Step off the gas."  
"We're here anyway," grumbled Manny. The convoy piled out into some desolate village where they knew all the locals. Goats ran away from them, children ran towards them, everything sandy and hot. Tommy and half his platoon were taking over for a watch shift- someone had reported gunfire at night in the village, but after door-to-door searches nothing was found. Now the village was overrun with Army and Marine forces as a result. F-16s were already flying overhead as the other half of Tommy's platoon piled into the Humvees to get back to base, exhausted from 14 hours of watch.  
"So now what?" Manny laughed as Tommy read the clipboard notes left for him.  
"Now we do what we always do." Tommy registered his humor but showed stone faced seriousness. "Watch and wait."  
Manny changed his expression. He knew when Tommy was serious and wouldn't even tolerate the slightest joke.  
Hours went by. The sun went down. Tommy's mouth and eyes burned with the hot sand. He had helped the villagers with their well-it had gotten clogged in the last sand storm, and he and Manny got down in the sand with shovels to dig it out. The women were so grateful they tried to give the men a goat.  
"No no," Tommy smiled his crooked smile for the first time in hours. "It's OK, it's OK. Hasan! Hasan."  
"Damn it man, I need a beer." Manny coughed and spat dry. The rest of the platoon was trying to set up a communications tent right outside the village.  
"We get back to base in eight hours." Tommy's legs were heavy and hurt. "We'll make it." He leaned up against the nearest wall with a hot bottle of water and shared it with Manny. He closed his eyes and was drifting off for just a moment, just one tiny moment…  
When he opened his eyes his father was grabbing him off the couch, drunk and yelling.  
"My goddamn kids, Ted, don't you try to tell me what's what, get outta the fuckin' way!"  
Tommy cried and yelled out, still half-asleep. "Papa no!"  
"Where's Ma? Where's Ma?!" Brendan was yelling as Paddy shoved him out the front door onto the street.  
"You're comin' home, right now Brendan, and shut your mouth!"  
Tommy wept as he was carried slung over his father's shoulder like a killed animal.  
"I'm sorry Tommy," Brendan said out loud as they walked in the cold night air.  
"You shut up! Shut up and keep walkin' do you hear me?"  
Paddy stumbled drunkenly and Tommy felt himself falling, his head hit the hard sidewalk and he wailed. For a moment he didn't know if he was up or down and suddenly his father's whisky breath was in his face, and he was yelling.  
"Shut up Tommy, or I'll give you something to cry about when we get home, you got it?!"  
"Fuck you! Fuck you you fuckin' bastard!" Tommy was sitting up in Lena's bed, pouring sweat, yelling loudly. He sat perfectly still as he looked around and realized this was real, he was in her bed, and she was rubbing his back and trying to talk to him, soothe him.  
"Lena…" He reached out to her in the dark. He couldn't look at her yet. The dim streetlight lit the room up enough, but he felt so ashamed.  
"Tommy, baby…you were yelling and I tried to wake you up…"  
"I'm so sorry." He kissed her hand, held it to his wet face. "I haven't had a fucked up dream in a while."  
"Don't apologize." Lena wiped his brow with her palm. "You were calling out…Manny and Brendan and Pop…"  
"Yeah yeah, I know…it was one dream after another…" He fell back into bed and took a deep breath. His heart was like a jackhammer.  
"Can I get you anything?" Lena was still sitting up and her hand ran down his chest, his abdomen, back up again.  
"Yeah. Water. Please." Tommy sighed. "I'm dyin'."  
Lena got up and headed to the kitchen. The clock read 5:45 AM. The sun would be coming up soon. She started a pot of coffee too, and headed back to the bedroom with the ice clinking in a tall glass of water just for Tommy.  
"Thank you so much," he growled and drank half of it down. Lena sat patiently, watching him in the distant light, his skin glittering with sweat, his tats and round muscles, the white sheet covering his hips.  
"Tommy…what did you see?"  
He was quiet, set his glass on the nightstand and lay back. "Too much, Lena. Don't wanna talk about it." Another deep breath, and now she could see his eyes glinting, catching the sparse light in the room. "Are you comin' back to bed?"  
"Yeah." She slowly got in next to him, and he promptly wound around her so tight she almost couldn't breathe- his face against her neck, his big arms flexing around her, his washboard stomach almost between her thighs as she drew up against him. He held onto her so fast she knew she could never fall back to sleep. His body rattled with the occasional chill and he was damp with sweat. "I love you," she whispered, and he sighed and held his breath, and she felt him fighting back tears-his entire body spasmed.  
"It's OK Tommy…" She held him, kissed whatever she could, ear, wet hair, neck, the bulging trap muscles that surged under her lips as he drew her closer and tighter to him, if that was at all possible. She was surprised to find herself drifting off helplessly as his body stilled against hers, his breathing leveled out and she felt herself letting go into a dazed drowsiness.  
"Lena," he whispered in a hoarse voice, "can I…" And he was hard and pressing against her sex-she moaned softly, brokenly as he pushed into her, groaning in her ear. She rolled back and he was on top, holding himself up on his right arm, his hips pushing and pulling, pushing and pulling. She clawed his back lightly, arching her back so she could bear some of his weight. Tommy just thrusted faster, harder, his breath an angry cough. Lena held her own against his attack, and before she could ever get close to it Tommy was shuddering with orgasmic release, gasping and sweaty against her.  
"Tommy…"she whispered, holding him tight. All she really wanted was sleep, her eyes were heavy and her brain was swimming. "Love you…" And the last thing she remembered was his wet mouth kissing her neck and throat.

The morning was already here. Her cell was ringing loudly, the alarm was going off. Lena felt like she was in the middle of a warzone. She sat up, her eyes glued shut, and found she was alone in the messy bed.  
Shower, gym clothes. 9:30 at the gym with Cal. She was far from excited, but it was long overdue. No word from Tommy, and she tried to shrug it off- it had been a long night, and he had his first official nightmare with her. Tommy liked to run away and hide for a while, she knew he would come back around soon.  
"Well well, just look at you. Bedraggled ass bitch." Cal was waiting outside Colt's. "And late. I was almost gonna call you."  
Lena smirked at him. Of course he looked resplendent in all black UnderArmor and his glorious tan.  
"Good morning to you too." She walked through the door that Cal held open for her. The music was blaring already, some terrible dance song, and Lena really wished she had some aspirin. Cal signed both of them in- Lena drifted past Henry sitting at the desk trying to talk to her, she honestly didn't see him. She saw Colt on the floor, talking to Brendan, and she headed towards them.  
"Lena, hey what's up?" Colt offered a weak smile. He looked exhausted. Brendan gave her a hug, which surprised her a little. Cal came in and everyone said hello again.  
"Uncle Colt, you OK?" Cal sounded worried and maybe a little guilty.  
"Ah yeah, you know, just trying to catch up with everything…not much sleep. But it's all good. You guys gonna get a work out in huh?"  
"Yeah, this lazy bitch, she needs some exercise." Cal laughed as Lena socked his arm. "What you doin' Bren?"  
"I'm gonna spar with the guys downstairs. You comin' by there later?"  
"Yeah!"  
"Cool. Alright, see ya." Brendan hugged Lena again, did some handshake thing with Cal, and he and Colt headed off.  
"Bye kids," Colt waved, and winked at Lena. "Tell Tommy to call me when he gets up and around."  
"OK Uncle Colt, I will." Lena winked back. She sighed, wondering where Tommy was.  
"Alright, enough of the bullshit, it's time to sweat. C'mon girlfriend." Cal led her to the cardio room to begin the sweet torture.  
Two hours later, Lena was pouring sweat, and as exhausted as she was she was also exhilarated and energized.  
"Thank you. I needed that." She whipped him with her towel as they walked out the front door, and they stumbled out into the parking lot.  
"We need to get some food. You wanna come with me to the Pita Pit?"  
Lena laughed. "Oh yeah. I need MEAT." She dug in her purse to find her keys and found her phone vibrating with a text- 'I'm home. Call me. Love you.' It was Tommy. If he was home now, she wondered where he had been earlier. Cal drove to the restaurant and they ordered their usual, sat in the car and ate like they'd never seen food before.  
"You workin' tonight?" Cal had destroyed two chicken pitas, Lena was finishing hers.  
"Yeah, supposed to get to the restaurant this afternoon. What are you doing the rest of the day?"  
"Night class tonight." Cal winked. "I set up a couple of training sessions later at Colt's."  
"Yeah? That's great!"  
Cal started the truck and headed back to the gym. "I think I'm gonna train fighters, Lena."  
"What?"  
"Yeah, what I said. Colt wants me to shadow him for a while, says he'll pay me to train people to fight." Cal shrugged. "I already know what to do, plus I can strength train and plan meals…it's a great opportunity."  
Lena smiled brightly. "Cal that's great. I always wondered why Colt never asked you in the first place!"  
"Cuz my mom doesn't want me in the ring, you know that. But I can be in someone's corner!"  
"Wow that's awesome." Lena hugged Cal goodbye. "I gotta split Cal, I need a shower!"  
"Yeah me too. I'll come up to the restaurant after class, see if you're around."  
"OK, love ya." She got into her car and peeled out, heading home. She contemplated going by Tommy's but she resisted. Hot shower and clean clothes first. She messaged Tommy –'Out of the gym, going to get cleaned up.'  
An hour and a half later, Lena was dressed, make up on, ready for work. She chose her white blouse and black skirt, shiny patent black heels, and she sprayed herself down with Calvin Klein's Euphoria before heading out the door, phone in hand to call Tommy.  
"Hey. Been wantin' to see you all day." Tommy's voice sounded slurred. She wondered if he had been drinking already or if it was the pills.  
"Are you still at Paddy's? I'm stopping by to see you." Lena pulled up to the old brownstone.  
"Yeah. What, you goin' to work?"  
"Yeah, I gotta get to the restaurant. Will you unlock your door please?" Lena laughed, wiggling the doorknob.  
"OK I'm comin'." After a while the door opened, and Lena hung up the phone. Tommy stood there, no shirt on, in black shorts with his arm bandaged and in a new sling. His lazy smile spread as he looked her up and down.  
"Damn. Look atcha." He opened the screen door for her to come in. "You look like a doll."  
She walked inside, aware of Tommy's hot gaze on her. "Where did you go this morning?" He shut the door and layed against it, watching her.  
"Uh, had to go see a friend of mine. Couldn't sleep." He traced his fingers down her face, her neck, to the buttons of her shirt. "You were out, didn't wanna wake ya."  
She leaned against his massive frame, ran her hands up his neck. "You can wake me anytime." She kissed him briefly, holding his face in her hands. He moaned a little against her lips.  
"I could tear these clothes off you y'know." He bored into her with his intense expression. Lena shivered.  
"Yes, I know." She smiled as he trapped her hand with his, slid it down his chest and belly to the waistband of his shorts, where she could already feel him surging against her, stiff and warm.  
"Well…got a minute?" His hand was sliding under her skirt to push her panties to the side.  
"Is that all?" Lena pulled his shorts down, and he turned her around to face the wall, hitched her skirt up and yanked her panties down so they fell around her heels.  
"Maybe," he huffed, guiding himself into her, and they both moaned and sighed as he filled her up almost to the point of pain. Tommy held himself up against the wall and thrusted slowly, wanting so badly to bite her, pull her hair, but resisting.  
"Tommy," she cried out, reaching behind her to touch him. He grabbed her hand and pressed it against the wall under his. "Harder," she hissed under her breath, and he reacted instantly, sweating already and panting now as he hit her harder, the wet smacking noises echoing in the foyer. Lena cried out and went still-the orgasm was quick and sharp, making her legs buckle, and Tommy felt like he was getting sucked deep into her body. He yelled some garbled expletive and fell against her, emptying out inside her.  
"Lena…don't go to work, stay here with me…" His voice was sweet in her ear, and she was so tempted. Instead she straightened out and turned around, kissed him, ran her mouth down his body to his limpening cock, took it in her mouth and sucked it a little, making him wiggle and curse. "Ah! Don't…"  
She fixed herself up, checked her reflection in the mirror by the door. Tommy stood leaning against the wall watching her, sweated and winded. Her makeup was fucked.  
"If I could I would. What are you going to do tonight?" She gave up trying to fix her face, she had an emergency kit at the restaurant.  
"Don't know. Brendan told me Tess is bringin' the kids up tonight and they're gonna stay here for a week or so…I need to pack up and get out."  
Lena looked him over. "Yeah? You need my key?"  
Tommy smiled. "Yeah."  
"I mean you could just break in again, you seem to be really good at that." She smiled playfully, unringing her key and handing it to him.  
"Ah ha ha." He kissed her softly. "It's just temporary, I won't overstay my welcome," he whispered.  
"Well we need to figure it out sometime, right?" She wrapped her arms around his ribs and hugged him, her face against his chest. Tommy caressed her hair, kissed the top of her head.  
"Yeah. But…I thought you'd need some time."  
"No. Just need you." She stood up tall in her heels and kissed him again. He smelled like clean sweat and musky body wash. "I'll be home after 9."  
Tommy glanced up at the clock on the wall-it was 12:30. "OK," he sighed, and opened the door for her. "Have a good day."  
Lena took one long look at him as she stood on the brownstone steps. He had that lost little boy look again. She ignored the pang of guilt and blew him a kiss before heading down to the car. As she drove it dawned on her- Tommy Conlon was really moving in with her, tonight.


	43. Chapter 43 : Love Is Blindness

The restaurant was psychotic. Vince was elbows deep in invoices, the produce order was late, Butch had called in sick three days in a row, and the staff smelled blood and most of them lounged around, lollygagged on their sidework, missed a couple tickets…but as soon as Lena walked in, everyone snapped to.  
"Lena! Thank God." Vince was dressed in a crisp white shirt, sleeves rolled up, brown vest, brown slacks, pocketwatch. He embraced her with all his might.  
"Unc, you look like a 1940's gangster." Lena kissed his cheek and gasped. "OK Boss, can't breathe…"  
"Oh. Sorry." Vince pulled back, smiling sheepishly. "Hey, go fix your face in the office. I'll be there in a minute. Rosa, Petey, get over here!"  
Lena left Vince to chew out the staff. She found her makeup bag in the desk drawer where she always kept it and started fixing her face up, ran a brush through her hair…and then she noticed the pile of paperwork on the desk, the ashtray full of cigar butts. She sighed, feeling guilty, and started organizing everything.  
"Hey, kid, don't fuck up my stack." Vince stood in the doorway, grinning at her. "God I'm glad ta see ya. Don't ever leave me again."  
"You said everything was OK, hmm?" She was adding the invoices up on the calculator and opening up her spreadsheets on the computer.  
"Ah don't gimme hell, huh? I tried. Butch callin' in didn't help…ah fuck it, I think he's comin' back tonight. He better, got a big party comin' in tonight, retirement from the Duquesne light company."  
"Ohhh boy. Boss you sure he's well?"  
Vince shrugged. "Dunno kid."  
"Well, who you got in the kitchen now?"  
"Louis."  
"Louis, the bartender?"  
"Yeah! He's Portugese, you know he can cook some seafood. He's bailed me out these past few days. I bartended, can you believe that kid?" Vince laughed. "I still got it."  
"He looks like a fifteen year old Joseph Gordon Levitt, you needed him out on the bar working the ladies." Lena winked. "You old dog. You probably got a few numbers didn't you?"  
Vince shrugged, grinning. "Maybe."  
"Yeah maybe my ass." Lena laughed. "OK well I'm sorry I left, I won't be goin' anywhere for a while now."  
"How you and Tommy doin'? He ever calm down the other night?"  
Lena laughed, shaking her head. "Yeah, he did."  
"See, told ya. Guess he went to Rita's and apologized to her and your mom today-"  
Lena dropped everything she was doing. "What?!"  
"Uh, yeah, figured you knew…"  
She stared hard at him. "Tell me."  
Vince put his hands up. "Hey, don't shoot me. Rita stopped by earlier, told me Tommy came by early in the mornin', Sen was there too. He sat down with them and had some coffee, apologized for bein' an asshole. That's all I know."  
Lena couldn't believe her ears. She heard Tommy's voice, 'had to go see a friend of mine'.  
"Really. Wow. OK well…."  
"You OK kid?"  
"Yeah. Yep, I'm good. Just don't know why he couldn't tell me."  
Vince shrugged. "What can I say, Conlon boy, crazy Irish…" He was leaving the office, shaking his head.  
Lena sat for a moment in stunned silence. Then again she wasn't totally shocked, this was something she wouldn't put past Tommy now that she knew him better. He wouldn't have done it if he hadn't meant it, he had respect for the women, only Lena didn't realize how much and why.  
She contemplated calling him right then and there, but decided to wait on it until she got home. She wanted to see his face, watch his expression when she hit him with it.  
The rest of the night floated in front of her eyes, Butch coming in looking gaunt and pale but feeling frisky enough to throw some hot buttered rolls at her and run out while she balanced the books, Louis coming in with a Long Island Iced Tea and a flirty smile for her, Vince swaggering in two sheets to the wind at 8:30 telling her he was going to take her out dancing at the James Street Speakeasy. Finally it was 9:45, and she was done with the office, everything filed, recorded, balanced, payroll executed as well. She dug in her purse and saw she had two missed messages on her cell- one from Cal, a picture of him with Brendan in gloves and headgear, the caption read, "BRICK WALL", and one from Tommy, a pic of a candlelit table with her key on it, the caption read, "waiting for you". Lena actually got tears in her eyes.  
"Hey kid, you wanna go to the club tonight?" Vince winked at her. "I think Butch and a couple of the kids are goin'."  
Lena looked up at her uncle standing in the doorway. "No Boss, I gotta split. Can I get a raincheck?"  
"Sure. We gotta go out soon, though…I need to see what's goin' on out there, I wanna keep up! You ready to go? Butch and Louis got the place cleaned up, we can jet."  
"Yeah, we good in here now." She winked, grabbing her purse and heading towards the back door.  
Lena sat in silence the ride home. She wondered if she could sit on it and wait for Tommy to tell her he went to talk to her mom and Rita. When she pulled up to the apartment, she noticed her windows dark, and wondered if he was still up there. Sure enough, when she opened the door she found candles lit everywhere, and Tommy asleep on the couch in a pair of drawstring pants and nothing else, Homer's Odyssey on his broad chest. She wanted to commit the picture to memory. His face was blank and peaceful in his slumber, every muscle relaxed, his brow smooth and unfurrowed.  
She knelt down by him and kissed his cheek, his lips, felt him stir. "Hey you," she whispered, and kissed him again. This time he kissed back, sucking at her lips lazily. She ran her hand gently down his bandaged arm. "How you doin'?"  
"Hmm," he hummed, and went after her mouth again, his eyes still closed. She knew he had to have taken some meds, he was like a tired bull.  
"Would you like to come to bed?"  
"I got dinner in the stove for ya," he said, his voice thick and scratchy. He still made no move to get up or open his eyes.  
"Yeah?" She went in to the kitchen and opened the stove-there was a plate wrapped with foil there. She peeked under the foil and saw pasta and broccoli and chicken, and it smelled divine- but she wasn't hungry, she had eaten already, so she set the plate in the fridge and turned around to find Tommy standing in the hazy candlelight, watching her, his expression dark and brooding.  
"Hey." She came towards him, held her hand out. He took it, never breaking eye contact.  
"You goin' to bed," he asked, but it really wasn't a question. She wrapped her arms around him, looked up into his face- the candlelight caught in his hair and eyes and he looked ablaze.  
"Thank you Tommy, for the food and the candles…and yes bed sounds great." She led him into the bedroom, where she saw dark shapes of boxes and duffel bags stacked in a corner. "I'll go blow out the candles-"  
"No." Tommy held his hand out to stop her. "I got it. Go get undressed." He left the room and Lena wondered if he was just drugged or if something had happened and he was upset about something. She almost didn't want to ask.  
Stripped of all her clothes, her earrings, hair clip, and the damn high heels she fell into a made bed, sheets smelled so fresh they were still warm from the dryer. She wondered what else Tommy had done while she was at work.  
"Lena?" Tommy's disembodied voice echoed in her room. She tried to focus and could barely make out his hulking frame in her bedroom doorway.  
"Yeah baby?" She patted the bed. "Come here."  
He stumbled in the dark and fell in bed, hissing from pain. She knew he had to have hurt his shoulder even more somehow.  
"Where are you," he whispered, and grabbed her, his right hand hot and damp with sweat. She helped him into bed, drew the sheet over him and waited for him to settle before she sprawled across his chest.  
"Thank you for washing the sheets," she said softly, her lips against the tickling hair and soft fragrant skin of his chest; she inadvertently stumbled on his nipple and played with it between her lips, teased it a little. Tommy sighed heavily, his hand on her hair absently caressing her.  
"It's OK…your apartment was a mess, doll…jus' tryin' to help." He yawned and snuggled her to him. "G'nite."  
Lena smiled against his flesh, kissed and caressed him where she could. "Goodnight."  
She tried to rest, she really did, but she was hypnotized by his heartbeat and sure steady breaths as he fell into a deep sleep. Still couldn't believe this was real.  
Darkness. Loud chatter on the radio, static. Watch was over, where was the relief? Tommy stood with his platoon on the lookout, waiting for the Humvees to roll over the horizon. Instead all he could see was black desert and millions of stars. It was getting cold, and one of the men asked if they could start a fire.  
"Negative. Kilgore put your lighter up. There are still F-16s in the area, do not call unwanted attention to us." Tommy's voice was threatening as he regarded the kid trying to light some dead brush on the sand floor.  
Manny leaned in to Tommy, his voice loud enough so only the two men could hear. "Man you think we should start walkin'?"  
"No. We wait. They'll be here." But two hours later there was still no sign of their relief. The men had bunched up around the outer walls of the village and were falling asleep. Tommy was tired of yelling at them. The village was quiet, it was 3AM Iraq time, and he hadn't had any sleep in over 24 hours, but he remained alert and watchful. He couldn't believe the big plumes of flames and the subsequent sonic boom of an explosion on the horizon when it happened, but he immediately began yelling to wake everyone up. They awoke and began scattering to seek shelter, grabbing their guns to lock and load. Manny and a few others got down behind an abandoned car outside the village walls and watched some more plumes of flame light up the night sky-these were much closer.  
"JONES! Where's the white flags? Gimme your kit!" Tommy found Jones hiding by the wall, holding onto his M16 for dear life. He reached into the pack and found the four carefully folded white flags. "Get these up on the fold-out sticks, now! Fernandez, flare gun!"  
More explosions, closer. The strange screams of the F-16s as they scrambled over the area.  
"Manny, now!"  
The bombs started to drop. The radios went out completely, Tommy couldn't get them to work.  
"Sergeant, flare gun misfired!" Manny looked frantic as the flare gun smoked and popped in his hand, nothing happening.  
"Goddammit, Jones give me those flags…" Tommy took one for himself and threw the other two at Manny and another Marine, a skinny white kid from the suburbs named Jimmy Morsey. Tommy would never forget their names, their faces. "Get 'em up, wave 'em now, now!" The F-16's screamed over head again. Tommy ran out in front and out in the open, Manny following, flying their white flags, and Tommy was shoving him away. "GET DOWN GET DOWN-"  
Tommy's hearing went out, the light exploded in his eyes, flames blasted him. He felt like he was broken and on fire. When he could finally see, finally open his eyes, he saw wreckage and flames- the village was a pile of burning rubble, his men were gone. Somehow he had been thrown back behind the abandoned car that had somehow survived, most of his outer gear burned away. He checked himself for injuries- bloody ears, eyes and nose bloody and burning but otherwise OK. When he reached what he thought was Manny he realized he couldn't recognize the person at all, just a charred mess. He pulled the dog tags, bloody tears falling down his cheeks. "JONES, ISAIAH P." He found another half-burned body, dogtag "KILGORE, RICHARD A." Tommy staggered around, everywhere flames, pieces of the tattered white flags blowing in the dry desert wind. He heard the F-16s scream past again and he found himself on his belly, unable to move, sure more bombs were coming. But they didn't. Tommy got up and looked around. His ears hurt so bad, the blood was hot and sticky as it oozed down his neck from the burst eardrums. He ran as he found another body, and another, and another, Morsey, Washington, Carroll, Smith, Mehta…  
"Manny!" he screamed, his voice broken and hoarse. "Manny!"  
Nothing. No one. Just flames in the night, things on fire everywhere. Tommy found himself wandering outwards, where he and Manny had been, or where he thought they may have been, when the bombs dropped. He found a kit, completely untouched, and not far from that was another body, this one not as burned. Tommy thought he heard some noise coming from it. He knelt down and got a closer look-it was Manny, and he was still alive.  
"Tommy…"  
"Manny! Oh holy shit Manny…" Tommy searched for a flashlight, something, but was empty handed. Not far Tommy could hear the static of a radio, and he frantically searched for it in the dark. "Base come in! Base this is Staff Sergeant Conlon do you read?" Nothing but static. Tommy looked at his hurt friend. The nearby flames showed Tommy it was a miracle Manny was alive at all.  
"Tom…"  
Tommy tried to hold Manny's head in his hands. He could see now the middle of Manny's body was burned and it looked like a gaping hole where his guts should have been. Tommy screamed in frustration, dug through the kit he had found and tried to stuff a cloth in the hole. Manny screamed in pain.  
"Stop Tommy don't! Please…" His voice gurgled with the thick blood that poured out of his mouth. Tommy pressed his forehead to Manny's. He was so cold already.  
"Please take care of Pilar…Manny Jr. and Maria…"  
"Dammit Manny no, no…"  
"Love you man…" Manny's body shook violently and he gasped in a death rattle as Tommy held onto him however he could, silently screaming as tears coursed down his cheeks.  
A disembodied alien voice called out to him from the darkness. "Tommy! Tommy!" It was Lena. What was she doing there?  
"Tommy please…honey you're dreaming."  
Tommy found himself on the floor, holding onto the blanket. "How did I get here?"  
"You were yelling and crying. I tried to grab you, but…"  
Tommy struggled to get up. He stood by the bed, shaken and so cold, and he wrapped the blanket around him.  
"Come here, Tommy." Lena pleaded with her voice and arms, but Tommy only shook his head.  
"I'm sorry, Lena." His eyes met hers in the pale moonlight that lit the room gloomily. She could see the hurt he was hiding there, hostile and sad at the same time.  
"What for? Tommy, don't apologize…just come here, please."  
"I'm gonna get a drink of water, I'll be right back." He exited the room hastily, the blanket still wrapped around his shoulders.  
But he didn't come right back. Lena waited a while, finally got out of bed and came out to the living room. Tommy was bunched up on the couch, the blanket wrapped around him, an empty glass of water on the coffee table. She sighed, looked at him longingly. It was obvious he was having a bad time with flashbacks and as much as she wanted to go to him and be there for him, she knew he would only push her away. She waited to see if he would make any move, or if he was asleep. Nothing. So she carefully approached him and kissed his exposed forehead, making him jump.  
"You can come back to bed, Tommy. I love you." She went back to the bedroom and got back into bed. No way was she going back to sleep now, not after hearing him cry the way he did, weeping like the broken man he was and she had never felt so helpless. Lena rested her head on the pillow and her own tears fell unbidden.  
"I do love you so much Tommy," she whispered, curling into a tighter ball. How was she ever going to help him?


	44. Chapter 44 : Another Night With You

THE NEXT MORNING Tommy was gone. It was 6:45 and Lena's alarm was going off like crazy-she hadn't slept much and she felt awful. She took a quick shower and got her stuff together for the four classes she had that day-Cal was already texting her to make sure she was awake and ready for the gym at 3.  
Lena sat through the first class, dazed and confused. She tried to concentrate, but her mind was elsewhere-where had Tommy gone now? What was he doing? By the time she got out of class at almost 2pm she realized she had hardly absorbed anything she had done that day. She really didn't want to go to the gym either, but Cal was waiting for her by her car, looking fabulous in dark denim jeans and a tight white shirt that had Colt's Gym emblazoned across it in bright red.  
"Hey bitch, how are you? You look like shit, you OK?" Cal looked concerned and for a moment Lena wondered how bad she must have really looked to elicit the reaction he gave her.  
"Yeah, I'm OK. So we goin' to Colt's or…?"  
"I guess, if you want…you wanna get some food first?" Cal put his hand on her shoulder, looked down into her eyes.  
"Christ Cal, you're making me really self-conscious, quit it!" Lena laughed but she was feeling defensive. "I can handle a workout. Really."  
Cal put his hands up. "OK, OK. Hey did you hear Tommy was at my house yesterday?"  
"Yeah, I heard." Lena grabbed her gym bag from the trunk and threw it in the backseat. "Were you there too?"  
"Yeah but he asked me to give him a minute. I didn't know if it was really OK to leave, but our moms told me to go…I listened at the door though!" Cal looked thrilled with himself.  
Lena just looked at him. "Yeah, and?"  
"Well he just apologized for being a dick the other day…Sen and my mom apologized for not telling him about Paddy. Then your mom lit into him about you, and I thought I was gonna die laughing." Cal was cackling with glee.  
"What do you mean, lit into him?" Lena was starting to get upset.  
"You know, stay faithful, don't lie, and don't knock you up-God I thought I was gonna wet my pants!"  
Lena hopped in her car and took off, even as Cal was banging on her window telling her to chill out. She drove around the city for a while, trying to calm down. Her cellphone was repeatedly buzzing and she ignored it, wanting to throw it out the window in a fit of rage. She knew she was probably overreacting, but she couldn't help it.  
Finally she found herself at Rita's, sitting outside in her car and watching the house. She wanted to knock on the door and see if her mom was there, because she couldn't go to her mom's house-Paddy was there, and she didn't want to fight in front of him, especially about Tommy. So Lena drove off, unsure of how much time she spent out driving and cursing out loud to herself.  
By the time she made it back to her apartment, it was almost 6pm. Her apartment windows were dark, and she was feeling very frustrated and hurt climbing the stairs, expecting to be alone for the evening since she had never heard from Tommy.  
When she opened the door she found him there, sitting on the couch, looking pissed. He was drenched in sweat and had an empty bottle of water in front of him on the coffee table.  
"Where you been?" His voice was deep and commanding. He stood up and his arm was bandaged and bound, a torn up grey shirt barely covering him, grey sweats that were darkened with sweat.  
Lena let the door shut, and she narrowed her eyes at him, preparing for anything. "I left school, I was pissed, I drove around. Where were you?"  
"Out lookin' for you. Cal called me and was freakin' out. Said you snapped." He was approaching her slowly. Lena flattened against the front door.  
"I heard you went to talk to my mom and Rita. I guess my mom read you the riot act. Is that why you were acting strange yesterday?" She took in a deep breath as he closed the distance between them. His cheeks were pink, his eyes more green than blue, dark hair pasted to his forehead. She couldn't read his expression, but he was shaking his head 'no'. Lena shrugged, shaking her head, and she sighed. Tommy was so close now she could smell his hot skin.  
"So then, what? Tommy I'm not a mind reader, you're having nightmares and-"  
He kissed her, pressed himself against her. She arched her back and pressed back, sucked on his bottom lip almost too hard. Tommy pulled back and looked at her, looked away, looked back.  
"Don't wanna talk now." He ran his hand up the back of her shirt, unsnapped her bra. "Not yet." Lena shivered under his warm touch, his eyes like glowing sapphires burning into her. "I'll take you out after…I'll tell you everything you wanna know. Just…" He guided her hand under her shirt, and his eyes were almost pleading her.  
Lena couldn't say no to Tommy if she tried. He was hot and hard to the touch, ready to lick and suck and bite her, eat her alive, ready to get inside her and tirelessly ride her and be ridden, making her come and come again. Lena exploded around him, over him, and he stayed hard and unyielding-when she looked in his eyes they were grey again-he had turned into the cage-fighter, the unbroken line, the hardened veteran. Lena's nails dug into his back and she drew blood this time, and Tommy didn't even blink. He rocked her harder, and she was desolate and exhausted beneath him. She almost begged him to come, she didn't know how much more she could bear. He was like a living machine, endlessly filling her to her breaking point, and the bed was going to give way any moment. Suddenly he cried out, almost screamed-Lena was terrified, but when she pulled back to look at him she could see he had lost control and was finally coming, almost violently, his body trembled and he was crushing her, holding her as his abs tensed rock-hard against her.  
"Tommy…" she whispered, finally able to breathe as he collapsed on top of her, panting. But Tommy didn't say a word, he was trying to catch his breath. His arm was unbandaged and he held her to him-she could feel the spasms of his sobs as he tried to hold them back.  
"I don't know where to start," he whispered.  
"Start where you want," she whispered back. His wet face rubbed against her neck, and he sniffed loudly.  
"I was on watch, me and half my platoon. I had a bad feeling when we didn't see our relief comin', but I didn't do what I should've. The radio worked earlier, I shoulda called in. A lot of people died Lena…and I just took off. I made my way back here, ran like a fuckin' coward. I didn't know what else to do. Everythin' I learned didn't prepare me for what I saw…I couldn't save anyone." He was crying now, quietly but unable to hide it. "Fuck why did it have to be me left alive? I'd just as soon be dead."  
Lena held him, kissed his face. "Please don't say that, Tommy."  
"I'm havin' nightmares again. I didn't for a long time, since I met you…but I think it's cuz of everythin', not being able to fight, everythin' with my pop, Brendan…maybe I should be on the crazy pills." He had eased up a little, he was resting his head on her chest, and he stretched his arms out so she could move, even it was only a little as she was still pinned beneath him. "I saw my nieces again last night, ain't seen 'em in a while. I want to be a good uncle but I always come up short. And Pop…Lena I don't know if he's where he should be. I'm worried about your mom and Rita. And listen-" Tommy picked his head up and looked at her. Lena looked at his red lips, his swollen eyes, and she cupped his face in her hands. "-don't be mad at your mom. She loves you. I went over there to say sorry, and yeah she gave me a piece of her mind. She just wants to make sure I'm for real. I told her we're movin' in together."  
Lena shook her head. "Dammit Tommy, I should have been the one to tell her."  
"I know…I'm sorry. I thought I was gonna make her feel better but tellin' her just pissed her off. I wanted her to know I'm serious about you." He smiled down at her, and she kissed him, tasting the salt of his tears. "They think I'm fuckin' nuts, you know that right?"  
Lena laughed out loud. "Well I'm fuckin' nuts too, huh?"  
"That's kinda what your mom said." Tommy laughed a little, that silly giggle that didn't fit the rest of him. "I'm fuckin' nuts about you." And then he was growling and biting her neck, his body urging hers to give in again.  
"Tommy…didn't you say something about food?" Lena half-smiled.  
They took a shower together, got dressed and headed out for a walk to a little Greek diner up the street. Lena called Cal to tell him she was OK and to apologize for taking off. He bitched her out and hung up on her, so she knew she was OK with him.  
"So Brendan and Tess gonna be out here long?" Lena was eating her grilled lamb kebab, while Tommy demolished a gyro.  
"Two weeks, I guess. Brendan's still in shock about Pop." Tommy shook his head. "I tried to tell him, Pop can't be trusted on his own whatsoever."  
"Well, he had the family to get back to, I understand. I'd love to believe my mom and Rita are gonna be able to get his ass straight-"  
"Yeah, I hope so too. Rita helped him the last time…before I came home." Tommy's expression darkened. Lena nudged his foot with hers underneath the rickety table, and he looked up at her.  
"Don't Tommy. Don't do that."  
"What?"  
"Get all quiet on me." Lena tossed a piece of lettuce at him. "Did you go work out today?"  
"Yeah, a little. Used the stationary bike. Went to see my counselor first thing this morning, and got some new pill that's supposed to help me calm down and sleep. Gonna try it tonight. Maybe I won't wake you up." Tommy winked at her. "But I might just keep you up all night anyway though."  
Lena smiled, and she knew she was looking how she felt-drained. "Or maybe you and I could just get in bed and just sleep, hmm?"  
He laughed softly. "Yeah maybe. We'll see."  
When they came back into the apartment, it was like Lena was looking at it for the first time. Tommy had a few boxes stacked by her bookcase, a few duffel bags in her bedroom that were stacked on top of a few other boxes. He caught her looking around, and he gave her a wary look.  
"I won't be here long. Just til Tess and Bren leave."  
Lena walked to him, pressed herself to him, looked up into his eyes. He pressed his full lips to her forehead, then looked down at her.  
"You can stay, Tommy. As long as you want." Lena kissed his chin and jaw, softly and slowly, and he shivered with the chill that ran down his spine. "I think you should unpack your stuff tomorrow." Her hands worked under his dark blue thermal shirt to touch and scratch his warm skin. Tommy cleared his throat.  
"I can…just worried about Pop. If he comes home he shouldn't be alone."  
Lena was rolling his thermal up and getting down on her knees to kiss his belly, his outstanding obliques.  
"Hmm…we'll have to cross that bridge when we come to it." Lena gently bit his skin just above his belt. "Oh Tommy take them off," she said softly, already working the belt buckle loose and unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans, letting them fall and bunch up around his ankles. She took him in her mouth and hands and attempted to swallow him whole, listening to him moan softly, and cough, hiss, and curse. She loved the smell of his skin, how soft it was while right beneath was massive stone-like muscle.  
"Lena…I love you, you know that right?" It wasn't a question, just a breathy run –on sentence. She hugged his hips as she sucked, holding him tight, and Tommy leaned forward into her strokes. "C'mon, lemme take you to bed, please." He reached down to pull her up, and with a loud popping sound she broke the suction on his cock, stood up and quickly slipped out of her clothes. Tommy had her naked and pressed against him, and almost fell with his ankles still trapped up in his jeans. They stumbled to the bedroom, clothes falling along the way, and fell into a messy bed that was sure to get worse.  
"Tommy..." Her voice was hot in his ear as she wrapped around him in a tangle of sheets. "I don't want you to leave..."  
"Hmm," he growled, pushing his way inside of her, and she opened up to him long enough to take him in, then she clamped down on him, making him gasp. "Lena I'm not goin' anywhere..." Tommy was slow, dragging himself in and out deliberately, savoring the heat of her body, every sigh and every tremble. Lena moved with him, loving the crush of him against her, above her, and she tried to wrap her legs around him to no avail-he was so wide and hulking she just strained against him- her thigh muscles shook and she soaked his skin with her juices. She took his breath in a kiss, biting his bottom lip almost too hard, and he groaned as his sweat ran down and sealed their skin in a wet blur. Too close wasn't close enough. Lena writhed beneath him, she was so close now but he wasn't showing any sign of speeding up, in fact he slowed down to a deep grind inside her, making her yelp with slight pain and intense pleasure. She looked up into his eyes, blue then green then grey again, his skin bright and ruddy, and his forehead pressed against hers as he groaned again, louder, bearing down on her in every way possible-Tommy's piercing animalistic glare always gave her the chills.  
"I wanna live in there Lena," he growled, pushing as deep and slow as he could, making her cry out and come uncontrollably. "Don't ever wanna leave." She stuttered and shook and arched backwards, bending against his weight, and she unwittingly pulled a pillow down and screamed his name into it, blindly flailing against him.  
"Tommy! Don't stop, ah...I can't bear it, please don't stop!" It was so intense she thought she was going insane. Tommy finally sped up and rocked her spot hard and fast, and she squirted like a geyser against him, coming over and over, clawing at hard bulging muscle all over his body, wherever she could reach. He let loose with a string of curses in his deep silky voice and she felt him spasming inside her, all around her-she opened her eyes and looked right into his blatantly hostile stare.  
"Goddammit Lena," he huffed, sweat dripping off his nose onto her cheek, "I can't get enough of you." He kissed her softly and fell on top of her, crushing her mercilessly for a moment, then rolled off onto his back.  
"Tommy...you have to let me get on top from now on, you gotta rest your shoulder."  
Tommy scoffed. "They didn't tell me I couldn't have sex, Lena."  
Lena laid beside him, her skin pressed to his, both of them panting and sweated. She wanted to argue with him, but she knew it was pointless.  
"OK Boss." She smiled and loomed over him in the faint light. "Be right back." She tried to stand and her legs gave out, and she fell back onto the bed. Tommy laughed snarkily. "You hush." She got into the bathroom and shut the door, lowering herself down gingerly on the seat, and she just happened to look down into the trash can-she saw a little needle there, used and capped. She deftly looked around the bathroom on a quick search, and found a little black bottle that she knew contained HGH.  
"You comin' outta there?" Tommy asked, knocking on the door.  
"Yeah, comin'." She flushed the toilet and washed her hands, unsure if she was going to say something or not. She couldn't fault him but she knew it could mean trouble with the UFC. She decided to play it cool and act like she hadn't seen anything. When she opened the door it was as if Tommy could read her mind. He looked down at her imperiously. He operated on almost 100% instinct, and she wondered how long she would be able to keep her mouth shut.  
"C'mon little girl," he winked and slapped her ass. "I was about to piss out your window."  
"Real nice," she said with a smile. The door shut and she giggled at the thought of it. Her neighbors would love it.  
Lena dug through her fridge and found some cold wine from some forgotten time. Had to still be good, or so she hoped. She was sipping a glass and staring out her kitchen window, when Tommy came up behind her and embraced her, took the glass away for a moment, then gave it back empty.  
"Oh thanks." She laughed as he refilled her glass, then drained the bottle. He was moving his arm well without the sling, he only had the bandage on to keep it tight and restrict his movement somewhat.  
"Mmm, you're welcome."  
Lena turned into his embrace, his salty sticky skin against hers. "I have a big day tomorrow, class, gym, work. What are you gonna do?"  
Tommy sighed. "Well I'm supposed to hang out with Brendan and Tess, the kids...and another doctor appointment tomorrow, gonna see if I'll be ready to fight Castanho in a week or so."  
Lena kissed his cheek, nuzzled his jaw. "You need me to drop you off anywhere in the morning?"  
"Nah. Colt's gonna be here in the mornin'. I guess you got all that goin' on...I'm not sure when I'll see ya." His voice was soothing and erotic to her, and she layed her head on his chest to listen to it. "Dinner, maybe?"  
"Yeah...I'll bring something home from Vince's. Chicken? Shrimp? Steak?"  
Tommy was gently rocking her, holding her to him like a prized possession. "I don't care. Whatever you want." He kissed the top of her head. "I think I gotta go lay down doll...I took one of them stupid pills."  
Lena looked up into his face, and she could see the haze overtaking him. She wondered if it was always going to be this way, pills and alcohol lulling Tommy enough to rest.  
"C'mon baby." She took his hand, his palm warm and callused from the gym, and led him into the bedroom. He flopped on the bed and she drew the covers around him, kissed his warm full lips sweetly, and he lazily tried to pull her down on top of him. "I'm getting in ..." She crawled in beside him and curled up to his right side, he grasped and held her in the dark and they were both asleep in minutes.


End file.
